TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome

[BronteForever]

Thanks for the welcome Les. Yes I am a Brontë fan but more so a romance book fan in general. However, Brontë is my nickname in life now since I play roller derby and picked my derby name in the first place as a play on the Brontë sisters and my real name!

Currently I don't have my first appointment with my RE until May since that's the first I could get in. My regular doctor has been handling all the testing up until now. So we'll see how it goes. I didn't think I'd be as open to IVF but now that it's likely the only option I'm much more open to it.

So sorry to see you have another friend that's pregnant. That's always hard. My best friend told me she was pregnant a few days after my ectopic surgery and her little girl was born at the same month our child would have been. Not going to lie it's sometimes hard to see her. However in a weird way I feel a weird connection to her and always enjoy seeing her because of it and it's been really fun watching her grow up.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Welcome bronte so sorry you've had such a long journey. It's great that you are finally getting some help. I too know of success stories with ivf. Sometimes that too can, not always, be a long road but it's important to always keep in mind the end 'goal'. One of my friends had Ivf and now has the most adorable baby girl. And this site is wonderful to find support.

Leson - argh I'm sorry about another announcement. As if this isn't tough enough. Don't feel guilty about not being super about happy about it. It's really crappy that this experience does this to us, but the way you feel is totally understandable. Let's hope you have some good news of your own to focus on by September but yay for o sounds like you are almost there! What time of day do you find it best to do opks? I only had one cycle where I did them successfully!

I've decide I'll keep on temping until Tuesday. We'll be away tues-mon so that will mess up my temps anyway (I struggle to sleep away from home) and if it hasn't happened by then, well I'll just have to wait for af!

 

[Clarinet90]

Hi Les! Thanks for creating such an inviting, and what seems like a much needed thread.

I lost my first baby in December. It's been 3 months since, but it is still so difficult every day. I think about that pregnancy every single day, and everything reminds me of what I don't have. It doesn't help that two coworkers are pregnant, my cousin JUST had a baby 2 weeks ago, and my husbands friend just announced him and his wife are having a baby. Woooo it's been a rough couple of weeks. I keep going back and force from grief and anger, with a hit of acceptance. I still can't believe it happened to me, ya know?

We decided to try again this month, and I am currently in my TWW. I'm hoping for good news by next week! I'm scared though.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Hi clairnet. so sorry for you loss. yep, it's rubbish that there is a need for threads like these, but I'm so glad of them. I also find myself in disbelief that the past few months actually happened. I sometimes wish that none of it had even been, but then instantly feel guilty for feeling like that. I don't think it's how I really feel, I just get a bit angry at what it's done to us since.

gosh, it sounds like the past few weeks have been tough for you. I have a few friends who have babies, none of them know about what we've been through. One of them is constantly complaining on FB about her LO and how hard being a mother is. Drives me mad. Maybe I shouldn't judge, I don't know what it's like. But she complained the whole time she was pregnant too, and has said she's definitely not having anymore. I feel like unfriending her but she's married to my DHs best mate!

How has your first month back TTC been? I'll keep everything crossed for you! That's another reason why I love this site - hopefully we can inject some excitement and hope back into TTC!

 

[beemeck]

bronte - welcome! I also love the name and roller derby - how cool!! I'm so sorry to hear about your journey and I'm sending you some digital hugs! I also suffered an ectopic although it was a cervical one (baby implanted in cervix, not my tubes). It occurred on our first try for a baby and now a year later, still nothing. I have my first appt with a fertility specialist next week though and it's good that you seem to have a plan as well! It's so tough to judge when to TTC - some people get pregnant so quick and others it takes forever. Or like me, a mix of both! We've already discussed beginning to try immediately after having our first because I never want to go through this long wait again.

clarinet - welcome too I'm so sorry for your loss - all of us here understand how you feel though. Gosh, it's so hard losing our firsts. another child would make a great distraction for the sadness, I feel. And all of the scary "what ifs". but please join us in this journey - hopefully we can all offer each other some comfort.

seems like all of us have pregnancies in our lives mirroring our own. I guess that comes with the territory though of being prime baby making age. My two cousins and I were all due EXACTLY four weeks apart, with me being last. Boy, was it hard to welcome those babies into the world knowing that mine would never come. Les - you are totally right about the summer being tough for you. My EDD time was the toughest time I probably ever had to get through. I can't even explain it. I really hope you are pregnant by then because I know I felt empty on top of literally empty.

