Rainbow Makers - WTTAL, NTNPAL, TTCAL & PAL friends

[Mellybelle]

Congratulations Hannah!!!

 

[hannpin]

Unfortunatly my rainbow journet was short lived. Started heavily bleeding earlier today and have a negative frer and IC so back to CD1 armed with Ponti tablets, EPO and OPK's ready for my Sep BFP...for keeps this time xxx

 

[Mellybelle]

I'm so sorry hannah.

 

[SassyLou]

So sorry Hannah, loads of love xxx

 

[collie_crazy]

Hello girlies!

Hope you dont mind me joining in here! Have been trying to read back some of the posts but 300+ pages EEK!!!

I did read about people going to do poo's and someone keeping a pet stone And some exciting 's and some due dates And the price of some burials! Shocking some of the prices people have had to pay We paid £415 for Emily's burial including the plot, coffin, cars, permissions and a small headstone. She is in the baby garden at the cemetry and all the stones have to be the same - its quite nice actually.

Hann I am so sorry - sending you massive hugs!!

I'm not sure where I am in my cycle - I have been doing OPKs for the last few days - all have had lines but no positives but have been bleeding again today So I dont know if its the start of AF or if it is just more bleeding after the delivery! I am so desperate to be pregnant again - I really feel like I need that to focus on - I just hope it happens for us all quickly and we go on to have H&H 9 months with our rainbows

 

[hannpin]

Welcome Crazy Collie... sorry to hear of the loss of Emily. I love you beach picture it is amazing

the bleeding could well be more PP bleeding. After Harri I bled for 2 weeks, stopped for 1 week then started up again for another week, and speeking to other ladies on here it was quite a normal thing to happen. So dont let it worry you. I can completly empathise with the need to be pregnant again, it is the only thing I can focus on at present.

let me know what details you would like me to add to 1st post

I hope out rainbows come soon xxxx

 

[Mellybelle]

Hi collie-crazy,
I am so sorry you lost your little girl. I have seen you around some of the threads.

 

[Delish]

Hi collie_crazy - I love the sand picture too, some girls I talk to on another forum had one taken for me too (I didn't know they were doing it) and it's just beautiful. xx

 

[collie_crazy]

Thank you girls I love the beach pic - Carly who does them is amazing - she must spend so much time at the beach doing all the babies names.

In other news I am still bleeding today - heavier than yesterday too. Also getting cramps on my left hand side and I look like Mrs Spotty McSpotty

I so wish I was pregnant again - I dont even care if I get hyperemesis again - I will cherish every moment of being sick!!

I have got my mum knitting for Lisa's Star a charity that knits for teeny babies like Emily - she is currently making one of these knitted moses baskets which I think are so sweet - I would have loved Emily to have something like this. She was left naked as the hospital didnt have anything suitable for her

https://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/291955_247712511916533_159738440713941_813882_3779844_n.jpg

 

[collie_crazy]

Ok for the front page I am TTC ( oh just seen you already added this but I am collie_crazy not crazy_collie although I am a bit crazy )

Also seen you have added Emily to the angels list if you want to add her gestation she was 17w exactly xxx

The birthdays is that our birthdays? If so mine is 4th August... 3 days after I buried my baby girl

 

[Mellybelle]

Collie, i've just read your blog. I have read your story on BnB before but your blog is beautiful. I actually started crying when you wrote about the woman and the cemetery giving you a hug.

I have never really written much about the loss of my angels. When i lost Kyle, everyone wanted me to 'just get over it'. I had some terrible things said to me. I had a D&c at 15 weeks, which is something I really regret. No one told me what he would look like if I gave birth to him. Words were used like "You can wait to pass the tissue on your own or you can have a d&c." Pass the tissue? After we got back the results and I saw he was a boy, I had to name him. No one ever asked if he was a boy or a girl, no one ever asked if i'd named him. Whenever I did get asked "how are you?" I got angry. I started to answer "I'll be ok", because I knew eventually I would be. But I was a complete mess for months. Many people forgot I was ever pregnant in the first place and this made me angry as well. When I lost Evie i made people remember her. We had a memorial service and had her tiny body cremated and kept the ashes in a beautiful little silver box. I made this video for the service and also put it on facebook. No one was going to treat my babies as "just a miscarriage"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJt9JoGSmbc

 

[kelzyboo]

Melly i was going to watch your memorial video for Evie but i couldn't, the song was played at Evan's funeral (its a beautiful song x) and i just can't right now, i'm sorry x
I'm glad you made it though, no one should treat your beautiful babies as 'misscariages' just because they were born into heaven earlier than some. Lots of love to you and midge xx

Welcome collie_crazy, i'm very sorry for the loss of Emily, i hope you find as much comfort in this group as i have, we're a lovely bunch of ladies and you'll always be able to say what you mean here, there will always be support xx

 

[Mellybelle]

Thats ok Kel, I probably should have put do not watch if feeling emotional and put a warning about the song. "Precious Child" is such a beautiful song and makes me cry every time i hear it.

 

[kelzyboo]

It is, it always makes me cry, i listen to it on repeat sometimes and others i can't listen at all, i think because its my appointment tomorrow at the hospital where he spent his short life, i just can't face it right now. I'll watch when i'm feeling a little more stable xx

 

[Mellybelle]

 

[Tasha]

Melly I am completely heartbroken for you, the tears wont stop. It is so unfair your beautiful Rainbow snatched from you I am so sorry

 

[Mellybelle]

Thanks Tasha. I'm sorry, I didnt mean to make you cry. I still cant watch it without crying but my tears feel more ....... umm...productive? IYKWIM? now. They dont feel so bitter. They feel like memory tears, remembering something beautiful that was lost.

 

[kelzyboo]

I watched it without the sound mel, its really beautiful i'm crying too now xx
Floaty kisses Kyle and Evie, brother and sister together forever xx

 

[Mellybelle]

Thanks Kelly.

 

[collie_crazy]

I cant listen to the song without sobbing either - so watched your beautiful video without sound - I cried anyway I'm so sorry your rainbow was taken Melly its so unfair

I want to be pregnant again more than ever. I was thinking today about how 'well' I feel and it sounds stupid but I hate it - I have energy, I dont need a day time nap, I can eat without being sick etc but I want all that back! But then I think what I would do if something went wrong and I dont know how I would cope doing this again

I'm still bleeding anyway - 25 days now!!