2013 losses- rainbow baby making thread...

[Miniegg27]

That's great news Lucy. You must be so happy! How are you feeling? Can't believe you're 12 weeks already.

 

[EarthMama]

EarthMama, it could just be early or it might be a chemical... Either way you'll know more in a few days,

BUT... Many many women get BFPs right after a chemical. Myself included. So don't give up if this one doesn't stick, this next month you'd have a much better shot at success.

Love and good wishes for a sticky bean!!

Thank you. Do you know how long I can expect for bleeding to start if it is a chemical? (pretty sure it is, at this point...)

I am emotionally flatlining at the moment. I feel so depressed. My due date for my MC is on the 13th, in 3 days. I thought for SURE that I would be pregnant again by now. So imagine my thrill when I got that faint pink line, a week before my MC's due date. I thought, "Oo...maybe I am pregnant by the due date of my MC!" ....only now to see the lines fading and realize that it was all a sick joke by the universe to see how much I could handle. Such a sick joke.

sorry for the depressing post ladies, I am just a mess.

Anyway, I have made an appointment with my doctor for this Friday to get some answers.

 

[Peacenik]

EarthMama, it could just be early or it might be a chemical... Either way you'll know more in a few days,

BUT... Many many women get BFPs right after a chemical. Myself included. So don't give up if this one doesn't stick, this next month you'd have a much better shot at success.

Love and good wishes for a sticky bean!!

Thank you. Do you know how long I can expect for bleeding to start if it is a chemical? (pretty sure it is, at this point...)

I am emotionally flatlining at the moment. I feel so depressed. My due date for my MC is on the 13th, in 3 days. I thought for SURE that I would be pregnant again by now. So imagine my thrill when I got that faint pink line, a week before my MC's due date. I thought, "Oo...maybe I am pregnant by the due date of my MC!" ....only now to see the lines fading and realize that it was all a sick joke by the universe to see how much I could handle. Such a sick joke.

sorry for the depressing post ladies, I am just a mess.

Anyway, I have made an appointment with my doctor for this Friday to get some answers.

I'm so sorry EarthMama. It's just not fair and I totally feel you about not having a BFP before the due date. I'm a few weeks out and the closer it gets, the worse I feel.

 

[george83]

Peacenik and earthmama I'm so sorry your still waiting. I have to confess I thought we'd all have our rainbows by now with all the talk of being extra fertile after mc. I really wish there was something I could do, I'll be sending extra baby dust to both of you for the next few days

 

[george83]

Love that you stayed Team Yellow!! And congrats on your major milestone George83, passing 20 weeks!! Hope everyone else is doing well!

A piece of good news today:

We are officially MO-DI! They found the divide this morning at my high risk scan.

The babies look good as well, amniotic fluid is even and they are measuring 2-3 days ahead.

Congrats Lucy must be such a relief to have seen the divide, they sound like string rainbows if they're measuring ahead to x x

 

[Nimyra]

EarthMama, it will be soon. The cycle before this BFP I had faint positives that started fading. AF came just a day or two later.

Please keep in mind that if this is the case you are going to feel hormonal / Pms so feeling depressed and all that is normal and may pass soon. I do think the cycle after a chemical is a really good one though. Almost everyone I know who had a chemical (5 people) got BFPs the very next month. I don't know why.

I'll be praying for you this month, especially as our due dates for our losses roll around. Mine is the 15th.

Hugs

 

[EarthMama]

Thanks everyone, for all the empathy. It REALLY helps to hear kind words from people who understand what TTC is like after a loss!

Peacenik- yep, getting close to the due date is hitting me harder then I EVER expected, especially with all this "am I pregnant, or aren't I" nonsense. I was warned it could be rough to reach due date, but didn't realize that I still honestly haven't gotten over my MC yet. It still haunts me CONSTANTLY. I do have hopes that becoming pregnant again can soothe the hurt.

How has it been for you ladies who have fallen pregnant, has it helped to soothe the hurt and pain of the loss, or do you still feel it pretty vividly? LucyLake? George83? Nimyra? Or anyone else who would like to chime in about how getting pregnant again has effected your emotions about your loss.

George83, thank you, I am just going to try and stay positive and try to have the mindset that even if I'm not pregnant, now, I will be SOON. I HAVE figured out why it's taken me so long...I am a late ovulater and if it turns out what I'm going through is a chemical right now then you can BET next month I'll be VERY on top of things!

I have started taking Vitex...anyone have success with this? I heard it's great for helping to produce a strong ovulation and egg. I also heard it's good to take in early pregnancy to maintain the pregnancy.

