Thank you Auntie, that was well said. I must admit it's been a struggle to find friends here. I didn't meet my DH until I was 36. I was alone for thirteen years. I never thought it would take that long and the loneliness was sometimes so unbearable. When I finally met him I was so excited that I could even talk about getting pregnant, having a family that I hopped on B&B and couldn't wait to chat. I wanted to shout, "I'm like you". But I have never felt like I fit in here. I'm too old for the TTC forum. I received a warm welcome from everyone on the TTC +35 but then they went back to each other. I kept on trying to enter the conversation but I definitely felt like an interloper. I understood that people had formed really tight friendships but I just don't have anyone else to talk to about TTC. I'm in med school so my 24 y/o classmates can't really relate to baby talk.
Then I read the thread LTTTC thread and everyone on there were the women I had been trying to chat with. I read how they will only REALLY be happy for the women that are in the same boat. It means that if I were to get a BFP, they aren't really happy for me. It's just a slap in the face of reality.
So I thought I'd try this thread, TTC #1 +35 b/c that's who I am. It breaks my heart to hear the same theme. I'm still alone in this. I give up. I understand you're just sharing your feelings but everyone agreeing with you tells me this is just another clique. I'm an outsider and won't really be one of you unless we struggle to conceive even more than we already are. I don't want that, I don't hope for that. I've paid my dues just as much as anyone, just in different ways.
So here I am, not trying in December and starting IUI in Jan. I'm in this whole new world that is so emotionally exhausting & I still feel alone. I'm out.
MTBIM, I'm sorry that that's the impression we've given you. I don't think that's what anyone on this thread was trying to say. That is precisely why we're a TTC thread and
not a LTTTC thread. Those of us on here who've been TTC for a long time wouldn't wish our struggle on anyone, whether we know them well or not. I understand you're feeling like an outsider right now, but that's just because as Twinkle said, you haven't been here for long - we haven't gotten to know each other yet, that's all. The fact that you're new to the thread does NOT mean we'll be upset when you get your BFP, whether it comes next week or next December. I think all Dwrgi was trying to say when she started this conversation was that sometimes it's hard for
us who've been at it for 3-4-5 years when someone who's been trying for 3-4-5 months gets a BFP, not that we begrudge them their good fortune - and it is
entirely possible to be happy for someone else while simultaneously feeling bad for ourselves. The fact that others agree with the sentiment only means that we know how that feels (and believe me, it feels shitty to feel so conflicted - that's precisely why we come together to share this kind of stuff - otherwise we hide ourselves in a corner convinced we're awful people for feeling so conflicted when it turns out we're completely human). That doesn't mean we don't want new people here or that we want everyone to turn into LTTTCers like us. If us LTTTCers can't handle it anymore, it is incumbent on
us to move ourselves to the LTTTC area of BnB, not to turn this thread into a place where newcomers aren't welcome. Personally, I thrive on new ladies joining this thread - if it weren't for new ladies continually finding us, this thread would have withered and died a year ago and Twinkle and FM and Nikki and I would be out in the cold alone!
And in terms of waiting to TTC because you didn't find Mr Right until later in life, you are TOTALLY not alone there - one of our beloved lurkers, OnMyMind (OMM for short - hi Chris!!) didn't meet Mr Right until she was 40. There are all sorts of reasons for TTC #1 after age 35, and no one wins any medals because the path that led her here was different from someone else's - there is no hierarchy of suffering. We all have 35+ years experience at life, and a thousand different reasons have led us all here to this one thread.
One thing I've been wanting to ask you (but haven't just because I've been in lurking mode for a while) is what is the story of how you wound up in med school at our age? Is this a second career for you? And though it's totally not with the same intensity, I can kind of relate to you being in school with a bunch of youngsters... I grew up in Europe so I couldn't get my driver's license until I moved back to the States for college, so that put me in driver's ed at age 18 with a bunch of 15yo's in a little hick town in Texas - talk about culture shock!!
don't forget though - it was that useless Docotr who gave you incorrect information and basically lied to you. and none of that was your fault! he was just a bad doctor. you should take some time but if you go for more treatment, find someone you trust and who will work with you (as it should be in all aspects of healthcare really)
). Personally, I accept that that means there will be people who are here for a very short time. I accept that because I've made such strong friendships here with so many of you that I don't want to go over to LTTTC threads and try to make new friends. But I think that's a decision we each have to make individually.
We're still on hold until late January, but my insurance costs are going up at the start of the year so we went ahead and placed the order now. (Basically, there's still time for me to chicken out and sell my drugs to one of you if I want to! 
)
And yes, some months/days are worse than others. Some days I get angry at my BFF going on about her boys. Some days it's a sliver in my heart to read about growing baby bumps on BnB. Some days I am angry at God, and I wail at the unfairness of it all. It's a crapshoot, how I'm going to feel at any given time. ](/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
Stopped the progesterone in an effort to hurry AF along.
) are the "submit" and "preview" buttons... just below those are the Additional Options, and the first option is "Show your signature" - if you uncheck that box, your siggy won't appear on that post. I hope that helps. 
)certainly adds extra urgency to my situation - a 25yo doesn't have that same fear. Plus, they wouldn't understand our references to Duran Duran and Wham and other old-school hotties! 
