TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[NorthStar]

Thanks Madeline that case is on trial at the moment so I'm getting it every night in the news and it makes me mad as hell. She was 38 too, IDK how a junkie can live that long and still be fertile?

And the rules for adoption are definitely looking to exclude people rather than include, one of the ladies I know was told that she had very little chance because they were bigger people and had a dog considering where the kid is coming from that should hardly be a dealbreaker.

 

[Madeline]

38! some people should not reproduce imho ...how awful.

The draconian approach to adoption only hurts the children sadly.

Madeline xx

 

[HappyAuntie]

HA-Holy crap, that is A LOT of drugs! I think that Missy's advice is very sage-check with your nurse that you have everything that you need and make sure that all the meds that need to go into the fridge are placed in there immediately. With mine, the invoice didn't state that Menopur should be refrigerated, so we didn't. It was only at the consult we were told that it should-but our FS said that as we don't live in a hot country that it shouldn't matter. But I know of somebody else at the same clinic who did the same as us (bad pharmacy) and and ordered another batch. We didn't do this as we couldn't afford it as I was on maximum dose and it would have cost another £800! The clinic saw us as guinea pigs. So, check check check!!

Thanks for the tip. I've checked the contents of the enormous shipping box against what my nurse told me she'd ordered and all is well on that front, but I'll call her today and ask about storage for the menopur. Of course, it's downright frigid here today so my kitchen counter may actually be colder than the inside of the fridge for the time being!

Can I also ask a rather delicate question? I think I actually managed to find some CM this morning; I wasn't looking too hard, I can promise you, it just sort of arrived, but is this EW?? It was stretchy, a bit lumpy, but clear and transparent? I am on CD11 I think and I am going to text my OH now to tell him he needs to get on with The Business as soon as I get in tonight, assuming it's not too late already, as I have been having twinges for days now. But I never have any CM so this is A DEVELOPMENT. It was obviously Duran Duran that did it, and lusting over Gorgeous John. What do you think girls (about the CM-not JT)???

Sounds like EWCM to me! Maybe JT was the missing piece all along! Mine usually appears a day or two before my LH surge (before I get a smiley face on my OPK), so get going, girl!! And don't stop after tonight - keep using your OPKs and keep going until it's definitely post-ovulation.

I have bought my first pregnancy and ovulation test and whilst I have no idea how to use it yet I am going to dedicate myself to getting it right for my up coming cycle.

Have you used the ovulation tests are they effective d u think?

Yes they work, just be sure to read the directions carefully and follow the instructions to a T. What kind did you get - the digitals (where you get a smiley face to indicate ovulation) or the ones where you have to look for a line to appear? I find the digis are WAY easier to use because they completely eliminate the question of is-this-a-line-or-not... definitely worth the extra cost of going digi for me. TTC gives me plenty of reasons to go crazy - if there's anything I can do to make it easier, I'm going to do it!

The thing you have to remember with the OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) is that they don't pinpoint the day of ovulation - they detect the LH hormone surge that causes ovulation. Most women will ovulate within 24-48 hours after the first positive OPK. Since it's important that the sperm be up there in your uterus before ovulation occurs, OPKs do the trick. My RE (reproductive endocrinologist, the US version of a fertility specialist... I don't know the Ozzie lingo yet - you're our first!) said to make sure we have sex on the day of the first positive OPK (and to count that day as 0 dpo, days past ovulation), take the next day off (1 dpo), and have sex the next day (2 dpo), and do a pregnancy test on 14 dpo. That's the bare minimum of sex required. Having sex any later than 2 or 3 dpo is going to be useless for most women because at that point that ship has sailed, but having plenty of sex in the week leading up to that first positive OPK is very helpful.

 

[missyt]

Dwrgi, OMG, I didn't refrigerate my menopur at all. I didn't have any instructions that said to do that. Hmmmmm. About the CM, just go ahead and attack DH when you get home. The nice thing about it is you don't have to use any lube. Have you never had CM in your life?

