TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[Dwrgi]

Doorbell-how are you lovely?? How are you getting on? Big

 

[Juniperjules]

Ladies, I started a new thread with the below post... But no one loves me!! not a single reply! : ( so I hope u don't mind if I paste it here too.. I know there's lots of experience & knowledge in here about what I'm asking & I really would love thoughts & opinions bcos I'm new to all of this assisted conception stuff..

***********************
we have our first FS appt next week. I can't wait but am nervous too. Have been doing some research so that I can go in fully armed with questions..

I'm 38, ttc #1 with my OH who is 44. I've never been pregnant.

I've had day 21 bloods done & all good. OH has SA done & his numbers were good too. Our main stumbling block is that OH isn't able to 'finish' while we're actually having sex... Too many years of us using the withdrawal method I think!! But he can go in a cup if needed either on his own or with some input from me..

My GP referred us and said she thinks IUI would do the trick bcos our issue is probably just mechanical. But of course who knows if I have any other issues?? Ie blocked tubes etc.

Initially I thought that I'd be keen to just do IUI. However after some reading and watching stuff on YouTube, I'm now wondering if we should just look at IVF if the Dr offered it. Apparently the success rate for iui in a woman over 35 with no other apparently issues is only 8%. Whereas with IVF it is 50%. One doctor in a YouTube video said that while most woman will want to start of cautiously with iui due to cost & it being less invasive, they would more likely be successful with IVF because
1. the sperm is more likely to fertilise the egg in that environment especially if icsi is done.
2. They can actually analyse the quality of the egg (which in someone over 35 I know is a huge issue).
3. The fertilised egg can be put back in the uterus & will 'hopefully' continue to grow

I might not have worded all of the above exactly correctly but that's the general idea I got from these fertility clinic videos. And on the face of it I think maybe I'm inclined to agree. A close friend of mine was ttc for about 5 years. Unexplained infertility.In the end she tried clomid about 3-4 times, with no luck. Then tried IVF which worked 2nd cycle. She was 36. The Dr didn't offer iui & basically said 'if you want to, you should just go straight to IVF'.

I don't know, maybe we should try IUI once?? I just don't know if I want to waste the usual 3 or so cycles on IUI when I already know the stats arent as good as IVF?? If I was UNDER 35 then I might feel different, but I think the odds are against you once over 35.

Am interested in anyone else's opinions, or what you decided to do & why?? We don't have unexplained infertility that I know of yet?? But I feel like we might as well fall into that category for the purposes of making a decision simply due to my age....

 

[Dwrgi]

Ladies, I started a new thread with the below post... But no one loves me!! not a single reply! : ( so I hope u don't mind if I paste it here too.. I know there's lots of experience & knowledge in here about what I'm asking & I really would love thoughts & opinions bcos I'm new to all of this assisted conception stuff..

***********************
we have our first FS appt next week. I can't wait but am nervous too. Have been doing some research so that I can go in fully armed with questions..

I'm 38, ttc #1 with my OH who is 44. I've never been pregnant.

I've had day 21 bloods done & all good. OH has SA done & his numbers were good too. Our main stumbling block is that OH isn't able to 'finish' while we're actually having sex... Too many years of us using the withdrawal method I think!! But he can go in a cup if needed either on his own or with some input from me..

My GP referred us and said she thinks IUI would do the trick bcos our issue is probably just mechanical. But of course who knows if I have any other issues?? Ie blocked tubes etc.

