TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome

[BronteForever]

Les - I think that's a good start. Though your 3 day blood tests are pretty easy to do. So maybe they can check your other levels just in case. I'd hate to see them put you on Clomid if you don't need it and then have it mess with other stuff.

mrs u - hope you are doing alright. Your walk sounds wonderful and being alone with your thoughts can be therapeutic even if it does make us sad. Yay for getting back to a fitness routine. I need to do better this week since I know we are going to eat more unhealthy on our trip. Hope I walk most of it off though.

Mel - hope you are doing well and really hope you have good news to report soon.

 

[Aayla]

Les: if it turns out that the follies aren't quite where they need to be DO NOT go on clomid if you have lining issues. It actually thins the lining of the uterus. I would insist on going on Letrozole. it has a half life in the body of just over 2 days. Meaning that it is out of your system by cd 9, 10 at most. clomid lasts way longer.

 

[mrs unicorn]

leson - sounds like a plan. I don't think there's any harm in getting the tests done now, even if you want to give the progesterone a chance. But do whatever you feel is right for you though. Also, if it's bfn for me this cycle (which I'm pretty sure it will be) I won't be in the feb babies camp. Amazing how time can feel painfully slow, but slip away really quickly at the same time

Bronte - thanks hun. I'm ok, not as down as I was, but still a bit miffed with everything is general so grumpy at the moment! At least I can laugh at myself! This morning I got one of my 'hormone breakouts' and my first thought was 'yep, definitely bfn' as I always used to break out in this way around end of 3rd/beginning of 4th week of my cycle. I'm not too down about it though, I'd rather know even if it's bad news then I can forget about any possible hopes - still 9 days till af

when do you go on your trip, it's soon right? Have you sorted all your plans yet?

 

[lesondemavie]

MrsU - You are not out yet! There is still a chance you will have that February baby. I refuse to wish you a happy March baby until AF shows. That being said, I totally get needing to just look ahead to the next cycle and letting this one go. The disappointment can be too hard otherwise. You will have that baby to hold some day soon lovely . I'm so mad that any of us have to go through what we've been through, but I can't change a damn thing. I'm here then doing the only thing I can - offering support and holding out hope for you always, but especially when you can't any longer. We've all got your hope here in our hearts, and it'll be waiting here for you when you're ready for it once again.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Leson that made me cry, thank you! I've just read your journal and to see how you're struggling and still be able to offer me those words of support is truly amazing. Thank you.

I'm currently at my mums house (my bro and SIL are moving out next week) I came because my mum and SIL have fallen out over something so silly and haven't spoken (just shouted and cried) for three days. My poor brother didn't know what to do so I thought I'd try and get them to actually talk. It was all sorted last night thank god. But I kind of wish I hadn't come. The baby talk is killing me. They aren't going over board, they're trying to be sensitive but every mention of it cuts deep. Especially at the moment where my biggest fear is that I'll never have one of my own. Another thing that has struck me about my SIL is the assumption that everything will be ok. She has told family and work at 8 weeks! She's even taking my mum to her 12 week scan (SIL said my mum was crushed by my mc so she's trying to 'do what she can ever though she's not her daughter' ouch, that hurt) I never felt like that. I never had that confidence that it would all work out, and it may surprise you after all the stuff I say on here, but I'm not that kind of person. At least I wasn't. I was a look on the positive side, everything will work out fine kind of person. Did anyone else ever feel like that? Like they couldn't be confident that it work all work out ok?

 

[Aayla]

Mrs U: I'm sorry you are going through this. I know with my bfp I had all the confidence in the world. I bought a little stuffed animal I saw on clearance a day or so after I found out. The cutest little stuffed Eeyore. The nursery was to be Winnie the Pooh. and I told everyone right away. Well it sort of spiraled out of control and so we decided to announce on fb officially. I had no reason to think, other than other women's stories, that this would not turn out ok. But even though it is so very common you still think, it won't happen to me. I was spotting the end of that week and the next week was the worst hell I have ever experienced and I have been through some rough shit. After it was all confirmed we decided to do a big announcement on facebook about the miscarriage so I didn't have to tell everyone individually that may happen to message me. Although it has happened but not since Feb.

now...now I would be like you. I take hearing about pregnancies a little easier and my best friend his down in Mexico visiting his daughter and she is only 3 and he has rarely ever seen her so he his spamming my messenger with pics and video. It's not always easy but I do what I can to be there for people and most ask if I am okay to talk about it. Usually I listen, celebrate and am excited in person but I cry at home.

