TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[LilSluz]

Hi ladies! Happy Monday - NOT!

Dwrgi - All I can do for you today is send you some of these . And please know that I am thinking of you constantly. .

Dashka - oh jeez, that's a horrible nightmare! You must have been out of sorts all day yesterday. They can send me into a tailspin at times too. And I am so sorry you are spotting, your cycles are getting shorter & your temps dropping. I hope you can move your tests? You are right, a journal should help you get your feelings out? You do have to treat yourself well no matter what happens in this TTC business. We have a tendency to blame ourselves for all of this & we shouldn't do that or become self-destructive. (oh, no hurricanes yet, I was just commenting to Fro that I hope we have another lucky hurricane-free year).

I just had to respond today despite the bad mood/blues bc I wanted you & Dwrgi to know that I am thinking of you both & I am so . It has been a really crappy week for me too for some reason. I am in some kind of funk & can't shake it. And I'm just so upset about the things I am seeing today.

I had hurricane & tornado dreams last night, so I know that I am feeling pressure & this TTC biz is taking more of a toll than I thought. I get bad nightmares when stress is mounting (tidal waves, being swept out to sea, tornadoes, hurricanes) whether I realize I am under stress or not. Perhaps because Friday's infusion went horribly - I had an anxiety attack on the 3rd try (& after it took 35 mins of trying!) w/the IV & had even had intralipids flowing into arm vs my veins at one point! Now I am going to have a fear of the IV every time it gets administered. Maybe I'll ask for a new nurse (feel bad) as it took 2 goes last time, as well. And then I ask "Why am I doing this to myself?" Am I just fighting the inevitable? A lot of doubt & fear, but you all know what that is like... I will have to make a mental note to exercise every single day & meditate/do reiki daily this week. I'm not about to let it evolve into depression (it is trying to take over, I can feel it ). I'm going to fight it tooth & nail - with everything I got

Thanks for letting me vent my frustrations, doubts & fears. I just needed to write it out & tell someone. I can't tell DH too much bc he will then worry about me & my well-being & may refuse to dtd & say that we really don't need kids, honey, we are enough for each other, etc. (its sweet & partially true, but if I hear that one more time, I'll do more than scream...).

Luvs & to all & hope your Monday is going much better!

 

[LilSluz]

Pad - I had to keep putting my post on hold (work getting in the way!) so didn't see your post until now. I really hope that your bloods come back & show something that you can fix! Did you not do anti-coagulation yet??? Glad new GP seems like he' on the ball! So, were you trying this whole last year bc I was under the impression for some reason that you had just started up a couple months ago. Aw, honey let us know what happens!

BDown - glad you had a great weekend w/DH - so important during this roller coaster

Never - Congrats to you, girl!!!

Flutter -

Spoiler

Wow, congrats on your BFP! Guess you don't need that SA after all. You are one of the lucky ones, so good luck & enjoy

 

[purplelou]

dashka - omg _ i just read about your dreams and that is horrific. I am so sorry you went through that even in a dream

Pad - Im glad you like your new GP! Im guessing you had anticoag screening done before, but it doesn't hurt that he is being thourough - many GPs will not do all that at all.

lils - ouchie for the lipids therapy going into your arm - that would have been sore poor thing is it a one off treatment or are there more infusions??

tiger - how was the scan today?? (or in case its later- good luck!!)

big loves to everyone else xxxxx

 

[LilSluz]

Purps - it's monthly pre-ov & then if I get a BFP, done again at 5-6 wks gestation (have no idea what that means, but haven't had to worry about it yet). I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm just a little anxious about it now & its happened 2x in a row now... Out of all my surgeries & hospitalizations, ER trips & ambulatory rides, only once they didn't get the vein, so that makes me think its her What do you think (as a nurse)?

Hope you caught up on some sleep & are having a great day

 

[Mirium]

Hi all,

Dwrgi - All will be well one way or the other so just try to do happy, fun things right now!! Love and and and

Dashka - don't worry too much about the cycles - maybe ask your doc about it? I hope everything works out!! Love and and and

Lils - Hang in there. You'll be fine - I can tell by the way you rationalise but of course - don't let sad thoughts take away your peace of mind!!