I'm actually feeling good about this cycle - my hail mary cycle before the fertility clinic. I wonder if the HSG cleared the way and perhaps I'll get my natural BFP afterall? Hey - a girl can dream.

 

[lesondemavie]

Clarinet - So sorry for your loss . Just a small group here so far, but glad you feel welcomed . It's bittersweet welcoming anyone to this little group of ours, but we're happy to have you to support you and also looking forward to some support from you as well. Do you play clarinet? I haven't played in a long while, but I miss it dearly. I'm sure you read that this is my first cycle back trying too. I'll be joining you in that tww soon. Were you regular right after the mc? When is AF due for you? Based on my usual cycles, I should know one way or the other by end of month, but I'd be shocked if it happened that fast. A big hug on all the announcements and coworkers and such. I'm right there with you. I supervise a girl who is due in June. She's got such a beautiful bump now and she complains about being pg all of the time. I'd take it all just to have my baby back...but that can't happen, so onward to making baby #2.

Oh MrsU that stinks! My Dh's best friend and his wife should just be trying now. I know I'll be crushed if they announce and we're still trying. She knows about the mc though, so I'm sure she'll be sensitive to that. Opks have always been easy for me. The first cycle I tested 2-3x/day starting from cd5 just bc I had short cycles and no clue when I'd O or how long my surge would last. I actually ended up getting positives in the am on cd11 all the way to the am on cd13, but the darkest opk was the am on cd12. Since then I just test 1x/day usually in the pm (but am is usually darker) starting on cd10. I've caught it every single time since starting to ttc, but I've only had 2 days of positives once since . I think that's a good idea with the temping though. Leave it behind you and just enjoy you little escape

Bronte - Roller derby! How exciting. How'd you get involved in that? Ugh I hate how long it takes to get those appointments, but May is right around the corner. We'll try to help April and the rest of March just fly by for you (or skate by? ). Are you still trying for a natural BFP in the meantime just in case?

Bee - I'm hoping and dreaming for you for this month right along with you! 5 DPO your LO could be implanting now or soon in exactly the right spot . I know my baby wasn't alive when we saw him or her, but seeing our little gremlin cuddle up on the right exactly where I thought he or she would be was still such a special moment. I wouldn't take any of it back ever. I know you'll get there and beyond one way or another

AFM: CD11 and still a -opk. If I'm going to O on cd12 like usual it should be positive by tonight *sigh*. Fingers crossed!

 

[lesondemavie]

...and another announcement for a September baby ...we could have all had babies around the same time...it makes me so mad that this happened to us. I threw my phone (at the bed) when I saw the pictures. Crazy right? Anger is my least favorite emotion. I haven't felt much of it yet, so I suppose it's time *sigh*. Maybe I need to stay off of Facebook for a while.

 

[beemeck]

so sorry les - but we understand! I remember when it was end of first trimester time for my EDD and everyone posted their December babies at once. It was crazy. You know, it doesn't even get easier in time for me. Adorable announcements are popping up so frequently and even though their due dates don't have any correlation with my loss, I still think "I could have gotten pregnant that month and announced now". Sometimes it just feels like constant insult to injury.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Oh Leson hunny that's so awful, wish I could give you a It's so cruel, the last thing you need right now. So sorry. Xx

 

[BronteForever]

Thanks so much for all the kind words ladies. It's great you know lots of success stories on IVF. I'm almost 36 so I know that's not in my favor, but there still seems to be a decent success rate at that age.

We are still trying naturally and would love a natural BFP, which would save some money! I'm in the same boat as you Bee and hopefully that the HSG might have cleaned some stuff out. My HSG was horrible, so if I could get some good out of it by cleaning stuff up, I'd be grateful!

Mrs. Unicorn - it is so hard to hear other people complaining so much about pregnancy and parenthood, especially after a loss. That's completely normal and you should let yourself feel that way. My loss happened in 2009 and despite the years, it still frustrates me too. I allow myself to get angry and then I take a big breathe, look at things from their perspective since I know they don't mean harm and just don't think about it, and then try to move on. It definitely helps!

Clarinet - welcome. Fingers crossed you get good news. So sorry for your loss.