Initially I thought that I'd be keen to just do IUI. However after some reading and watching stuff on YouTube, I'm now wondering if we should just look at IVF if the Dr offered it. Apparently the success rate for iui in a woman over 35 with no other apparently issues is only 8%. Whereas with IVF it is 50%. One doctor in a YouTube video said that while most woman will want to start of cautiously with iui due to cost & it being less invasive, they would more likely be successful with IVF because
1. the sperm is more likely to fertilise the egg in that environment especially if icsi is done.
2. They can actually analyse the quality of the egg (which in someone over 35 I know is a huge issue).
3. The fertilised egg can be put back in the uterus & will 'hopefully' continue to grow

I might not have worded all of the above exactly correctly but that's the general idea I got from these fertility clinic videos. And on the face of it I think maybe I'm inclined to agree. A close friend of mine was ttc for about 5 years. Unexplained infertility.In the end she tried clomid about 3-4 times, with no luck. Then tried IVF which worked 2nd cycle. She was 36. The Dr didn't offer iui & basically said 'if you want to, you should just go straight to IVF'.

I don't know, maybe we should try IUI once?? I just don't know if I want to waste the usual 3 or so cycles on IUI when I already know the stats arent as good as IVF?? If I was UNDER 35 then I might feel different, but I think the odds are against you once over 35.

Am interested in anyone else's opinions, or what you decided to do & why?? We don't have unexplained infertility that I know of yet?? But I feel like we might as well fall into that category for the purposes of making a decision simply due to my age....

Welcome Jules! I'm sorry that you didn't get any reply-I hope that you will find this thread useful and helpful. We all try to look out for each other here!

Personally, I might be inclined to try ONE IUI and then just go straight to IVF. A friend of mine at 38 got pregnant with her first IUI-I think she probably had 'hostile' CM, so it just goes to show that this CAN work (docs don't seem to check CM any longer).

Once over 35, I would be inclined to say that you want to avoid stimming unnecessarily, and possibly wasting good eggs, by doing repeated IUIs, but this is just my personal opinion.

Good luck and I wish you success!

 

[pbl_ge]

Welcome, Juniper!

I will definitely defer to those with more expertise on this than me, but you might check your insurance and clinic policies first. I can't tell where you are, but in the US some insurance companies mandate that you have to try IUI before they'll cover IVF. Same with some clinics. This can be frustrating when you suspect IUI won't address your particular issues.

There are other women around here whose OH's have a similar problem as yours, and there are a couple of tricks. First, are you using SoftCups? They can help. The other thing is to use Preseed or similar. Some women put a bit in the cup and then more up inside.

Let us know what your FS says! It's possible that she'll start you off on the meds, as the cups route should work. I hope it's a short and sweet process for you!

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hi Juniper. As a long-time over 35 IUI and IVF vet, here's my two cents:

1. see what the dr recommends, and at your consult be sure to ask him exactly what you asked here. At the very least, go ahead and go through the basic testing - you're already there, and there's no point in skipping the testing thinking there's probably nothing else wrong (because there is probably nothing else wrong), only to waste another 6-12 months trying, then complete the testing and find out you've had blocked tubes all along or some other problem that is preventing pregnancy.
2. If you can afford it, I'd skip IUI and go straight to IVF. I tried IUIs first because I wasn't emotionally ready to accept IVF, but you seem to be in a different place emotionally. DH and I spent a year on IUIs - we made that choice at that time for a whole bunch of reasons, one of them being that we weren't emotionally ready to go to IVF. And it was the right choice for us at that time. But in retrospect, I wasted an entire year on IUIs that I'd give anything to have back. If I could go back and do it over knowing what I know now, I'd go straight to IVF.

There is most likely nothing wrong with you or your DH, and his mechanical difficulties could very well be overcome by IUI... and if you can afford it and you're emotionally ready for it, I'd go straight to IVF because you're right, time is not on our side anymore.

 

[Juniperjules]

dwrgi, thank you for the warm welcome : ) and a huge thank you for your input!!! You have said basically what I am thinking I will probably do. If offered, I am thinking of trying one IUI, just on the off chance that it will work.. Maybe... Two.. Again very dependant on what the doc suggests. And then move on to IVF. Bcos we've never had wot I feel is a really go shot at ttc I guess IUI could possibly work. But the stats aren't great regardless. I have actually thought a few times while reading in these forums about the fact that if u are taking meds to get more eggs, then are you speeding up the 'depleting egg' situation?? I guess that's what ur talking about with 'stimming'?? I don't know that term but I'm guessing that's wot u mean. So I'm in agreement with you about not wanting to waste eggs if I don't have to!

