TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[nessaw]

Thanks dash. Will save my pineapple for next wk.x

 

[dragonfly2013]

Hello everyone,

I have been stalking BnB for a long time and posted with some questions earlier this year. It was recommended to come and join in this board....so here I am.

A little history: Me 35 turning 36 in May, DH 33. I have hypothyroidism which is being treated as well as high blood pressure also being treated. We have been TTC since June 2012 during our honeymoon. I have irregular periods. I recently had a pelvic ultrasound that showed a tiny endocervical polyp. My gynecologist has recommended me to a fertility specialist and our first appointment is in April, but we are on the cancellation waiting list.

I have been charting my cycles since July 2012. My last cycle was 44 days and I don't think I ovulated, so my DH suggested I try ovulation predictor kits. I have bought a store brand one and will try it out.

And now I vent: This past Wednesday my best friend told me she was pregnant. It was her second month trying and well it worked. I cannot explain the hurt I have been feeling inside. I am happy for her. Everyone deserves a child. She and her husband have been married for 3 years. For the longest time she never wanted kids, but her husband did and they decided to try. I knew that she was going to start trying. In my head I feel like it's ok, but inside I keep asking why her? Why not me? When will it be my time? Why do others have it easy? I spent the last 3 days in tears. My DH has been great and I love him for all the support. Another thing that upsets me is that when she found out she was terrified to tell me. We tell each other everything, I feel horrible that she felt that she couldn't share this news with me. Now she is 7 weeks along. I have not told her how I have been feeling because I know it will pass and I don't want her to be upset. I want to be there for her as she doesn't have a lot of friends or support here. Her family and friends live else where. I am actually surprised at how upset I have become over this news. I never thought something like this would affect me this way.

 

[Lady H]

Welcome Dragonfly. Thats so hard with the situation of your friend. You sound like a very good friend to her though, big hugs to you xxxx

 

[Maddy40]

Hi Dragonfly, I think many of us understand at least a little of what you are going through. With news of preg friends I feel like a little piece of my heart dies each time, even if I know the baby has been hard-won. Have you spoken with your doctor about TTC? This thread is a good place to vent and seek advice.

 

[dragonfly2013]

Thank you LadyH and Maddy for your replies.

It really sucks to hurt like this when all I want to do is feel happy for her. I know that given some time I will be ok.

Maddy-I have been to the doctor about TTC and have done blood tests, u/s, more blood tests...lol I also have a Sonohysterogram booked for Feb 26. I'm actually looking forward to it so I can see better what's going on inside. We also do have an appt book with a fertility specialist in April, but are on the cancellation waiting list.

Thanks again ladies

 

[nessaw]

Dragonfly I have been in exactly the same situation. My best friend told me she might try the xmas before last. She got pregnant first time in the oct! Her baby is niw 8 months old and all I've got to show for my ttc is a whole lot of heartache. But I have managed to cope with it however I can't say that there hasn't been many occasions when I've stomped my foot and cried about the unfairness of it all-I still do!. It was particularly hard when I had my mmc. I just try and be pleased that she hasn't had to go thro it. My other best friend has told me she's thinking about trying soon. I've told her I'll kill her if she gets knocked up first!! But again don't want her to go thro it.

Welcone to the bestest thread. Hope u get a cancellation date for ur fs appt and don't have to wait too long. Good luck.x

 

[nessaw]

In addition to the above I got to spend parents eve discussing one mums new pregnancy, one mum who is pg with a cyst and a fellow teacher becoming a grandma. I also had to stay silent whilst a mother fed her tiny few wk old baby a bottle of apple juice! The smile has been plastered on all sodding week. Then tonight on tv it turns out the weather is sponsored by seven seas trying for a baby vitamins!!!!grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

This may be the hormones from the clomid kicking in ladies!!!

 

[Dwrgi]

Oh Ness, clomid is a (b)itch! Take it easy and drink loads of water so that the effects are diluted as much as possible.

