Sticking Together Until We All Get BFP's!!!!

[Wishing1010]

Oh no, Amy. I'm so sorry you have gone through of all of that. And, I know you feel bad about what happened with that other guy, but your head is not in the right spot so you aren't making the best decisions. Not saying anything bad, just meaning that's why you did it. I hope and pray you and Mike can figure things out, but if not, you will make it through it! I promise

 

[Megamegan]

Amy, sorry you're going through such a rough time! I wouldn't say it's an easy decision at ALL. But I would like to comment and I hope you don't mind. If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely consider how Mike sent you that text wanting to break up. In my eyes, it doesn't sound like he is strong enough to handle the things you are dealing with. I know you like that he is so normal and stable, but on the flip side, maybe he's TOO normal and stable and doesn't know how to react to you or help you when you really need it. I think you need someone who won't be scared of you when you have a panic attack, and who has experience with mental health issues, AND I think you need someone who is sure of how he feels about you- you deserve that, girl! All that said, I know what it's like to have someone who doesn't totally understand you and yet be completely in love with them, and I married that man. That's part of the complexity of human relationships. Your therapy will help you figure it all out. Good luck

p.s. You won't miss your window for baby-making, you have like 12 years before it even gets very difficult to conceive. A lot can happen in 12 years.

 

[Jrepp]

Mary - your quote disappeared. When are you taking the frer? I got my positives 4 days past triphasic shift, and some women don't get it until 6. I know that you said you got a really early positive with Aiden, but every pregnancy is different so I would assume hcg levels might not rise as fast either. Good luck on your dh interview. Is it still in the same state?

Sweetmelodies, tell dh to hurry up! I'm impatiently waiting!! Lol . Veryy excited!

https://s17.postimg.org/f1pjt8zsf/IMG_20140512_130922_936.jpg

Results after the 3 mins...omg...


I have one more so Ill take it in the morning just to see it darker I hope!

Congratulations!

AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I am sitting in the parking lot of the hospital and I just squealed at the sight of your positive test!!!!! YOU ARE PREGNANT!!! I'm so so happy for you and I'm a little emotional so I'm totally crying tears of happiness lol

As for me, I'm so freaking incredible relieved to be done with my first fertility appointment!!! I was super anxious about it. My pelvic exam was normal and he ordered a semen analysis for DH, and an HSG and a pelvic ultrasound for me! So if no BFP next week, I'll be doing some tests which will make me feel better. My doctor told me like 75% of women will get pregnant right after an HSG so he seemed confident that it would happen for me soon. It would be awesome if I got my BFP this cycle and didn't have to do any of this, but I am happy to have something to look forward to if AF shows, which I have a feeling she will. Man, I am relieved. I guess I was just nervous he was going to see something abnormal, but the tests I'll do next week will be much more informative. Well that's it, I was anxious to tell someone so thank God I have you girls to talk to!! I don't want to tell my mom or sister about this unless something isn't right because I don't want them to worry and I also think they will tell me I don't have to go through all this testing and I should just relax. I can't really talk to my mom about TTC because she doesn't get how important it is to me and how hard I'm trying. The doctor was really impressed that I was tracking my ovulation and using Preseed, by the way! Haha. Thanks to this forum.

Did they give you cd 2-4 lab papers as well? I'm glad your appointment went well. Seems like you found someone willing to take a look. I know what you mean about not wanting to talk to people about it. Everyone told me all the time to just relax. I'm not going to talk to anyone about ttc (except the hubbster) until I'm pregnant.

Def sounds like you have a good doc, Megan!!!! So exciting that you are going to have a back up plan if this month is a bust. Have everything crossed for you that you get your BFP super soon!!!

SweetMelodies, I'm so ecstatic for you!! So awesome that one of the "originals" got their BFP! Wooohooooooo!!!!!

I'm going to break down and buy some OPK's today, maybe that will help me figure out what's going on with my crazy body

Have you been diagnosed with pcos? I don't know what is going on with your cycle either! It's weird that your temps flatlined though.

Omg!! Congrats to the BFPs!!!! 9 years that is unbelievable!! Congrats to you both!! So happy for you!!!!

