TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome

[RichieesMom]

thanks les n mrs u, its just the 23rd of the month gets me everytime. hes 5mths old in heaven! i always wonder how big he would be now, how much would be weighing, shopping for new cloths bcuz he's out grown his baby shower gifts etc. but yeah, ill be ok. just want this week to end already!

some people r too ignorant to such a sensitive topic. it was always the right time, the right baby...just not in gods plan. but god still needed U to be their mother. YOU.

group hug!!

 

[lesondemavie]

Yes Richees *group hug*

So BFN this morning as expected. Still early, but fully expecting a temp drop tomorrow and AF on Monday. I'm considering letting myself have a glass of wine tonight at dinner. I'm feeling out, but even if I get taken by surprise tomorrow or Monday one glass really shouldn't really make a difference at this stage. It's our anniversary and I just want to relax and enjoy it (esp after that pissy mood yesterday!).

 

[lesondemavie]

Welcome Raine. Of course you can join . It's just so darn sh**** that some of us have to go through this loss more than once 😢. The waits are unbearable aren't they? Do you have an idea of when you that might happen for you? Looking forward to being with you on this journey. I can't wait until we're all posting scans and birth announcements. I know our time come ladies! 😍

 

[mrs unicorn]

Happy anniversary Leson! Enjoy that glass of wine too! Xx

 

[RichieesMom]

les, happy anniversary! hope u get a nice anniversary gift this weekend in the form of a surprise bfp!

 

[raine87]

Mrs. U-- thanks for thinking of me. I'm going to call my doctor on Tues (I work Monday night so I will be sleeping Monday) and see what they say. I had some spotting about a week ago and thought, "this is it" but no. Idk if it's bc of the metformin or bc I started working out and watching my calories.
Les--thanks for the welcome. Honestly, I'm at the point that I think it's never going to happen for us.

 

[BronteForever]

Raine - welcome to the group. So sorry for your multiple losses. As if that's not hard enough you have had to deal with the worry of when AF might show up again. That sucks. Though I think it's perfectly natural to go through stages when you think it will never happen. For awhile I was going to the doctor and getting bad news after bad news and constantly thought it's not supposed to be this hard which is clearly a sign I'm not meant to be a mother. The thoughts still come and go. Becoming a first time mother is hard enough so adding infertility, miscarriages, ectopics, stillbirths, early childhood losses, and everything else we deal with on top of it can be an emotional overload. It's perfectly natural to get sad, upset, and defeated. That's what we have each other for. You totally got this girl and are already stronger to face any more challenges that might come up.

I love the idea of a group hug. Back at everyone.

Les - Happy Anniversary. Have fun celebrating!

 

[lesondemavie]

Thanks all. Just feeling super weepy today. I keep thinking about how I have so much to celebrate, and I'm still so sad...which just makes me even sadder. Broke down in tears a couple times at anniversary lunch and dinner today. DH is there for me but I just don't think the sadness is still as strong for him. At least tears just make my eyes look even more shockingly blue . I think our kids will have blue eyes too. DH has hazel - just like my dad, and I have blue like my mom (and all three of my siblings). My boobs hurt, I'm super moody, and I'm just ready for this to be over so we can try again. I know I'm being dramatic and I'm technically not out yet - just feeling that way. There were so many kids at dinner tonight, even these adorable twins. It looks so damn easy *sigh*. Don't get me wrong. I'm still so super positive we'll all get there one day. Just traded my pissy mood from yesterday for a sad mood today. I know I'm so very fortunate in so many ways. Chin up, we're doing all that we can, the rest is not in our hands 💙.

 

[BronteForever]

Les - I'm not good at reading charts but based on a few things you have said, I actually have a good feeling for you this month. If you don't normally get sore boobs that could be a big one. That was the first noticeable symptom for me last time. We shall see but I have a good feeling about it for you. Fingers crossed for you.

 

[raine87]

Les-- Sorry you are having a bad day. We all do. I started working out and honestly it has helped me get some of my frustrations out. I notoriously get stuck in the anger stage of grief. I'm glad your DH is supportive. Mine is too but I too think sometimes my sadness and frustration is too much for him. And don't give up until AF actually comes!

 

[mrs unicorn]

Yes *big group hug*

Leson sweetie, just want to give you a big hug too. One of the hardest things I've found it actually celebrating. Like when it was our anniversary and DHs birthday. I often feel guilty when I feel sad for the same reasons - everything else in life is great, so why can't I appreciate that? I mean I do appreciate it, but I guess when something so important to you, something you are so emotionally heavily invested in, so life changing has hurt you or isn't happening and you're powerless to do anything, it overrides everything else sometimes. At least that's how I feel. I'm so sorry you couldn't celebrate your anniversary properly, and that you are feeling out this cycle (I am too). Sending you lots of

 

[lesondemavie]

Thank you all - I hate that I've been so whiny lately, but so thankful for the support!

Bronte - Those few things were messing with my head this cycle, but I just think my body is different now post-mc. The bb pain last night was seriously killer. Hope that's not my new norm - ouch!!

Temp drop today as expected. I'm relieved that it's pretty clear. Now I can just relax and focus on the good things in my life . It took 6 cycles before, so I'm bracing myself for at least 6 more. A part of me hopes we'll catch a break and it'll happen faster, but I think with my short LP we need to catch an early implanter. It'll happen. It just takes time.

How are all my other TWWers?

