TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[HappyAuntie]

I've been around, just not posting... mostly because by the time I've read everything, I can't remember the comments I wanted to make... I seem to be suffering from severe distraction lately.

But now I am completely focused on Dwrgi... hon, I am just gutted for you. Screw being polite. Go ahead and be short-tempered at work if you need to - you can always apologize later and just tell them you'd just received bad news... it's the truth without divulging too much. If it would make you feel better to know for certain now instead of waiting until Friday, would your clinic be willing to do a beta today?

Sending you big big hugs, rolled across the ocean in giant waves to you. We're all here for you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

 

[drsquid]

carole- dont worry about not geting an xray. they are a waste of time for stuff like that anyway. you didnt break your knee. did you tear anything? maybe but you cant tell without mri (which is safe during pregnancy but likely way uncomfortable and wouldnt change anything at this point because no one is gonna operate til after the baby). hope it feels better soon

dwrgi- sorry *hugs* hope everthing works out

2nd gonal f shot last night. i think they are making me feel sleepy (but hard to tell what with jetlag and going back to work and going in way early to make up for running out for doc appts). if it works.. im ok with it. now fingers crossed the stupid meds arrive today

 

[HappyAuntie]

2nd gonal f shot last night. i think they are making me feel sleepy (but hard to tell what with jetlag and going back to work and going in way early to make up for running out for doc appts). if it works.. im ok with it. now fingers crossed the stupid meds arrive today

I'm glad to hear you're not giving up. Did you switch drs? I know you were frustrated about not getting counts on your donor sperm....

 

[missyt]

Purple, I can totally relate to you about the snoring! Usually its DH snoring on my right side and Smokers snoring on my left sides. Smokes has a much more pushed in snout than Bandi so he is definately a snorer. And he gives dad a run for his money!

Dwrgi, oh girl, I hate that you are going through this. It breaks my heart. I'm so glad you ordered Julia's book because it was the one thing that made me feel better after my IVF. I found some hope in myself and it brought me to this journey now where I do believe in myself whole heartedly. But you aren't out yet. Do what you need to do and take time for yourself. You need to be good to yourself, hon.

 

[drsquid]

happyauntie- no i actually talked to him. he said the reason they dont do sperm counts is becasue they are a waste of money. the numbers dont actually really mean anything in terms of outcome as donor sperm is always about the who guidlines for numbers. but im going to get one this time anyway. he said if hed realized i was upset we could have checked the sperm even after it arrived in the room. he gave me the option to try another round of femara (which is apparenlty the recommended protocal) but i opted to move on to injections instead.

 

[dashka]

Hi ladies,
Dwrgi – Oh I’m so sorry that you are having this scare…. I really hope with all my being that it’s not what you are thinking… Wish I could give you a GIGANTIC HUG right now… I’m still crossing all my limbs and praying for you that this is implantation bleeding or something….It’s possible to have cramps as well with that too right? OH I’M PRAYING FOR YOU HUN xoxo

Lady H – hope you get answers soon? I’m confused did AF arrive or are you still waiting?

Carol – sorry about your fall! How scary… Hope you can take it easy on yourself…

Frolicky – wow 6 more days! You poor thing –hang in there. Glad you are feeling better about telling the in-laws. Good luck if your scan is today?

Asry - how’s it looking for you for this weekend?

Lils – hope you “get accepted” for the trip!... you so deserve a break…. Wow you are a CPA.. I never would have guessed you were a numbers person…. Hee hee …. You are way too funny! Hope the test results go well Monday...

Nikki – hope you ‘smooth it out’ with DH… You’re allowed!! You’ve earned it… Hope the cold sore disappears quickly...

Purple – hope you get some shut-eye tonight…

Missy – I can totally relate with the snoring too !! DH on one side and sometimes my dog (she’s a Westie) on the floor….

Dr. S – Good luck with the shots!

AFM - today I'm CD11 - usually my OPK is positive on day 11 - but not yet so I'm hoping ov. will be delayed a little this month (so egg has more time to develop)... I think my really bad Upper Resp. thing and all the meds may have something to do with it. I'm on my last day of antibiotics today and feel much better, but still have to use the inhaler thing for another week (yuk!) We’re still BD’ing every other day this week just in case.

Hello to everyone I’ve missed! Big hugs to everyone….
xoxo

 

[Lady H]

Hi Lovelies, rode in to town this am and I was actually pleased! Means I am out of limbo. It's really heavy too. Worst in the year since I stopped Bcp. Started the Fertility Monitor day1 and ditching OPKs and temping this month, less stressful.

Hugs to you all but I have to particularly send to Dwrgi. Wishing hard for you that all ok

 

[froliky2011]

LadyH - Moving forward is definitely better than limbo.

Dashka - Good Luck!! My body is doing the opposite and I got my LH surge early. The mc really messed things up.

Dwrgi - How are you? FX'd for you!!

