38 and TTC first baby, anyone else?

[Wish2BMom]

morning girls

how's everyone doing? good weekend?

we had a great weekend! DH wanted to workout at the gym at his work on Sat so we went there and I just walked around the grounds for a few miles (I used to work there, it's so pretty). Then we did some grocery shopping and got all of the ingredients for homemade pasta sauce and then a dish that DH made for us yesterday. Watched a movie with a fire in the fireplace that night. Sunday wasn't too different - relaxed all day, played games with my FIL, had a fire and DH and I played video games last night. So fun!

so my only new 'symptom', if you want to call it that, was that I could NOT keep track of which playing piece was mine yesterday. it was literally like I'd had a bottle of wine and was loopy. DH was even looking at me weird, like 'what is going on with you?' b/c I moved the wrong piece like 5x. No lie. And I've already typed some really weird things without thinking this morning, so I'm going to have to be extra careful!

I have a feeling this week is going to go by very quickly and that just makes me so nervous!!! I don't think AF will come on her own, since I'm doing 2 Crinones a day and not 1 like usual. I'm not even sure when it should come. I think I O'ed last weekend, so I guess I'd start spotting tomorrow.

oh, and meant to tell you all that all of my trips in Feb have been cancelled! we are pushing our go live date with the client so no need for me to go out there 3x this month. I'm pretty excited about that - if this is a BFP on Fri, then I am not forced to travel in the first month! If it's a BFN, I can start the next cycle right away, hopefully (I was going to take the month off b/c of the travel and the PITA it is to travel with meds).

 

[Dandi]

Come on Friday!!! I don't know how you haven't peed on a stick already just out of curiosity. Props on the will power. I'm so anxious for you!

 

[Wish2BMom]

i know - i'm just so scared!! I really put way too much hope in this one. My brain is saying 'we got this' but my body isn't sending any signals to corroborate that!!

 

[Star2011]

Wish glad you had a good weekend. I am so praying it is a bfp......just dont like when you say if it is a bfn. I know you are being realistic but i am so so hopeful for you.

 

[Star2011]

Nothing new with me other than still taking bcp. I am trying to see if i can get an early date for my hysteroscopy. I called the Docs office today and they will let me know if i can get in end of this week or over the weekend.

Something else, this weekend i was talking to a former college mate and we got to talking about conceiving and she confessed that all her 4 children were assisted conception. The first 2 iui and the last 2 ivf. She is 40. So theres still some hope ladies.

 

[Fi Last]

Hello ladies,

Wish, I am sending you no end of positive vibes. Brilliant news about the chance for a big relax next month. Yay.

Chipie - I'm really sorry about your AMH results and wish you all the best with ivf. I think you made the right choice with the clinic. This probably isn't relevant to you, but just to check, you didn't get your AMH tests done within 3 months of a pregnancy did you? I've heard that AMH is temporarily depressed during/after pg, even if you miscarry. Maybe worth knowing, given the nhs exclusions. Have a nice time in Dubai!

Mdc - I'm sorry you're out for a month, but from what you say about everything else going on, it sounds like it might almost have been a relief to postpone for a month. Onwards and upwards.

Ellie, how are things? I hope you have good news to share.

Hi to everyone else.

Afm, I got the "all-clear" scan today, in that a) there is no pg material left inside me, and b) there doesn't seem to be anything amiss with my uterus or ovaries. So all in all a good day, and I'm feeling grateful Appointment with the recurrent miscarriage unit tomorrow.
Today contrasts a bit with last night, which was a tough one - woke up in a panic over and over, and was in quite a bad place. I hope this won't become a habit. It wasn't actually the scan that was bothering me but my work stress - that feeling that it caused the last mc has resulted in a vicious spiral where i get stressed about the stress itself, and my inability to deal with it. It's really self-defeating, but my emotions seem to have a life of their own, and just the possibility that something stressful is going to happen, the thought of that is causing me surges of panic. I know that several of you have stressful jobs - anyone have any tips for getting on top of this stuff? Did you experience similar panics after your mcs? And if so, how long did they last? I never used to be this anxious...