But I can honestly say that I will be cautiously optimistic and will likely worry the next time I am pregnant. Hubby wants to wait until our first ultrasound and sees/hears a heartbeat to tell anyone. For me I don't believe it jinxes anything and what will be will be. It just makes it harder to retell everyone the baby is gone. But at the same time I had a giant support network. My sister went through a miscarriage at 12 weeks. She was just about to tell us she was pregnant. No one knew until a year later. She suffered alone and because of this she is a bit hard and bitter. She had no support except from the guy who got her pregnant and they had a falling out not long after.

So I am not totally sold on keeping a secret. My cousin lost one of her twins at 38 weeks. It can happen at any time and we worry and fret but if this loss taught me anything it is to enjoy every moment that I get. Every day that I get to be pregnant will be a blessing in its own way.

but we all grieve and process in our own way. I, personally, think talking about it with those in your life is important. No one is going to know what you are going through if you don't tell them. You can't be mad at someone for talking about babies if they have no idea you have recently gone through a loss. I know your family knows but I have known a few women on here that lose it over their friends continually going on and on about it but they have no idea she went through yet another miscarriage.

but that's just my two cents. lol

 

[mrs unicorn]

Aayla - I too did a lot of those things. I bought so many baby clothes and had planned what we were going to buy for the nursery etc. It's strange because even though I did all those things I hesitated about doing them, I just kept telling myself I was being stupid and it would be fine. If I get pregnant again I don't know if I'll tell anyone before 12 weeks again. At the moment my reasons for not saying anything haven't changed - I don't want to see my family celebrate it and then the worst happens and they have to go through a little bit of what we have to. I can't bare to see my mum delighted, buying baby things only to break her heart again. Things may well be different if there's a next time, we may well want to tell everyone. Guess we'll know if we get there.

As for all the baby talk, I don't blame them. I've said to them both that I want them to enjoy this and celebrate, it's just I'm not quite there yet but I will be. My plan was to avoid them for a few weeks but I obviously needed to be here last night. I don't expect them to not talk about it around me, but it doesn't stop hurting.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Bronte - good luck with your appointment tomorrow. I'll probably be sleeping whilst your there, but I'll be thinking of you today. X

 

[mrs unicorn]

I've just had the worst news - my SIL has miscarried I'm completely devastated for them. Completely heartbroken. She went for a scan just as I left this morning because she'd been spotting, but they didn't tell anyone. She was 10 weeks and the baby stopped growing several weeks ago. She's having an ERPC tomorrow. I can't believe this has happened to us both, twice in one family just a few months apart

 

[BronteForever]

mrs u - thanks for the well wishes. My appointment is later this afternoon, so I'm curious to hear what's up.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, but to answer your question I had a feeling right away with my pregnancy that something wasn't right and I think it was a copping mechanism that was trying not to let me get too attached. I expressed concerns with a number of people, but was just starting to accept the pregnancy when my tube ruptured because everyone kept trying to talk me out of my concerns. It can happen that way. Granted I had some pain and spotting, which was fueling some of my concerns, but even before that started, I just had a bad feeling. I'm sure it could be the opposite for some people.

Of our family, only my parents knew we were pregnant, primarily because my mom is an OB-GYN and she was the first person I went to when I thought something wasn't right. But in some ways it was harder to tell everyone after the fact that we lost the baby, because you also have to explain you were pregnant. Though I am glad not that many others knew.

Regardless, I think with this process, that no matter what happens you will look back and wish you did the opposite. It's just not a pleasant experience and I think naturally you want to change the past - all of it.

I'm glad your sister is optimistic, but sometimes that is very hard to endure from the opposite side. And I can't believe she said that to you about wanting to take your mom since it was hard for her after your MC. I'm sure your SIL is a very nice person, but it sounds like she might need a bit of sensitively training on the subject manner. I hope you can avoid her a bit more, but that was nice of you to try to help the situation between her and your mother.

les - I always love reading your posts, since they are beautifully written. Hugs to you as well. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time and really wish you weren't. I hate it that you are feeling sad or blaming yourself in anyway, especially because I know how awful those feelings are and how consuming they can become. Please don't hesitate to talk out your feelings at anytime. We are here for you!

 

[BronteForever]

OMG - I just read your latest post. That is horrible about your SIL, mrs u. Absolutely horrible.

 

[RichieesMom]

oh nooo mrs u, im so so so sorry about ur sil! my heart goes out to ur family babe...

 

[mrs unicorn]

Thanks girls. I think she's doing as OK as you can. This year better start flippin improving, it's got a lot of making up to do.