Jess, my experience with painkillers (which i have way too much unfortunately) is constipation is always so common, then it does go from being so contipated to just crazy diarrhea and weirdness...opiates slow everything down, but then when you either get off of them or your body kindof adjusts, everything is totally messed up for a while! I hope you don't have anything serious and it is just related to that

I have had a horrible weekend Was supposed to have a sleepover at Mike's on Saturday....well, around 4pm on Saturday he sent me a really long text saying that he couldn't do it any more...and felt responsible for everything I had been through the past few months, being int he hospital 4 times, etc...and he is so traumatized by everything he needs to process the last few months before he 'can be anything to anyone' - I was completely devastated, crying and having a panic attack, wailing, it was awful My brother and his fiancee (who used to be my best friend, but she lives with us) helped calm me down a bit, and then my brother called Mike (I called him immediately after getting the text and basically said no, you are not doing this over text message or the phone and I am coming over to talk at 7)

Jim, my brother, called him about 30 minutes after I talked to him to explain some things, and tell him from what he has seen, Mike has been the best thing in my life, and that all of these things that have happened are a result of my past and no coping skills, etc....

So then I went to Mike's (he fucking changed his locks while i was in the hospital...I don't remember if I mentioned I had keys made for us) but he felt like he needed to do that because he didn't know if I would give him the key back. That really fucking hurt.

Anyway, we talked for about 2 and a half hours, and came to the agreement that we would both get help, he is going to see a psychologist of him own, and I will start DBT therapy and possibly get a new psychologist. We are going to keep trying, but almost like start over...We agreed to get together twice a week for dinner and maybe more...I am relieved that this is the case. I am so sad that things aren't just going to go back to normal...but I truly love him and feel terrible for everything that has happened.

In the back of my mind, I don't know if I should try to become less attached or start looking for someone else. I know that sounds terrible. I do not cope with breakups well, but Mike is literally the best, most normal, stable, nicest guy I have ever been with.

We haven't had sex in 1 month today. It feels like an effing eternity. He also feels bad that he just can't right now, he said he barely can 'have sex with himself' - so it won't be happening any time soon...or any baby making either.

I feel so alone Friday night, I did something I regret immensely. My brother had some friends over, and there was a guy there that (I know, this is horrible) got out of prison recently. I never ever in a million years would have any interest in someone like that. Somehow my inhibitions went out the window, and he was extremely persistent about how he wanted to go down on me. I have no idea how I let it happen. But I did. I didn't do anything else, but I can't believe I let him do that It has been so hard not feeling close to someone for so long. The whole situation makes me want to throw up Of course I didn't say anything to Mike, because it would just hurt him. In the back of my mind I wanted to get back at him for the things he did online. But after he got caught, he has been so honest and sorry about it. I feel like a horrible person, and am so ashamed

All I can do at this point is just get help and let him get help and see if we can make things work. I want it to work so so much. But I am also having feeling like, it took so long to make the progress that we had...and get him used to not being alone all of the time..that we have gone backwards so much. I don't know.

And of course Mother's day was horrid I can't miss a single day of work for the next 7 months now. Have gone through ALL of my PTO for medical reasons. plus a day over. Had a meeting with my bosses on Friday. They don't want to lose me, but wanted to make sure I thought that I could do it. I was so scared Saturday that I wouldn't be able to work, because I was so distraught...I don't know what will happen.

Praying that the DBT therapy helps, and everything turns out ok. At this point it doesn't look like I will even have the chance to get pregnant for months if not years. Which should be the least of my concerns, but I know you ladies are the only ones who will understand what I mean. more than anything I want to have a child with Mike, who I love, and know will be a great father. And at the same time, I am worried that I will miss my window, and never have the chance to be a mom.

Sorry for the book. I love you girls so much I don't know what I would do without all of you

What is dbt therapy? I'm sorry this has all been so rough for you, and I pray that you guys are able to work it out. I don't really know what to say about the other guy situation, but I think that if you really want to work things out with Mike, make that your top priority. Go to therapy, make sure he is going to therapy, go to therapy together. I'm sure these are all things you are doing. Starting fresh sounds like a great idea. Date and see where it takes you. Either way, I hope and wish nothing but the best for you.