Madeline and Northstar, I still can't get over that about adoption. My neice was the second child that the birth mother put up for adoption. My brother and SIL paid for a lot of her expenses. It just amazes me how it is over there.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Ok, I've talked to my nurse re how to store the menopur, and she said just to follow the package directions. The package (the actual menopur box itself, not anything from the pharmacy) says to store either refrigerated or at room temp (3-25 C, 37-77 F), so I think we're all good. And when I opened the shipment box yesterday, the menopur was outside the cooler compartment - only the follistim was shipped chilled.

I still can't get over the UK/Oz adoption thing, either. Not only can I not believe how messed up it is, I also can't beleive I had never heard about it before now. It's really expensive over here, too, but for most people it doesn't take anywhere near as long as 4 years, and I've never known anyone who wanted to adopt who was denied, either. The longest I've ever known it to take over here was when my SIL adopted my niece from China - it took a little over two years, but that was because of issues on the Chinese end (paperwork snafu). The cost is what's keeping us from seriously considering it for the time being - because we have insurance coverage that helps pay for the infertility treatments, but we get no help in paying adoption costs/fees. There's a federal tax break to help offset the costs, but right now it's still cheaper for us to try for our "own" first. Initially I was set against it only because I was convinced I would never qualify - we're "old", I'm overweight, I have a history of depression, and my house is a MESS (thus any social worker would, in my imagining, determine on the home study that our home would not be a suitable environment).... But my lovely counselor set me straight on all that. So I definitely have not shut the door on that possibility. I'm more open to it than DH is at the moment, but I think he'd come around if we find out we're just never going to be able to have our own bio baby.

And to deny a willing family the ability to adopt just because of their pet??!! I am just dumbstruck at that. I mean, sure, if you're talking about a family with a pet alligator or something equally ridiculous, but come on! There is all sorts of research out there showing how beneficial it is for a kid to grow up with a pet!! Pets teach responsibility and empathy, they lower the risk of developing allergies (not that it helped me in that area, but whatever ), they are generally awesome and amazing to own, etc etc etc. I am just flabbergasted.

Now, I need someone to make me step away from the mint m&m's.... They are a serious Christmas weakness for me... I will eat myself sick on them without even realizing how many I've eaten!!

 

[missyt]

HA, I can't get over the adoption thing in the UK and Aus either. The girl I know at work that adopted a baby has a pit bull mix and they passed the home visit. My brother is out of a job and they passed the home visit and they are also in their 40's. My SIL has a history of depression as well. I was also wondering if we would qualify because DH has a DUI in his past and he's been to lazy to submit the new custody agreement into court that says he doesn't have to pay child support because his ex makes a lot more money than him and the amount of time he spends with his son now. I get so mad at him and I've mentioned to him if they dig that might come up. I guess I could check with a social worker and find out for sure but like you, insurance covered all my IUIs and $5K towards IVF. I just feel so depressed over all this and don't know what to do now. I called 2 counselors in my area and neither of them called me back! My SIL suggested a support group but there are none in my area. I tried to look some up. Even though I am 50 miles from DC, I'm in a really rural areas and the big attraction here is the Navy base. 50 miles doesn't seem too far but the traffic is horrible. I just want to get the holidays over with and just hope I start to feel better once these meds kick in.

 

[NorthStar]

It is very sad both for the children left in really crap bio families, and spending years in care.

The only positive with the UK system is that the adoption itself is free (for a British child) and to bring in a child from overseas once you've passed the tests and all the waiting time, you only have to pay the orphanage overseas, not the UK side.

I learnt a lot about this as I was sitting next to some guy on a plane once that got delayed, we had a few drinks (sat on runway at Heathrow for a good 3 hours) and he told me his life story, himself and his wife had tried for years to TTC, failed IVF etc, and had just adopted a wee boy. It was lovely that they had a happy ending, but the social work department put them through hell first, they seemed like good decent working people but because he smoked (outside the house) and she was on the big side, they had to make registered attempts to quit smoking and lose weight first.