 

[mrs unicorn]

So crappy about the temp drop. I'm trying to be at peace with the possibility of it taking longer than it did the last time. I hate that I've been so whiny too! I'm blaming the moon after what Bronte said!!! DH has been feeling the same. I hate that he's starting to feel the same anxiety and desperation as me. It's annoying that things change after mc, it's just making me ignore everything which is maybe good? Idk. I'm starting to feel very impatient now. Think I always have as I approach the second week of the tww. Feels like I've waited long enough but it's still too early to test on a funny note I had a wierd dream last night, I always tend to around 5/6 DPO. I was pregnant with 12 babies! Hilarious trying to fit 12 babies worth of stuff into our house!

 

[BronteForever]

Well that sucks Les, but it's always nice to know rather then being in limbo. Sorry is sore boobs are now a regular post MC symptom. Hope it goes away but yes a lot of stuff with our cycle does change after being pregnant, unfortunately.

mrs u - you have some silly dreams. Hope it's a good sign babies are on the way.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Bronte - haha I do have some cracking dreams! they are always about being pregnant so unfortunately not a sign. Well, maybe a sign that I'm slightly obsessed!

 

[lesondemavie]

MrsU - That's almost exactly how I've been feeling lately. I just expected too much of myself yesterday. DH's sister is visiting his parents this weekend so they were texting and sending videos, and DH mentioned that his mom was complaining about his sister complaining about pregnancy. I cried. Then I gathered the strength to ask DH about his sister's baby shower, and he mentioned that she said that we don't need to see her pregnant. I cried. *sigh* Many moments felt like hurdles in my journey forward, but in the dealing with other people who are pg I feel stuck 👎.

Haha, thank goodness you're not pg with 12 babies! I had an odd dream last night too. Ever since we went backpacking, I've been falling asleep listening to the No Sleep podcast. I woke up and wasn't sure if what I remembered was a dream or one of the stories from the podcast. I went back through and seems like it was a dream. It was good. Super scary/suspenseful, but I wasn't in it. I was just a calm observer like I am when I listen to the stories. Maybe I could write it down and get it on the show!

 

[RichieesMom]

Les, like u told me, we're all entitled to a bad day or two. Head up babe.

I'm already feeling out this month too. Just kinda know it. But that's ok. Iv already got new things in mind I want to try for next month. Gonna cut out carbs n sugar (I'm not a big girl but still have baby weight to lose) n exercise more. Dh has been on my ass about it. (He's a gym rat). I'm 5'1" n 120lbs. My normal weight is 100lbs! But dh never liked me that small. So I say iv got 10 to 15lbs to lose. 105lbs isn't a big difference from 100, but on a small frame, 5 extra lbs is a big diff.

Also want to start taking baby aspirin along with my prenatal. Continue using preseed n try soft cups. Gonna try soy iso as well. Oh, n stay prayed up most of all!

On another note, do u ladies ever watch the OWN channel on sunday mornings? Super soul sunday as it's called, it amazing. Very very inspirational. I find myself crying tears of peace, love, hope, faith, n inspiration every sunday! It's awesome. Y'all should check it out sometime if not busy one Sunday morning.

 

[lesondemavie]

Sounds like you have a good plan Richees. Hope it does the trick. I know what you mean about 5lbs making a big difference on a small frame. I'm 5'5" and I put on 15lbs in grad school. Dropping just 5lbs made such a difference. I dropped another 5 after going off of birth control. The remaining 5 are stubborn, but I don't know that I need to weigh what I did in my teens and 20s, so I'm letting it be. You have a good reason though. My best friend is still trying to lose her baby weight and her boy is turning one on May 5th! She's made good progress, but she's still not back at her pre-baby weight.

So funny thing. I left my box of ICs in the bathroom at the hotel we stayed at last night ! Haha that was probably a fun find when they cleaned it up. Ah well, I just had to buy a new big box of opks (since I've been opk crazy these past two cycles), and they come with 10 hpts. I should be good for at least the next cycle right ?

 

[RichieesMom]

Iv been researching a lot about soy today n I'm really excited to try it out. Don't think iv got a problem o'ing (was nervous about it this cycle but turned out fine). But I want to try for a nice, strong o with MAYBE multiple eggs (wishful thinking)!

Ugh, the baby weight suuux. But keeping the extra 5lbs does seem ideal.

Lol! I bet the cleaning ladies pocketed them.

 

[mrs unicorn]

I'm a small fry too!! I'm 5'2" small frame but with hips, butt and bbs!! Not an athletic figure at all! but I've put on weight this past year. I was around 111lb when we got married in Feb 2015 and now I'm 130lb and I hate it. I've never been this heavy before. I can just fit into my normal clothes but they make me feel fat! I'm not too fussed about getting to my wedding weight but I seriously need to lose 12lbs. I'll probably have my bfn by Friday so I'm going to start working out then, otherwise we won't be going on holiday in July because there's no way I'll be putting a bikini on looking like this!

Richiees - we would love twins. we have fraternal twins in my family but not sure if they are a one off! I feel like I shouldn't be greedy though, we'd be delighted with just the one now. We've always wanted 2 kids (I'd quite like 3!) but since the mc I just keep thinking, if we can have one I'd be so so happy. If we do have one, I'm pretty sure once I've recovered a bit, we'll try again straight away for #2. Originally we like the idea of a 2-3 year age gap between kids, but I doubt we'll be hanging around waiting for that now. Having the mc has just destroyed any kind of plan we had so I don't want them anymore. DH might take some convincing though - he's an even bigger planner than me!

Leson - so funny about the box of hpts!! I swear people look at you strange when you buy more than one, so I can imagine the cleaners were like 'wtf, how many do you need'???