Maybe if my mood starts going positive.....

[MouseyMom]

I am 24. DH and I are trying for #2. We have a 5 year old little girl.

 

[deafgal01]

This is my 1st ttc. I'm 28.

 

[jess123]

Hellooo to our new ladies Love love love new faces!

I'm 27 and NTNP after TTC since October 2010. Got pregnant right away in October and miscarried in November. Now dealing with irregular cycles. Was trying to chart to try to figure them out, FF pinpointed my O date wrong last cycle, so I was almost a week "late" when AF finally arrived. It's just way too stressful to keep charting and trying so hard when I'm irregular. I was using OPK's but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about them, since I had read that your LH levels can surge, and then your body could end up not ovulating for some reason. Or ovulate later.

I really like this new NTNP approach for now. I'm just doing all the things I can, going out for drinks, being spontaneous with my OH, enjoying my pups, all the things that I won't be able to do if I am pregnant or a parent. I mean I will always have my dogs but you guys know what I mean.

Dizz - So sorry to hear about your situation. Please just don't beat yourself up over the abortion and try to stay as positive as possible. Glad you joined us, it's exactly what we are trying to do!

Goodluck testing this week, starlight! No matter what the results are you can count on us to help you through it.

Sorry AF came, Mousey!! Just gives you more time to prepare to get where you want to be weight wise. And your SIL.. That really sucks.

AGH now I gotta worry about my dairy!? I only use low-fat dairy foods. Guess I'll switch, couldn't hurt.

I finished my first week of Couch to 5k and I loved it! Clothes are already fitting better but the numbers on the scale haven't budged. I'm being set back this week because like you, deafgal, my allergies are in full effect. I feel run down and tired, nose runs and I'm sneezing a lot. I can't figure out if it would be bad to exercise while I feel this way since I know it's allergies and not a serious cold or anything?

Hope everyone's having a good week and staying happy!

 

[deafgal01]

Jess- even with my allergies being as bad as they were last week- I still did my exercises. Yes, at end of the workout I was exhausted and everything- had to take more frequent breaks from the workouts but in the end i felt good/better for knowing I had done them regardless. I think it's different if you got a cold or are sick with a fever but with allergies I don't think it's that bad for us if we continue with our exercises. Maybe do lighter workouts that is more manageable?

I'm having a good week.. Allergies let up for the time being so I'm happy.

 

[MouseyMom]

Well had a good day today even though AF came. And I'm having a little celebration this weekend by going with DH and friends to the local county fair while grandpa watches the little one. Going to enjoy drinking beer, elephant ears and the rides!! Couldn't do all that if I was preggers! Going to start my workout tomorrow since my tattoo has gone into super healing mode and it's almost totally peeled!! Just itchy though!

Deafgal and Jess- I feel so sorry for you guys having allergies!! I had to take DD to ENT today and she was put on ear drops, nasal spray, and antibiotic for her allergies.

Jess- It's like "Are ya kidding me???" with the dairy...it's crazy! They have studies that show that low fat dairy has to have protein and vitamin D put back into it and something with it cause ovulatory infertility??? Likes there's not enough crap we have to stay away from...Dairy is gonna be a lil tough for me, well, milk wise anyway. But whatever I can do to help, Imma do! Plus I also read that 2% and whole milk is better for men too...supposedly men who drink low fat/skim milk have an increased risk of prostate cancer. Bah...I seriously do way too much research, lol.

Heehee...I'm think I'm really hoping for some good weight loss. Ended up at Target with DH picking out bikinis for summer. Doubt they'll be there when I get back but it was nice looking and hoping I'll get one. Good night girls...gotta busy day ahead of me with work and errands!! Let us know how everything goes Starlight!

 

[deafgal01]

Mousey- eh it's not so bad once you get used to it and figure out the early signs of it coming so that you can start the meds early enough to prevent it from getting worse. I've been off the meds for 2 days already and no problems so far... So I only needed it 5 days this time around which isn't that bad.

Agree with the dairy... It's bad enough we are doing so much to try to get preggers but on top of that to worry about which type of dairy we are consuming?! Especially if it might affect our fertility?! I don't know how we do it.

 

[jess123]

Just wanted to say I started day 1 of week 2 of my plan! I feel so much better, thanks deafgal for motivating me to suck it up and do it anyway

 

[deafgal01]

Jess- no prob... That's what we are all here for... I should do some exercise tonight when it's nice and quiet... What the heck am I talking about? It's gonna be quiet all night with the kids asleep. I'll do my workout around 2ish or 3ish...