AFM - This was a very quick post. I am about to start work right this minute. I am just hanging in here. Last night I had a dream too and in the dream - everything felt bleak and desolate. I was wondering where my family was and my family was split up with everyone in different places. I am good at analysing my dreams though - it's exactly what Pad described. I know this is all related to what I am feeling about TTC. I should ovulate some time this week. I am flying to NY City on Saturday to visit my parents so hopefully I ovulate before I leave. Hello to all the ladies and to all!

 

[purplelou]

Purps - it's monthly pre-ov & then if I get a BFP, done again at 5-6 wks gestation (have no idea what that means, but haven't had to worry about it yet). I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm just a little anxious about it now & its happened 2x in a row now... Out of all my surgeries & hospitalizations, ER trips & ambulatory rides, only once they didn't get the vein, so that makes me think its her What do you think (as a nurse)?

Hope you caught up on some sleep & are having a great day

you should feel confident about someone who is jabbing stuff into your veins! I admit I have missed a couple of veins in my 20+ years but if you are not confident and it's happened twice...ask for someone else If I could come over and do it for you...I would !

 

[BDownmommie]

When it comes to medical 'professionals' (and no offense to anyone here), if the person isn't functioning as they should - then you have every right to ask for someone else. For example - my BFF who just 'accidentally' got preggers, read the reviews about her new doc, and they were horrible and she started getting stressed, so i told her to request a new one, if they didn't like that then request a mid-wife.

I still have the gapping hole in my (right) arm from last week, and having someone in a bad mood take it out on my vein.

Point is - your body, your choice, your right

 

[tigerlily1975]

Just a quick post with lots of there seems to be so many lovely ladies struggling at the mo', I wish this could get easier for everyone.

Also, a lot of awful dreams. You'd think the one time you can shut off from all this, your mind would give you a break, right? I (thankfully?) don't normally remember my dreams, but the last one I had I was sharing a flat with one of my oldest mates and she was in the shower cleaning the dishes .. I can't even blame alcohol for that one as I'm keeping clear of the stuff during this cycle.

Thanks for checking on me Purple - how do you remember all this stuff? I bet you were good at exams! Blood test today (they haven't called, so assuming all okay) and first scan booked in for Friday, so we'll see how it's going. Is it normal to get a lot of headaches with these drugs?

I hope Monday has been good to you all.

Big, squishie

C xx

 

[Dwrgi]

Oh Dash, that is so annoying. I don't know why your cycles are shorter, I didn't notice a change with Royal Jelly. Could the spotting be old blood from your hysterically? I really hope that SHE doesn't rear her ugly head for you. Could you ring and re-arrange your tests? You defo don't want to have to cancel. Hope you manage to enjoy some of your day. Big hugs to you lovely, A xx

Maddy-so glad you get so much support on here. It's a complete life line for me too, Ax

Purple, you are so very thoughtful! A true star! Xx

Love to everybody! My temps are still below coastline. Have to test tomorrow, and then when I get the negative, I'll stop taking the prog and oestrogen, and then SHE should arrive. Grrrrr.

My phone changed hysteroscopy to hysterically! Well, it'll have to be that from now on-how was your hysterically? Was it funny???? Sorry Dash!

 

[Dwrgi]

Just a quick post with lots of there seems to be so many lovely ladies struggling at the mo', I wish this could get easier for everyone.

Also, a lot of awful dreams. You'd think the one time you can shut off from all this, your mind would give you a break, right? I (thankfully?) don't normally remember my dreams, but the last one I had I was sharing a flat with one of my oldest mates and she was in the shower cleaning the dishes .. I can't even blame alcohol for that one as I'm keeping clear of the stuff during this cycle.

Thanks for checking on me Purple - how do you remember all this stuff? I bet you were good at exams! Blood test today (they haven't called, so assuming all okay) and first scan booked in for Friday, so we'll see how it's going. Is it normal to get a lot of headaches with these drugs?