Hi to everyone! I am just quickly popping in again. I got my LH surge this morning so the doctor (substitute, new guy...who is a fetiltiy doctor and not just an obgyn) gave me a trigger too and decided to do IUI tomorrow morning. Onto round #4.

I hope you are all well.

 

[drsquid]

froliky-fingers crossed. im right behind you =)

 

[LilSluz]

Dashka - you're so funny - you mean, I don't sound like a total dork? (just have an inner dork that comes out once in a while) Yeah, people are always shocked when they ask what I do bc I don't fit the typical profile in any sense of the word. My fellow CPAs think I'm absolutely crazy

Oh I'm hoping that ov stays away a couple more days! You totally called that like weeks ago! - how the sickness & meds may delay ov some & it sounds like it did - yay! So glad you are feeling better, but yes, young lady finish all those meds even if yuckies...

 

[LilSluz]

OK, so Reiki List for tonight I have:
Dashka, Purple, LadyH, Butterfly, Asry, Dwrgi, Frolicki, Missy & Manuiti

Please let me know if I missed anyone or if anyone else wants to be added (I'll pop in before I go just in case...)

Dwrgi, I'll send you some extra energy this week too, honey how are you? I'm worried about you... :kisses::kisses:

Hoping positive energy & goes to all you wonderful ladies tonight! Big

 

[agape love]

Hello ladies...
Dwrgi hope you get some rest and keep your head and heart in the journey.
Lady H a new start is always encouraging....wishing lots of baby dust.

Just saying Hi to everyone.

Nothing much going on here. Calculators say starting fertile period so planning on BD all I can. My Drs appointment is actually in the morning at 8am. A little nervous and now thinking that is really early to do scan but still excited. I haven't had any ov pains as this is actually only CD11. I do have some increase in CM but OPK for last two days negative (digital OPK).

Wishing you all everything you want and deserve.....

 

[ipen44]

Hi ladies,

Greetings from lovely Nebraska. I get to go home tomorrow. I am getting better at using my kindle fire to surf the web and catch up on b and b.

You are all so inspiring. This infertily business stinks and you all handle it with such grace. From those with recent miscarriages to those who have never seen a pink line, you all just keep going. Infertility does produce character and you are all proof of that. It is a pleasure to and with you all.

AF should be drooling around soon. She is a day late which is atypical, but my odds with DH's sperm are very low so my hopes aren't up. Ha I meant to type rolling around, but a drooling old AF is funny so I have to leave it.
to all

 

[purplelou]

good morning ladies - Ive just popped on to see how you are doing Dwrgi - and to send you love and and by the ton.
I am still hoping with all my heart that it is not bed new for you hun.


I will write more later
big loves xxx

 

[Asryellah]

First of all, Dwirgi how are you doing? I really really hope that spotting was innocent and in few days you'll get second line into the test!!!! And what ever you are feeling, let us know good or bad - this is the place to vent!
But I'm still staying optimistic and keeping my fingers crossed

LadyH- sorry for stupid hag showing up . But I guess its a good desicion if temping etc stresses you, then don't do it. Have a break

Yay Froliky&DrS with IUI now lots and lots of to your way!! Froliky, how has it been now with the inlaws? we also have a saying here that guests start to stink after 3 days

LilS- how was Reiki? And thanks again for putting me into your list so nice of you! I'm allready feeling the good&warm wibes coming through the air and giving me The Easter Egg of my life

Purps- hope you got some sleep last night Our puppy does not sleep with us, we keep the door closed and he sleeps outside our bedroom door. I'm so sensitive with sleeping that I wake up in little noises so I didn't want him in. OH doesnt snore but sometimes he BREATHES so noisily which I wake up and have to poke him

Carole - I hope you are good and your bags are packed..ready steady...

AFM, I had my first U/S today cd5 and 2 little follies (7mm&8mm) growing there and I started my FSH shots. It didn't hurt at all!!!! My hands were shaking putting that needle on the pen but doing the shot didn't feel a thing.
Hoping to do IUI #2 next wednesday/thursday.

to you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dwrgi]

Hi girls!!!

Thank you all for asking about me. AF is getting stronger and stronger and I have the worst period pain ever . I know that it is all over-I knew last week when I had no symptoms, but I kept on hoping. When I started spotting, I knew it wasn't a good sign, and now that it is increasing, not abating, well it says it all, really, doesn't it? I shall test again tomorrow, as that is my OTD, but I know that I shall see a single solitary line, like always.

I feel completely devastated, and so bad for my OH and so frustrated by how pants it all is. I knew we had to have another go at IVF as otherwise, it would have been a case of wondering what if? But now it's time to face facts that I'll either have some miraculous perimenopausal baby, or have to consider egg donation and adoption as very real options. It's time to wake up and smell the roses.

I have googled why embryos fail to implant, and the general consensus seems to be pointing towards older eggs. AMH does not give an indication of egg quality, but quantity, but it makes sense that the older I am, the harder it will be. And, as I don't have as many eggs to play with, then it's about hoping for that miraculous 'wonder' egg. I am still hoping that I shall get a natural baby, but it's about when and how!!!

