TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[HappyAuntie]

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkk!!!! Disney was fabulous, and now I'm completelly exhausted! DH and I got home after midnight last night only to find that our wonderful housesitter/catsitter was a little too thorough and locked us out of the house! Fortunately the neighbors have a key AND are night owls - we could see their tv was still on at 1am so I gently knocked on the door and got the key from them! Time with the family was wonderful, my niece (18 mos) and nephew (5 yrs) were adorable and hilarious, we had fantastic weather, I am hoarse from screaming on roller coasters,... it was just a fantastic vacation. DH had one day in particular that was really hard... having fun with our niece and nephew makes our own infertility so much harder to bear sometimes... but later in the day niece wanted DH to hold her, and she promptly fell asleep on his shoulder for the next hour as we walked around Epcot. I worried it would only make him sadder, but he said later it was bittersweet, not completely bad/sad.

So, now we just sit and wait for AF to arrive (on or around Jan. 26) so we can start IVF, and for Feb 6 to arrive so DH can finally get some help for his depression.

A big welcome to all the new ladies, and a HUGE welcome to Liam, Lily and Shirin!!

 

[luvmydoggies]

Happy Auntie- YAY!!! your back! Last weekend I babysat a 1yr old and a 4yr old (dh's friends children) ....it was so much fun!!! My dh was out working on cars with his friends..he came in for a drink and saw the 1 yr old on my lap while I reading him a story...and my dh got tears in his eyes.- it was so emotional for both of us.

Lava- so happy to hear you got to hold your babies!

Dwrgi- I want to get on a and give that friend a big slap in her face! Gossiping like that and being so nasty. I'm so glad you emailed her. I am so sorry!!!! What is with people???

Concev. I would test also. How exciting!

My weekend has been pretty uneventful. Just doing a lot of house work..we have an open house tomorrow! fx'd that we get some people that our interested in our townhouse! Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

 

[caroleb73]

Morning Ladies

HA so glad you had a fab time at Disney, sounds perfect. Hoping that DH gets the help he needs soon and that the IVF goes well for you. You will be in my prayers each day and hoping that 2012 is your year

Super excited for Lava and Skye on the arrival of your babies, so wonderful that they are with us now and healthy. Wishing you all the best and hoping that your little darlings settle into life outside their mummy's tummys smoothly.

AFM I have just returned from my trip home to see family and friends with loads of shopping thrown in. To be honest the trip has really upset me as DH's family have been really over bearing and pushy. We visited my old boss in London one day and then DH insisted on us driving up north to see his family even though it was late ( we were supposed to go the following day) I was the only one insured on the car and had a 5 hour drive with my back killing me so much I was in tears. Arrived at his parents just before 1am and although I wanted to go straight to bed they wouldn't let me and then proceeded to go straight into baby talk telling me that I had to get straight onto having more babies as they want more grandkids. I was so tired I stood my ground and told them that I feel blessed to be having this baby and that I am happy with just the one which didn't go down well. His Mum then proceeded to tell me that she would fly out to stay with us on the 1st June, no asking just telling. I stated that if baby was on time she would only be 2 weeks old and that if not she would only have just been born and that we would prefer the time alone with her at first to bond as I have very little maternity leave. I explained that I would be travelling to the UK for the month of Ramadan and that they could come to my Mum's house and stay for a weekend to see us. They then insisted that I have to stay with them for 2 weeks. They live in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and no transport links, I hardly know them as have only met briefly on 4 occasions so they feel like strangers, their house is so tiny that after we place our cases on the bedroom floor there is no room to walk round the bed let alone fit a cot or any of the other stuff that comes with a baby and the house is filthy. I am not a fussy house proud person but this house is really disgusting that I feel very uncomfortable staying there myself let alone let a baby crawl around. They then started that in future during the summer I should send our baby to them for a few weeks so they can look after her and spend time with her. Honestly I feel so overwhelmed and upset by it all and can see us arguing over this. I have explained to DH that I do not want to stay with his parents as the house it too small and very dirty, he sees my point but I think is scared to stand up to his parents as doesn't want to upset them. I just feel like they are trying to take over already and Zara has not even been born yet. I understand that this is there first grandchild but she is our baby and not theirs and I feel like they should respect our wishes and the boundaries we set. God I feel like crying all over again as totally stresses me out.

Sorry for the selfish rant but I needed to get this off my chest and get your opinions if I am being difficult or not, promise I will catch up on all I have missed later tonight after work and respond.