I hope Monday has been good to you all.

Big, squishie

C xx

It is normal to get a lot of headaches, but it sounds to me as if you're dehydrated. Drink absolutely loads, and then some more (water, though, obviously, leave the cider to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!).

Good luck with your scan on Friday and take each day as it comes!

Big hugs and loves to you, Axxxxxx

I will write more to you all laters! (No, I haven't been reading you know what. And what's more, I refuse to! I've read it's pure garbage-illiterate rot!).

 

[froliky2011]

Hi Ladies...

After reading all the posts about the fears and how life is unfair (which it completely, totally is and it sucks!), I wanted to give you all a good laugh.

https://www.fox.com/cleveland/full-episodes/1333144/the-hurricane

 

[froliky2011]

Now, onto a decent post:

BDownMommie - TTC journey is very challenging and for the strongest of partners. I am glad your DH is being more sensitive and wish you the best next Friday!!

Tiger - Good luck! I hope you don't have to use a donor. As for me, I decided on a known donor after doing some research on how children feel about being conceived by anonymous donor. In addition, my DH was not a big fan of being legally responsible and wants to retire at 57 so this permitted him that as well. Luckily the KD woke up very fast! He's good now. I woke is a$$ up real fast.

Flutterbee -

Spoiler

Welcome and Congrats! You are a lucky one! I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months.

Owl - Yeah for "O"!!! TWW countdown now right? Any OTT?

Janey211- The other ladies answered your questions long ago it seems. I drank a glass or two of wine at dinner but on my successful BFPs I had no alcohol during the TWW. I don't think it really mattered that much though.

Treegap - The other ladies are right. Whenever I tested early in the a.m. I would get a negative and it always was wrong, because I started to have an LH surge later that morning. Try to test two times a day if possible. Good Luck!!

Dashka - Bad dreams SUCK!! I have had a lot of them the past few months. I think the stress of TTC and everything does takes it toll on a woman's psyche after a while. Hopefully 9/4 will bring some answers and good news. Oh, I also read that book and loved it. Very good read for anyone else interested.

Dwrgi - LIFE IS NOT FREAKING FAIR!!

Neesaw - Now you are closer to Dwrgi...are you neighbors? Your poor dog.

Kslucie - Good Luck!! ~~~~~~ I hope, I HOPE, I HOPE!!

Chicken - Looking good still..above cover line.

Mirium - What is the date of your surgeries?

LadyH -

HTJP - I think talking to a counselor is a good idea. Glad the idea that baby and mom are together gives you peace. All the best finding the perfect design for your tattoo. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE WEIGHT LOSS!! THAT IS AWESOME!!

DrHouse - Welcome Back!! Happy travels!!

Pad -

Lil - No problem on the progesterone. As for the hurricane...mmm..yes...hoping for a quiet season..if not...I am jetting out of here for sure!!

Maddy40 -

Arsy - Hi Lady!! I hope you are doing well. News?

Purple - Thanks for the Never news. I hope you are feeling good too.

Hi to everyone else and lots of and and LOVE and SUPPORT!!! xoxo

 

[froliky2011]

Lil - to you too hon!!! I just realized I missed you. xoxo I hope you are feeling better.

 

[Butterfly67]

dashka, damn those cycles getting shorter that really is a pain in the backside, i hope you manage to get some answers somehow with the new RE as to why this is happening

purps you are always so thoughtful and always there for everyone

flutter

Spoiler

massive congrats, great news

dwrgi, damn those low temps

lils, sorry you are also having a crappy time and the stupid nurse couldn't get your vein properly. You have had such a hard time of things I really wish that some good things come your way soon. Yes you are doing everything that you can so this surely must pay off for you

Pad, good that your new doc is doing lots of tests and hopefully will come up with a plan for you hon

Mirium for bad dreams for you too

to everyone else, sorry I just can't remember everyone's names

AFM, nothing to tell really, also in a ttc/adoption flunk/indecision and letting the excuse of being busy with the house renovation enable me to not think about things