Nimyra - thanks so much for the info on the chemical. I am still not sure what's up. Can you have actual pregnancy symptoms with a chemical? I feel like my symptoms might be increasing, it's hard to say. I am still taking pregnancy tests...got a negative with highly diluted urine and got another faint positive line today with concentrated urine...Aunt Flow is only 4 days late. I should probably stop obsessively testing and just wait until my doctor's appointment on Friday. But I have a First Response I am planning to use in the morning with my first urine. I just can't seem to help myself...I am having a lot of "twingy" type feelings in my uterus area which reminds me of when I was pregnant with my son.

My friend told me she didn't get a positive line at all with her son until she was 9 days late...and it took awhile to get a dark line after that. She thinks I should keep having hope.

Anyway, I am doing better emotionally today then yesterday at least...if it IS a chemical pregnancy, so be it, I will get right back up on the horse next month and try really hard. I WILL become pregnant again soon...that's my mantra. Of course I still do have a hope that I am pregnant now...as they say it's not over until AF starts. I am definitely having some symptoms that are unusual for me, including headaches, a powerful thirst, upset stomach after meals and general lack of interest in food, hot and cold flashes, extreme dizziness, lightheadness, feeling shaky, like my blood pressure is fluctuating, and increased tiredness, feeling like I could sleep anywhere. Plus twingy feelings in my womb and today sensitive nipples that hurt when my son nurses. So I don't know. Maybe I want it so bad I am manifesting these symptoms. Funny thing is...if it IS a chemical...I am already having more symptoms with this experience then I did the entire time with my MC. My MC was just...internal silence.

Oh well, I'm on the roller-coaster. I bought the ticket, time to take the ride.

thanks again ladies for providing a safe place to talk about my rather intense and complex feelings about all this...mahalo.

 

[Nimyra]

EarthMama,

I hope everything works out, I am going to hold out hope since you have so many symptoms. Hopefully your appt will provide some answers.

Regarding your question... Honestly the pain of the loss has faded. I get moments of it every now and again but it's more now just a fear about This baby or a sadness that I had to go through the loss, and that seems really different to me than grieving THAT baby. I feel like that baby is far away now, moved on and not so near me spiritually... Does that make any sense.

I don't think it was the pregnancy that made this change... I think it had already started to change although being pregnant now makes everything so much more about THIS baby. I am terrified all the time about losing this baby since I have lost my innocence. I don't feel confident that I will actually have this baby. I think I have made some peace with the idea that there is absolutely nothing I can do to control this and that I have to leave it up to God even if I don't trust Him most of the time or I'll go mad. So I am trying to trust.

For me the other thing has been that I have a new awesome job that I love... Which I never would have applied for had I had my last baby. And I feel like I'm meant to be there. So that went a long way towards healing because it made we wonder if maybe there really was a reason and it wasn't just crap luck. Not that I would have chosen that, you know, but possibly necessary.

Hugs!

 

[LucyLake]

EarthMama,

That is such great news about your symptoms! I'm hoping your baby is just a late bloomer as so many are! If you aren't already spotting, I would say that this is a really positive sign going into your doctor's appointment that this isn't a chemical. Hopefully, they can test hcg and give you good answers. I know the wait in these early days is horrendous. Thinking of you and prayers for you and your tiny rainbow

The loss is easier and it isn't. I wanted my Oct 2 baby, but for me maybe compared to others, the dream of twins is incredible. I was afraid to love them until I had a bunch of scans and the vomiting started, I now feel so bad for having those fears up to about week 8. I can't lie, pregnancy after loss is one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life and it may be the same for you. Like Nimyra, I can't let myself go there. Thinking of double strollers and matching outfits-out of the question. Thinking of holding my rainbows-nope. I told my family and my sister said she had a fraternal triplets blighted ovum at 10 weeks in 2006. Three empty sacs. So multiples run in our family and it's been humbling, I feel terribly for her-our relationship is so good now!!! They have been so supportive, it's such a blessing. But, I have all these rules. No one can talk double strollers. I'm just not able to go there. It may be because of the risk in my case. But, I've had 12 scans and much of that is due to worry. I feel very lucky because my insurance pays an outright global fee and I can be scanned as often as I want. So I never have to wait long to know the babies are ok. BUT, those hours before each scan are terrifying.

I also never want to complain because I'm so blessed. I still visit our baby everyday. Some of the tears have been replaced with gratitude. I spend so much time thanking God and our baby due Oct 2 for the twins.

Huge hugs.

