Why are people so ignorant about registries???

[lj2245]

The differences in opinions of people in the USA and people in the UK on this matter are amazing To us UK folk, the thought of having a set out shopping list and expecting people to buy from it is horrifying lol. I guess though, if it's the norm and is expected in the USA, it's maybe not too rude to be upset when people ignore the list. It's entirely a cultural thing! If someone told me they had a list of things they wanted for their baby I would tell them where to shove their list and I bet the majority of people from the UK would feel the same! US cultures are creeping in to the UK though, things like proms and gift registries for weddings are becoming more and more popular (although I don't know anyone who has had a regstry for their wedding gifts). Maybe one day we'll have baby registries and baby showers and the OP's attitude wouldn't be so shocking to us!

I have a 7yo and got a ton of useless things in gifts from people but we were just pleased that people thought to get us anything. Most of the stuff I kept in new condition and have in a big box for my son when he's older, with a wee label saying who got what. If you aren't so keen on some of the stuff OP, and don't plan on using it, maybe you could do something similar?

Thank you for your nice response to a difference of opinion rather than alot of other rude unsupportive responses. This is the way it should be looked at.

We are obviously on very different ends of the spectrum on this thing. My OP was intended to be a RANT as I thought we, as all hormonal pregnant women, are entitled to on this forum. I really didn't expect to be called a childish brat from half the posters. My intention is not to have an attitude or be ungrateful to ANYONE that sends us a gift. I was merely expressing my frustrations to ya'll as I know some can empathize with how I feel. Of course I wouldn't be hateful to someone who bought us something... would be nice if everyone backed off on the insensitive comments. If you don't understand something there's no need to be hateful yourself about it.

Uff it's a difficult one! With so many emotions running high and everyone one sad advert (or commercial, as I believe you would know it by) away from a nervous breakdown, it's easy to see why people can become upset by your OP and by your subsequent one. I can understand your frustration when you took the time to write your list and were excited about getting things from it but I think, because your post was written in anger and not sadness, that's maybe why people have taken exception to it? Personally, in my mind I was thinking of all the people who took time to go out and look at nice things to buy and bought something for you thinking that you would love it and how they would feel knowing they had got it so wrong. Again, it's the hormones and I find myself feeling so sad for people I don't even know!!

I, myself, have written an angry ranty post on the 2nd tri board and some of the replies I got were beyond rude and downright unnecessary. I think that's the problem with these forums though, when you write a post you invite people's opinions and sometimes people can take what you say the wrong way and in the wrong tone. No one has a right to tell you how you should feel about anything but they do have a right to tell you how they would feel about it I'm afraid!

Speaking as kindly to you as I can, and meaning this with the best of intentions. I did take your OP the way you probably intended and I know you can see that from my reply but your 2nd post (I think it was the 2nd one...I didn't read through all the pages but it was the one a page or 2 back) does make you seem ungrateful and I think that is entirely down to the use of words (as we can't determine your tone). I can kinda see why you did post that post though, you felt attacked and were trying to defend yourself. It's your right but I definitely think you should have picked some better words lol, calling people selfish for buying you a gift is going to raise a lot of backs!

Anyway, we are all but people on the internet who don't know you. Pay no heed

Laura x

ps - 5000 babygros will give you a lifetime supply of rags to clean windows with

 

[aliss]

Yeah sorry OP, it's one thing to expect gifts from your registry (which IMO is totally fine and yes, culturally "okay") but it's another thing to call people "selfish" for not getting what is on the registry.

 

[Dragonfly]

This is all new to me, what is a registry like a list of things you want for baby ? I had relatives discuss what each where getting among each other but never had a list. I dont feel right writing stuff out for stores I leave that up tp them in case they cant afford things, gifts are not compulsory with me. Thought that counts. I wouldnt want anyone broke over something. I am grateful for whatever. Sad to see some arnt.