Pbl, thank you to you also, your opinion is much appreciated- the more the merrier! I live in Australia. We are seeing a FS through the local public women's/
maternity hospital. So certain parts of the treatment will be covered by the public healthcare system that we have here called Medicare. For example my understanding is that some if not all of the testing will be covered. And the actual treatments are partly subsidised. So we pay some & Medicare pays some. I'm not exactly sure of all the details but ill find all of that out next week. I think maybe the biggest saving is when it comes to IVF. The GP tried to explain it to me months ago but I've forgotten now. I have considered the softcups, but had 2 problems. Firstly I think the best ones are instead cups which u can't buy in Aust. And secondly I don't honestly know if I could use them- theoretically is like to , but I don't like the thought of getting it in & then trying to get it out again. Lots of girls in another thread swear by them.. But others say they have troubles with them.

HappyAuntie.. Thank you thank you thank you! You girls are giving me exactly what I need. Honest practical experience. As much as I hate the idea of a heap of testing, I know if its suggested ill do it. I truly don't want to waste any time or cycles only to find out I have problems I didn't know about. Like I said above, I may try one IUI to give it a go just incase. But I'm not against IVF in any way. I'm not sure how much it'll cost, I think maybe in the realm of $3-4k?? But I'm a nurse & I'm happy to pick up extra shifts to pay whatever I have to.. I've already told my OH that, bcos he might get scared off by the costs involved!!

Ladies, again a massive THANK YOU. I will definitely post again once I've seen the FS... I may well be even more confused! ; )

 

[HappyAuntie]

You're welcome, Juniper - that's what we're here for! I have no idea what IVF costs in Oz, but there are a couple on here who might. And yes, the first appt with your FS is likely to be overwhelming, but never fear, there are plenty of us on here who've been there and can help you out. I suggest between now and your appt, write down every tiny little question or thought that enters your mind, and take that list with you to your appt to make sure you get all your questions answered. There's nothing worse than getting home from an appt only to remember something else you meant to ask but forgot! Take lots of notes during your appt, because the amount of info that will get thrown at you is staggering, and it can be hard to remember it all later. And if you don't understand something, be sure to say so and make him explain again and again until you do. It's part of his job (a part lots of them seem to forget sometimes).

I have actually thought a few times while reading in these forums about the fact that if u are taking meds to get more eggs, then are you speeding up the 'depleting egg' situation?? I guess that's what ur talking about with 'stimming'?? I don't know that term but I'm guessing that's wot u mean. So I'm in agreement with you about not wanting to waste eggs if I don't have to!

I used to think that's what happened when taking meds, but my FS explained it's actually not the case. Every month, whether you're taking meds or not, a whole group (or wave or cohort or whatever you want to call it) of follicles are recruited - that's what your antral follicles are. If your antral follicle count is 10, that means your ovaries have recruited a cohort of 10 follies ready to go for that cycle. In an unmedicated cycle your body produces a small amount of FSH, only enough to mature one egg in one of those ten follicles, so a lead follie steps forward and the other nine just shrivel up and die - they don't hang around in your ovaries waiting to be used another month. The meds increase the amount of FSH the ovaries are exposed to, which causes more (hopefully all) of that month's cohort of eggs to mature instead of just one of them, so that they can all be retrieved for IVF and have a shot at making a baby. But either way, whether on meds or not, at the end of a cycle you lose the entire cohort of eggs. So taking meds to get multiple eggs does not deplete your ovarian reserve any faster than not taking meds. So I guess eggs are like vacation days (at least vacation days for most US employees) - use 'em or lose 'em!

