Thank you ladies xx It means so much to me to be able to have support from other amazing women
This might be a little long but there are some things that you all don't know about my life and this relationship with my hubby. After the loss of our daughter, I went a little loopy. As I was very young at the time, hubby said that we should separate ways, so I could find myself and grow. I was very hurt and found someone else straight away. Being 15 at the time and after everything that had happened, I did go down a very dark path. I ended up being kicked out of home and moving in with this "new guy". I would drink for months straight, I was constant doing any drugs I could get my hands on. Just trying to fill the void inside of me. Hubby also found someone else and they also lost a child at 21 weeks in this time. We were apart for around 3 years. All those chemicals I had were to this other guy. It was a terrible relationship. He was mentally, physically, financially and emotionally abusive. Towards the end, it got very bad. I had hidden the bruises and cuts for a long time, until one night he put me in hospital. I won't go into details but it was bad. I now have PTSD and an acquired brain injury. A few months later, although I was still in this boys grips, but I reached out and eventually found hubby. He and the woman he was with, had broken up after the funeral of their daughter and she had been seeing another man while they were together, so when we came back together, we were very messed up people, in our own rights. We decided we would never let the other go again and ended up falling pregnant with our son about 5 months into our reconcile.
Hubby has a lot of trauma and abuse issues from all throughout his childhood. I lived a very sheltered and wonderful life prior to leaving home. Hubby however had a string of new dads, all abusers. It's a long story but it's understandable as to why he is the way he is. Deep down, underneath all of his scars, he is the kindest, most caring, gentle, funny and intelligent man I've ever known but his scars are large, ugly and have ended up resulting in us being where we are today. His mother has been an abusive alcoholics his whole life and because of all the abuse and hurt he has, he tries to soothe it with alcohol, as that's all he has ever been taught. Throughout our relationship he has been very controlling and mentally abusive. He has gotten physical a few times but nothing like my ex. Not that that makes it better but he's never actually physically struck me. We rarely have money because he always takes it all out and spends it. He doesn't do it so that I can't have money, again it's just his issues from his childhood. He feels he needs to spend it before it's taken away from him. Things are always heightened when he's drunk, like most people I guess (I no longer drink or do drugs and I've been completely clean since finding out I was pregnant with my son).
Last week he came home very drunk. He started his crap the moment he walked through the door and I just knew it would get bad. Our son work up from his nap and saw my phone laying on the table. He likes to look at the photos of himself on my phone. So hubby has opened it for him and there was a message from my best friend. He doesn't like her, for no reason mind you, it's just because she's the only person besides family I haven't wiped from my life for him. He became very angry and aggressive. Bub started to cower into me as obviously, when Daddy gets angry, he gets quite upset. I've picked Bub up and hubby started to throw my phone around the house. At me, at the wall, down the hallway, etc. all while yelling and screaming at me. I walked into the bedroom to give Bub milk to try and calm him and of course hubby followed me, still screaming and threw the phone at me again. So I asked him to leave. He said no, so I said I would. I started packing a bag for Bub and when he realised I was serious he was grabbing my by my clothes and pulling me around, pushing me into walls, all while holding our son. He grabbed the bag I was packing and threw it out the front door and practically threw me out. My mum came and got us and that was that.
Of course now, he's very apologetic and wants us to come home. I've told him that in order for us to get back together, he needs to be on medication, seeing someone regularly, showing me he can be responsible with money and then we can talk. I will be saving up and getting my own place for my son and I. Once I feel he is ready, we will be going and doing a course of couples counselling before we move back in together. I won't give up on him and just leave as I know and understand why he is the way he is and it's not his fault. Yes, he's 28 and should know better and he does but he has only made these revelations in that last year or so, which obviously is a big step for someone who had no idea that the way he acts and lives his life, isn't normal.
So basically that's where I'm at right now. I apologise for the novel. I'm feeling a little better in myself now but still very emotional of course. It's all up to him now though and it's out of my hands. I do not trust him however, so I don't know how I'll be able to know if he's actually doing what I ask of him. It's still fresh though and he needs to go through his processes before change happens.
Bub is loving being at his nannies. Playing with the puppy and being smothered in love. We will be fine, no matter the outcome. I have to wait for my new healthcare card to come in the mail then I will be making an appointments for a scan and the doctors, so I will update you ladies then xx
I'm sorry to see the witch has made more visits xx I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys xxx Talk soon ❤️
please take care of yourself, we're all here if you need to talk xxx 
to you all, and so sorry to those who got AF xxx
