Breastfeeding Support - 6 months and beyond!

[Dragonfly]

Gives me an excuse to buy a big comfy chair now as this one I have is really hard to bf a toddler in and I cant imagine both on me in it so I am buying a nursing chair this time around.

 

[gills8752]

hehe - I already used that excuse with one baby! I nicked the recliner armchair from the living room and put it in her room to feed her at night time hahaa

 

[AnnaBanana9]

to those who've joined since I last posted
xx

 

[candyfloss]

So glad we decided to make this group! So so so so so so nice to not feel 'odd' for still bfing!

AB9, was it you that mentioned being from Canada? Just wondering what attitudes to bfing over there are? OH has family over there (Toronto and Quebec) and we visited 3 years ago.....gorgeous country!

 

[florabean1981]

all, just found this group. We've been BFing for almost 10 months now. It's nice to see lots of people in here BFing past the one year mark.

Dragonfly, reading your posts about all the negative comments you've received due to 'still' BFing William breaks my heart. He is stunning by the way. I too have had comments about how by BFing & BLW I am deliberately underfeeding & starving my child & will turn him into an underweight eating disorder freak unless I switch to FF... Even my own sister (who BF both her kids, which makes it even more hurtful) says my son is a scrawny little runt who I dont feed enough! But oh well. I know I'm doing the best for my child & I'm lucky to have a great BFing group & a great playgroup where I now live who are incredibly reassuring & encouraging & all encompassing for women who BF & there is a great harmony between those who FF & BF, thank god!

I can't remember who posted it, but is was something about FFing & being overweight. I was FF & have really struggled with my weight (lowest of 97lbs, highest was 182lbs the day I gave birth) & always wondered if there was something in that? Hmmmm.

anyways...

Can I ask, what barriers (if any) have you ladies found in feeding an 'older' baby? For me, Harry squirms a lot & is very easily distracted, especially when out in public. And I am dreading it when he cuts his firth teeth as he already like to 'gnaw' on me towards the end of feeds, lol!

 

[WaitingForYou]

I no longer feed in public, she can wait now she is bigger. I hate this though, I should feed wherever. This was always the case for me until Lily-Mae reached around 12 months, I just felt I couldn't do it anymore. I mean you get mad looks feeding a baby, let alone a toddler. All this "your baby is too old for boob now".. £%^& off! Do you see people say things to women still pushing around a 4 year old in a pushchair with a dummy in its mouth?

Florabean, I had the exact problem as you. My daughter was born on 25th centile and dropped down down down to 0.4 and now is gradually growing up the scale again. I was made to feel so bad by my HV who advised me to FF as my child was loosing too much weight (not true). She was happy and healthy just not a big girl, very petite. I weaned with organic fresh fruit and vegetables, made everything myself, nothing added or taken away. For this I got crap too, why? I was giving my child the best start. Apparently I wasn't feeding her proper food, she needed the packet food that you mix with water because it had all the best nutrients in it. Yeah right! I knew what I was doing. I carried on my way. Lily eat every single vegetable that ever existed and loved them. My MIL critisised my parenting and choice of feeding and weaning (although she breastfed herself for 18 months + 6 months) shouting and screaming at me that my child looked as though she was being brought up in extreme famine and poverty. I hate to say but the words she used were "your child looks like a ethopian child". This was so hurtful. I got amazing with my MIL, we laughed and joked everyday. After this I walked out (we were living there at the time) and refused to see her for a week or more. How dare she do this to me. We moved out shortly after, she still hasn't apologised but I know deep down she feels so much guilt from that day. Rightly so!

 

[cleckner04]

flora- I'm the one that brought up weight issues. I've always had a really hard time keeping weight off. I fluctuate so much with weight. I can gain 10 pounds in a matter of a week. But losing it takes so much effort and work. A few years back, I was to a point that I basically was starving myself and working out an hour a day with hard cardio, and I was still only 160 lb. at my lightest. As soon as I started eating more normally, the weight started piling back on.

As for struggles with an older baby, Emma just yanks down my top at random times and that can be embarrassing. She is a snacky baby and wants at least 12 'snack' feeds throughout the day if not more. So for me, not feeding in public isn't an option. I ALWAYS have to feed her in public. And I have always gotten the 'looks' in public so it's not anything new to get looks from strangers. I've learned to just not keep eye contact with anyone and than I can just ignore it.