 

[jess123]

So proud! Deafgal and my OH, just bustin' their humps on the overnight shifts.

Ugh, I was just watching Practical Magic. It's a movie my mom and I used to watch together when she was ok.. I was still in high school and living at home and we'd watch it among others on movie weekends. I was thinking of her the whole time it was on and then at the end when that Steve Nicks song started.. I lost it. I'm so devastated right this second. Her birthday is April 7. I don't know how bad that will suck. Stupid grief.

 

[deafgal01]

What happened with your mom? I can't imagine being without mine! I'm not that close to my mom like I was when I was a kid but still I can't even farthom the idea of being without her.

 

[jess123]

My mom killed herself Dec 20 2010.

The day before, the last day we talked, she was stressing out about being sent to a mental hospital. It was not unusual for the last ten years or so to not hear from her for a week and then she would call me and tell me she was either in the hospital or had just gotten out. No warning at all. So when she was stressing out about it and I hadn't heard from her, I just assumed that's where she was. So the week went by and I got more worried, Christmas came and went and when I hadn't gotten a phone call from her, that's when I pretty much knew she was dead. Finally on Monday the 27th, one week later, the cops were able to go to her apartment. I assume she killed herself on the 20th because that was the last anyone heard from her. She left me a voice mail while I was working. It was so reassuring, "Everything's okay! Don't worry about Mom".. It wasn't an ominous voicemail of what was to come, it was truly reassuring.

It's been so hard trying to deal with it. I think most days I'm in denial and I go weeks without shedding a single tear, and then all of a sudden I'm watching a favorite movie from my teenager years and I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

It makes not being able to conceive so much harder because she was all I had of my immediate family. I want a family of my own so badly! I just imagined if I hadn't miscarried, I'd be sitting here about 23 weeks pregnant and feeling hopeful about my baby.


Sorry to be so long winded and depressing. It's late so I didn't want to bother anyone. Just needed to vent. Thanks in advance for listening.

 

[deafgal01]

Jess it's ok, you needed to get that out. It's not, it's really ever not easy to lose a parent- especially in the way you lost your mom. Feels like you've been robbed of the joy of having her there when you do finally have your little one day.

I'm kinda scared that when I finally have my it'd be too late for me to show the to my mammaw- she's not getting any younger. Plus I can't always predict what's gonna happen in the future, let alone tomorrow.

 

[MouseyMom]

Sorry about your mom Jess. I don't have my mom part of my life. Ever since my parents divorced she was never there for me. She would always go out and would end up having her boyfriends living with us who were total deadbeats AND married. After she made comments about my handicapped daughter...that was the last straw. She lives 5 min away from my MIL and works in the same mall too. Bahahaha.

Deafgal- my DH is the same way with meds so he keeps up. Of course then he forgets his mess and its he'll all over again. Last year he had pneumonia andkept getting bronchitis every few months. I felt sooo bad.

 

[deafgal01]

Mousey- Poor DH! That's no fun. At least your MIL is more of a mother than your own real mom will be to you. I hope she is...

 

[MouseyMom]

She is. She can definitely play the nagging mom role but I know she only means the best. DH family are all Italian and from NY so they're very noisy lol. Im more quiet so when I met them for the first time I was about to have a panic attack lmao. But I've gotten used to it. How are your in laws?

 

[deafgal01]

Mousey- I love my in laws, seriously I LOVE them! My MIL learned a few signs here and there so it's sometimes funny seeing her try to sign something right and she ends up signing it wrong. Lots of laughs there. My FIL- his wife (DH's step mother) makes an effort to include me in the conversations at the table so it's refreshing. They're very supportive. My FIL is very quiet and my MIL is very chatty. I don't mind.

 

[MouseyMom]

That must be terrible Jess. With that, and your miscarriage...you're a very strong woman. Just know that your mom and baby are in heaven together and both will be looking down on you and your next baby when you get pregnant. A friend of ours went through the same thing a few days before Christmas. His father was very depressed with the passing of his wife and killed himself on December 22. Our friend was very upset but he knew that his dad was just so depressed without his wife and it caused him so much pain. I've had my grandfather commit suicide, grandmother attempt it, one friend that I've known since middle school killed himself junior year of highschool and another friend tried to commit suicide but instead seriously wounded himself and his now blind and hanicapped. It's so sad and angering and unfair. It's ok to feel the way you do and no matter what, it's going to always be here but it will get better with time. You're always welcome to vent to us, we'll be here!

