Funny Things Your Child Has Said!

[frangi33]

Put the teat of her bottle up to my face and holds it there - says breathe mummy it will make you better with a real serious face. (Aged 18 months)

She has a childs inhaler with a mask on it and that's what we tell her everytime she needs to use it. Clever thing!

 

[nevernormal]

Not my child, as he's not old enough to talk yet, but when I was pregnant with him we were teaching a children's class at church. One of the little girls (6 or 7 I'd guess) asked me if I was having a boy or a girl. I said I didn't know yet, and would have to wait and see when the baby arrived (we were team yellow).

Her response??? "Well you'll have to cut the cake to find out!"
Me: "Huh?"
Her: Yeah my moms' friend's daughter had a party and cut the cake and it was pink inside, so she knew she was having a girl!!"

If only it was so simple!

 

[MelliPaige]

I got my 2 year old niece a little nail polish set for Christmas since she loves to have her nails painted. She was so happy! She squealed "thank you for my toilet brushes sissy" haha not what it is, but at least she loves it!

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I was watching the first half of Wuthering Heights last night when Lucas woke up about 10 minutes before the end.

Me: (just as it was finishing) "Ahh I want Heathcliffe! No actually I just want Tom Hardy, Heathcliffe is a bit of a wanker"
Lucas: "Yes he is!"
Me: "Sorry baby! That was a very naughty word, I shouldn't have said it"
Lucas: "Oh. He is though."

Whoopsie!

 

[Natsku]

Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

 

[dizzy65]

Today i was talking to DH on the phone after i got off the phone DS asked who i was talking to.. and i didnt answer and than he goes "mummy was it uncle pain in the butt" haha lmao

 

[Noodlebear]

Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

That's brilliant

 

[Foogirl]

Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

Ouch! Very funny. Did you keep a straight face?

 

[Natsku]

Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

Ouch! Very funny. Did you keep a straight face?

Nope, I couldn't keep a straight face!

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Sounds like Lucas the other day, I flicked over to 'Fat for Cash' (if you've never seen it... Google it). Lucas saw and shouted "Wow, why are those ladies so huuuuuuuge? They're massive like you!"

 

[Natsku]

Toddlers are so good at the unintended insult! (or maybe slightly intended in Maria's case)

 

[LoolaBear]

the other day we were off out DD1's coat was hung over the banister with her dad's on top.
she took her dad's off and passed it to DS. as she did she said,

'Now what ever you do you must hold this, not matter what. You absolutely, massively, truely, really really because it's daddy's'

had me in stitches because she sounded like a grown up talking to a child. he's only 1 minute younger than her

 

[AngelofTroy]

Walking home tonight and Micah starts pointing behind me and saying "robber, robber, robber, robber", I look back and see a guy who looks IDENTICAL to 'hefty Hugh' a robber character from one of Micah's favourite books! Right down to the hat!!
https://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g304/Melon1687/IMG_20140109_194221_zps5f9d66e2.jpg
I stifle a laugh but Micah keeps pointing and shouting louder and louder, "robber, ROBBER, MUMMYYY! ROBBER!!" the poor guy was walking behind us for several minutes!!!

 

[MelliPaige]

Another one from my darling little 2 and a half year old niece;
She was going through my unborn sons toys, she got to a teething toy that vibrates when he bites down on it. She says "what does this one do?" I showed her, she put her little hands on her hips and said "well that's a ripoff"

 

[Noodlebear]

This was my cousin not my LO but I'm quite 'gifted' in the breast department....
He came running down the stairs, looked at me and laughed before prodding me in the boob and shouting 'You're a fatty!!! Look!'