I sooooooo know how you feel about PGs everywhere, and babies too. There is a plague out there, and I see every single one of them, I'm sure. The thing that gets to me is that, for example, OH and I were sitting in IKEA today and this couple came and sat opposite us with their little toddler. They looked over at us and smiled, and obviously wanted to include us in their family group-they probably get asked a lot about their little girl, I suppose she is like an ice breaker. But, I did not want to be part of their, 'Is she walking/teething/burping?' ice breaker, as all I felt was 'You lucky, lucky people! I am sooooo jealous of what you have', but you can't say that, as people think you've lost the plot and have become a bitter old shrew (me!!). But, people expect you to be happy for others and their little tots, yet they don't understand how many of us are struggling to conceive, and finding it nigh on impossible.

So, instead, you smile weakly back and all the while trying to fight back the tears. It is truly sh&te.

Big hugs to you, Ness, and hope you get your miracle very, very soon!

Btw, does anybody know whatever happened to Manuiti? Does she still post?

Big to everybody, Axxx

 

[tigerlily1975]

I sooooooo know how you feel about PGs everywhere, and babies too. There is a plague out there, and I see every single one of them, I'm sure. The thing that gets to me is that, for example, OH and I were sitting in IKEA today and this couple came and sat opposite us with their little toddler. They looked over at us and smiled, and obviously wanted to include us in their family group-they probably get asked a lot about their little girl, I suppose she is like an ice breaker. But, I did not want to be part of their, 'Is she walking/teething/burping?' ice breaker, as all I felt was 'You lucky, lucky people! I am sooooo jealous of what you have', but you can't say that, as people think you've lost the plot and have become a bitter old shrew (me!!). But, people expect you to be happy for others and their little tots, yet they don't understand how many of us are struggling to conceive, and finding it night on impossible.

^^^ This! This exactly!!

Has anyone heard from Missy, by the way?

and to everyone!

C xx

 

[emily405]

Welcome, Dragonfly!

I understand the heartache of your best friend getting pregnant. My sister and I were going to try for our first at the same time. I was 34 and I really wanted to do it before 35. Then I lost my job and moved out of state and changed insurance - unfortunately from one that would have covered infertility treatments should I have needed them to one that covers nothing, but what can you do? - and really had to put it off a few years until everything was settled again. It took her a year and a half to conceive. I was both thrilled to get a nephew and heartbroken not to have my own. I am going through the same thing now because it's two years later, I still don't have one, and she's pregnant for the second time. Also, I've decided to stop trying for a few months (doing donor insemination so there's no "not preventing"), because in the interim I've split up with my partner, and I've decided that while I am ok with being a single mom, having my own newborn while she has one will be too difficult because I'm going to need family support, so I don't want our babies to be closer than four months in age. I don't resent her because I feel like it's a decision to maximize support for me and grandmother time for my future baby, but it's hard.

Nessaw, sorry you are having such a crap week. I hope the next one is better. Apple juice for an infant? Really? At least there are no teeth to rot.

Dwrgi, lol @ the "I don't want to talk about your baby" feeling. I take the subway and smile at the kids but don't really want to interact with them and sometimes think, do I not like kids? Maybe I shouldn't be having one. And then I remember that I do really like my nephew and my small cousins and that while my sister was having infertility issues she didn't even see her friends who had babies and it really strained their friendships. I am not quite to that extreme. I interact with my friends' children. It is really just the strangers, and I will give them smiles but don't really want to talk about them if they are under about eight years old, especially if the parents look like they are under 25 and probably didn't plan it.

Hope everyone is well. I see there's not too much news to comment on.

 

[owl35]

Oh Ness, clomid is a (b)itch! Take it easy and drink loads of water so that the effects are diluted as much as possible.

I sooooooo know how you feel about PGs everywhere, and babies too. There is a plague out there, and I see every single one of them, I'm sure. The thing that gets to me is that, for example, OH and I were sitting in IKEA today and this couple came and sat opposite us with their little toddler. They looked over at us and smiled, and obviously wanted to include us in their family group-they probably get asked a lot about their little girl, I suppose she is like an ice breaker. But, I did not want to be part of their, 'Is she walking/teething/burping?' ice breaker, as all I felt was 'You lucky, lucky people! I am sooooo jealous of what you have', but you can't say that, as people think you've lost the plot and have become a bitter old shrew (me!!). But, people expect you to be happy for others and their little tots, yet they don't understand how many of us are struggling to conceive, and finding it night on impossible.