 

[Dragonfly]

all, just found this group. We've been BFing for almost 10 months now. It's nice to see lots of people in here BFing past the one year mark.

Dragonfly, reading your posts about all the negative comments you've received due to 'still' BFing William breaks my heart. He is stunning by the way. I too have had comments about how by BFing & BLW I am deliberately underfeeding & starving my child & will turn him into an underweight eating disorder freak unless I switch to FF... Even my own sister (who BF both her kids, which makes it even more hurtful) says my son is a scrawny little runt who I dont feed enough! But oh well. I know I'm doing the best for my child & I'm lucky to have a great BFing group & a great playgroup where I now live who are incredibly reassuring & encouraging & all encompassing for women who BF & there is a great harmony between those who FF & BF, thank god!!

I hate being surrounded by negitivity and its all I have gotten since the birth of my son and I do feel bitter about it as it should have been a happy time and my mum robbed that of me I feel. Not only her comments about various things not to do with breastfeeding everyone else is topping up with negative breastfeeding comments. So much so they do not visit any more which if they are going to be like that then great!

But yesterday my mum was here and if he isnt stupid he isnt the right weight and height. because she got him clothes and they are to long, most things are in waist also but you see by his pic in page one that he isnt undernourished can you? she says again he is small for his age and that she always had to get us bigger clothes than our ages (we where over fed by the way and not breastfed). Last time it was him not progressing with speech and was even complaining at 12 months he wasnt walking so he was "slow" . Now this winds me up more than anything its insulting! I think I dont a great job and he is the apple of his other grans eye who thinks he is perfect and lets him play yet she puts him down at every chance she can get. OH sis does to but she dosnt visit any more over sometihng she was caught out doing, bitching and making stuff up about me I proved she was lying so she dare show her face here again. And my aint didnt win with the "lets fill him with chocolate 24/7 argument" as it done her kids no harm apparently.

 

[gills8752]

god dragonfly - i think i'd have banned my mum by now if she was like yours. If anyone dares badmouth my baby then they clearly don't want to be in her life so they can bog off. I'm very much a bog off if you dont like it kinda girl haha

 

[Dragonfly]

I banned her more than once. But my dad walks to with her and I need my dad as I dont have a car and he takes me to apps and she wont allow that hardly as it is. I banned her for over a month she wouldnt talk to me because she wouldnt keep her cheeky gob shut. She came in insulting me, repeating comments on how I wasn't slim like my sister and I am pregnant! I think i would have taken her head off as I had enough of it at that point. She refuses to keep her opinions to herself. So a month later came in not saying a word, my son picks up on her and dosnt like her at all. Always telling him off, she changed that a bit but her gob still flaps. She thinks she has a right to say that my dad disagrees and says she dosnt know when to shut it though she wouldnt dare speak like that to anyone else. She does not live and let live. Even my aunt cant understand why she is like that when our gran wasnt. I showed her scan pics of new baby and she grunted and handed them back. Not a word. Goes on like she is the hurt one!

 

[gills8752]

geez - i feel sorry for you! Its a shame parents have to be so annoying and cant just be happy for us and what we choose to do!

 

[Dragonfly]

She thinks I am stupid and always did think that. It really shows what she thinks all the time. Always says I am stupid and cant get her head around anything I do. I dont even tell her stuff any more, I tried explaining skin to skin when I was preg with William thats why I wanted a strappy mighty as it was easier to feed have skin to skin, I was ridiculous and needed to cover all up as I couldnt walk about in a nightly in a hospital! she wore one of their gowns apparently. As for the rest like co sleeping and baby wearing she dosnt agree with as she never done it, if she did maybe i wouldn't be so detached with her! she dosnt know me at all. She assumes I am like her then is shocked when I dont do as she done then theres a row. No one is allowed to be different or have a different opinion she excepts nothing just huffs and puffs like the world is stupid and she is the smartest person when in fact she isnt.