AFM: at work and it sucks. I'm so far behind on what has been going on because no one would tell me. We got a new kid, who isn't here today, the busses have changed quite a bit, they didn't do any of the work I left for while I was gone.....but the kids are supposedly more well behaved now than they have been this past month apparently. I'm in a lot of pain and really quite exhausted. One of the teachers said if I'm not ready I shouldn't be back, but she is the same one that turned around and said go ahead take time off and then complained when I took more time.

Made the best roast last night, going to turn it into stew when I get home and then take a shower and hit the hay. I'm about to go seek out the current principal and see if there are any gen ed positions available for next year.

 

[mdscpa]

Now im confused. Period just stopped after 1 and a half days. My period is usually 4-5 days 7 the longest but rarely. This one is the shortest ever period i have. And have felt cramps again on my right i don't have this cramps once i started my period. I think fertilaid messed with my usual cycle and symptoms. And i haven't noticed any clots yet which i always see from day 1-3? short cycle, short LP and now short AF? DH told me to just go to the doctor and get checked.

 

[Megamegan]

mdscpa- Not sure about that one, only thing I can say is sometimes my period stops and then comes back the next day, like it plays a little trick on me. Maybe wait another day to see if it does that.

Jess- No I didn't get labs for CD 2-4 for this cycle, which is okay with me... Is that for FSH testing? I figure we will start with these things, and if everything is perfectly normal, then I'll ask for more tests. I guess as more time passes they will want to dig deeper to see what's going on. For now I'm satisfied with an HSG and SA! I'm definitely relieved my doctor took me seriously. He was an old Jewish dude, really seemed like a seasoned doc but also really caring. Apparently the OBGYN office at my hospital has a 100% satisfaction rate. Works for me.

 

[Jrepp]

mdscpa- Not sure about that one, only thing I can say is sometimes my period stops and then comes back the next day, like it plays a little trick on me. Maybe wait another day to see if it does that.

Jess- No I didn't get labs for CD 2-4 for this cycle, which is okay with me... Is that for FSH testing? I figure we will start with these things, and if everything is perfectly normal, then I'll ask for more tests. I guess as more time passes they will want to dig deeper to see what's going on. For now I'm satisfied with an HSG and SA! I'm definitely relieved my doctor took me seriously. He was an old Jewish dude, really seemed like a seasoned doc but also really caring. Apparently the OBGYN office at my hospital has a 100% satisfaction rate. Works for me.

Fsh, estrogen, antiphospholipid.....there is a bunch. It seems to me that blood work would be easier and less invasive than the hsg and whatnot. They could be done in conjunction.

 

[Megamegan]

mdscpa- Not sure about that one, only thing I can say is sometimes my period stops and then comes back the next day, like it plays a little trick on me. Maybe wait another day to see if it does that.

Jess- No I didn't get labs for CD 2-4 for this cycle, which is okay with me... Is that for FSH testing? I figure we will start with these things, and if everything is perfectly normal, then I'll ask for more tests. I guess as more time passes they will want to dig deeper to see what's going on. For now I'm satisfied with an HSG and SA! I'm definitely relieved my doctor took me seriously. He was an old Jewish dude, really seemed like a seasoned doc but also really caring. Apparently the OBGYN office at my hospital has a 100% satisfaction rate. Works for me.

Fsh, estrogen, antiphospholipid.....there is a bunch. It seems to me that blood work would be easier and less invasive than the hsg and whatnot. They could be done in conjunction.

Yeah, you're right... that does make sense. I'm going to call the doctor's office tomorrow (closed now) and see if he can put me in for blood work as well. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[Wishing1010]

Jess, no PCOS, no endo., no scarring, no anything! I guess just imbalanced hormones.

I'm sorry you are having a bad first day back and that no one is cooperating with you. They need to grow up and do what's best for the kids, not be selfish. Praying your week gets better! How are you pain wise?