Amen dwrgi! Well said!
ness - good luck on your comid cycle. That evil pill turned me into a raging bitch
afm - I will post my ivf updates in a spoiler because I'm pretty sure not everybody is interested in my follicle count and hormone levels

Spoiler

had RE appointment this morning. It's day 7 of stims. I have 18 follies and 12 are measurable between 9 and 14mm. E2 level is at 1000. I started ganirelix yesterday and they lowered follistim to 225. So 3 shots every evening but end is in sight. I have to go back tomorrow. ER might be next Friday or Saturday.

I hope everybody had a great weekend! Lots of love and

 

[Dwrgi]

Welcome, Dragonfly!

I understand the heartache of your best friend getting pregnant. My sister and I were going to try for our first at the same time. I was 34 and I really wanted to do it before 35. Then I lost my job and moved out of state and changed insurance - unfortunately from one that would have covered infertility treatments should I have needed them to one that covers nothing, but what can you do? - and really had to put it off a few years until everything was settled again. It took her a year and a half to conceive. I was both thrilled to get a nephew and heartbroken not to have my own. I am going through the same thing now because it's two years later, I still don't have one, and she's pregnant for the second time. Also, I've decided to stop trying for a few months (doing donor insemination so there's no "not preventing"), because in the interim I've split up with my partner, and I've decided that while I am ok with being a single mom, having my own newborn while she has one will be too difficult because I'm going to need family support, so I don't want our babies to be closer than four months in age. I don't resent her because I feel like it's a decision to maximize support for me and grandmother time for my future baby, but it's hard.

Nessaw, sorry you are having such a crap week. I hope the next one is better. Apple juice for an infant? Really? At least there are no teeth to rot.

Dwrgi, lol @ the "I don't want to talk about your baby" feeling. I take the subway and smile at the kids but don't really want to interact with them and sometimes think, do I not like kids? Maybe I shouldn't be having one. And then I remember that I do really like my nephew and my small cousins and that while my sister was having infertility issues she didn't even see her friends who had babies and it really strained their friendships. I am not quite to that extreme. I interact with my friends' children. It is really just the strangers, and I will give them smiles but don't really want to talk about them if they are under about eight years old, especially if the parents look like they are under 25 and probably didn't plan it.

Hope everyone is well. I see there's not too much news to comment on.

You're really brave and strong to do this on your own, Emily, and I wish you luck! Can I stick my oar in though, and don't be offended? In my experience, TTC seldom goes to plan and you may plan to ensure that there will only be a few months between yours and you sister's baby, but it may not work out that way. As fertility declines by a half after the 35 year mark, I would just go for it, with all guns blazing, because you just don't know how easy, or hard, it might turn out to be, and you don't want to regret not trying. That's all I have to say, but wish you luck!

I ADORE kids and interact with them really well, and they respond to me. Which makes this entire (sh&te) business even harder! Grrrrr!

Tiger-Missy is okay and giving it all a bit of a break. I haven't emailed her in a couple of months, but this is where she was at back in the Autumn. Will email her soon to see how she is. You're good to ask.

 

[nessaw]

Owl that sounds like great news on the egg front (?). Good luck.

I thought I was ok on the clomid but am cd 10 today and can't shake the tirdness. Also had sinusey headache for last couple of days but I often get these so don't know if its the pills.

We looked at some more houses yest and found one we really like. Boyf is selling his house in n wales and without jinxing us its going thro now. Off to the bank to chat mortgages tom. Every one of the estate agents asked if we had kids yest which I think set me up on my little rant yest. Apologies for being a debbie downer.

Was thinking the other day and saying to biyf mid melt down over af coming that I am so fed up of the cycle if waiting. Waiting for af to finish waiting to start poas with opk waiting for ov then for 2ww then for af to start etc etc. Have decided to try and start making decisions about things like the house rather than waiting to c if am pg. Hoping the house thing will take my mind off the baby thing!!