 

[skye2010]

HA woow you already have all the meds!! It sure does sound a lot to begin with but it might be reduced towards the end. Pregnyl is a cold chain med too. So I hope that was in the fridge as soon as it arrived? Otherwise it is fairly a cheap med (Was like £10 a box) you could easily buy it again. Good luck If you decide to start when is it likely?

I had read that article the other day North star, and felt that the adoption beurocracy is quite apalling for the desperate children and awaiting parents. I wonder if it has anything to do with the British orphaned children being shipped to Australia after the second world war and being used and abused badly by the lack of government's ignorance to check and provide these children's well being. There was a documentary about this called Lost Children of England. A woman health worker uncovered the whole story and Gordon Brown had to make a public apology in the end to those people who suffered as a child. You can find the documentary or info online if you google.
Never the less the adoption in the UK is ridicoulusly low due to these stupid rules.
Personally I have always wanted to adopt but DH is against the idea for some reason. If he wasn't I would have done it no matter if I had or not my own baby. I find the idea of egg donation harder to cope with though purely because it would bruise my ego I suppose.

Twinkle I am so intrigued by your Burlesque thing hahahahahaha. Anyway easy to dust of those costumes when needed since they have a lot of feathers no?

 

[lavalux]

I've been following the conversation about adoptions in the UK and OZ. I know that there are some roadblocks in the States, but they pale in comparison to what I'm hearing about over there. Please ... so if you don't weigh a certain amount or don't have a big house or are not 22 and in the bloom of youth, you can't be an amazing parent? I know alot of the international adoptions have become increasingly difficult with new age restrictions, number of years the couple needs to be together before they can apply, no adoptions for singles or divorced couples. We would have had a tough time adopting from oversees, but we were considering a domestic adoption. It makes me sick when I read articles or see on the news, stories of parents who harm their babies. I used to also represent our state social services agency and handle deprivation and parental termination cases. It was so hard to read those appeal transcripts ... neglect, drug use, incest, molestation, starvation and physical abuse. I got out of that area of law to practice employment litigation because the other area was so emotionally draining. My DH was abused by his alcoholic father and placed in protective custody and then foster care with his little sister while his mom separated from his dad and got back on her feet, but fortunately she managed to do that in a little over a year, and there was a happy ending to their story. He and his sister were reunited with their mom and she worked 2 jobs to support their family. I have a lot of respect for her. But that is not the norm and those children deserve a chance!!!

Missyt,
I so wish that there was a support group closer to you. I've suffered from depression and I know how tough it is. My meds helped me get to a better place. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Northstar,
I just ate a giant chocolate cupcake and thought of you!!!! The kind with the same ratio of buttercream frosting as the actual cake part! Yum!

Madeline,
I agree that the digital OPK is awesome so you don't have to wonder what the lines mean. HA gave great advice about the most effective way to TTC using the OPK. Good luck!

Dwrgi,
Sounds like you hit the CM jackpot! When I was in my 20's, I always has so much of it, and then over the last few years, stopped producing as much CM. I needed to use a lubricant when I got married. But, the drugs they gave me for the IUI must have helped my body make more of it. Plus, I found that drinking grapefruit juice about a week before I expected to ovulate seemed to help. That was a tip that one of the girls gave me on this site. Anyway, go TCB (take care of business, as Elvis would say!)

AFM,
My MIL broke her back and was recently fired from her part-time job because she had called out sick several days in a row, so my DH is going over to take care of his mom tomorrow. It makes me sad because she had just gotten an Employee of the Month award and that job was her social life. I wish that we had the space to offer her to move in with us. Without a job, I'm not sure how long she can continue living in her own place. She just turned 80 years old and is on her own. Otherwise, not much going on this weekend.

Purple,
I'm praying for your dad. When do you expect that your parents can make the move?

Take care, everyone! According to Twinkle's ticker ... just over 2 weeks to Christmas! Yay!

 

[NorthStar]

Hi Skye, yes I am familiar with the story of the British children who were shipped off to Australia and suffered apalling abuse after WWII, I lived in Australia for a while and was there when the apology was made. Also the Stolen Generation of Aboriginal/mixed race children who were all removed from their Aboriginal mothers, I was there when Kevin Rudd aoplogised for that too.

