I'm in a tricky situation..

[Andi86]

Well, we kinda texted about it. And he's just been awfully blunt. Or at least that's what I think, I can't tell whether I'm just being over-sensitive. But the reality is, although what he did to start all this would make you think otherwise, in general he's actually a decent person. I think he's just struggling to comprehend what is actually going on. He know's what's going to happen to him when people find out, I know that even his closest friends are going to struggle to accept what he did.I think it's easier for him to pretend this isn't happening. And honestly, I wish I didn't have a constant reminder.

I have no idea where my head is at anymore. I'm struggling to decide what the right thing to do is. It just makes me sick knowing that this baby, my own baby, is the result of such a mess. And that's never going to change.

I sound super negative right now. And I'm honestly hoping it's just a mood that will shift. I'm feeling so off right now..

A lot of men don't really get a connection with the baby until after the baby is born. The woman gets to see her body change and feel her baby (which by the way to answer your question yes you should start feeling her soon. I believe I was just over 20 weeks when I felt my first) So I could only imagine an unexpected pregnancy for a teen boy would be extra difficult to fully understand or feel connected to the baby. He probably is avoiding it because it doesn't feel real to him yet. Also he is young and immature and not ready to deal with being a daddy yet. It probably hasn't hit him yet. Men typically feel like they have to be strong and tough and so him being silent and not talking about it is pretty normal. I hope once the baby is here he steps up if you decide to keep her. I'd hate for you to go through this alone and he baby to not have a father in her life. All you can do is take control of your life and not wait around for him, make the best decisions you can for you and your baby with or without him. Let him know what your doing and give him the opportunity to be part of everything, appointments, ultrasounds( although you probably already had all of them?), the birth. Ask him if he wants to be there and hopefully he will start coming to terms with all this.

Also don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes in our lives. I know it feels like the end of the world but it's really not. Don't get me wrong it will be harder then most go through at your age but you will survive this. I know at your age it's easy to worry about what others think but in all honesty it won't matter in the end. A year or two from now everyone will continue with their lives and go to college and not even care about what your doing. Your true friends will stick around but if you keep the baby you will have different lives from them. They will be thinking of college and boys and you will be changing diapers, teaching your child to walk and talk and everything else that comes with parenting.

 

[skyesmom]

Also don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes in our lives. I know it feels like the end of the world but it's really not. Don't get me wrong it will be harder then most go through at your age but you will survive this. I know at your age it's easy to worry about what others think but in all honesty it won't matter in the end. A year or two from now everyone will continue with their lives and go to college and not even care about what your doing. Your true friends will stick around but if you keep the baby you will have different lives from them. They will be thinking of college and boys and you will be changing diapers, teaching your child to walk and talk and everything else that comes with parenting.

This! And trust me, once your daughter is born, regardless of what you decide to ultimately do regarding keeping vs adopting, the way she was made will be completely irrelevant. Once you get to look into her eyes, that detail will be the last thing you'll think about.

Also, as Andi said, everybody makes mistakes and if none of your or his friends is ready to understand that and forgive you, well... the life will also bring new people and new friends into your life, too. Pregnancies and babies change the friendships at ANY age, as regardless if you're 16 or 36, the people with babies and people with no babies have different interests and lives. Get that breaking the news job done and let the life unfold, you really never ever know what may happen and how the life and the people around you may surprise you. The one of your friends that knows has been there for you up to now, so that's already one person that you got.

 

[jessmke]

Well, we kinda texted about it. And he's just been awfully blunt. Or at least that's what I think, I can't tell whether I'm just being over-sensitive. But the reality is, although what he did to start all this would make you think otherwise, in general he's actually a decent person. I think he's just struggling to comprehend what is actually going on. He know's what's going to happen to him when people find out, I know that even his closest friends are going to struggle to accept what he did.I think it's easier for him to pretend this isn't happening. And honestly, I wish I didn't have a constant reminder.

I have no idea where my head is at anymore. I'm struggling to decide what the right thing to do is. It just makes me sick knowing that this baby, my own baby, is the result of such a mess. And that's never going to change.

I sound super negative right now. And I'm honestly hoping it's just a mood that will shift. I'm feeling so off right now..

Once she is born you won't care how she was made or the mess that was caused. If you decide to keep her then she will enrich your life in ways you didn't even know we're possible, and if you decide to give her up for adoption you will be giving another couple the greatest gift they could ever receive.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I agree completely with all of the previous posters, it is such a blessing and it really is true every word of it. None of what you are feeling right now will matter after your baby is born especially if you decide to keep her. She will become everything to you.

 

[nadia511]

Thank you for all the supportive things you've said to me in a moment of weakness. I was having a really tough couple of days. I'm kind of still in a similar mindset as for now I have nothing to make me think otherwise.

I wrote the letter. I went to see her today and gave it to her but left before she opened it. I assume she's read it by now. And she, or any of my friends, have not said a single word to me. The father knew what I was doing, and said that he'd handle her when it came to it. I still don't know if there's been any interaction between them.

I guess the secrets now out. I'm just waiting for the first confrontation..

 

[aidensxmomma]

You've done an incredibly hard, but incredibly mature, thing by telling your friend. Just keep hanging in there. The other ladies here have given some great advice. Just keep focusing on you and the baby. Try not to worry much about what people think/say. I know that's really hard to do, but honestly, no matter what you do, people are going to say shit. Whether you're 16 or 26 or 46, there will always be someone who has to share their opinion about your life.

And don't beat yourself up about mistakes you've made or feelings your having or anything. Absolutely everyone makes mistakes, whether they admit to them or not or even have to deal with any consequences. It happens to everyone. Making mistakes is how you learn and grow as a person. Everyone also has bad days. It's especially hard when you're young and pregnant. But you have been doing an incredible job so don't forget to give yourself credit for that.