Sorry its me me me. Its coming up to my birthday and was expecting to be 6 months pg and not back to the beginning.

Emily I agree with dwrgi. You don't know how long it will take and if it does work quickly, which I really hope it does, you'll find a way to make it work.

Hope everyones doing ok.vx

 

[dashka]

Dragonfly - welcome! I'm sorry you are feeling so down... we have all been in that situation... My 2 bestfriends had all their kids in their 20's-and early 30s and just met up with them last night and was in awe of how BIG and grownup their kids are.... it really made me sad as I knew that they hadn't kept in touch with me (other than calling on b-days) because they were not only busy with kids but also I think that people with kids like being with other parents with kids and cause they knew we were trying for soooo many years (it's been 11 now) it's hard for people to 'complain' about their kids in front of you or you know -they don't want to make you feel bad etc....so it's better not to get together .... That really hurt for the longest time. Even though we have AD now it's still not the same when people talk about birth stories or the first year of their life etc... The news of your friend is really bitter-sweet.... I would be totally honest with your friend from the beginning and tell her how bitter sweet it is and that your sadness has nothing to do with jealousy but that you sooo wonder when it will happen for you and it's a scary thing to wonder if it ever will... But on another note - you are still young and you haven't been at this for that long.... so I have big hopes for you! (P.S - I noticed you live in Toronto - so do I ! Can I ask you what FS you are going to?) You can PM if you prefer.

Owl - Yay for follies growing!!!! You are doing so well !!! soooo exciting that ER may be next Friday.... Can't wait!!!! Good luck!!!

Ness - sorry the Clomid is making you nasty.... I kind of feel like that on the DHEA - the first month was ok - but now it's been like 2 months and when I get angry - I get really angry!!! don't like it at all! (not to mention the other symptoms -sometimes get 'bac-ne' as Dwrgi calls it - and sometimes get nausea if I don't eat enough with it...and got to keep facial hair under control -I'm of European descent so this was already a problem!) and hair is greasier than before....I can't wait to get off this stuff. Good luck hun!!!

Emily - I agree with Dwrgi - don't put things off... I can't tell you how many times I did that in the first few years of TTC -planning the right time for birth/due date etc.... I hope that things happen as fast as you plan -but just don't want you to regret waiting later....

Re: Dr.S (Dr.Squid) -

Spoiler

some of you ladies will remember her from last year -she is single and got preggers on first IVF and is expecting twins... Was wondering about her the other day so I did a BnB search and found her - She is 37+4 weeks now and is expecting both a boy and girl.

Hope everyone is doing well.... hugs and luvs to all!!!

 

[dashka]

Ness - we cross posted! yes I agree you should definitely move forward with the business of houses etc.. to get your mind off... don't put your life on hold as I did for so many years... You've proven you can get preggers and it WILL happen for you!!!

 

[pbl_ge]

Hello, My Pretties!


Actually got quite busy for a few days, so I’ve fallen behind. Here goes an attempt to catch up!


DrH, how’s the celibacy going? Seriously, hope it doesn’t last long. When do you get more news?


Dash, what is that chart of yours doing?? I can’t tell if you o’ed or not. Lots of Would sure be nice to get the cheap BFP the month before IVF. Hopefully all this hard work you’ve been putting into your eggies will pay off! Have a great Family Day!!! Just say arm pain—ouch! Can you take Acetomeniphen? Hope it feels better soon!


Pad, btw, we eat like treehugging rabbits in my house. Lots of kale, quinoa, and only brown rice and brown flour. I’ve gotten good at making it tasty. Let me know if you want any tips. Sorry you’re having to deal with this, though. You’re a warrior!!!


Ness, sorry that clomid is being wretched. I suspect I’m right behind you. FX it pays off! In the meantime, I hope we both continue to love grapefruit and pineapple. Good luck househunting!

Apple juice. FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is NO JUSTICE in this world!!!


Lils, you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet the past few days, which I hope means you’re taking things easy and getting lots of rest! Congrats again on those test results!


Dwrgi, just read your post about the families. I so hope you get to be a mommy soon!!!!


Emily, how’s your break going? Are you thinking healthy egg thoughts? I loved those photos, btw.