Bee - I'm not too familiar with cervical ectopics, but it sounds bad. Did you have to have surgery to remove the pregnancy or did they give you medicine. I hope you are all healed up at least physically from it. I know the mental stuff takes much longer. Good luck with your RE appointment. As I mentioned I'm also hoping the HSG helped cleaned some stuff up. Seems to be helpful for alot of people, depending on what your issues are. Good luck! Please share how your appointment goes. I'd love to get some inside tips or questions to ask, since mine isn't until May.

Les - so sorry to hear that. Anger is good! Though. Throw anything you want or better yet get a punching bag. It's honestly good to get out. That's probably part of the reason I discovered roller derby. It's better than bottling it up. Just don't hurt yourself! The month when you were due will be very hard. There's no getting around it. But it's great you have support here and from your spouse, that will help. And trust me it gets easier after that. It's still hard of course. You will never forget, you lost something very important to you and you will always grieve the "what ifs," but you're stronger than you think and you will get through it (as will all of you!). And there's nothing wrong with taking a Facebook break!!

 

[Clarinet90]

Thanks for all of the replies and welcomes! Hello Bee, Mrs.Unicorn and Bronte! I'm glad to have some people that understand and know what I'm going through.

Les, it can be frustrating when people we know, especially people we work with complain about being pregnant. One of my coworkers constantly brings being pg up whenever I'm around. We work in the same building, but on different sides, so I don't see her often, but I swear EVERY time I see her she has to mention something about being pregnant. I'm not sure if she does it with everyone or if she is kind of rubbing it in. I don't think she'd do it on purpose though. For example, she was asking if we had anymore decaf coffee. When I said no she said, "Aaah that sucks, because I can only have decef since I'm pregnant."

Like I didn't know already. Geez.

I do play clairinet! I've played for 14 years. I'm not in a group currently because I'm so busy, but I still make sure to play often to keep my skills.

It took me almost 12 weeks to get my period after the mc. I actually thought I was pregnant because pg tests were coming out positive and with super strong lines. It turned out that my hcg levels were just dropping incredibly slow. When I finally did get my period it was pretty normal, which I am thankful for. AF is supposed to be due on the 24th, but who knows when it will ACTUALLY show up. IF it shows up
Crossing my fingers!

 

[BronteForever]

Man, people can be so clueless when they are pregnant. I was in the operating room about to have surgery for my ectopic pregnancy and the pregnant nurse and her co-workers started talking about when she was due. I kid you not this actually happened while laying on a hard operating room table. I hadn't even gotten the meds to knock me out yet. Talk about insensitive. But if they have never experienced a loss I'm assuming they just don't think to filter themselves at all.

Clarinet - that had to be incredibly hard to get your hopes up again right after a loss just to find out it's just dropping hcg levels. Glad everything has evened out. Good luck this month ladies.

 

[BronteForever]

Man, people can be so clueless when they are pregnant. I was in the operating room about to have surgery for my ectopic pregnancy and the pregnant nurse and her co-workers started talking about when she was due. I kid you not this actually happened while laying on a hard operating room table. I hadn't even gotten the meds to knock me out yet. Talk about insensitive. But if they have never experienced a loss I'm assuming they just don't think to filter themselves at all.

Clarinet - that had to be incredibly hard to get your hopes up again right after a loss just to find out it's just dropping hcg levels. Glad everything has evened out. Good luck this month ladies.

 

[Clarinet90]

Oh my gosh, Bronte, that is terrible! I can't imagine having to go through that while just about to have surgery. How were you able to keep yourself composed? I would have lost it.

I tried not to get my hopes up too much, really. I was going to be happy if pregnant again, but if not I was ready to be able to move forward. I cried after I found out the numbers dropped, but like I said, it was a relief to be able to move on with life.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Oh my days, what? Some people are so insensitive! Like you say I'm sure they don't mean it but come on. Most people we know have been ok so far. Obviously you get the strange things people say to try and make you feel better when they really don't. I can kind of forgive that because if you've never experienced this it's hard to imagine how someone is feeling. It has made me gasp at times though. I'm more bothered that all our parents know we're TTC now. For years we've had the 'when are you two gona have babies' and now they all know we're trying I just hope we don't get asked every month. Infact once someone has asked I've decided I'm going to politely ask them to not bring it up again and we'll let them know when there's something to tell. I know it's done out of excitement but it's going to be difficult enough emotionally for us without that. On a good note, we haven't actually dtd, but almost...if you get me it feels so good to get a bit of our normal selves back!!!