I feel awful for OH as he wanted this to work as much as me, and he is desperate to be a dad, as I am to be a mum. His sample was positively stratospheric so this is all down to me and my old body. It is such a huge responsibility because we're not talking about being able to take him away for the weekend, but about being able to make a baby with him. And clearly I can't. Oh if I hadn't wasted all those years doing stupid NHS tests, and sitting on a waiting list, but just gone straight to the big guns, I am sure the outcome would have been so different. But, no point regretting anything, as the time has gone now.

How I feel now is that I want to get blind drunk, and hump for Britain! I want to scream and shout and tell the whole blasted world to F&&k off (apart from my lovely friends on here, of course). People just have no idea, and around me there are classrooms of teachers who have no idea about how truly sh*t I am feeling now. Of course, we don't talk about infertility do we?

I know that the clinic did everything within their power, so it's good old Mother Nature that has let me down. I so wish that we'd had a decent cycle last summer so that we could compare the results of two IVF treatment cycles, rather than one, but this is not possible. We can keep throwing money at IVF, and I'm sure that, like Celine Dion, if I did six or seven or eight cycles, I'd get a BFP but who has the money for this? So that is the reality.

Today, I am in work as we have parents evening tonight (I missed the last one two weeks ago, as I'd just had ET), but tomorrow, I am going to take that test, see the single line, and just stay at home. I don't give a sh&t if they want to sack me. There are far more important things in life.

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement and kind words. I wouldn't have been able to do this, without you. And I really mean that. We all deserve to be mums; if my body won't let me, I have to explore unpalatable truths that I may never have previously considered-DE, adoption,etc. That is the reality for me, at this stage.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. I'll be here for you all, as always!

Lots and lots of love,
Amanda
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[purplelou]

Frolicky and DrS and Asry - good good good luck with IUI, I am cheering you all on - may this be THE cycle for you guys!!

LadyH - bah for the but at least you are not in Limboland anymore - becase that sucks!! is it the cbfm you are using?? if so and if you have any questions etc - ask away, it's what I used good luck hun!!

Lils - thank you for Reiki last night and for thinking of us - you are such a sweetheart! I hope you got some lovely positive vibes from it too!

Carole - I hope your leg is feeling better - great advice from DrS there! are your bags all packed and ready??

Ipen - I had to laught at AF Drooling around - lol- it's a good word for her though

HA - lovely to "see you" for a bit, you should come and go as you need to, but remember we are all here with a listening ear and loads of cyber when you need us

missy & Dashka - snoring is awful isn't it, I have to confess to giving dh a bit of a jab or a little "nudge" with a foot to make him stop. I think I do it too to be honest but dh tells me he never hears me - bless him!

Agape - good luck with your doctors appointment tomorrow! let us know how you get on

Nikki - hope you are DH have made up and I hope your cold sore is better - they are sore aren't they!?

Manuiti - not sure if you'll read this - but I hope you are doing ok and meds are going smoothly, pop in anytime and let us know how you are getting on!

Twinkle - has AF moved herself along now?? she is not welcome!! I hope this cycle you have good luck and are able to be in the rihgt place at the right time to catch that eggy

Dwrgi - extra for you xx

Im sure I am missing someone, so big if that is you and I am sorry!

afm - still tired, still didn'tsleep good last night, Im not if I am too hot or what is keeping me awake, probably has a lot to do with dad (who is doing ok to be fair)but never mind - not too long till the weekend
hope everyone is having a lovely day!

 

[purplelou]

A - we cross posted, so I didn't give a proper reply to you above.

first - extra
second if you want to swear and scream and vent - then we would all understand and know you can it safetly here and we will all still love you!

third - I completely gutted for you!

fourth - this is NOT your fault. It isn't your "Old body" or "old eggs" you haven't let anyone down, it's nature and IVF is not a definite - weather we are 24 or 44 or anywhere in between, please don't blame yourself.

fifth - do whatever you need to do to get through this, have a drink, eat chocolate, cry into a pillow, scream in the garden, cling onto your dh, but get through it.....and then think about your next step - but only when you are ready.

sixth - (I know - it's long!) stuff work! because that's what you need to do at the moment

I wish I could make it right for you, I really wish I could. If I can help in any way - let me know

big loves xxxx

 

[purplelou]

ohh and P.s.
you are sooo not a "debbie downer"
this is completely shitty!! you are allowed to feel like this

 

[froliky2011]

Dwrgi - I wish I could do more.

I want to add something. Back in 2008 my DH said he did not want children. I love him with all my heart and understood his reasons but 3-4 years later he agreed to have a child (after some long discussions and heart to heart talks). After that we began TTC with our known donor. Then the doctors found my breast lump and polyp (after giving me bc for two years saying my irregular periods we're just hormonal imbalances). I really think the thought of not having a child was killing me. I do believe our thoughts are powerful.