TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome

[BronteForever]

Aayla - I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs and lots of positive thoughts. It's definitely going to be a hard day for you. Love that you are probably lighting a candle for your little one. What a lovely tribute.

Les - that's part of our thinking too. It makes sense though, since we are being helped with science that we want to give our little embaby the best shot possible. We will only be testing the total number of chromosomes and not other genetic disorders, though some of them that are chromosome related can be found with just the basic test. We will see what happens though. There's so many variables that can still pop up that we won't know until we get started.

 

[RichieesMom]

Aayla my eyes instantly teared up.

iv been going for walks with my mom everyday n we always go to the church that's several blocks away. They have fresh candles there to light so we always go in, light a candle for richiee n say alil prayer. I will definitely be lighting a second candle for ur precious baby as well.

 

[Aayla]

Thanks Richiees. that means a lot.

 

[RichieesMom]

 

[lesondemavie]

Love it Aayla . Hope you and DH had the time you needed together.

Sooo we were supposed to kick off fertile week tonight, but escrow ruined the mood! We signed the escrow extension and then realized we didn't have the signed form for the extra deposit yet. I figured the buyer would still follow through on his verbal agreement, but DH was so stressed out! Thankfully, the form came in this evening and all is well. I could visibly see the stress leave DH's body. Tonight isn't that important especially since I've been Oing later, so tomorrow it is then. Hopefully escrow doesn't ruin the rest of TTC this month! 😁

 

[mrs unicorn]

Aayla - that brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry sweetie, it'll be a rough day I love the candle idea we're all thinking of you.

Bronte - the testing sounds like a smart idea. Anything that minimises any risk is great, especially as it'll be a daunting (and expensive!) process for you. You want to give yourself the best shot. Do they always implant more than one if you have a batch of successful ones or is that your choice? And do they keep the ones you're not using till next time (if you need them) or do you have to do the egg retrieval each time? Hope you don't mind me asking all these questions. I don't know much about IVF but it fascinates me!

Les - yey for progress on the house! At least you can both relax now which will make bding all the better

 

[mrs unicorn]

I was watching a discussion on tv this morning about how docs in the UK & US can now work on lab grown embryos for up to 14 days. I think previously it was capped or they couldn't get anywhere near the limit? I think this is such a good thing. In time hopefully it will increase IVF successes and help identify causes of mc and especially recurrent mc's. I know there's a big ethical debate around this subject, and some people think it's 'meddling' with life, but I don't see how it's any different from organ transplants or cancer treatments. Someone on the program said something along the lines of 'if you can't have children then maybe you're not meant too' I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but how can you be against this kind of research / intervention but gladly accept it to keep yourself alive? Anyway, it was a very interesting debate....

 

[BronteForever]

Les - yay for making it further along in the house buying process. Do you have a moving date yet? Good luck this month. Moving is always stressful, but it sounds like you are committed to getting some good BDing in there, so I know you all will make it work.

mrs u - I don't mind questions at all. I've learned so much already in this process. They will implant between 1-2. The doctor will make a recommendation, but it's up to us. Implanting two embryos does increase the changes at least one of them will stick, but it's not too significant. It's just most likely to give you twins more than anything. We will base the decision on how many eggs fertilize and how many come back normal from the testing. Yes, absolutely you can freeze embryos and they have made so many advances in IVF that the success rates for frozen transfers are almost higher than fresh ones now (mostly because your body isn't all messed up from being ultra stimulated with meds in order to retrieve eggs). We get up to a year of storage for our embryos with our package, but then you pay a yearly storage fee after that. So you can have multiple children with just having to do one retrieval (if we are lucky). We don't want to think about the possibility of having left over "frosties" but we will cross that bridge if it comes.