Kismet, what’s going on with the testing front? Have you gotten any more news?


Owl, hope you’re getting to be a needle pro!!! Follies sound great, I think, but I really don’t know all that stuff. Good luck with the ER!!


Chicken, hope you caught that eggy! When’s testing day?


Maddy, I think your plan makes sense. Perhaps your gut will tell you which place is right for you. It seems there are pros and cons to each. Lots of


Hi, Dragon, and welcome! We’ve definitely all been in the place of having to be happy for someone who got pregnant easily. It’s no fun. I feel conflicted. On one hand, I would never wish fertility trouble on any woman. On the other, I wish all women would have better knowledge of how tough it can be so they wouldn’t gleefully shove their freaking newborns in the midst of my miscarriage (yes, that happened…kinda). I think it would help if those of us who have trouble would or could take about it more openly. It’s such a suffered-in-silence phenomenon. But, I’m not about to start telling acquaintances about this path, as I don’t want them up in bizness. Anyway, hope you get your BFP soon so that this becomes a non-issue. 44 day cycles sound rough! Have you tried any supplements? There are a couple that might help (Vitex, in particular).

I avoid kids and cute kid pictures these days. Pretty much anyone on FB with a kid in their life is on my “hide posts” list. Sigh.


Nothing new here. OH did not end up in trouble—he’s a good egg, even if he doesn’t fully get this TTC stuff. :aww: Just waiting to O so I can do the TWW again. As Ness said, I’m really sick of all the waiting. But this cycle is the last before I march myself to the FS, so we’ll give it everything we’ve got!


I’m sure I’ve forgotten and missed people. Hope you’re all doing well!! Big hugs and dust to everyone!!!

 

[BabyBean14]

Delete

 

[dragonfly2013]

Thank you to all of you who took the time to respond. I appreciate all your kind words and support. Today I feel a bit better and am able to think about the situation without feeling sad. It is a bitter sweet thing as my best friend has been stressing out over every feeling and I'm her only go to girl. I just have to be strong. I am thankful I have this place to come and vent if need be and you all are understanding

Kismet & Dash--I will be going to Hannam clinic. It was recommended to me by another friend who underwent fertility treatment there and had nothing but great reviews. We will see in April. I'm so nervous.

Again, thanks for all of your support

 

[Maddy40]

Happy Monday

Dash...hope your arm and shoulder pain goes away Nothing worse than an ache that keeps distracting you. Are you and DH planning any special celebration for the two of you before you start your next IVF round?

Ness...gosh I hear such bad things about Clomid's side effects. I highly recommend throwing yourself into house-stuff, we got our natural BFP the month we bought a house and were moving.

DrH...hope that you get to resume soon hon! How are you dealing with the summer heat now you are further along?

Owl...whoopee! that's a lot of eggs. Gotta be some good quality ones among that bunch! Are you having many side effects?

to everyone else here!

AFM just jabbing and waiting for follie growth,we are still probably 9 or 10 days away from IUI. My "weekend" is Mon-Tue this week and DH has Monday off, so we saw AD off to school this morning and went off to the movies together. Pity we chose a crap one (Movie 43 - great cast of stars but truly awful movie, possibly the worst I've seen)...

 

[drhouse]

hi lovelies,

wow Owl you sound like you are going to get a bakers dozen... so pleased for you...

Dragon welcome. what these lovely ladies don;t know probably isn't worth knowing about TTC

Dwrgi zoom zoom flashy red wheels must almost be here!!!!!!!!!

Dash thinking of you. Get what you mean about blending... I have been to many a party being ignored by the with kids..... grrr....

Emily.. fair enough to take a break.. You will know when it's time

Neesaw... I swear fertility takes on a life of its own when you are distracted, busy and have another project. The perfect house sounds.....

perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kismet, I wish...

Spoiler

OH and I are having self imposed celibacy till our scan tomorrow.. half your luck wink wink. worried that the pains we had last weekend were all bad, but feeling more hopeful as little roo is doing gangnam style in there..

We have our anatomy scan tomorrow will post a piccie and will tell you the sex.. likely boy noun noise with dirt attached....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!