I kind of wish I could have an experienced friend with me, someone who'd done an epidural-free natural birth and who I wasn't shy around, but I don't have anyone, and I don't really want to hire a doula. I said I didn't really mind if my husband wasn't at the birth (if he has to look after our son) and that's because I didn't think he was all that much help when I had Adam. (I'd never deny him the experience of seeing his child come into the world, though.) Part of the problem was that I was in early labour by myself overnight on the antenatal ward and the staff sent him home. That was when I really needed him, or someone, to get me through, keep me going, buoy me up. As it was after hours all by myself in pain, with no support, I just wanted it to be over, and I requested an epidural. This isn't something I regret, really, it was the right choice for me at the time, but if I was to do it over again I would like someone else's support to push on through. Thing is, my husband loved the epidural because it meant I wasn't a screamer, and I was no bother to him, so I don't think he'll support me if I choose not to have one. He thinks, why suffer if you don't need to? I hope this time for things to progress faster so it's not an option.
My OH would really have liked for me to get an epidural as well, because he was SO freaked out that I was in pain and was just stressing me out so much. He was 5h away when I went into labour so didn't get there until things were really moving, so he was a wreck and not helpful at all.
I feel the same - I would rather he wasn't there really as it was harder for me, but I will not tell him he can't be there. He is thinking of updating people and doing other things while I labour and coming in for the pushing only actually - which I am ok with as it will let me focus more on what I'm doing and not worry about him.
But this is the reason we are considering a doula - I had a student with my last labour who was a rock and with me every second! It was amazing as she had children and had been at many births so she wasn't freaked out about birth stuff (blood, pain, weird noises, etc
) I don't think I would have had the birth I wanted without her. So this time I am going to hire a doula! I need that rock - and it is much better for me if they aren't friends/family.
Her job is to help me through no matter what - whereas with friends/family it can get weird.
Hugs! xxx