 

[Dwrgi]

Hi HA-so glad that you're back and delighted to hear that you had a good trip to Disney. It sounded amazing! Get you on those rollercoasters-I'm tooooooo scaredy cat! Roll on February and IVF for you and also for hubby's appointment.

Luv-hope the Open Day goes well! It sounds very exciting! I'm sure you will get some interest.

Ipenn-happy birthday to you! Don't get too despondent with the IUI and low volume of swimmers. If there is one thing that is certain about infertility, is that EVERYBODY is different, and it only needs ONE sperm, so you've still got lots of hope!

Asry-good on you, for treating yourself to new boots! We all need a pick-me-up from time to time!!

Purple-so glad you had a nice time with your parents and DH! Hope you're having a great weekend!

Carole-I cannot believe the absolute nerve of your in laws. How dare they? Was it not bad enough that they could see you were tired (and obviously very pregnant) after your long drive, and still insisted on keeping you up? And then that complete onslaught of THEIR plans for YOUR baby! What a cheek! You were completely within your rights to stand your ground, and everything you have written sounds fair to me. They should respect when you want them to come and stay with you, not when they decide. They should also respect what you said about not having much leave together so want to bond with Zara alone. And, do they seriously expect you to put a baby on the plane alone so she can stay with them? OMG! No, you stand your ground and DH needs to be the one to make it quite clear them what you and he have decided and about how things will be. It is completely unacceptable that they are trying to take over-yes, they are excited as she is their first grandchild, but she is your first child, and that takes precedence. Their opinions and views are respectfully considered, but, ultimately, what you decide to do, is up to you and your DH and nobody else. The sooner this is sorted out the better otherwise you will just worry yourself silly over it (as I would too), and you need to be as calm and relaxed as you can be.

I do feel for you and am just astounded by the nerve of these people-they'd obviously been waiting for you to arrive to tell you what was going to happen. Well, they can think again, my friend! Stick to your guns, and make it clear whose baby it is and what will be! Thinking of you, Axxxx

Hello everybody!!! Hope you're all having a great weekend!

 

[purplelou]

HA - welcome home, I glad you had such a wondeful holiday it sounds fab!!

Carole - You are definitely not being difficult. This is YOUR baby, You and your DH's daughter, and your IL's must respect your choices, I wouldn't want to stay with people I didn't know well either on my own - it would be very uncomfortable. stick to your guns and do what makes YOU and you husband happy

 

[Nikki Leigh]

Welcome back Happy Auntie! My DH and I enjoy amusement parks in general, so I know we'd have had fun at Disney too! I know it is bittersweet to be around other people's children, especially when we are struggling with our own situations. I pray that this upcoming round is a blessed one for you and your DH.

Carole: I'm not quite sure what's going on with your DH's family, but I'd be prepared to have some serious conversations with your DH about this. It's his family, and ultimately, his responsibility to really set appropriate expectations with them. I know that's hard for a lot of men (especially checking their "mamas,") but your family unit (you, DH, and little baby Zara) need to develop and enforce your OWN traditions, rules, standards, and belief systems for your own family unit. If you don't start doing this now, the family will (continue) to disregard your thoughts and feelings and will always impose on your family unit. My in-laws are not at all that bad, and they're good, sweet people. Yet and still, I see their tendency to sort of control everyone else's situation under the guise of being helpful. A lot of the stuff I let go, but if I feel strongly about it, I do have to let DH know, and it's his responsibility to talk to his people about it. Good luck to you--I know it's hard.

 

[ipen44]

Hi All,

Wow--in laws. I am new to them myself and this group sounds similar to mine. Makes me wonder if my husband was hatched or delivered by a stork.

It sounds like they live far away which is definitely a plus.

I need to find a way to talk about flashers on this forum because this emoticon really cracks me up.

Obviously, I do not have much to report today--just wanted to stop in and read how all of you were doing.

Amy

 

[caroleb73]

Morning Ladies and thanks for the support it helps to know that others can see my point and I am not just a selfish moo. I spoke with DH last night and told him how it is weighing on my mind I am very lucky that we live in another country but I do not want to feel this pressure from them when I am visiting the UK or feel like they will just arrive at our house when it suits them.