And until the 1970's unmarried girls would routinely get their children removed at birth and adopted out in Britain.

So maybe the pendulum has swung too far the other way in Aus/UK favouring the bio family too much

Lava I'm so glad your MIL managed to turn her life and her kids around, and I'm in awe of people like yourself who have done work in the system to help children

 

[Madeline]

thks HA for all the advice I really appreciate it and Lavalux I will get a digital kit as the one I purchased has a line display.

That is the problem with institutionalisation of children historically it has lead to appalling abuses time and again by the church and the state......the whole thing is appalling....


madeline xx

 

[FutureMommie]

Future Mommie do you watch any of the adoption shows?

Even though I'm a hard hearted practical type I found myself blubbing over an adoption show a month or two back. Sadly adoption is almost impossible in the UK, there were only 70 babies adopted in the whole of 2010.

I watch adoption story too, I love them, I am so shocked about the low adoption rates in the UK and Australia, their are so many children that need good safe homes and to deny a child that is just cruel to me.

Its the same in Australia, while the world is full of children with no parents desperate for a home, petty bureaucrats and their often racist and myopic views on family make it as difficult as possible to adopt.

I would adopt in a heartbeat if we could. it makes no difference to me whether the child has my biological material or not. I just want to be the best parent I can be and I become emotional when I see children in various disadvantaged countries with no parents, no hope and no future and high risk of being abused and I think why are we creating another life when there are so many in need.

Not that I don't appreciate the uniqueness of the pregnancy experience etc and peoples desire to conceive.

I just have trouble reconciling the vast number of children with no parents I guess...

Ok my little rant is over now

Madeline xx

This just breaks my heart! Some many wonderful potential parents like you the govenment isn't thinking about the children.

I've been following the conversation about adoptions in the UK and OZ. I know that there are some roadblocks in the States, but they pale in comparison to what I'm hearing about over there. Please ... so if you don't weigh a certain amount or don't have a big house or are not 22 and in the bloom of youth, you can't be an amazing parent? I know alot of the international adoptions have become increasingly difficult with new age restrictions, number of years the couple needs to be together before they can apply, no adoptions for singles or divorced couples. We would have had a tough time adopting from oversees, but we were considering a domestic adoption. It makes me sick when I read articles or see on the news, stories of parents who harm their babies. I used to also represent our state social services agency and handle deprivation and parental termination cases. It was so hard to read those appeal transcripts ... neglect, drug use, incest, molestation, starvation and physical abuse. I got out of that area of law to practice employment litigation because the other area was so emotionally draining. My DH was abused by his alcoholic father and placed in protective custody and then foster care with his little sister while his mom separated from his dad and got back on her feet, but fortunately she managed to do that in a little over a year, and there was a happy ending to their story. He and his sister were reunited with their mom and she worked 2 jobs to support their family. I have a lot of respect for her. But that is not the norm and those children deserve a chance!!!

Take care, everyone! According to Twinkle's ticker ... just over 2 weeks to Christmas! Yay!

Lava, how are you and those little buns in the oven? That is so horrible about you MIL I hope she gets better soon.

AFM- I had a GREAT meeting with an adoption agency today, they may be the one. I am going to update about the meeting in my journal.

 

[skye2010]

Amanda I'm glad you didn't chuck the loaded knickers. Otherwise you would have missed the most valuable que There is a funny Turkish saying, doesn't translate very well but i'll attempt anyway. "Who do you intend it for and who gets to be lucky (kismet )
Grapefruit juice is a great tip for CM. Helps it get clear and egg white consistency. 10 days before ovulation 1-2 glass a day helps.

HA the Disney trip sounds great So much fun. You can do one more overload on sugar before the tx and turn all your diet into "proteins and greens" I am imagining the place would be full of candy floss and ice cream vendors or is that wishful thinking? Waltons and Little House on the Praire were my favourite shows. I used to watch it religiously when I was 6-7. My dolls were named after Laura and Mary (her blonde sister) I even had a bit of a crush on their robust dad Charles. Shame they don't show it here at all on TV.

