Is The Decision To Have Only One Child Fair?

[Lellow]

Hello,

Me again

Ive been reading online again and i thought it would be an interesting subject to discuss...

Do you think its fair to have an only child, by fair, i mean fair on the child in terms of not ever experiencing having siblings.

I know its down to the individuals decision, but do you think that there could be an element of resentment from the child not being the brother or sister of someone.

Here's an experience of one lady i found online which was quite an eye opener:

''I was an only child, in my youth it wasn't too much of a problem I had cousins but as I got older I needed people to talk to and I needed support which I just didn't have, my cousins and I had grown apart and I had nobody to hang with. When I met my husband he would look through holiday photos with his 2 sisters and have such a laugh, I never had that and always (still do) wish that I did, no amount of spoiling can ever get back what you want the most.''

I know from personal experience what it feels like to have lots of brothers and sisters and i really cant think of a life where it would have been JUST me...But im just curious as to what others think.

Do we have anyone out there who is a single child, or perhaps theres those of you who have decided that one is enough for you?

Opinions much appreciated

 

[venusrockstar]

My hubby was an only child and he absolutely hated it. His parents still treat him like a baby and it's bloody annoying. He's almost 30! He has said that he always wished he had siblings and more support and for that reason we have decided to have at least 2 children, 3 if finances are good.

 

[chetnaz]

I don't think it is fair on the child. They will be missing out on so much not having a sibling. I am the youngest of 6 and I would just be lost without my siblings. No matter how many close friends, cousins etc I may have, there is nothing like the bond you have with your siblings. They are always the ones I turn to in my time of need, to talk to, for support, for advice or even a good old telling off! And we have had so much laughs and good times together. I am therefore so happy that I have three boys as I can already see the strong bond between them and i know they will always be there for each other.

 

[Lightworker]

Lol I was just about to type a lengthy answer on the cons of having an only child but IMO whether you have 1 child or 20 is not up to you, its up to God (or however you refer to the creator as). Thats just my personal belief. X

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Whether it is fair or not, we cannot afford to have a second. - also every family is different, many people are not at all close to their siblings. I have one brother - he now lives on the other side of the world!

 

[Lellow]

I think finances and medical issues aside, i just wanted to know if you thought it'd still be fair if you were in a position to have more than the one!

 

[OmarsMum]

I have 3 younger brothers but I never felt like having siblings. They'r added responsibility to me. I've never been close to my eldest brother who's 18 months younger than me, my other brothers are 8 & 15 years younger than me & I feel like I'm their mother not a sister. My brothers were also not so close when they were younger & they didnt do much together when they were kids because of the age differences.

 

[LittleShark]

I have one brother and one sister and can not say we are so close to each other. My friends are closer to me. Therefore I don`t think sibligs always make your life complete and happy. Although, this is not my excuse to have just one child.

 

[littleh]

I am an only child and I don't feel resentful for not having 'experienced' brothers and sisters. I experienced love and attention from my parents and I don't feel like I missed out on anything whilst growing up

 

[TySonNMe]

I would have another if we could. OH already has an older son and doesn't want any more children. I have an older brother and we are very close...I like the fact that my son has an older brother, but wish he had a sibling closer in age to him and one that was with us full-time.

 

[jakey1]

I have a younger brother and we are sooooo close so I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up without him. I always wanted 2 children but had a difficult job talking my partner into even having 1 as he has a son from a previous relationship and didn't really want any more. When I finally talked him round, I fell pregnant with twins - a boy and a girl so I got my way i know there is no way I would have talked him into having a second child a couple of years down the line so it worked out perfectly for me and now that they are here, he's a doting dad who wouldn't have it any other way xx

I personally think it is really nice for a child to have brothers/sisters but I wouldn't say it was unfair to only have one child - as long as children are cared and provided for then that is the most important thing xx

 

[neadyda]

I was an only child up until the age of 13. I was very lucky. I didn't feel lonely at all. when my little brother came along I was so happy but i see him more of a 'son' then a brother if you get what i mean? cos of the age gap we obviously wasnt into the same things.

 

[MissBroody]

I'm at uni, and on my way out, so only have time for a short reply.

I'm an only child and I can see the positives and negative aspects of it. Being an only child, I've had the complete attention from my parents my entire life, they devoted every minite they had to me - teaching me to read, taking me swimming, taking me to dance classes (which led to an expensive hobby of competing involving expensive costumes, certainly not something they'd have been able to afford had I had siblings). I am very close to my parents, and for the most part I enjoy being an only child, HOWEVER,

I have no one really close (besides my mum) to talk to and confide in, I am slightly selfish because I've never had to share. I dread and fear the day I have to bury my parents alone and have no one to share such a horrid experience with, I'll have no one who is feeling EXACTLY how I am...