 

[LittleLala]

big hugs, Hun. I hope everything is okay. Thinking of you.

 

[Andi86]

Good for you telling her. If no one has said anything yet that's a good sign. Hopefully your first talk with her will go ok as it can.

 

[ClairAye]

Well done for telling her! I hope everything goes as well as it can between you both now.

 

[Kiwiberry]

Good job Mama for laying it all on the line and telling your friend. Keep up the great work you are a strong woman you can do this.

 

[skyesmom]

Kudos to you for telling her! You did such a brave, difficult and mature thing. Take a deep breath and give yourself a pat on the shoulder for how you are dealing with the situation. I second everything aidensxmomma said about making mistakes and learning from them, and you are really doing a great job. It takes lots of guts for that.

It is also good to hear that the FOB said he will be there to help dealing with your friend too.

 

[Andi86]

Any update on how things went with your friend?

 

[Moom7900]

Well done for telling your friend - not an easy task but a very mature one.
I agree that once your baby is born, her conception will mean nothing. She will just be her, as she deserves to be, and in the future this ordeal will mean much less than it seems to now. People move on to the next bit of gossip very quickly, and everybody makes mistakes at some point.
Good luck and keep us all updated xxxxxx

 

[mara16jade]

Hope you're doing ok. What grade are you in?

I'm sure your friend will be upset, so be ready for it. But hopefully everybody can move on from this.

 

[nadia511]

It's a hard situation for all of my other friends now, they're conflicted. On one hand I completely betrayed our friend by doing one of the worst things I possibly could, but on the other hand I'm their friend stuck in this position. They've kind of asked me how I'm doing a little bit not much. I'm sure the friend I hurt has given orders not to talk to me, but I don't know. It's not like I expect things to be fine. I know what I've done and I'm guilty.

A few of the FOB's friends have talked to me a little, but more asking what happened. It seems like he's not said much to them, so they're trying to find out what is actually going on. He's not talked to me that much either. I assume my friend has confronted him in some way by now.

I've still to tell my parents who the father is. It's like I've finally moved forwards and Todd my friend but now I'm facing another wall.

I'll be entering 11th Grade in September.

 

[Andi86]

Everything will die down with time. Trust that your true friends will stick around. You had told one friend before is she still around supporting you? It's hard to explain this to you cause you're young and right now friends are the most important thing in the world but everyone goes through losing friends. Believe me, friends come and go throughout life sometimes during fights sometimes you just grow apart. It can be painful and confusing but true friends will always be there even if a long time has passed since you spoke to each other. Even if this girl is barking orders to the others not to speak to you its up to them to make that decision. Once your babies here she will be the most important person above anyone else. It might be difficult for a while but you will get through this.

 

[Amygdala]

Andi is right, this will all blow over and seem way less important in a few months, definitely in a few years. I'd like to raise another point though: I think it's time for you to let go off your guilt. Yes, sleeping with your friend's boyfriend was a betrayal of your friendship but I think it's time you forgave yourself. For one thing, HE should have stopped it, as he was the one in a relationship. But whatever the situation, you have bigger things to face now and feeling guilty and like a bad person won't help you cope. Trust me, everyone does something bad at some point. You know you did wrong and you regret it and I'm pretty certain you wouldn't do something like this again. So forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on. It happened, it can't be changed but it does not define you. You have way bigger things to figure out now! And do not for one second think the way your baby was conceived makes you any less deserving of happiness! If you want to keep her and enjoy being her parent, you absolutely do deserve that. If you want to opt for adoption, you deserve happiness in your youth. You especially deserve happiness in a relationship one day. Do not settle for someone who is less than perfect for you because you think you're worth less because of this one stupid mistake. You're young and you will grow from this and you deserve good things for yourself and for your baby!
I know this sounds silly but I think it'd be a really good idea to start telling yourself that. Literally. Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself "I deserve happiness". It'll feel weird at first but it'll help, trust me.

 

[Andi86]

Totally agree with everything Amygdala said. Mistakes happen. It's how you move on from it that really matters. Sounds like you've already learnt from it, you've apologized to your friend, now you just need to forgive yourself and work on being happy with your life. Let go of the regret. Telling your parents who the dad is the next step. The sooner you stop hiding things from people the sooner you will forgive yourself. I can tell you don't want to tell them because you still feel ashamed by it. Yes they will be disappointed but they to will get over it. Remember how hard it was to tell then you were pregnant? Seems easier to talk to them about it now right? It will only continue to get better with time and once the baby is here. Once everything is laid put there you can start with a clean slate and then forgiving yourself will be easier. You deserve to be happy and so does your child. Focus on that.

 

[DaisyDreamer]

In a few years time this drama will just be a blip. You are dealing with more important and greater things than hurt egos and school-girl drama. Not meant to be any sort of criticism on you at all. But you are in a more mature place than they are and they don't understand.

You seem to be handling it well, yeah I wouldn't expect things to be fine either. Such a hard position to be in. I'm thinking of you on this journey

 

[EverythingXd]

Hi hun, have read this thread and you sound so mature for your age. I just wondered what you have told your parents so far about the father of your child, if anything?

It just strikes me that you are fearing they will be disappointed by the truth, but personally I think it could be a lot worse. I know you're not proud of what happened, but your parents may fear it was one of your teachers, a much older man, it could've been someone who has been in trouble with the law... the reality, although not ideal, is not really that shocking a situation. You betrayed a friend, but you clearly feel guilty for what you did. You and the father are still communicating with each other, I'm not sure your parents would see this as worst case scenario.