Northstar I think the pendulum does swing the other way a bit too much. When it comes to being politically correct, human rights and safety measures people lose common sense sometimes. It's hard to find the right balance of formulating the rules I suppose.

Laura your DH's story is very touching. I'm sorry about Mil as well. Does she not have any pension from the government? How heartless is her employer

Hey FM I'm so excited for you. Hope you get a smooth ride with all the paperwork. Are you adopting from your local are or do you think you might need to travel abroad?

AFM I might give into temptation and get DH to buy a tree this weekend. Can't wait to try the hand painted glass Xmass balls that I bought from Krakow this summer. I have a few little angels, mushrooms and strawberries in bright colors and sparkle dust ) Yeeeaaaah

 

[missyt]

Lava, that is awful about your MIL. I can't believe they fired her after she broke her back! That is a load of crap! I do go down to Atlanta a few times a year. I have family there and my folks 2nd home is on Lake Lanier. I so want to move back down there so bad. I really miss it. I miss the conveniences. DH and I plan on moving down there some day. That is where my SIL is that had trouble TTC and ended up adopting. The only problem is that I work for the Navy now and there aren't may govt. jobs down there. I support Naval Aviation and Lockheed is big down there. With my clearance and experience I think they'd be dumb not to hire me. LOL.

AFM, getting ready for acupuncture. I'm really looking forward to it. I started my antidepressents yesterday. I know it take a few week for them to get into my system. I had a bad day yesterday so I'm hoping today is better. I talked to my SIL yesterday and she hit the nail on the head. She said when you are going through this TTC thing each day you have a 50/50 shot of it either being a good day or bad day. I just hate feeling like this.

 

[Butterfly67]

ladies, a few all round

A - I know what you need and I have just the thing - a poster of JT to put above your bed - I have my whole DD memorabilia collection in my loft including every newspaper cutting I found in the early 80;s!

Missy - hope the ADs start kicking in soon

 

[caroleb73]

AFM, getting ready for acupuncture. I'm really looking forward to it. I started my antidepressents yesterday. I know it take a few week for them to get into my system. I had a bad day yesterday so I'm hoping today is better. I talked to my SIL yesterday and she hit the nail on the head. She said when you are going through this TTC thing each day you have a 50/50 shot of it either being a good day or bad day. I just hate feeling like this.

Missy I am sure you will love acupuncture and it may well help to lift your mood in general. There were times on my journey that I was such a mess and just couldn't see anything positive and cried a whole lot at anything and everything. When I started acupuncture I found not only did it seem to help with my periods/hormones but my general well being and mood improved. It is such a gentle and positive treatment that it can only help and it totally chilled me out after every session. I do believe that if you can come out the other side of this TTC journey then you can cope with anything in life as what you are going through right now is so tough and something that is not understood by many so we automatically feel alone. Try to take one step at a time and set yourself smaller goals to work towards that fit into the long term goal of having a baby. Its fine and its normal to have bad days but what I tried to do was make sure that I had more good days than bad by doing something small each day that made me smile. Hang in there honey, I am hoping and praying that good things come you way real soon

 

[DHime]

ok so what is the likelyhood of getting a bfp at 10 dpo?

 

[caroleb73]

Hey DHime some people do get them but many do not show up on tests until a few more days. If you can possibily wait then I would as it is always so crushing to see a negative result even if you think that might change in a few days.

Good luck

 

[Butterfly67]

ok so what is the likelyhood of getting a bfp at 10 dpo?

I'm actually of the opinion that you should see a faint line on a frer or IC at 10dpo and I consider myself out if I don't see anything by then. Having said that I have heard that some people don't get a line until later than that.

 

[LeeC]

Hi Ladies. Thought I'd drop by and introduce myself.
I'm 38 and TTC no. 1.
Goodnluxk ro everyone and Im looking forward to getting to know you all.
I usually don't stray far from the recurrent mc thread but after a break of 6 months I thought I'd be a bit more adventurous on the thread.

Hope everyone is well.