Really hope some of us get some good news soon, I think we all need it. X

 

[RichieesMom]

theres always a rainbow at the end of the storm i know right now there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel but there is. it may be a really long tunnel but uv just got to push thru n ull get there.


woke up this morning to bad ov type pain on my left side. radiated into my groin, thigh, hip n even felt it once n awhile n my colon! i could have sworn i already o 5 days ago (confirmed by temp rise). but iv never had o pain in my groin area (except ligament pain during pregnancy) much less all the other areas.

could i be ovulating a second time? or maybe its something else?

 

[lesondemavie]

I had to run into work early to cover my most aggressive case this morning (he only punched me twice today wohoo) so I don't have much time, but I am so so devastated for your SIL, your brother, and your entire family. There are no words for moments like this. You all seem so wonderful, so I know you'll get through this together, but it is just awful to even have to confront this. Thinking of you and your family today MrsU 💜💜💜

 

[mrs unicorn]

Thanks again girls. It totally sucks. I think she's coping with it better than I did at the moment (it's also not her first mc but that was a very long time ago) they were there for me when I needed them the most so I'll make sure I do the same.

Les - hope your day improves! You do a wonderful job. X

Richiees - I get random o and groin twinges sometimes in the TWW. I have no idea why. Hope it means something good for you though. When is af due?

 

[RichieesMom]

oh wow, good luck with the rest of ur day les!

af is due june 1st, but since i ovulated alil late this month, it will probably be a few days late as well. this wasn't twinges, it was pain! its kinda got me down for some reason. what if in fact i am ovulating NOW n didn't when i thought? but that doesn't explain the temp spikes. i can't wait for this month to be over!

bronte, best of luck at ur appointment!

 

[Aayla]

mrs U: I am so sorry to hear about your SIL. It broke my heart.

Richiees: not sure what the pain could be but if you had a definite temp spike then I would say it's not ovulation. a second ovulation can happen but it's usually within 24 hours not a few days.

AFM: my doc's assistant emailed me. He wants to discuss next steps. I have an appt on June 1. She doesn't know which direction he is leaning towards but it sounds like I am done with letrozole. I'm okay with it. I jut don't know what direction i want to take. for 3 rounds of injectables with IUI we could IVF. Nothing is guaranteed but I feel IVF might be the best option chance wise. It guarantees embryos are going in me at least. But we are likely only able to afford one shot at that. and hubby doesn't want to commit to anything for fear I will disagree or realize what I want is the opposite. So he said that he will follow my lead.

but what this also means is a break from TTC for awhile as I need to be on the mirena if not on fertility drugs because of the hyperplasia. We have to save up for this and I have to lose weight anyway. It will take us at least a year, probably more, to save for IVF.

 

[BronteForever]

Aayla - good luck at your next appointment. That sucks if you are going to have to take some time off from TTC. Really hope it doesn't come to that. How many cycles have you been trying with letrozole?

Richieesmom - you took serra this month as well? If so, how many days and when? I've heard of others getting pain from that but not sure if it's a radiating type pain or not. I think you need to assume if you did two different meds then normal it's going to change some stuff up. I wouldn't be too worried about anything yet. If your temps suggest ovulation earlier I'm sure you did then. If it's stressing you out though maybe you want to forgo for next month and see if it continues. Also, maybe all the BD just made you strain something in the groin area (I know that sounds funny but it happens).

AFM - appointment went fine and to be honest I'm not even sure why we needed to meet, the nurse made it sound worse over the phone. It was mostly to make sure we were on the same page now that the Dr reviewed my films from the HSG test. He thought everything looked fine. There was a bit more fluid buildup where the blockage is in my tube then they like to see but nothing he's too worried about. It just means they have to monitor carefully which I had every confidence they would do anyway and if it's inflated at anytime they will do a freeze all of the embryos, do surgery to remove my remaining tube, and then do a frozen cycle. But that's only if it happens. There might be several other possibilities that could go wrong, that's just the most likely one that could happen for me. So really it was a roundabout way of being a positive.

It was CD1 for me yesterday which means next cycle is go time and we are on IVF countdown now. Meds are ordered and I made the appointment to learn about giving myself injections or having DH do it. So we are set to go next month. If all goes well egg retrieval will be in July and we will wait to do genetic testing which increases odds by 30 percent, which is enough for me to wait a month to get results and spend a bit more.

Eeekk.

 

[Aayla]

this was my 7th cycle of letrozole. We were only going to do 2 more and then move on to IUI, with the letrozole too as it is only $55 a cycle and IUI is only $400.

I can't seem to find any info on the pricing of meds. Every clinic I have looked at all say variable. Which of course they are. name brand vs generic, pharmacy etc all play a part in the price.

I am hoping they can give me a price list or the name of what they want me to take. I can always call a pharmacy and see. I feel so out of control right now. I want to know what it is we will be doing so I can make a plan. I am going to create a budget tonight and see where we can cut costs.