 

[Briss]

ladies I hope you do not mind me joining as well, I wondered in and got very interested in your discussion. just wanted to pick up on what HappyAuntie was saying about not being emotionally ready for IVF. This is exactly my situation. We have been TTC for about 3 years and we have low sperm count issue, my DH sperm is just not getting any better. I am all for natural conception and was asking that our FS refers him for further checks but she refuses even to send him to urologist. her only response is that with my high FSH and hubby's poor sperm we should go for IVF asap. I am still trying to get my hubby to improve his sperm count so we could at least start with IUI as this is closer to natural conception. but I wonder if I am just wasting my time. at what point did you get emotionally ready for IVF? and how did you get comfortable with the idea? I am so worried cos IVF is new and no one really knows how IVF children/people and their generations are different and what are the possible issues. 100 years from now we may know more but it will be too late for me. My FS said it is a fact that IVF pregnancies have more complications but no one knows why.

 

[nessaw]

Hi ladies. Hope ur all well.

Doorbell hope it's all going well for u.x
Welcome juniper and briss.
Juniper in addition to what the other ladies said my fs prescribed me clomid which
unfortunately didn't do the
trick. But the next step will be ivf. She didn't mention iui despite there being poss motility/morphology issues with boyfs sa.

Briss we're on a break at the mo but one of the things we're talking about is whether we are ready to or want to take the step to ivf. Having been thro the hormonal nuttiness of clomid I am unsure whether I can face the additional hormones involved in ivf. That said I didn't think I would take the clomid so who knows!

Hope u both get some answers soon or on the way to some at least.

Big hugs to everyone.vx

 

[StirrupQueen]

Ladies, I hope you are all ok. I just wanted to say I absolutely love this thread and all the brilliant advice/opinions that you all give. I'm not the best at putting my thoughts down on paper, so to speak, so I don't do a lot of posting, but do an awful lot of reading of everyone elses posts! It is great support to me as I hope it is for everybody.

I don't really have much to report other than I'm in the dredged tww after a second IUI. If this cycle doesn't work then one more IUI then on to IVF.

Thank you and to all x

 

[Dwrgi]

Briss-from my own experience, I have to tell you that I was DEVASTATED when I was told that I would need IVF. Like you, I felt that I just needed to carry on tinkering with different meds, for both me and OH, and we would get lucky. I don't think anybody EVER starts out thinking that they'll need IVF, but, a lot of the time, the decision is thrust upon you, when other things fail.

If I had my time again, I would go straight to IVF. I started trying when I was 36 and so already past the 35 'Oh my gosh, will it ever happen' fertility decline. It took two years to get one BFP, which miscarried. Foolishly I again thought that I would get another chance, but this time at least I did press for IUI, which was aborted. Long story.

Only you know when you are ready, but you have to make your mind OPEN to assisted conception, and that's what I refused to do for a long time. And by doing that, I wasted precious years.

I know, for a fact, that fertility clinics are frustrated that women are presenting themselves to them with years of futile TTC under their belts, when the stark reality is they could have far better hopes of success when the woman is younger.

I'm conscious that I sound as if I'm TELLING you what to do, but if I could have my life over again, I would not pussy foot around the issue. We are over 35, so we are already in a reduced state of fertility so we don't have the odds in our favour anyway. Yes, you will ALWAYS hear stories from those who will fall pregnant at 45 in their first month of trying, but these people are the exception, not the rule. So, I'd just get on with it!

Sorry to just spell it out-what you want (a baby) is just too precious to waste time over and then live with regret.

Good luck!

 

[nessaw]

Absolutely dwrgi. My fs said that although I had got pg and they might say that I shd try for another yr ir so at the end if the day if I wait around for another yr hoping for a bfp I wd be wasting a lot o
time and the chances are dropping all the while.