 

[elliecain]

I'm sorry things are so tough, Fi. My miscarriage was in September and I went straight back to work the next working day but then actually ended up having to be signed off work for a week just before Christmas, mainly because of a build up of stress and grief and not dealing with things at all. The acupuncture is making a huge difference, as are the drum lessons. I made a decision that I couldn't continue living like that and I would never be able to conceive with that level of stress. As a result, after my week off work followed by 2 weeks' holiday (I'm a teacher), I put those things in place. Have you tried acupuncture?

I'm nearly into the second week of this latest 2ww. I've had so many bfn cycles that symptom spotting seems pointless and almost ridiculous to me now. Every time I wonder if something is a symptom, I remember all the months I've been so sure and then nothing. This process is horrid. All the initial excitement stopped a couple of cycles ago and now I'm torn between dreading AF due date and wanting it to come fast so the waiting is over for another month. I wish I could still look forward to testing, but the thought of a bfn or a period make me want to cry.

 

[Wish2BMom]

fi - glad you got the all clear!! but that stinks that your emotions are playing games with you. I don't have many helpful hints as to how to let the stress of work go - I am fairly capable at closing the laptop and leaving work behind for the night. During the day, things can get pretty wound up sometimes, but we all tend to find a way to laugh and send funny gifs, memes and pics to make fun of the stressful situation we're in or something like that.

ellie - I'm loving your temps!!

afm - here goes the flip flop. This morning I was feeling positive, now I'm not so much. I just 'cleaned out' the crinone in the shower and I swear some of it was tinged, like maybe spotting starting. And my cervix was really hard. I know the cervix is one of things NOT to rely on during this time but it's hard not to look at everything and anything.
<--- crazy!

going to try to relax for the night, try to concentrate on this menial task at work tomorrow and just try to scrape my way through the week...

mdc - how are you doing? did you still have to go in for your beta today?

 

[Dandi]

Or maybe it was a little leftover tinge from implantation. And even if you do start spotting, it doesn't mean you may not still be pregnant. Don't go negative yet, it's too soon! Hang in there until you know something one way or the other!

 

[Fi Last]

Thanks Ellie, I'll look into that. I definitely think I need to make some changes. I've already started trying to work saner hours, but obviously I need to do more to change things. My job involves a teaching element, and it's the most demanding bit (not the worst bit - that's dealing with management! - but probably the most exhausting, on a per hour basis). So I can totally understand why you couldn't carry on with that immediately after mc. I don't know how teachers do it in general, to be honest. I'm sorry you're feeling down about the tww as well. I can totally understand that. Stay strong: it will be worth it in the end.

Thank you Wish as well. I hope that's the right kind of spotting you're having. I don't know much about cervixes unfortunately - are they supposed to be different when you are pg? :/

 

[Wish2BMom]

yeah, sometime after you conceive, your cervix rises high up in there and becomes engorged with blood so it's soft and squishy. Mine is reachable right now and felt hard. Though I think I did post this on my symptoms back in May as well (when I got my BFP) so I just need to chillax. I have a little lump in my throat right now but I need to put that aside!

thank you, dandi - I needed that!!

 

[elliecain]

Here's some more: It will be ok. xxx

 

[Chipie]

How are you getting on Ellie? I don't know what crosshairs are but it sounds good .
Wish, it is getting nearer to 2/5...how are you feeling?
Hope everyone else is ok.