 

[NerdyMama]

My daughter and I were cuddling before she has to go to need. She told me this:
DD: mama I eat candy all day tomorrow OK?
Me: that's probably not going to happen.
DD: and cookies.
Me: oh really?
Dd: and take a bubble bath.... And blow bubbles.
Me: and what else?
DD: oh and eat pizza all day too.
Me: so you want to eat candy pizza and cookies all day tomorrow and take a bubble bath. and blow bubbles?
DD: we do that tomorrow OK?
I was speechless lmao
Lately she also has been alternating:
Tomorrow is Christmas and Santa will bring me presents OK?
Or
It is my birthday tomorrow OK?
I think I've spoiled her lol

 

[BabyMamma93]

i work in a letting agent, a tenant came in to pay her rent when her little girl (3-4 YO maybe) sat in front of me and said 'are you provident' (a loan company) i replied 'No' she then went to my mums desk and said 'are you provident' and my mum told her the same. 'so if your not provident, why is my mum paying you'
as you can imagine the poor woman was embarrassed her daughter told us she has a loan with provident LOL!!

im sure ive more of my families kiddies stories, none of my own just yet though. so funny reading these. My fave was the 'Mouth teeth' one. very funny :L

 

[d_b]

These are great!

For a while DS1 seemed to confuse OH and the postman - maybe because they both came to the door every day?
(As his dad comes in the door)
DS: "Postman's coming in."
OH: "I'm not the postman, I'm daddy."
DS: "Daddy's the postman."
OH: "We'll mommy has some explaining to do if that's the case".

When I was pregnant with DS2 my belly button popped out and DS1 pointed to it and said "Mommy's penis".

He cracks me up every day, I really need to start writing down some quotes!

 

[BabyMamma93]

HAHAHA 'mommy penis' soo funny..
i know someone whos little boy was in the bath with his mum and he said 'oh my gosh mum, wheres your willy gone' she explained mummys dont have willys we have 'fairys' his reply was 'oh my god, im glad i dont have one of them, they look scary'
then at christmas when she put the tree up, he came home and said 'aww mummy that looks beautiful, can we sing happy birthday now'..

My funniest convo with my 6YO cousin was trying to explain my family.. hes my uncles son, my aunties nephew, my mums nephew and my grandads grandson..
so he had a butter knife and said 'grandad im gonna stab you' i told him if he stabs my grandad ill have to stab him, well he was mortified that id lie about HIS grandad being my grandad and said 'grandad will you tell her that your mine'
i took him to the shop and said something about my mum, 'whos your mum' he asked.. my mum is your auntie.. 'no shes not, thats not possible' i explained his daddy is my uncle and his other auntie is my auntie too. 'well how come my auntie Sarah is your mum but auntie Keeley is your auntie, i dont understand, and they are my family though, my mum isnt your mum'.. but yet he does understand hes my cousin, but his family cant be my family, thats impossible!!

 

[MelliPaige]

HAHAHA 'mommy penis' soo funny..
i know someone whos little boy was in the bath with his mum and he said 'oh my gosh mum, wheres your willy gone' she explained mummys dont have willys we have 'fairys' his reply was 'oh my god, im glad i dont have one of them, they look scary'
then at christmas when she put the tree up, he came home and said 'aww mummy that looks beautiful, can we sing happy birthday now'..

My funniest convo with my 6YO cousin was trying to explain my family.. hes my uncles son, my aunties nephew, my mums nephew and my grandads grandson..
so he had a butter knife and said 'grandad im gonna stab you' i told him if he stabs my grandad ill have to stab him, well he was mortified that id lie about HIS grandad being my grandad and said 'grandad will you tell her that your mine'
i took him to the shop and said something about my mum, 'whos your mum' he asked.. my mum is your auntie.. 'no shes not, thats not possible' i explained his daddy is my uncle and his other auntie is my auntie too. 'well how come my auntie Sarah is your mum but auntie Keeley is your auntie, i dont understand, and they are my family though, my mum isnt your mum'.. but yet he does understand hes my cousin, but his family cant be my family, thats impossible!!

My niece says the same thing, except its with my mom (her nana)
I'll tell her nanas my mom, she says no her mom is my mom.
My baby can share nana though, but her baby brother can't.
"Can nana be (brother)'s nana?"
"Not brothers nana, my nana!"
"Is she Leo's nana"
"Yes"
"Is she my mom"
"No! Mommy is mommy that's my nana"

She also refuses to believe that nanas house is poppys(what she calls my dad) house..my family runs a business and she says that's poppys house and their house is nanas house lol she will argue over it for hours.
"Where does poppy live"
"Nanas house"
"So it's poppys house, too"
"No nana"
"Where's poppys house?"
"His work"
"Where does he live?"
"Nanas"