There is a huge ethical dilemma with doing IVF in general and what to do with embryos when they are left and I'm not sure what we will do. I hope we don't have to make that decision. And I've already got asked several times "why don't you just adopt" because people don't see the logic of doing IVF. Not that many people in our life even know, so I'm surprised we have even been asked that yet. And I just tell them it was not an overnight decision. We have been struggling with infertility for 7 years and it's been somewhat in our minds the entire time. I actually didn't think I would do it and just go towards adoption. But once that decision had to be made my mind switched completely and since I don't have many years left to conceive at all, I wanted to try it because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't. We always have adoption as our backup plan and are fine with that, but I think it will help alleviate our "what if" questions, which I think are made worse by the fact we have lost a pregnancy in the past. I've heard you have to mourn the loss of any potential children before moving onto adoption and we weren't ready to do that yet without trying IVF.

It's such a personal choice and my blood boils when I read a lot of these arguments against IVF online or in negative comments on blogs. They are almost always from people who know nothing about the process or had to make the decision. I usually just tone them out, but it's annoying that people even have to do that.

 

[lesondemavie]

Ugh no qualms here about IVF or leftover frosties for that matter. You're already going through something very difficult and for people to get all high and mighty and make a tough situation worse just makes me angry. Most of those people are hypocrites anyway who would never even consider adopting. I also have adoption in my heart. One of my coworkers adopted a 4 yo who had been so neglected he wasn't even talking. Because of what I do for work, I feel like I'm someone in this world who could do that for a child one day too. Just not now. She ended up leaving work though to be with him full-time, and I can't bring myself to accept that possibility. I've helped over a hundred families and kids doing what I do. To leave all that would be extremely difficult for me. I also thought I'd adopt before trying any treatments, but now I know I'll try whatever I'd have to for our baby. We were so very happy, and we want that again.

If all goes well, we get the house on 5/30 - Memorial Day! Since we figure it would be hard to move on a holiday, we're booking movers for Saturday 6/4.

DH tried to make up for last night by asking for "breakfast" this morning. I didn't sleep very well, so another missed opportunity. Idk I think past cycles I would have gone for it, but this one I'm feeling a bit deflated/numb. Trying to keep most of my words positive, and hoping the feelings will follow. Maybe once we get back into just being us this cycle it will feel better again. Also what is up with those flat temps? Practically 3 days in a row with the same temp

 

[Aayla]

we looked into adoption. Of course each country will be different. we wanted to go through our ministry and do the waiting child program. This is where you would adopt an older child that has high probability of having some sort of disorder. Either they are behind developmentally (both physical and mental or either or) or they have been abused, subjected to drugs and/or alcohol in the womb. etc. we got as far as our first meeting with the case worker. It did not end well.

at the time we were living in a 1200 sq ft 2 bedroom apt. According to her there wasn't enough space and she couldn't see where all the kid stuff was going to go. She didn't even look beyond the first half of the apt. She never even saw the bedroom the child would be in. She also said that even if we passed our home study it was likely we would be passed over because we didn't make enough money and we rented. Despite the ministry advertising that owning your own home and being rich were not required. How do we not make enough money but they say being single is also not problem. So one income is better than 2?

Also, you must go through grief counselling. You MUST grieve over the loss of potential bio children. ummm what about fertile couples that decide to adopt just because. What about all the people who decide that they don't want to add to the population and instead adopt? Did they have to go through counselling? I doubt it. I have always wanted to adopt, as well as have bio children. This wasn't a last resort option. My dad was adopted, my aunt was adopted and my dad adopted me (he is my step dad technically). Adoption is in my life and for me this was to be a natural process in creating our family. But it is never going to happen.

I'm not going to pay for adoption. If I'm going to spend $20,000 or more to have a child I am going to go with IVF and at least give myself a shot at a bio child.

ok rant over.

 

[lesondemavie]

Also DH's friend's wife has been sending group texts to the "wives club" since this weekend about labor. I'm not in the club but she's always super sweet and asks me when I'm coming back etc. She shared that she lost her mucus plug on Saturday and has been giving us updates ever since. Still no baby and I really wish the baby would just come so I can stop getting these constant reminders about how she's having her second baby this year without hardly trying at all and I'm struggling just to keep trying through grief and who knows how many more months. She doesn't know about our loss, so I can't be mad at her. The numbness is helping. It doesn't hurt. It's just annoying *sigh*. I always type messages like this and think boy am I going to feel silly if I get my BFP this month, but then again it's what I feel now and it could just as easily be another bfn. Cheers to strength and support even when life isn't so kind and fair.