Hi stirrup.x

 

[Briss]

Dwrgi, thanks for sharing your experience!! much appreciated! definitely something to think about. I am trying chinese medicine at the moment, I need to get my FSH levels down to qualify for IVF. also hope my DH will visit a urologist and may also do a few months of chinese herbs and if his count wont improve then we wont have any choice. my FS said that IVF is no guarantee of pregnancy

 

[Juniperjules]

Briss, youve heard my story ; ) and I'm not exactly sure why I'm suddenly feeling prepared to do IVF. I think I'm a bit panicked about running out of time. And I'm just ready to do anything it takes. I don't want to have regrets. I already regret leaving ttc till my late 30's, but I couldn't really help that.. It was just life that decided that for me. I feel like with IVF more will be controlled, & u can't argue with stats. I'd rather try an option that gives a me 50% chance than 8%. But like I've said, I will try maybe 1 or 2 IUI if the Doc really thinks its worthwhile. I guess also I have quite a few friends who have used IVF to get their babies... All successfully except for 1 friend who started ttc at 44, & has spent approx $100k (AUD) on IVF & then tried using a donors eggs alsohe's now 49 & looking at surrogacy in india with donor eggs... She's a beautiful person who would make a lovely mum. But I think her time has maybe run out.

So perhaps for me, personally knowing parents & bubs of IVF, it has made it seem more 'normal'?????

Quick question-sorry it a bit of a downer of a question but relevant. did any of you have, or ask for mammograms prior to drug treatments?? I'm going to ask the FS about that. Bcos I know that anything that increases oestrogen can potentially cause breast cancers that may already exist but be unknown of, to grow. My aunt died of breast cancer at 39 so I'm hyper aware of anything that even slightly might increase the odds of developing breast Ca. I have heaps of cysts in my bb's so I would want to be sure that there wasn't anything sinister there lying dormant that might become a problem thanks to fertility drugs.

 

[doorbell]

Juniper, the ladies have already given you some great advice so I wont go on. Just my two pennys worth. I went straight to IVF but if I could have my time again, I would definately do one IUI just so the doctors could see how I react to the meds in preperation for the IVF. Like a mini trial run for the IVF. I wouldnt carry on with them though, I would get straight on to the big guns afterwards

Briss, its so hard to get your head round the idea of IVF when all we have ever wanted, was a simple conception. Sometimes we have to accept that it just might not happen without some help. Its a very personal thing though, different strokes for different folks. I know when I first started TTC, my friend was having IVF and I thought "not me, I wouldnt do it", now here I am on my 4th go

Maddy, how is your TWW going? Hope all is good.

Ness, have you settled in to the new house yet, are you all moved in?

AFM, day 9 of stims today, another scan tomorrow. Things looking of so far.

Hello to Dwrgi, Pebble, Chicken, Happy Auntie, Stirrup, Butterfly, Twinkle and all the other lovely ladies

 

[Juniperjules]

Sorry folks.. Didn't know about the spoilers.. Will just remove bcos I'm on an iPhone & don't think I can do them on an iPhone.

Apologies

 

[pbl_ge]

Jules

Spoiler

Happy for your friend. But since there are a couple of new folks here, thought I'd share our protocol. For some folks here, others' success is not inspiring or comforting, so we like to use spoilers (like this) for all pregnancy-related talk. That way if the women who have spent years watching others get pregnant don't want to read about it, they don't have to.

Using spoilers is easy. There's a smiley face with a black bar icon you can click on (might need to "go advanced"), or you can simply write:
[ spoiler] your happy news [ /spoiler]
without the spaces.

This is also why people keep their tickers hidden. Some days it's really a punch in the gut.

 

[pbl_ge]

Door, good luck at the scan tomorrow!!! Hope you have lots of big juicy follies!

Hope everyone else is doing well.

 

[Dwrgi]

I have added the spoiler info to the thread title..... in my capacity of thread AUTHOR

ladies!

 

[pbl_ge]

I have added the spoiler info to the thread title..... in my capacity of thread AUTHOR

ladies!