 

[aidensmommy1]

Amy, I am so sorry for all of what u are going through. I dont even know what to say . I just want you to be happy but if this is going to be an on going thing with mike and doesn't seem to progress, id think about moving on, as hard as that is. I know its one of the hardest things to do. :-\. I'm not trying to sound harsh when I say that. I just really really want u happy and u deserve it. I truly do hope things work out for u & mike because clearly that's what you want but just always remember, if things dont go exactly as planned, u are a beautiful, smart, funny woman and you WILL find someone else who can make u happy. My ex husband was who I thought was "that perfect guy" but things went down hill when we moved in together and then his true colors showed and things that he knew about my past (my past addiction mainly) that he was 100% ok with when he proposed and married me and then everytime he did something wrong, he would bring up my past and make me feel like a horrible person for it because he didn't understand it. That's PERFECTLY ok though because that lead me to my dh now! What I'm getting at is IF mike doesn't come around and be able to help u through this without being scared of or fearing you, I KNOW you can find someone who would be happy to go through anything with you, no matter how bad, without hesitation. I know so many nice men who would sweep u off ur feet lol. I really really do hope it works with mike so plzzz dont take this post wrong, I just want to make sure your aware of how terrific you are and never forget it! I never want to see u in the hospital again. I'm praying that god helps light your way as soon as possible. I know how lost and lonely u are probably feeling right now but it can & will get better for you. That is one thing I am 100% certain of right now! I love you Amy! Feel better hun.

 

[ab75]

Congratulations sweet melodies.
glad your doc is doing things to help megan, altho hopefully you won't need it.
good luck with opk's wishing.
Amy, I hope you are ok. Thinking of you.
xx

 

[Wishing1010]

Mary, how'd things go with the interview? Did you test?

 

[AmySan]

Thank you all so much I agree...He may not be the right one if he can't handle these things It just sucks because a lot of the guys who CAN, aren't really good guys deep down. I am going to try to focus on myself as much as i can, and do whatever it takes to help him get through this too. But I do need to start mentally preparing myself for if it doesn't work out.

Jess, DBT is dialectical behavior therapy - it gives you coping skills and ways to accept things for how they are, and is especially helpful for people who self injure, etc. My brother and Katie both did it, an intensive outpatient, and both swear by it - since my brother is bi polar and is anti everything, and still believes it is great, I have to have hope that he is right. He was worse off than me as far as having no hope, etc, never attempted suicide, but came close many times. His bi polar meds are very hard to keep balanced, and he had/has a tendency to not take certain ones, etc, and relies very heavily on klonopin for his panic attacks, etc.

I have to say, it may be true Mike isn't the one. I want him to be sooo badly. I know being an only child, and never in a long term relationship before...and being almost 40...he isn't likely to change that much. But, when doctors give him advise, medically, etc, he really does take it and do everything he needs to. So I am hoping that he will get a lot out of therapy.

And hopefully, I won't have so many problems going forward, lol. I literally cannot afford to right now. I really have to take control of my life, if I want to get any of the things I really want out of it.

One of the things that I loved so much about Mike to start off with was he was ready and wanted to try to get pregnant from the beginning. I really have no issue with not being married first, etc. I know that shouldn't necessarily be a requirement for a boyfriend, but I am 28...I know there are theoretically a lot of years left...but...I want it now..lol.

I love you all so much. Thank you for being supportive of me I am going to stick around here until we all get BFPs...even if it means I have to find another relationship first, lol. Fml. Haha.

I wish we could all get together for real. You all mean so much to me!

