POAS Addict part 2!

[Mrs. Eddie]

Hi everyone! Sorry have not had a chance to log on over the holidays, will try and catch up this week.

Huge congrats Laura!

I hope all goes well with your scan this week Steph, I'm sure all is well, though I totally understand why you would be afraid.

 

[steph.]

Glad to see you back Emily! How are you feeling with the pregnancy?

I had the scan today, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. There is a baby with a heartbeat of 124bpm but it's measuring 5-6 days behind. I know for a fact that it can't be right because I was using opks and got a strong bfp at 12dpo, so if the scan was right I would only have been 6-7dpo. I'm trying not to panic because with dd2 I was measuring 4 days behind and by the 12 week scan she had caught up, but I don't know, I just feel a bit deflated. I'm going back to the gp and will ask for a repeat scan next week.

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

The fact that you could see the heartbeat is a great sign; hopefully this LO is the same as your DD2 and all wil be great at your scan next week.

I'm OK, feeling so exhausted, nauseous and grumpy, normal First Tri stuff Just excited to get to 10-12 weeks, not only for peace of mind but also so I can hopefully get some energy back too.

 

[steph.]

Well ladies it looks like once again I'm going to miscarry. Hcg levels are very low....

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

OMG Steph, no! I am so sorry, what awful news and so unfair, my heart is breaking for you.

Are they very low? Is there any way that you could be earlier than you thought?

Sending you tons of

 

[steph.]

Thanks Emily. They are 6000 and they were 900 two weeks ago so that gives me a doubling time of 132 hours, which obviously is very unhealthy. I'll have another draw tomorrow, and hoping it will be going down instead of up so that I don't have to wait too long to bleed. I just don't understand why this is happening again. I am healthy, young, and now officially losing more than half of all my pregnancies

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

Is the fact that they're rising a good sign? I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this stress. If things do end with this pregnancy can you talk to your doctor about your recent losses and ask for some testing?

Still praying that all is well with Bubs

 

[steph.]

I think I will, but I'm not even thinking clearly at the moment. I'm just so upset. I just want one more baby, why does it have to be so hard? I don't know if I'll keep ttc or just give it a rest. The thought of starting all over again is exhausting.

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now Steph.

If things don't work out I would definitely talk to your doctor after you take some time for yourself to grieve, then you will have a course of action moving forward hopefully.

I know it's difficult but try to find comfort in your two beautiful girls and the fact that you are a wonderful Mom to them.

Do you still have a scan later this week?

 

[LuvallmyH]

Oh Steph! That is terrible... Once they get that high do they still double as quickly? I'll still hope for you even if you can't

 

[motherofboys]

Just caught up, kissing congrats. This thread had produced more bfps than the last already!
Steph I hope all is well and babies hanging on in there.
Any I saw your scan pic on Facebook, baby is so perfect. How are you getting on? Have you started talking about names yet?
Emily how are you?

I feel the decision is right for us and I feel happy with our choice to stop/wait. But I do still get a little broody especially when I look at pictures of my boys as babies. I just don't think it will happen again for us. I think space and money will be an issue. I'm trying to concentrate on saving so I can take the boys on holiday somewhere hot. It will take 2/3 years to save up enough so can't have a baby in that time and just going by the time that's past I'll be over being broody. I know this makes no sense but I'm happy with how things are, yet I wish they could have been different.

 

[steph.]

Hcg is dropping so I'm just waiting to start bleeding. I really hope it happens soon.

 

[motherofboys]

I am so sorry steph x

 

[steph.]

Thanks Kay. I actually had a really good day with my girls today, I am so glad I have them. My gp is referring me to a gyno to get some extra testing done to see if there is an underlying reason for my losses. I've accepted the loss (after much crying yesterday) but I'm starting to worry that the age gaps will get too big...especially between the first and the last. Have you got any positives to tell me about bigger gaps?

 

[motherofboys]

I can say that when DS 4 was born the others were 7,6&3. He really loves them, yesterday when they came home from school he came to the door (dh picked them up while I stayed here with him) and as each of them came through the door he gave them all a big hug. It's nice to spend more one to one time with him and I feel I've got more patience to do those things that just seemed a bit too messy and time consuming as he gets older, because they are out all day. They do play with him at the moment and say he is getting more fun and they are more helpful because they are older. So there are positives. It's nice to think he'll have someone who's that but older/old enough to be sensible and someone to seek advice from. Like questions about girls or stuff he may not want to ask us.

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

Hey Kay! What you're saying makes total sense. You have been so blessed with your four beautiful boys and though you still love to have another, you will be OK if that doesn't happen. I totally get it. I think it's hard to say I'm done having kids. I'm pretty sure this LO will be our last but we still go back and forth about it a bit.

I'm doing well, would be better is Isla would get out of this sleep strike she is currently holding.

Steph, I'm so sorry your HCG is still dropping and that you're going through this again, it really isn't fair. I am so glad that you've been referred to someone and I hope that gives you some peace of mind I'm also glad that you had a wonderful day with your beautiful girls. There are four years between my sister and I and we are very close now. We did fight a lot when we were younger but I honestly think that was over sister related things (ie clothes stealing) as opposed to an age gap...

 

[LuvallmyH]

Steph I'm so sorry. I have a 4 year unintentional gap between my second & third. The best thing I can tell you about that is no matter what the gap is everyone will be happy! There was no competition between the older kids and the baby. They just adored him and doted on him all the time. The older two were excited and understood more when the baby came. They were more helpful to me and honestly it was a bit easier! I could spend more time bonding with the baby because the older two were so independent. I feel like it was meant to be! Number 3 is the one I went through fertility injections and all that mess. I lost a baby before him & couldn't get pregnant again.

 

[steph.]

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support. Don't know what I'd do without it! I think I need to stop over thinking and just accept that things will happen when they are meant to. My dh already has, he's certain that there isn't anything wrong with us and is happy to just keep trying. Wish I had the same positivity!

 

[Mrs. Eddie]

I bet you'll feel better after you meet with the specialist and get some answers. You two are obviously able to conceive so that's encouraging. I'm glad to hear that you're doing a bit better today

 

[motherofboys]

Thanks Emily, I was worried I was just rambling. I do feel ready for the next stage of parenting. I know one thing, I won't miss changing nappies and wiping butts. Seth's going like 4 times a day right now. I'm also quite looking forward to being able to go places without fear of my child breaking something. He grabbed some boxes from a display today and threw them on the floor. They contained lightbulbs! Thankfully none broke.
But I will miss the excitement of pregnancy, the kicks, the growing bump. The snuggles and all those firsts all over again. I mean there's still a chance of one more but I honestly can't see it happening. I think I just had a bit if a moment last night when someone posted pictures of their new baby and I thought "that's not ever going to be again"