 

[gills8752]

I had this kinda thing with my mum a few years ago - but slightly different. she always assumed i was a fluffy girlie person but I'm not. She finally realised when I was accepted into my engineering degree and was restoring a car hahaa. It did take some hard talking but we got there. I'm just so glad that when it comes to parenting my Mum has been very open and is interested in what I'm doing and why. She was fairly similar to me - she couldn't breastfeed (inverted nipples that no amount of coaxing would help) but she pumped for 8 weeks then started ff. But most other parenting decision about blw and what food I will allow and won't we're quite similar with our views even if she did it differently with me. I'm glad she's like that. MIL though is the total opposite lol. My MIL is the same as your Mum. Makes me want to pull my hair out hahaa

 

[Dragonfly]

There has to be one like that to even out the balance lol I do think darrens mum does say stuff to him but not to me she wouldnt dare as she would know her place. but Darren will defend breastfeeding as he wants his son to havethe best and is getting it. He has tried to say to mates who where having babies but they wouldnt have it. He just cant understand why not himself when he can see how healthy our son is why they wouldnt even have the idea there or try. Very different mentality around here where I live to most of your areas. Makes me sad really as it seems to be unheard of and fast diminishing thing to do. Always go right to bottle, no other option, their mums done it their mates done it. In fact I was going to as I knew noting about breastfeeding and they told me really nasty things about it and that the formula was much better than my milk. So glad I have this site to inform me right and I made an informed decision and stuck with it. Seeing is believing and I see it works so thats good enough for me.

 

[WaitingForYou]

Dragonfly I hated my situation but OMG yours is terrible. I would literally chuck my mother out of the window, not even the door, the WINDOW if she said anything like that to me. My mother always thought I was stupid, I was a VERY rebellious teenager. When I got pregnant I got kicked out and she didn't speak to me until my daughter was born. I had extremely emotional and painful time dealing with a non-latching feeder, ever since then she has been amazing. I have never got on with my Mum so much. She too breastfed 5 children, the first at 17. Had home births for all, used cloth nappies, natural weaning. The 'earth' mother! So she has been amazing with the breastfeeding help and I think she is proud deep down, I've graduated my BF peer counselling, and am still breastfeeding after all this time (I dont think anyone expected me to carry on this long, I dont think I even expected it myself). I find it a real shame some mothers cant just get on with letting there children bring up there own kids. They always feel the need to butt in somewhere because they have been there and done that (albeit some 20 years ago). They must let a parent choose the right path for their children, after all you learn from mistakes. If they ever cared to think back to them bringing up a newborn, they will probably realise they couldn't of dealt with the emotional pain of peoples negative comments.

I got threatened with Social Services for breastfeeding..

 

[Dragonfly]

threatening by social services why? is it illegal to breastfeed or 1 or sometihng?I am shocked! OR who threatened with it? some people are weird and they think we are weird for feeding our children!

I wish I could say my mum was like yours but in fact she was the opposite, smoking all the way through all pregnancy's and smoking around us. IN car with no window down,I remember the smell well and how it made me sick. God knows i started smoking at 13 and he would buy them for me. I Wouls have kicked my ass and all i wanted was some attention ffs! I stopped when i was preg with william i couldnt smoke when preg i just couldnt . I had asthma myself and had it from when i was a child with my mum smoking it was worse so no way was i doing that on my baby. I was a rebe teens, drugs and all and things i am not proud of. I went missing for days at a time and my parents didnt care. I thought at least my dad would but when i called he came and picked meup they had me raised in a way i was self sufficent and knew how to look after myself so they knew i was ok. But thats not what i wanted i just wanted not to be ignored. Then when i got older i was out of the house when i was 17 , didnt get preg till 27 though i was working had me own house but was abused. Ignored for years, got used to it. Then when i come home my mum hates me more than ever and made my life hell. I move again out, was homeless a few times to. When i got preg with william i was settled with high school sweetheart, we where friends for years and had our own place we rented. Ever since then she has her nose in the raising of my child where she shouldnt. I dont mine helpful advice but thats not it thats dictating and slagging my son off. She will not do it to my son she done it to me and thats not happening again my son deserves the very best I can give him in every way and will get it. I choose here to live and i feel it was a blessing she couldnt even handle that, i deserve a dump like the places i did live in thats good enoiugh fpor me. She is proud of non of her kids even when i won a photography award i had it in my siosters name as the prize was a camera and i didnt have a camera and needed one as i like taking pics, she knew this and agreed it was ok . I won and my sister took all the money and the trophy even though the pic wasnt hers. I got the camera after a fight which was the important thing but she has yet another trophy and the only one i would have won has her name on it. she told the family it was my sisters picture not mine and no one knew i liked photography thats how ashamed she is of me. I am glad i won that camera as i got some great pics out of it and it started me off to. I dont care who knows if i took the pic it was my mum and dad i wanted to be proud of me but it never happened.