 

[nessaw]

hi all.

advance warning of pity post!!

just got boyfs sa results. not hideous but not great. count was under, morphology slightly under. motility wasn't great-0% at quick progressive, 27% at slow progressive and the rest split between hanging around and doing nothing!!!he's going for another in a couple of weeks.

am trying not to get upset so that I don't upset him but was really hoping it would be just me we'd have to worry about. we stayed with some friends who've had ivf and their first sa came back poor so am just keeping everything crossed.

also checked my referral and it is in the system having been sent off so that's a relief cos I was ready to kick off!

anyhoo-sos about all that. hope everyone's ok.will return with more chirpy posts tom!!

vx

 

[chickenchaser]

froliky - You have confused me, sorry can you explain more. I thought my chart was a bit mad because my temps are as high now as they are usually after O, Is this good? I should O on Thursday.

 

[Dwrgi]

Hia Chicken-can't help with the temps as I am no expert on them. Perhaps Frolicky mistook you with somebody else-you can only have a coverline AFTER ovulation, is that right, everybody??? Good luck with The Big O-and catch that egg, Chicken Chaser!!!!!! I'm willing you on girl!

Ness-what a blow about SA results, but at least you have something to work with. Is your boyf taking Wellman Conception? They're about a tenner a box and an absolute miracle worker. My OH's results improved dramatically, after using them for three months (which is lifespan of your common or garden spermie). Also, word of note, IF you were ever inclined to go for ICSI (or IMSI), where they choose the sperm, his issues wouldn't be a problem. My clinic doesn't pay any attention to low morphology results anyway. Good luck hun, and good for being prepared to kick a%se-sometimes our NHS provider needs a good kick up the buttocks.

Padalicious-marvellous news that your new GP is on side and prepared to help. Fantastic. My GP, who I have made it my business to meet to tell him what's going on with me, and how I feel about everything, does not give a flying fig, I swear. So, a good GP is hard to find (almost as hard as finding the Golden Egg! ). Good luck with this month's cycle, and sorry you lost so much blood with the tests. Lots of steak and red wine tonight for you then-

Fro-lovely to read your posts, and so glad that you're still keeping up with us all. Yes, defo, get out of there if the hurricanes come (and please take our Lovely Lils with you too ). xxx

Butterfly-I will keep an eye on you lady, so that you don't dodge a certain issue!!!!! Hope that magnolia wall is looking lovely by now, and the back is being good. Big to you, Axxxxx

Dash-how was your day in the end? Been thinking about you, Pad had some really good advice about those dreams. Be kind to yourself lovely and stay away witch

Tiger-

Owl-

Maddy-hello!

Purps-hope you're okay? xxx

BDM-glad that things are a bit better with your OH. Horrible to row. xxx

Lils-I am going to pm you pronto, but you shake that funk my girl! You WILL NOT succumb to this vile thing that is infertility-you will BEAT it! And defo ask for a new nurse, as you've lost faith/confidence in this one, so you'll just worry about the intralipids. Not worth it. Big, HUGE

Dr H-safe trip back to Oz. Hope you've enjoyed your travels, Axxx

Lady H-how are you lovely? Hope the keeping it casual' approach is being maintained! xxxx

KSluice-I am sooooooo hopeful for you, got a really good feeling about it, as that se*y god Flo Rida said, Axxx

Mirium-big to you hun, hope you catch the O before you go to see your parents. Have a good trip, Axxx

Twinkle-I sooooooo miss you. Wish you posted more, and didn't hide on your journal. That's a moan! And the same to Happy-miss you too!

Treegap, Janey-

Asry-hello lovely!

Big to everybody! Why is it that all I want to do is eat chocolate and drink cider (lots of) ? And I'm going to, too. F**k it!!! Hee hee!

 

[froliky2011]

froliky - You have confused me, sorry can you explain more. I thought my chart was a bit mad because my temps are as high now as they are usually after O, Is this good? I should O on Thursday.