As for my daily venting...well, I'm still working with that girl who caused problems for me and I have never hated anyone in my life but every time I see this girl now I want to backhand her for what she did and how she lied. I seriously see red and I'm not one for confrontation but she brings it out of me and now she acts very smug towards me which pisses me off even more but I don't let her see it. (I must sound like a total bitch right now and I promise I'm not). It was just so wrong to accuse my husband of that. I think that's why I'm so mad...it's about MY family and when it comes to that it's no holds barred. She's dating this guy who works at the Target next to us and that guy is even giving me and my DH dirty looks. I'm like "Are you serious???" She probably told him God knows what. It's funny at times though because she told everyone these lies at our work and everyone knows she's crazy and lying so she is just digging her hole even deeper. <<Sigh>> Stupid drama...I hate it.

So anyways...how is everyone doing??

 

[deafgal01]

Wow... that is quite a drama queen you have to put up with at work. Luckily everyone there knows she's such a liar so they won't pay her any mind.

As for me... I'm doing great... I spent too much yesterday but it was worth it... The food was expensive but healthy and I got a chocolate cake with ice cream to share with my girlfriend for dessert. That was better than sex... Yeah it was definitely better than sex... I got some new basic make up too (I was overdue to replace the old make up I had anyways) so I got foundation, liquidator, and mascara. Today I shall have to throw away the old make up. Best part, it was natural make up that I bought- origins... So it's better for my skin and won't clog my pores. I wanted to buy other stuff too but I'll use up the other face products I have first before I allow myself to buy more but I'll stock up on other stuff like eye liners and stuff.

 

[jess123]

Thanks babes.. The thing with my mom, I am trying to deal with. We never had a good relationship. She was more like my irresponsible sister.

But now that she's gone and I have all these doubts, it's so easy to say "well if she were still alive, I could try harder".. when I know deep down I tried so hard to make us have a good relationship. But it never worked. I downloaded a book for suicide survivors on my amazon kindle and I read that when I'm feeling really bad. I also joined another forum for survivors and I think it will help. I am doing much better than the other night. The way grief works, for me at least, is that I spend each day doing well for myself and dealing with it.. and then one little thing, such as that song in that movie, will just slap me in the face and all I can do is cry.

I'm still just NTNP all the live long day, lol. As far as wanting my mom there.. Well that's a hard thing to think about. When I was pregnant before, my mom was still alive. And she was so excited. She even bought the baby a stocking! She said she knew it was silly and too early, but she was so excited she couldn't help it. Then I miscarried.. and she killed herself.. So if I could just please, please get that BFP, my baby will have one thing from his or her grandmother. But, at the same time, when she killed herself.. she knew I had symptoms and I swore I thought I might be pregnant again. But she still killed herself anyway. I had no warning. Her own personal pain was at a level that I could have never known about. So nothing could have saved her.

I told her up front I did not want her there. My mom was TERRIBLE in times of stress. Whenever I had something going on, I had to keep it to myself because she was not a good support system at all. I learned at a very young age that all you really can count on in the world is yourself.

I'm sure it's because she had so many of her own mental issues, but she never ever for one day was there for me when I had a tough time. I had tons of surgeries related to my cleft palate when I was little, but if I ever needed her, she wasn't there because she either needed to go have a cigarette or needed to go walk around and just couldn't hold me. So when I got to the teenage years, from then on, I just dealt with everything myself.

So I told her as soon as I found out that I was pregnant that I did not want her in the delivery room. But afterward, I told her I wanted her to come visit us and spend time with the new baby as long as she wanted. But it wasn't good enough. She still felt like nothing was left living for. Not me, not my next baby, nothing.

Ooops... another long response.. Sorry girls. Thank you so much for your listening. It means a lot. It's all quite new and her birthday is coming up, so I'm just trying my best.

Mousey - drama at work is the worst!! Work sucks enough.. no one really wants to be there, so wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just show up and do their part and get through the day?!?!

Deafgal, I'm really glad your in laws are really cool. I'm kinda with Mousey, my (soon to be) MIL is kind of meddling but I know she means well.

With my OH's job, I'll get health insurance.. whereas before, I was kinda on my own just hoping to get Medicaid.. so she went on and on about how when we get married, I'll get insurance.

I know these are factors she was considering when she was less than supportive about when I was pregnant before.. just really hard because I knew it would all work out and wished she would have been happy anyway. But I miscarried and I'm not pregnant now, so if OH could get insurance for me, I agree.. that would be perfect!


Hope everyone has a great weekend and I apologize again for my super long response.

 

[deafgal01]

Jess- sounds like you're already on track. Support groups going through similar experience and reading up on those books. Don't be afraid to vent or let us know when you need support in times like that.