Rainbow Makers - WTTAL, NTNPAL, TTCAL & PAL friends

[kelzyboo]

I guess to others it is a strange line of thinking, before i lost Evan i would have said that i'd never want to try again but its so different when your actually in that position. It bothers me that people will think i want to replace him, i could have 10 more babies and still feel 'incomplete', i just want to hold a baby in my arms, when i accept that it can't be Evan, then i'll be ready to try.

Its hard with me because it was an abruption, they have no idea what really causes it and theres no way to predict or stop it so i'll never know what to do next time. There are things that make you higher risk but i had none of them this time so i've got nothing i can do or not do next time, i'll be higher risk for it now because i've had one before plus the c section doesn't help so really it would be more likely to happen this time than it was with Evan, if that makes sense?

When i look at it like that i'm scared i'll always be too frightened to try again. I hope i feel a bit more positive once i've seen the consultant next week, for now my plan is to sort out my anemia, lose some more weight (already dropped nearly 4 stone) and be as healthy as i can be before i try, but still none of those things could have caused it so i'm no better off really!
I'm so negative today, can i go to sleep and wake up tomorrow?

Hope everyone has a good day xx

 

[Tasha]

Hannah my stomach was in knots for you reading that, it is horrible the symptoms, the am I, arent I? And worse still that we shouldnt even be TTC cos we should all be pregnant or have our babies in our arms. I have everything crossed for you sweetie.

Kelly, I agree that it is totally normal for TTC to take over your mind, it is because we have empty arms syndrome and we NEED a baby to fill those empty arms, of course we want it to be our angels but as that isnt possible we look to having a new baby, it is normal. You know before Honey I never even thought of having my baby die, so I dont know what I would of thought with regards to trying again, but I do know that after Honey I thought if I ever have another late loss then that would be it, no more. Now I am here, and not trying again has crossed my mind but I cant do it, I need my rainbow. I think that would change if I were to lose a third of my babies but I am not sure, cos things/opinions change when you are actually in that situation dont they?

Did you have tests on your blood Kelly?

 

[kelzyboo]

I've got antibodies in my blood, don't think that can cause it but i'll have to ask the consultant, no clotting disorders that i know of and i'd been on clexane injections since 26 weeks anyway (for something not related).
I haven't had any results from the hospital only that i'm B12 defficiant and need injections.
When i was in hospital (not the one he was born at, we were transferred) they kept mentioning antibodies, i am anti-E but they kept mentioning anti-K and anti-D aswell so i'll have to ask about that, i can't have anti-D since i'm a+ blood type?

Its confusing lol x

 

[disneybelle25]

Hello, I wondered if I could join your lovely thread? I'm currently going through a miscarriage, was very early days, just 5 weeks and I'm having up and down days and looking forward to being ready to ttc again. would be really lovely to chat to people who have had similar situations??

 

[Tasha]

LOL Kelly, that is confusing. I have various clotting disorders, were you on aspirin too? St Mary's in London does this test on your blood that looks at the way it clots rather than for specific clotting disorders because they think there are many clotting disorders yet to be discovered

Hi DisneyBelle, sorry for your loss

 

[hannpin]

ohh Kel my lovely, I really hope your consultant can give you some answers. But like you said if you do the bast you can to get your body in the best possible condition you can before TTC then it will make things easier for you. Well done on the weight loss, 4 stone is fab

Harri has spina bifida, along with other problems which was caused by lack of folic acid, and I don't know why that was. As I took the same prenatal as with Elsie, and my diet was reletivly similar, but it still happened. It makes me scared to think that because it has happened once, there is a higher risk of it happening again. although measures have been put in place so it hopefully will not, I completly understand the fear of the unknown.


Tash I completly agree, I never thought I would be here today, loosing a baby is something that happens to other people???? oh how wrong can I be!!! I have thought that I may have to go through making the same decision again, but the thing is, I think the love that I already feel for my future rainbow outways the scared feelings, which allows me to put myself through ttc, but yea if it did happen again, I dont know how I would react, all I know that now at this point this is the right thing to do.

Big all round xxx

 

[hannpin]

welcome disneybelle. Sorry for what you are going through right now. big xxx

 

[kelzyboo]

Welcome disneybelle x

No tasha i wasn't on asprin, just clexane it was more a precaution because i had severe SPD and could barely move! I'm not sure if i've ever been tested like that then, i know last week my inflamation marker was high and i need another test at the end of july to see if its come down? Think that may be about the c section though, i'm going to ask the consultant if i can be tested for clotting disorders when i go, i need to know if there was a reason so i know how to prevent it happening again.

Han, i like the point you made about the love for your future rainbow, i'm glad thats taken over the fear of ttc, i'm waiting for the need for a baby to outweigh my fear before i try, i'm just not sure it ever will. x x

 

[hannpin]

Kel you'll get there xxx

 

[mummymarsh]

just a quick reply/update..... i think?? i may have a positive (or very close to a positive) OPK in process of uploading a pic xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mummymarsh]

yippee someone new (not that you old lot are boring or anything hahaha)

welcome disneybelle..... sorry for your loss but we can help keep your spirits high xxxxxxxx

 

[Mellybelle]

I feel like I have eaten, slept and breathed TTC since May 2010. That need to be pregnant again was so strong. I also hate that people think I'm trying to replace what I lost. Its not it at all. I love my angels. I cant replace them. I said goodbye to them and laid them to rest. I will always miss them. But I still need my rainbow.

The fear of losing another baby is horrible. But, the way i'm trying to think of it is this. No reason was found for me to lose Kyle. He was tested for chromosomal abnormalities and nothing was found. I had no infections or anything else to cause me to lose him. After I lost Evie, all the same tests were done. No chromosomal abnormalities, no infections, nothing. Then i had all manner of blood tests done on me, and everything is normal. Therefore, there is also NO reason why I might lose this baby. I have two children, so I can carry babies and have trouble free pregnancies. There is no reason why this pregnancy will end in disaster. I tell myself this everyday and slowly, slowly, I'm starting to beieve it.

 

[Mellybelle]

just a quick reply/update..... i think?? i may have a positive (or very close to a positive) OPK in process of uploading a pic xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

yAY, Pee stick!!!

 

[mummymarsh]

my iphone camera isnt that great, lines r more defined in real life.....

i also normally test at 10 am but coz steve has been home today and its a secret i tested at about 12.45pm

 

[mummymarsh]

also in my left side i have some mild cramps, and wonder if they have anything to do with it.. normally i would ignore them, but now im trying to pick out ovulation ive noticed them.....

 

[hannpin]

MM if you have a positive what are you doing on here........... get to it

 

[hannpin]

the ov pains (well i think they are) are a bit like the start of period cramp... did you say he had the day off............ get to it Mrs......... and if he is having none of it I suggest rape!!!

 

[Mellybelle]

Yeah, go jump your sexy man!

 

[mummymarsh]

hahah well lilly is up and he is doing DIY (not the dirty kind lol)

sexy time tonight.... yeh its kind of periody on my left side normally my period pains are more in centre.....

for it to be positive the left line has to be as dark or darker than the right line.. do you think it is???

 

[hannpin]

i'd say they look about the same to me