Peacenik- it's so good to see you and I hope you get your rainbow soon

Miniegg- it's such a blessing. Hope you're also doing well

 

[george83]

EarthMama,

That is such great news about your symptoms! I'm hoping your baby is just a late bloomer as so many are! If you aren't already spotting, I would say that this is a really positive sign going into your doctor's appointment that this isn't a chemical. Hopefully, they can test hcg and give you good answers. I know the wait in these early days is horrendous. Thinking of you and prayers for you and your tiny rainbow

The loss is easier and it isn't. I wanted my Oct 2 baby, but for me maybe compared to others, the dream of twins is incredible. I was afraid to love them until I had a bunch of scans and the vomiting started, I now feel so bad for having those fears up to about week 8. I can't lie, pregnancy after loss is one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life and it may be the same for you. Like Nimyra, I can't let myself go there. Thinking of double strollers and matching outfits-out of the question. Thinking of holding my rainbows-nope. I told my family and my sister said she had a fraternal triplets blighted ovum at 10 weeks in 2006. Three empty sacs. So multiples run in our family and it's been humbling, I feel terribly for her-our relationship is so good now!!! They have been so supportive, it's such a blessing. But, I have all these rules. No one can talk double strollers. I'm just not able to go there. It may be because of the risk in my case. But, I've had 12 scans and much of that is due to worry. I feel very lucky because my insurance pays an outright global fee and I can be scanned as often as I want. So I never have to wait long to know the babies are ok. BUT, those hours before each scan are terrifying.

I also never want to complain because I'm so blessed. I still visit our baby everyday. Some of the tears have been replaced with gratitude. I spend so much time thanking God and our baby due Oct 2 for the twins.

Huge hugs.

Peacenik- it's so good to see you and I hope you get your rainbow soon

Miniegg- it's such a blessing. Hope you're also doing well

Lucy I fully understand the not thinking of actually having a baby. We've got to the stage where we either need to start buying things or saving money so we can do a massive shop in a couple of months and neither is appealing. My due date would have been Sept 26th and I'm dreading. I can not believe how different it is after having a loss

 

[EarthMama]

Thanks ladies, here is my faint positive line this morning for your eyes.

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v324/EllemyshShade/P1050767_zps748305b8.jpg

The line hasn't faded, is just it's usual faint self. I am having some AF type cramping today, so we'll see what today and tomorrow brings. If it is a chemical I hope I start bleeding soon so I can move on. And if it's not a chemical...well, I won't think anything until I know FOR SURE what's up.

Doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon.

 

[george83]

Earthmama that is such a definite line I'm crossing everything for you that this really is a positive. I had cramping all the time through my first tri so you can't use those to rule you out just yet they can be good signs too. I hope the doctors appointment is a positive one, I know you've already said but when should you be due af? x x

 

[EarthMama]

I'm 4 days late now

 

[Nimyra]

That looks nice, EarthMama! Everything crossed for you!!!

 

[Kasey84]

Earthmama- that's definitely a positive! My fingers are crossed for you!

For me, this pregnancy started with a faint positive the day my period was due. I'm now almost 9 weeks along now. Had my first scan on Monday and saw our little one with a strong HB of 161 bpm

To answer the question about pregnancy after a loss, I agree with the others...it's terrifying! I simply have to take things one day at a time and cannot think to far ahead. Although everything is going perfectly, I'm not confident that I will have this baby. I guess this is based on past experience. Sadly, I don't feel the same attachment yet that I did with my last pregnancy. I think my fears are getting in the way of bonding. I'm trying hard to move past this.

Has this pregnancy eased the pain of my loss? Maybe a little, as my dream of being a mother is now within reach again. But to be honest, I think the biggest factor in easing my pain has been time. I've had 10 months to slowly heal and I found after my due date passed, the pain eased even more. Of course I still think of the baby I lost, but I try to think if him/her with love rather than sadness.

Lucy- I'm so glad to hear that they found a divide and things continue to go well!!

George and Nimyra- glad to head things are going well for you both too!

Peacenik- I hope that you get your rainbow soon as well. I'm sending tons of baby dust your way I know the due date is a difficult day, especially when your still waiting for that BFP! I passed mine in June and hadn't gotten a BFP yet. Although it was a sad day, I also found peace and did things to remember my baby. Things seemed a little easier once that date was past.

xxoo

 

[george83]

Congrats on seeing the heartbeat kasey, it's so special x x

Earthmama I'm really hoping you'll be ok x x

 

[EarthMama]

I am sooo happy you got to hear the heartbeat Kasey, I bet that was just amazing and a huge relief. I look forward to having the same experience again someday.

Ladies who are pregnant: are you ladies going to do a gender reveal or stay team yellow?

 

[Miniegg27]

I've stayed team yellow.

 

[Kasey84]

I think we're going to find out the gender because I want to be all organized, but were going to keep it a secret from everyone else! That's the plan right now anyway

Miniegg- how are you doing?

 

[EarthMama]

Well ladies...doctor says I'm pregnant! Got a SOLID and rather dark line this morning and then today at the doctors office it was confirmed. I am still in a bit of denial but happy . Having quite a bit of AF type cramping but I remember this from being pregnant with my son so trying not to freak out and just relax