I'm 35 - I just got pregnant for the first time and miscarried at 7 weeks. I'm completely hopeless now. I feel like I'm so old, and worry that I'll never be able to carry a baby to term. I'm so depressed that I want to get on antidepressants, but my OB told me to stay off if I wanted to ttc again. It's a chore for me to get through each day. Everytime I sign on to facebook - every single person seems to be pregnant or have a brand new baby.
Bruingirl, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first at 12 weeks when I was 35, and there are lots of us on here who've suffered losses. I never felt old and I never heard my biological clock ticking until I lost that first baby. Everything you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal. If you go read the miscarriage support section of BnB (https://www.babyandbump.com/miscarriage-support/) you'll find that everything you are going through is completely normal.
It is only natural for you to grieve the loss of your baby, and it is natural for you to feel depressed and hopeless right now. I can tell you from experience that you will never forget the sadness of losing your baby, but I can also tell you that the pain of your loss will ease with time. How long ago was your miscarriage? Give yourself permission to grieve for as long as it takes - don't expect yourself to feel better right away, and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. If you had lost a 7 year old child, everyone you know would come to your side to support you with help, hugs, tears, meals, and they would expect you to be sad for months, even years. For some reason our society does not view the loss of a 7-week pregnancy in the same way, but the fact of the matter is that you love your baby and your baby died, and you are going to be sad for a long time - and that is ok.
The first thing I would suggest is that you seek out counseling. If you can find a therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss or infertility counseling that would be best, but really all you need is someone experienced in grief counseling. A good therapist can help you through the grief, help you to understand what you're feeling and experiencing, and help you understand that the feelings you're having are completely normal for someone who's just lost a baby. If you don't "click" with the therapist after the first meeting or two, try a different therapist - there are jillions of them out there, and having the right relationship between you and your therapist is crucial - if you don't feel comfortable opening up and pouring your heart and tears out to your therapist, you aren't going to benefit from the counseling. After my 2nd mc I saw a therapist who was alright but I didn't really "click" with her... in about our 5th session she literally told me I should just get over it, and that's when I fired her and looked for a new therapist - obviously she was not the right therapist for me. (I absolutely adore my current therapist - I've seen her roughly once a week since last March, and I could not get through my infertility without her help.) A good therapist will also help you determine if you need or could benefit from anti-depressants. If you're concerned about the costs of counseling, look for a clinic that charges on a sliding scale, so they only charge you based on your income and how much you can afford to pay. If you're in the US, check with your employer, too - chances are they offer an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) where you can get counseling for free. (My DH and I are able to get 18 free counseling sessions for free each year thanks to our EAP.) And if you're a church-goer, you could seek counseling from your pastor. You could even look for a pregnancy loss support group instead of (or in addition to) individual counseling. You have lots of options.
As for anti-depressants, your dr is both wrong about them and insensitive to your needs and what you're going through, and if I were you I would find a new dr. Allow yourself the time to grieve, and if you are still feeling hopeless and depressed beyond what you (and your counselor/therapist, if you try counseling) might consider "normal" grief, talk to another dr about anti-depressants. There are lots of anti-d's that are safe during ttc and pregnancy. There are several known risks to the baby if the mother suffers from depression during pregnancy (lower birth weight, higher risk of premature delivery, higher risk of post-partum depression), and you and your dr have to weigh the risks of treating your depression (and the potential risk to your baby from the drugs) against the risk of not treating your depression (and the known risks to your baby of your depression). I think you'll find that most drs are in favor of treating the depression rather than leaving it to get worse. I started on anti-d's and an anti-anxiety medication after my 2nd mc, after consulting with three different drs about it, and every single one of them agreed it was the right thing to do and encouraged me to take the drugs. I am currently taking 450mg/day of bupropion (brand name Wellbutrin) and 15 mg three times/day of buspirone (brand name Buspar). As MissyT said, fluoxitine (brand name Prozac) is safe during pregnancy. And my sister was on citalopram (brand name Celexa) during her pregnancy with my nephew, and he is a 100% completely normal healthy 5 yr old. There are lots and lots of safe medication options, if medication is what you need. Some of these drugs have been around for more than one generation now, and hundreds of thousands of women have taken them while pregnant... if they were not safe, there would be hundreds of thousands of correlated children with birth defects or other problems and everyone would know about it. There are not.
I know how hard it is to grieve for your baby when everyone around you seems to be pregnant. I know it feels impossible right now, but I guarantee it won't always feel this bad.
Anyone else have a lot more cramps in 2ww with clomid. Should not be time for
, but I sure have a lot of cramps. They are in one spot though and higher up than normal. Weirdly on the opposite side of where I felt the ovulation pain, but it feels like ovulation pain? I am on CD 22 and ovulated between CD17 and CD19 and had IUI on CD18.
usually comes CD31 or 32, but not sure with clomid.
I haven't been on clomid, but I definitely have worse cramps/twitches when I'm on a medicated cycle (I did 6 cycles on follistim injections). I also ovulate regularly on my own, we added the drugs to get more than one egg per cycle to up our chances. Assuming you had more than one egg, that means you'll also have more than one corpus luteum, and that means more progesterone, and that means more twitches and cramps. Be prepared, because for some women it can also mean heavier-than-normal periods, too. It's kind of creepy to feel so much movement, but I guess I've gotten used to it because I don't seem to notice it much anymore!
I think I'll postpone the stimming... it's just too close a call. You wait now, my AF will arrive in a week's time, so I could have started the norethestirone, after all..... Thanks for your help!
xxx
That's a tough one, but I probably would postpone, too... with everything you have invested (emotionally and financially) in an IVF cycle, I'd want to give it its best shot at pregnancy and I wouldn't want to leave myself open to doubting that decision later if I started the norethestirone now....
Luvvie, I'm glad the open house went so well!
Were yesterday's lookers at your open house and back for a second look, or was their agent there and saw how awesome it was and knew she needed to bring her clients back?
I hope something comes of it.
And yeah, if you see your OB every two months you'd think he'd remember at least the basics about you!
What a turd.
sorry for being MIA, I was on BnB leave for a month over the holidays, was mostly at my parents as my Mum had an operation (which went well, she's good :thumbup)
chart looks much improved.
could not believe it, it is extra difficult for us to get this done as he works away 2 weeks in 4. So he went to the doctors yesterday for a new sample cup and the receptionist in there claimed no knowledge of the call and no sample pot, made him explain in front of the entire waiting room what the sample was for
And even though the FS ordered that D do 2 tests, the doctor will only give him 1 sample cup at a time
he's got to have surgery on thursday to remove them - ouchie!!
but ovulation is something that I could really feel - soo painful!! Never felt it in my natural cycles (I do ovulate on my own also) but clomid also started to grow my follies too big..thats the reason prob. why ovulation did hurt. So I quit them.
I hope he recovers quicly from operation poor thing, so its tomorrow already? Kisses for the cuteness 
and sorry to hear your bfn..af is still here so hopefully she has lost your address and wont show up.