 

[lj2245]

This is all new to me, what is a registry like a list of things you want for baby ? I had relatives discuss what each where getting among each other but never had a list. I dont feel right writing stuff out for stores I leave that up tp them in case they cant afford things, gifts are not compulsory with me. Thought that counts. I wouldnt want anyone broke over something. I am grateful for whatever. Sad to see some arnt.

It's basically where the recipient registers a list with a shop with items they want on it. They then send the list to people and people can go to the shop and buy something from the list and the shop will mark the item as 'purchased' to prevent everyone buying the same thing. In the UK we have them for weddings but they tend to be very rarely used. I played around with one on Argos when I was getting married but only for fun, I didn't complete it. It's very common in the US though for baby showers and weddings.

 

[Eternal]

It's defiantly one if those cultural things.

As we don't get baby showers as the norm, let alone baby lists, the idea is rude to us, however I do get the concept and the pros, if that sort if thing was the norm for us then I'm sure it would seem lovely.

However cultural divide or not it's wrong are ungrateful to call people selfish of not getting what you demanded, people have their reasons for doing what they do, perhaps they did recycle a gift but perhaps they had no money.

My goodness the amount of rubbish I have been given over the years, but I am always greatful and appreciative.

Perhaps on your invites you should have written don't come without a gift on the register. That way you don't have to call them names behind their backs.

Again I know it's cultural, but I can't ever get over this disgust if people dare to venture from a list. Be greatful.

My goodness at whoever posted coupons.

No we don't get it, it seems nice in the surface but the amount of the types of posts I have read, all moaning as they didn't get what they want, and how they gave this person this and that. I would hate it, grow up, if you insist on this tradition learn to be grateful for what you get.

 

[peanut56]

While the registry itself seems to be a cultural thing, being upset about not getting the specific gifts you registered for, and calling people selfish is definitely NOT. I'm from Canada where showers and registries are the norm, and I find this attitude shocking, to be honest.

 

[lhancock90]

It's not really crass or rude, it's just a tradition here. I understand this doesn't really translate across the pond, sort of like Halloween too, but there is nothing greedy about a first time mom expecting gifts at her baby shower. It's like showing up to a wedding without a gift for the bride and groom - it's not rude, it's just tradition.

I bleedin' love Halloween.
So depressing people don't do it properly here.


In reference to OP. Honestly. I look at it this way, i had a baby shower (my Mom is in love with American culture) but i didn't ask for a thing. It was a day celebrating my pregnancy and spending quality time with friends and family.
For both kids i never, asked anybody to buy an "essential" item. My Mom brought a cot and OH's Mom wanted to buy the pram. (First Grandchild both sides) but i never asked. It was mine and OH's responsibility to buy the essentials. Any gifts from others? Wonderful, appreciated and i made the effort to use/put the girls in every one.

I suppose it is just the UK attitude but i think giving a list of presents, well rude, i'd rather a surprise and get the essentials myself. Theres something personal about it then and not "expected".



I think, in all honestly, you should be appreciative that people are buying you things, whether on your registry or not. Calling those gift buyers ignorant? I really don't think they should be buying you anything if thats the attitude.

 

[lemongrass]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

This is NOT a cultural thing, this is an attitude thing. I'm from Canada, and I had a wedding registry and I would NEVER talk about my guests and their gifts in such a way. Who cares if they are wasting their money- it's THEIR money, not yours! People are selfish to think they can buy what they want? Really? Are you freaking kidding me? They earned it! They have every right to do with it as they wish! How can you possibly think that you have more right to tell them how to spend their money than them- the people that worked for it?

I'm sure it must sting to see 7 pages of people telling you that you are acting ungrateful and bratty. But instead of getting mad at them, perhaps rereading what you wrote and looking at it from an outsider's perspective would be a more appropriate and adult response. If we think you are acting rude, your guests probably do too.

 

[lhancock90]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

So, i didn't read this before i replied. But yeh. I don't think you are quite grasping a few things.

- What a "Gift" is.

- What a selfish person is.

- How rude, ungrateful and absolutely disrespectful you are. Its a good job nobody you are demanding from can read this.