 

[lesondemavie]

Aayla that's awful! We live in condos and they're all about that size around here. There are so many happy, healthy kids running around playing and living life just fine. Kids are usually outside playing anyway!

 

[BronteForever]

Les - yes you ladies have been super supported and I love that. That awesome your friend adopted, but it is a lot to give up. There's just so many factors at play when making the decision. We'd still love to down the road potentially; it just wasn't for us right now. And I love how everyone just assumes because you can't have kids naturally that adoption is for you, when people that can conceive have just as many options to adopt and often choose not too. But it's somehow your duty to adopt when they don't. Hmmm??? People are funny.

Anyway, yay for getting the house soon. That's coming right up. And some cycles were always harder than others for us. Everything going on in your life effects your desire to BD or not, so don't feel bad, it happens to everyone. It's even worse when TTC, because there are so many more emotions and feelings that are added to the mix. You are not alone. I do hope you get some time in this month. If you don't, life will go on and you can try again next month. Some months we skipped because life gets in the way. It's annoying, but sometimes that's just life.

 

[BronteForever]

Aayla - that is so frustrating, and sadly I've read so many stories similar about people having issues with adopting. It's sad the process is so challenging. I get that they are trying to find good homes, but some of the requirements (like size or an apartment) seem silly. It just makes me sad.

Les - that's a bit excessive for anyone to handle. Anyway you can leave the group text? If not, just ignore. Goodness.

 

[RichieesMom]

Aayla, I lit that candle for ur lil one yesterday afternoon. Said a pray, thanked God for taking care of our children until our time comes around n told ur baby that u love n miss em very much.

So mothers day is on sunday. Uuuggghh. Let's gets this hurtle jumped. Never thought my first official "mothers day" would be...idk......like this! I remember being pregnant n saying I can't wait for mothers day. I finally get to celebrate for myself! Sunday is going to hurt. A lot.

On the other hand, I have u ladies. I'm not alone.

 

[Aayla]

Thanks Richiees. Yeah, I was excited about this mother's day as well. Now I just want it to be over with. I still have to get my mom something. This is the first year we aren't doing a big family bbq for it. Usually my mom and I combine our days (my bday is May 12) and we do the family dinner thing all at once. But it got cancelled this year. Now I am going to be sitting alone on mother's day.

I am trying to move past this. I don't want this to stress out my body. Maybe I will go for a massage on that day. That's the beginning of my fertile week so I want to be as stress free as possible.

 

[RichieesMom]

A massage sound like a pretty damn good idea.

 

[lesondemavie]

Yes I vote for the massage too, and maybe a bubble bath with some good relaxing music.

 

[lesondemavie]

Happy Saturday all! My little nephew's first birthday party is today!!! I have a mini triple layer rainbow smash cake with blue ombre frosting in progress! Can't wait to see him destroy it. I just love that little guy soo much. I knew I would, but I remember being surprised at how much my heart swelled with love when I held him at the hospital. I was there helping to feed him and take care of him in the first few weeks, and since then he's been at most of our weekly lunches. He went from a little sleeping snuggly bug in his carrier to a ball of energy grabbing at our food and wanting to walk around the restaurant (with support). I LOVE that every time he sees me now he reaches for me until he's in my arms and giggling as we play. He brings so much joy and light into our lives. It took my best friend over 2 years and a lot of bumps/tears to get him, but now the happiness is just so immense that those years seem like a blur.

Why don't we do a roll call? Where is everyone at cycle-wise?

Me - Fertile week. Waiting to O . It's feels so strange. Before the MMC, today would be the day before O, but now I'm guessing it'll be a few more days. Good thing since we've only BD'd once so far on CD9. The next morning DH told me that I "rocked his world." Glad he's so easy

 

[RichieesMom]

Awww happy birthday lil one!

Yesterday was my last day of soy. Not sure when I'll be ovulating bcuz it's suppose to bring it on sooner, just not sure how soon. So we'll see!

Yay fertile week les! Have fun rocking worlds! One world I mean, not plural lol