 

[aidensmommy1]

Jess, I did use my other frer about an hr ago but I dont see anything besides a very thin hair like line so its probably just an indent :-\. Who knows. I have a frer digital that I will use on wed a.m if AF isn't here by then. FX! I'm sure I'll be that 4.6% of women who get a triphasic chart and still get a bfp lol that's my luck but hey, I know my luck will look up in the next couple of months so I'll be ok with it . At least ill know not to get TOO excited if I get a triphasic chart in my next cycles if AF does show this time. I have found that NOTHING is a good pregnancy sign except for a missed period (only if ur temping or getting u/s's that is) or a bfp or USUALLY 21 high temps but ive even seen charts like that that still end with bfn :-\. Everything besides that stuff means Nothing to me now. It stinks! But it is fun to symptom spot sometimes. Lol. And I haven't had sore bbs except the day of and/or after O (besides burning sensations randomly) and last cycle I still got 2 cysts around 7-8dpo (instead of 6+ cysts that I usually get at 1-3 dpo) while taking the vitex but now off the vitex I have ZERO cysts. So maybe the vitex worked for future cycles as well and maybe my hormones are more regulated causing this triphasic pattern and no cystic bbs. Maybe I just had low progesterone before the vitex or something. Idk there's soo many scenarios going thru my mind! Lol ill just have to wait and see if I start spotting tomorrow. I do have an incredibly good feeling about my next hsg sometime in between late July and late Aug. This time ill be walking in with confidence that my tube will be open and hopefully ill be right FX!

Oh and no dhs new job, if he gets it, will still be in NH for now while we decide for sure when/where and if we are moving. If my tube is open at my next hsg, and we get pregnant within 12 months after, we are going to actually move up a state to Maine rather than down a state to Mass. If we dont get pregnant after 6 months, dh is going to get a job in Mass so we can get on the waiting list for IVF INCASE but we will still try naturally in the meantime and if it doesn't happen by the 12month mark naturally, like we hope for, we will stick around southern NH/Massachusetts area until IVF is done with. If this doesn't make sense because of my rambling, let me know lol. We have plan after plan set up so I figured id explain that plan to u ladies . I'm praying we can move to Maine in a yr or so tho. Obviously because that'd mean we got pregnant naturally but also just because we love it there. Either way, we plan to buy a house in Maine in the next 3-5yrs regardless . We are very excited for that! Anyways, ill put my book on pause now...haha

Jess, how was ur first day back to work?! I hope u didn't over work urself!

and omgosh sweetmelodies!!! I am so happy for u! I knew ud get it before cycle #8. Its a statistic that 6-8 cycles ttc is the most common time for women (without fertility issues that is) to get pregnant I'm soo soo happy for u! Yay!! Maybe my time will come soon now since we were like twins. Haha. H&H 9 months hun!

 

[aidensmommy1]

Megan, I am happy ur doc is going ahead w an hsg. After my doc told me everything about them, I recommend them to everyone because 60% of women trying have fluids and such in their tubes, no necessarily blocking them but bad fluids can still kill sperm immediately so that's one reason why hsgs help sooo much! It "cleans out the Cobb webs" or so to speak. If u dont get ur bfp this cycle, I truly think ur hsg cycle or the following cycle will be it.for sure . Ur chances will go from 20% to 45% for 3 cycles. That's alot! FX for u!!

 

[aidensmommy1]

Now im confused. Period just stopped after 1 and a half days. My period is usually 4-5 days 7 the longest but rarely. This one is the shortest ever period i have. And have felt cramps again on my right i don't have this cramps once i started my period. I think fertilaid messed with my usual cycle and symptoms. And i haven't noticed any clots yet which i always see from day 1-3? short cycle, short LP and now short AF? DH told me to just go to the doctor and get checked.

last cycle I has a day and a half long AF and it was a very light flow the whole time. Sometimes when u spot it can cause a lighter/shorter AF. Last cycle I spotted some before AF and for a few days after my HSG which I found out was probably the cause of my light AF. But w the fact that u got AF at 9dpo makes it more likely that it Could have still been IB. Id still do a cheap test in about 2 days just to make sure that it wasn't IB. You'd be surprised at how many women I know personally that got short "AF" or even normal AF type bleeding for days, wks or even months and still were pregnant with a healthy baby. I ALWAYS use an .88 cent test 5 days after AF starts JUST to be sure. Like I said, its very common as well to have a wacky AF even if urs is usually normal so this is prob the case :-\ BUT its def worth taking a cheap test to make urself feel better. I'm guessing with that temp drop it was short AF. I hope u have TONS of luck this cycle hun!!!