 

[WaitingForYou]

Aww, I feel sorry for you. thats really horrible. I don't quite know what to say. &^%$ them, you sound like your doing an almighty good job without them.

 

[florabean1981]

to all of you who've had or are still experiencing such awful negativity

My family are semi-supportive of Bfing in general, but not supportive in my case where they think harry is too small for his age, which he's not- he's on the 9th for weight, length & head circumference & I have been told many a times by health professionals that he is 'perfectly proportionate' & hat considering I'm 5'4 & hubby is 5'7, he's never gonna be expected to be a great big strapping lad, lol! I am lucky that my husband totally believes in letting a baby lead the way in what it wants & is supportive of just going with the flow, trying things out & seeing what works & what doesn't and so long as our son is happy & healthy then all's well & dandy. I LOVE him for that & he will be the first one to defend our parenting choices as he doesn't care who he pisses off in the process, hehe

I really dont get this stigma about 'extended' BFing The WHO keeps harping on about doing it for at least 2 years & such, so why is there this misconception that we should all stop at 6 months??? My mum said that when we were kids, it's was only recommended in our area to BF for the first 6 weeks & many people only did it while in the hospital, then switched straight to formula as they saw it as their baby got the colostrum & that's all they needed!!!!! My mum didn't BF me, she tried once with my sister but felt like 'a caged human milk cow with this thing hanging off her!' and she tried for 2 days with my brother & said it was too difficult, time consuming & tiring doing that & having 2 other kids running around... Her choice, fair enough, but she totally believes that formula is exactly the same breastmilk in quality & when I try to explain to her that it really isn't, she just says, 'well it's not done you any harm!' It probably hasn't done me any harm, no, but still, I'd rather my child had boobymilk thank ye very much

anyway, I'm rambling, lol.

 

[Dragonfly]

I have coalics, and asthma and my other half has chrons disease and we where both formula fed so we wanted him to have less of a chance. And since this lessens it considerably we thought it best. I wouldnt want him suffering.

 

[Eve]

So sorry you to those who have had the bad experiences and negativity from family

I was FF as an infant and my brother was BF for 2 weeks then to FF (Mum had inverted nipples and no support and not a clue ) and we both have always once in adulthood suffered with weight problems. Our health is terrible too. My brother and I have bowel problems, asthma, etc... Mum was FF and same! Not saying it is causing all of these problems, but who knows I guess...? My son is overweight (meds don't help he is taking either) and has behavioral problems. He was a chubby baby, but thinned out when he started walking, but was still always thicker... I often do wonder if thing would have been a little different if I would have breastfed him. It didn't even cross my mind while pregnant and so I thought it was gross... etc... and tried when Jake was a few weeks old but got no help or support and didn't have a clue what I was doing so we FF. I know some people who were breastfed (very few I know of) and they are slim or healthy size with a lot less, if any health problems.

I get the negativity too from people. A lot of people don't even talk to me anymore because I breastfeed... sadly! Just because they use formula doesn't mean we can effin talk!!!! No I don't like formula all that much and in my ideal world everyone breastfeeds lol but I understand that won't/don't happen and I don't get all in their face about it. Makes me sad, and the one friend I have that does breastfeed is always busy! So I deal with the negative comments and hold it all in...

When I say I plan to breastfeed until Kayleigh weans on her own I get the weirdest looks! I get told once they have teeth it's gross... and even once had a friend tell me once they get teeth it's like why don't I get OH to latch on the other one!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!! I did tell her off for that one!

It's so nice to talk to other Mums who are or plan to breastfeed longer than 6 months