I know he feels stuck in the middle as wants to support me but also feels the pressure from his family, I explained that he is married to me now and we are a family and that he needs to consider what is right for us. I have put my foot down and said that his family can see Zara when I travel to my Mum's in late July but that I will not travel to his family in the north as it is not practical to make a 6 hour car journey with a small baby and is not fair on me and our daughter. I can see he is scared to tell them and I know they will bitch about me but to be honest I am putting me and our baby first on this one, this is a special time for us so why should I make things difficult for myself just to keep them happy. If they want to see their grandaughter they can make the effort to drive to London. I must say I feel better about it now I have put my feelings across to him and told him I am not gonna budge on this one. I am sure he is the one panicking now as he will be dreading telling his family.

Amy totally loving the flasher emoticon, it did make me laugh. Btw don't read too much into the stats on success rates for low sperm counts, my DH had real problems last year with hardly any swimmers and his motility was shocking but look at us now we achieved a bump naturally. I still can't believe it happened for us at times as the doctors said that he would need treatment for his issue and then probably IVF would be the only option for us. Just goes to show they are not always right. Keep believing honey as you could have your BFP before you know it.

Hope you all had a fab weekend and the week ahead at work is not too crazy. Thanks again for being there and keeping me sane

 

[Dwrgi]

Carole, Amy, Nikki, and everybody! Hello!!!!!

Carole-I am sooooo glad that you have put your foot down, and it has got to be your DH who speaks to his parents. Time to be a man, I'm afraid! Hope you're okay and so glad you came and told us about this-it must have been eating away at you. Big to you hun!

It has made me feel relief reading your posts as it is clear that the 'in laws' can generally cause problems, so I am not alone! My OH and I have FREQUENT rows about his parents, as, alas, they live across the road from us and are involved in EVERY aspect of his life. It really gets me down. They are extremely kind and generous people, true Christians, but they are unwilling to cut the apron strings and, instead of respecting OH and my life together, they just want me to slot into their life so that we are all an even bigger family. I find it suffocating in the extreme. One of the worst aspects is that OH pops over there several times a day, and I will go looking for him, and he's vanished. My neighbours have passed comment on it, and I HATE it. If we need to catch a train, they take us to the station (I am 40, OH is 47!!!!); they will even come and pick us up at 12pm! I am more than happy to pay for taxis, but they won't hear a word of it. Yes, I know I sound completely ungrateful, but I am more and more in their debt when I accept help like this, and I HATE it. I am independent, always have been, and have my own parents 70 miles away-I don't need another set of parents.

Alas, there is no budging on this issue either, as it seems that OH is as dependant on them as they are on him. He and his mother together are BEYOND-she is all over him and he her. Honestly, she giggles like a little girl at his jokes, and he charms her constantly-it's like a perverse flirtation. I find it nauseating and have even walked out when they were sharing yet another 'in' joke.

I really hate the situation, but short of moving there is nothing that I can do. I have put a stop to weekends and holidays away with them (oh yes!), and am keeping my distance more and more, but I know they are offended by this.

Gosh, in laws are so difficult!

Anyway, sorry for moan-we had yet another row about this last night, so it's fresh in my mind.

Love to you all and big to each and every one of you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Asryellah]

Welcome back HA from Disney! Glad to hear you had a good trip
And Carole, I'm glad you talked this over with your DH. Like Nikki and Dwirgi said - this is your family, and your life. You make the rules.
Inlaws can be a pain, living close or not sorry to hear Dwirgi down the road..oh my..But yes, what can you do. Glad they seem to be just warm and loving people, not pain in the ass-sort of thing. Boys just seem to have this special connection with their moms. Like my ex's mom was totally jeleous of me!! That was pain but now I gotta say that my inlaws are great.
We tend to see them like 1-2 month, like my parents also.

afm, those Sepia pills I got from my reflexologist seem to really WORK! Which is amazing I got them for my short lutheal phase. In natural cycles it has been 9-10 days and see I'm dpo 12 today! BUT my temps did a total nose dive this morning so I guess tomorrow

How's everyone else?

 

[Dwrgi]

Welcome back HA from Disney! Glad to hear you had a good trip
And Carole, I'm glad you talked this over with your DH. Like Nikki and Dwirgi said - this is your family, and your life. You make the rules.
Inlaws can be a pain, living close or not sorry to hear Dwirgi down the road..oh my..But yes, what can you do. Glad they seem to be just warm and loving people, not pain in the ass-sort of thing. Boys just seem to have this special connection with their moms. Like my ex's mom was totally jeleous of me!! That was pain but now I gotta say that my inlaws are great.
We tend to see them like 1-2 month, like my parents also.

afm, those Sepia pills I got from my reflexologist seem to really WORK! Which is amazing I got them for my short lutheal phase. In natural cycles it has been 9-10 days and see I'm dpo 12 today! BUT my temps did a total nose dive this morning so I guess tomorrow

How's everyone else?