 

[Megamegan]

Megan, I am happy ur doc is going ahead w an hsg. After my doc told me everything about them, I recommend them to everyone because 60% of women trying have fluids and such in their tubes, no necessarily blocking them but bad fluids can still kill sperm immediately so that's one reason why hsgs help sooo much! It "cleans out the Cobb webs" or so to speak. If u dont get ur bfp this cycle, I truly think ur hsg cycle or the following cycle will be it.for sure . Ur chances will go from 20% to 45% for 3 cycles. That's alot! FX for u!!

Wow I didn't know that statistic! I'm sure when AF arrives I'll be doing lots of research on HSG's so I know what to expect. Yeah the doctor said there could be like mucus-like substance which isn't really blocking the tube but would inhibit the sperm from getting where it needs to go. So that makes total sense. I assume when you're on the BCP, since you don't ovulate, that means an egg does not travel down the fallopian tubes... so therefore it has been 8 years since my tubes have had much activity! So yeah I can see why an HSG could easily do the trick, and also why someone much younger would get pregnant more easily (one of many reasons).

 

[Wishing1010]

So, I decided to POAS (OPK and HPT) to see if I could get any answers. Came up nada! Got an evap on a blue dye HPT, nada on an answer brand, and a dark but not dark enough OPK. Posting pics below:

HPT's:
https://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a556/barnkn312/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zps461a0e35.jpg
https://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a556/barnkn312/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpsd0a2aef5.jpg

Opk:
https://i1283.photobucket.com/albums/a556/barnkn312/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpsb95874a2.jpg


So, I'm still left with no answers, some brown discharge and weird bbt! Argh!!!!!!

 

[Megamegan]

That stinks, Kenna. I don't know what to say, but maybe being on Clomid for one cycle sorta messed up your pattern somehow. Maybe your body is just asking for the Clomid again I'm on "team Clomid" for you... can't help it. Lol. But I'm joking- I know you're doing what you feel is right for now. Sorry you have to go through such confusion

 

[aidensmommy1]

Megan, I am happy ur doc is going ahead w an hsg. After my doc told me everything about them, I recommend them to everyone because 60% of women trying have fluids and such in their tubes, no necessarily blocking them but bad fluids can still kill sperm immediately so that's one reason why hsgs help sooo much! It "cleans out the Cobb webs" or so to speak. If u dont get ur bfp this cycle, I truly think ur hsg cycle or the following cycle will be it.for sure . Ur chances will go from 20% to 45% for 3 cycles. That's alot! FX for u!!

Wow I didn't know that statistic! I'm sure when AF arrives I'll be doing lots of research on HSG's so I know what to expect. Yeah the doctor said there could be like mucus-like substance which isn't really blocking the tube but would inhibit the sperm from getting where it needs to go. So that makes total sense. I assume when you're on the BCP, since you don't ovulate, that means an egg does not travel down the fallopian tubes... so therefore it has been 8 years since my tubes have had much activity! So yeah I can see why an HSG could easily do the trick, and also why someone much younger would get pregnant more easily (one of many reasons).

exactly . I am very excited for u! And u'll see alot about it hurting BUT without a real blockage or scar tissue, they says its just uncomfortable but doesn't hurt NEARLY as bad as they can (like mine) so dont let it scare u out.of it! Lol And just think of it this way, if I am going for a repeat after the pain I went thru, its obv worth it! I did leave there with LESS of a blockage in my tube...it was just the very end that they couldn't unblock but that's also cuz they'll stop if they feel its too much pain so that's why I have alot of hope for my next hsg, especially after the enzymes. MOST women with little or no damage to their tube/tubes tell me that it didn't hurt at all for them so I bet ull be just fine . And as I said, others just say its an uncomfortable strong cramping type feeling. I'm so excited for u! I just told dh lol

 

[aidensmommy1]

Ugh Kenna I hope u get O or AF soon so u can just start the vitex already! I'm extremely excited for that! (as u know!) lol Ill be your cheerleader until that bfp comes! (I guess ill have to retire cheerleading before 2015 since we will all have our bfps by then, I wont have anyone to cheer for! Lol)