From basically having zero interest in any of this process, df has now got on board massively and has got me to book appointments at the 2 best clinics in London. So I'm going to Lister and ARGC, plus my original place which is much cheaper. He just goes from one extreme to another! I'm not going to complain though. So I'm going in a couple of weeks and thereafter my journey begins. Except I'm going to get my bfp this next month in any event so I won't need the clinics ;-)
Nothing but positivity here from now on

 

[Chipie]

I hadn't read any of your messages when I sent that but now I have so I'll respond properly.
I see now how you're feeling Wish. Hang in there though, believe it in your heart and don't let any negative thoughts in at all! You've got this.
Fi sorry you're not feeling great. I got ridiculously stressed at work last year and basically told them I was going to leave so they allowed me to get an assistant and now it's not too bad. I'm not good with stress though, some people deal with it well but definitely not me. I do try and meditate for 15 mins a day though when I'm really bad. My work pay for a meditation course for their staff and it's just an app on your phone, called Headspace. It's really good though.
Thanks for the tip about low AMH. I reckon it was 4 months after I was pregnant but nevertheless, that must be the reason why it was low! I'm definitely taking that anyway haha

 

[Chipie]

Oh and Ellie, drum lessons??? That sounds pretty cool!
Sorry you're not looking forward to testing for your bfp. sending positive vibes your way

 

[Wish2BMom]

yeah, meant to mention that - drum lessons, Ellie?? that's so cool! have you been playing awhile or is this new? Thanks for the hugs, hon.

chipie - that's AWESOME that DF is gaining interest!! it's so much better when they're involved. My DH is involved but he doesn't ask a whole lot of questions or ask about things but I know he's there.

fi - how are you doing today?

left - how many more days until you're finished with work? what's your due date again?

hello to everyone else! sugar, star, mdc, dandi, pothole, krasa :wave:

ok - my credo for the rest of the week is to maintain sanity. I think I can do it.

 

[Mdc]

Wish, lump on the throat sounds like a good sign. The month of my BFP I had a swollen lymph node in my arm pit...shall we say decreased immune system as not to reject the baby! As for the spotting I agree it could be left over implantation. Come of Friday!!!!

Fi, so glad the tests came back clear. Yes, anxiety can certain and understandably take a toll on you after a mc especially since your job is also stressful. It does get better. I do some meditation and a program called Circle + Bloom that I enjoy and I am also doing acu. This cycle I was really alright with a BFN. Sad for a bit yes, but not bad so I think acu maybe helping.

Ellie, when will you test?

Chipie, glad DF is now on board! Keep him running while you can Sounds like you are on a good path.

Star, ugh hope they can fit you in ASAP for the hysteroscopy. You are probably the most patient person I know. It is your time!

Hi everyone else!

Afm, just waiting to board the plane for my 4th trip in 5 weeks. Ugh! This is my least favorite meeting of the year, so kind of glad a glass of vino is possible to make it more bearable. One more trip next week and then I am planting my a$$ at home for a bit. I will be stalking everyone!

 

[Wish2BMom]

YES, meant to say that star - I hope they can get you in this week to take care of those fibroids. Do you know how soon things can start after that?

mdc - where are you heading now?? that's a lot of travel, I'm glad you have a bit of time coming up where you stay home. Do you work from home when home or do you have an office to go into?

 

[Mdc]

Headed to Dallas this week. Home office...thank God! If I had this travel and a commute I might jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Ha!

 

[elliecain]

I love you girls so much. Sorry, bit soppy but I honestly don't know how I'd have got through the last few months without this thread and all of you.

So, drums... Well, it was all part of my "sod this depression" decision around Christmas. 2015 had turned sour for me and I decided to change things up a bit. Hence, the acupuncture, learning to play the drums and paying to go private and get a second opinion (which was a good plan, since it turns out I have polycystic ovaries). DH is a guitarist, so he was over the moon when I started lessons. I don't practise enough but it's great fun. I've only had 3 lessons so far and have a way to go... I really need to practise more!

So today I got my blood test results and my TSH is really good, thanks to the thyroxine. Gone from 3.5 to 1.7. I'm so pleased because it means my likelihood of miscarrying is reduced. It could well be why I had that cp last year.

I'm 6dpo now and won't test for a while yet. I should wait another week but I know I'll most likely cave in at the weekend! Might break out the FRER...