Thanks Asry! Always good to have support-seeing your in laws every 1-2 months sound BLISS to me!!

Sorry about nose-dive, but brilliant news that the sepia pills are working! One less thing to worry about!! Darn the witch but tomorrow is a new cycle, and who knows, it may be your one!

Axxxxx

 

[purplelou]

Dwrgi - I can't imagine your pain!! my Il's also live down the road but luckily they are really good and we have very separate lives (mostly) I feel for you having to deal with overbearing and on-top-of-you in-laws

carole - that's great that you have talked to DH and he will sort it out now. now you can put the whole thing out of your mind and not worry about it!

wow there is so many of us now....I am so worried that if try and mention everyone, I am bound to miss loads out. so Ill just say I hope all you ladies are having a good day and sending you all from me xx

 

[purplelou]

Oh I also meant to say

Asry - it sounds like the Sepia pills are doing the trick! have you noticed any other sied effects?? do you keep on taking them alll the time now?? Glad they are working for you !

 

[Asryellah]

Purple - no I haven't noticed any side effects exept for this I got them for I have ref. app. coming this week so I need to ask how long I should continue taking them, last time she said take 'em for one month. Am I cured after that?! dunno..
But how are you doing ? Had a nice weekend?

Why do I have to be so stupid to spend my work day googleing "temp dips but still bfp.. Why do I ALWAYS do this to myself?! stupid.

 

[Dwrgi]

Purple - no I haven't noticed any side effects exept for this I got them for I have ref. app. coming this week so I need to ask how long I should continue taking them, last time she said take 'em for one month. Am I cured after that?! dunno..
But how are you doing ? Had a nice weekend?

Why do I have to be so stupid to spend my work day googleing "temp dips but still bfp.. Why do I ALWAYS do this to myself?! stupid.

I do it too! We all do--we're all hopeful that it happens. If we didn't have the hope, we'd give up!

 

[purplelou]

Asry and Dwrgi - haha - I also do it
I actually found you can search charts on FF (anonamously!) where you can put in all kinds of filters and then review them - it's the devil, honestly, because you can put in all kinds of stuff and then look just the bfps and convince yourself that because your chart bears a tiny resemblance - then you are definitely going to get your Bfp too




we had a pretty good weekend Asry - hope yours was good too??

 

[Butterfly67]

Yes I have done that too - just search out charts that look like mine and end in a bfp

HA, sounds like you had an awesome time, so glad

Carole and Dwrgi, what a nightmare with the ILs, Carole for sure you have to stand your ground and not be doing all that travelling to a dirty house with your precious new daughter

So I am back from a few days travelling. Can now count myself in for this month but I am now at the point where I just think - it hasn't worked the last 9 times so why should I think this one will? Oh well...

 

[missyt]

HA, welcome back!!!!!

Carole, in-laws don't get it. Mine urke me too. I wish they would all just mind their business and live their own lives.

Asry, so good to hear that the sepia worked for you.

Dwrgi, how are you doing?

 

[HappyAuntie]

I've kind of lucked out in the in-laws department... not because they're good in-laws - they're HORRIBLE - but because DH doesn't like them, either! It sounds terrible of me to say, but it's true. DH only visits them out of a sense of obligation - even he would rather spend time with my family than his own. We only see them once, maybe twice a year, and it's always for just one night. They live halfway between our home and my family - it's a two-day drive to visit my family, so we stop for the night at his dad's and then leave again the next morning. It's about all we can handle. He has some guilt about it, but I really don't - his dad treats him and his sisters so meanly that I honestly think it would be better for DH if he didn't see his dad at all... but what can you do?

 

[Dwrgi]

Yes I have done that too - just search out charts that look like mine and end in a bfp

HA, sounds like you had an awesome time, so glad

Carole and Dwrgi, what a nightmare with the ILs, Carole for sure you have to stand your ground and not be doing all that travelling to a dirty house with your precious new daughter

So I am back from a few days travelling. Can now count myself in for this month but I am now at the point where I just think - it hasn't worked the last 9 times so why should I think this one will? Oh well...

Positive thinking hun! It will take us longer at our age, but that doesn't mean it will never happen! And, how fabulous that you're in the 2WW!!! Fingers crossed this is it! xxxxx