On the other side of the coin, my OH has one sister and he loathes her. They do not speak. His parents showed favouritism and it caused resentment. As much as I have enjoyed being an only child, I would really like for Harrison to have siblings. When siblings get along, I think its a bond and a life long friendship that can compare to no other.
xx

 

[~chipper~]

IMO i think it is good for a child to have siblings. I think it's good not only for when they are young, but when they are adults, to still have each other. That way when you pass on, they still have each other for family support. I don't know why, but i know that when I get older, knowing that my kids have each other will be comforting. Sure they may have their own families by then, but it's not the same as having a brother or sister. That's just my opinion though

 

[aliss]

Of course it's fair. What's unfair is the expectation that a woman (or man) should continue to have children for the sake of providing a sibling when they don't want to!

 

[chubbin]

Ok, Im an only child.
This is a live issue for us at the moment as Ive found it a hell of a shock having one child, and im not sure if Im up for having another.
Background info: My parents were great with me til I turned into a teenager, and then they forced me to do athletics (probably in a bid to 'contain me').If my parents had not done this then I would say that my upbringing as an only child was a good experience. Certainly up until the age of 11, I didnt miss having a sibling at all.
In my early teens, I started to miss it a bit. I wondered how much nicer it would be to go on holiday and have a brother or sister there too. And sometimes I would wish that the focus would be on someone else - it felt a bit like being a goldfish in a bowl sometimes, I received too much attention! I missed the potential for shared games round the house e.g. hide and seek, and midnight feasts.
Into my adulthood I still think it would be nice if I had a brother or sister that I could phone for a chat or go and stay overnight with. I also find it hard to understand what people feel when they talk about their siblings.
Conversely there were times in my early teens when I was glad to leave a friend's house, cos they'd start arguing with their sibling. At Christmas and birthdays I had loads of presents, which was great. In fact the whole thing of not having to share was great (by the way, today Im am very generous, but I do have a problem sitting close to people on sofas, I want the whole thing to myself ha ha!). I developed a good imagination and enjoyed playing with dolls, books and toys by myself without having to risk potentially have them wrecked by a sibling.
I dont know what conclusion Ive come to. Every person Ive asked who has had a sibling, says that no matter what their relationship (good or bad) they'd prefer that to being an only. It can be lonely as an only child, but if you as parents can provide friends for your child, and be a friend to them yourself, I think youre on the right track. Also give them time and space to be themselves sometimes, play games with them, and let them be 'in the right' and win arguments sometimes. In this way you will recreate some of the good points of having a sibling.
HTH xx

 

[Seity]

My OH is an only child and Gabriel will also be an only child, so I think it's pretty safe to say that being an only child is great and not the least bit unfair.
You could argue the opposite that it's unfair to have tons of kids and therefore be neglecting some of them (I disagree to that as well) Total nonsense. Have as many or as few kids as you can personally handle.
I had 4 other siblings and it ain't all roses and sunshine.

 

[neadyda]

I have 3 younger brothers but I never felt like having siblings. They'r added responsibility to me. I've never been close to my eldest brother who's 18 months younger than me, my other brothers are 8 & 15 years younger than me & I feel like I'm their mother not a sister. My brothers were also not so close when they were younger & they didnt do much together when they were kids because of the age differences.

I feel like that too. He is 8 and i'm 21. When i go home to my mums we never 'play'. I'm more interested in how he is doing at school, helping with his homework, what his friends are like etc... I worry about him more I think cos of the age gap. when my mum tells me things like someone has been horrible to him/leaving him out etc... i get so angry and upset like a mother would.

I wouldn't have it any other way though. i love him to bits x

 

[Sugarmuppet]

I'm an only child and I didn't mind it at all when I was younger. I was close to my cousins and had great friends. I do wish I had siblings now, as it would be nice for Gaby to have cousins and as when Mum and Dad have health problems it falls to me to care for them, which I don't mind but it would be nice to have someone to share the worry with.

I planned on having lots of children, but now the decision has been taken out of my hands as I have been told not to risk having any more. It does make me very sad for Gaby and if I had the option I would have more.

However, I think it is a very personal decision and no one should judge anyone else for the choices they make.

 

[Lellow]

Im just merely asking for opinions and experiences, i am in know way saying that either decision is wrong or right
Its each individual couples choice how many they do or do not have...