No, sorry, I was looking at your O chart, and just realized that your numbers are closer than I first saw (i.e. only 0.1 or 0.2 degrees apart). I guess I went a bit to fast. Sorry about that.

 

[chickenchaser]

Thats OK honey, I'm still getting my head around charting and thought I had missed something. I still don't understand why my temps are a whole degree higher this month though, I'm just hoping that they go up after O otherwise I will be really confused. Always appreciate your input. XXX As with all you ladies

 

[dashka]

only have a few minutes but just caught up some more.... wow everyone seems to be having nightmares - hope they all go away for everyone

B-Down - hope the side effects of meds get better..... drinking water is an excellent suggestion Dwrgi...

Dwrgi - oh hun - you go eat that chocolate and whatever else will comfort you... I am so tempted to gorge on stuff right now.... But trying to fight it.. No worries on the "hysterically" thing - I knew what you meant Sending you lots of and strength to get through this week....

Lils - WOMAN!!!!!! you do whatever it takes to fight that NASTY depression thing off! Don't listen to it okay!!!! ignore: We are all here for you I know you are going to be successful at this - you are a fighter!
Glad there are no hurricanes there yet... was worried about my little Floridians.... What a disaster with the intralipids/nurse!!! I can't believe that it took that long to get IV in ...and she is a nurse?? and the stuff went outside of your vein? Oh how scary... I would definitely ask for someone else... you are paying for this right? so don't be afraid to ask.
Hey - re: DH -after I read your post -a question came to mind - do you think part of you wonders if DH is wanting this as much as you do and somehow that is troubling you inside?? I ask because I can relate to this - I have had these talks with DH often to try and find out if he wants this as much as I do or if he thinks I'm crazy - but think he doesn't want to tell me he wants it as it will upset me /put more pressure on me (so he thinks) I keep telling him it will HELP me to know that he wants it. Going to the RE together helped a bit because he was there and answered questions and wasn't opposed to the idea of IVF (yet..) I know you will figure this out!

Pad - GL with bloodwork and new GP! Hope you never have those nightmares again....

Mirium - NYC ! how exciting! hope you ov before you go!

Tiger - GL this week ! You go girl!!! PS - that was a funny dream you had - I usually don't remember my dreams either - but the week before AF I don't sleep as well...

Fro - nice to see you !!! and thanks for your comments

Butterfly - take your time hun - you have lots on your plate right now...

Nessaw - sorry about DH's SA results!! Yes I would get re-tested in a few months - It takes about 3 months after you start supplements to see the difference (sperm life cycle is similar to our eggs)... My DH takes, 30mg Zinc, Vit C, CoQ10, and Active Men's multi-vitamin... (he was also taking at one point L-Carnitine which is really good for that too)

AFM - the arrived this early afternoon - so today is CD1....Feeling pretty sad -for my day off today but I guess better that I'm not at work (instead kept busy with housework!) Rats - I've already tried to re-schedule that app't last week but they were filled on the other days (between my AF and ov) and have to go at the beginning of cycle .... Oh well... maybe I'll wait til closer to and then reschedule for next month... just so friggin hard to predict as my window before ov is so small.... I really hope this month was a fluke (ov at day 10)... I thought day11 was bad enough. I really hope that the RE's prediction that I may have endometriosis is wrong... but ofcourse I've been worrying about that. (frequent urination & loose bowel movements -TMI before period, fatigue, legs cramps on CD1 and so on -although I don't have the other symptoms - don't even have much belly cramps this month)

Watched Extreme Makeover -Weightloss edition last night- anyone else hooked on that show?? I was motivated as she reminded me that my pain (since knee injury 4 yrs ago) has made me use that as an excuse for a lot of things... not exercising etc... I need to get back my old self .... stop worrying about weather exercising is going to 'hurt' something in there.... etc... I have had no energy for months and months and need to get back to eating better too.. and drink tons more water... (something that has been lacking). I need to do this for myself (not for TTC) just for ME!

Gotta run - but sending to you all.....