Where abouts are you both in your cycles?

Leson sweetie, I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry I have no words. Just hope you're ok. Xxx

 

[BronteForever]

I'm not entirely sure how I managed not to lose it. I remember looking off into space and trying to ignore them. But by that point I was in shock that I was even there and probably wasn't all there mentally. My dealings with the hospital at that point were a long story unto itself, since they did not believe my tube had ruptured yet and sent me home, where I proceeded to bleed internally the entire night and didn't trust my gut something was wrong because I thought I was overreacting and had pseudo-signs (like pain in my arms from the blood loss) because I was reading about it and figured I had to be imagining it since they said it hadn't ruptured yet. It was a very traumatic experience for me all around, and probably one of the reasons I waited 3 years to start trying again. I was not only sad about the loss but worried that I could have died and what would another pregnancy do. This stuff is always hard to deal with!

Anyway, I'm currently in my TWW.

Clarinet - sometimes the waiting is the hardest part, so that's great you just got right back up and were able to move forward!

Mrs. Unicorn - In my experience once people know you have suffered a loss, they don't bring up the "when are you going to have kids" question. So I hope you all don't have to deal with that still ladies. But it does come up from those that don't know. So maybe it is a blessing now that close family know you are trying for kids.

 

[lesondemavie]

I'm still pretty depressed over everything today, but thank you all for the kind thoughts ❤️

Bronte - How scary and awful! I'm glad you came out the other side ok. Completely makes sense that you needed time before getting back to ttc.

Clarinet - I've heard of leftover hcg giving false hope after mc. So sorry you had to go through that. It scares me, but my tests are stark white now so hoping it won't be an issue for me.

MrsU - I think being direct is a good idea. We can only handle so much.

I'm getting all sorts of O signs over here but opk is still negative. Usually my mood is better around O too, but this is probably just something that no amount of hormones can undo. Hoping the weekend with DH revives me, and that I find a way to relax this first tww back.

 

[Clarinet90]

Unicorn, I am on day 23. Unfortunately I don't know exactly when I ovulated since I don't temp, but according to a bunch of ovulation tracker apps I have, I should have ovulated last week sometime. On Sunday or Monday night (great, now I don't remember) I had some cramping on my left side that would creep into the middle and sometimes the right. I normally don't cramp until the day of my period so it was either ovulation or implantation, I'm not sure at all. It lasted all day and then kept getting stronger as the day went on and into the night and lasted until the end of the next day. I haven't ever felt something like that. The next day I wore a pad to see if there was any discharge, and there was some brown spotts, so I'm hoping it was implantation!

Of course after getting on google I was even more confused about which it was. I was reading that a lot of women feel ovulation cramps more after a miscarriage, so idk. We'll see in a while. I'm not testing until the 25th when AF is supposed to be here.

Waiting sucks.


Thankfully people haven't been asking me about having kids, but the only people who knew i was pregnant were my coworkers. I remember telling one coworker to let them all know I DIDN'T want to talk about it and to not even bring it up. Thankfully they all respected that. I wouldn't have been able to handle them asking if I was okay. I'm somebody that bursts into tears at that question.

Bronte, I totally understand your fear and why you wanted 3 years to try again. That is so scary. How are you trying to occupy your time while in the TWW? It's hard!!

I'm sorry you are feeling down today, les. It can be hard some days to think about anything but the loss.

 

[lesondemavie]

Oh MrsU - DH and I did the same thing before I confirmed O last cycle. Glad you are both reconnecting

Still on my opk madness here. It's still not positive, but it looks like it's getting there right? Fingers crossed that it's dark by morning. Then I'm just slightly behind and still in for what I hope is a usual cycle for me!

 

[mrs unicorn]

I'd say it's starting up Leson! Fx it's gets darker quickly.

So here are mine - flippin whiff of a line on hpt and the beginnings of a line on opk. I'm thinking that hcg is probably making it darker than it should be, although they were lighter earlier in the week. I'm running out of opks now, my new batch will take a few days to arrive I think. So I'll use them up then stop this cycle.