And don't say its cultural. There are hundreds of Americans on this site, not once have i ever heard them speak about their friends/relatives gift giving this way. I understand you are hormonal but imagine, reading that from your loved ones perspective

 

[Jarenk]

I use registries as a guideline, kind of like a "wish list" of things I would like to have. I go in, fully aware, that I may only get a few things on the registry because if I wanted the things on the registry badly enough, I'd either buy them myself new or go on craigslist. I'm happy getting a bunch of wipes, diapers, and burp rags because I will use those the most.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It is not in any way rude to have a baby shower or a registry, it is our way and our norm. Family and friends want to buy the expectant mother things she needs and wants, also it is beneficial because these items will be passed on to future siblings/ There is only another shower given if it is maybe 10 yrs or longer since you had a baby. Now what is the big deal if some people stray from the list and buy you other things so what big deal, just smile and return it. I also agree you the OP are being a bit aggressive , i know your pregnant and your hormones are all over the place, but you should be appreciative that these people do this for you and me and most women in the U.S.. I know I appreciated everything I got, I became a mom at 21 and didn't even know I needed half the stuff I got. I know when your a new mom it is hard , but I think it is your tone that upsets me or others. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and your new little miracle, pregnancy is hard enough lighten up and just relax, you don't need the extra stress and really it is not a big deal..

 

[lhancock90]

It is not in any way rude to have a baby shower or a registry, it is our way and our norm. Family and friends want to buy the expectant mother things she needs and wants, also it is beneficial because these items will be passed on to future siblings/ There is only another shower given if it is maybe 10 yrs or longer since you had a baby. Now what is the big deal if some people stray from the list and buy you other things so what big deal, just smile and return it. I also agree you the OP are being a bit aggressive , i know your pregnant and your hormones are all over the place, but you should be appreciative that these people do this for you and me and most women in the U.S.. I know I appreciated everything I got, I became a mom at 21 and didn't even know I needed half the stuff I got. I know when your a new mom it is hard , but I think it is your tone that upsets me or others. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and your new little miracle, pregnancy is hard enough lighten up and just relax, you don't need the extra stress and really it is not a big deal..

I think in the UK, we see it really different? That seems the divide her. Your culture its totally the norm but its an alien idea to us? IYKWIM

 

[fidgets mammy]

To the op- im sure u dont mean it to b but yr posts have come across very "babyzilla". I understand ur point, its sometimes aqkward getting stuff u dont like or need, but people dont have to buy u anything at all so i personally am grateful then if its no use return it or put it in their memory box. For example-the twins got bangles off my aunt for their christening; i dont want them wearing jewellery but my aunt was kind enough to buy them that gift and i appreciate it. Theyre lovely bangles and ill keep them. They also got some off hubbys work mate, again he didnt hace to buy us anything.
Im sure u didnt mean to come across unappreciative, just ranting. Which were all allowed to do.

 

[Andypanda6570]

It is not in any way rude to have a baby shower or a registry, it is our way and our norm. Family and friends want to buy the expectant mother things she needs and wants, also it is beneficial because these items will be passed on to future siblings/ There is only another shower given if it is maybe 10 yrs or longer since you had a baby. Now what is the big deal if some people stray from the list and buy you other things so what big deal, just smile and return it. I also agree you the OP are being a bit aggressive , i know your pregnant and your hormones are all over the place, but you should be appreciative that these people do this for you and me and most women in the U.S.. I know I appreciated everything I got, I became a mom at 21 and didn't even know I needed half the stuff I got. I know when your a new mom it is hard , but I think it is your tone that upsets me or others. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and your new little miracle, pregnancy is hard enough lighten up and just relax, you don't need the extra stress and really it is not a big deal..

I think in the UK, we see it really different? That seems the divide her. Your culture its totally the norm but its an alien idea to us? IYKWIM

I totally get it that is not your norm, I think when people say it is rude is why that strikes me as getting a bit defensive, don't mean to be, but I am the type of person that at least i try to understand other cultures and though something is not for me or I don't understand it, I try to be polite about it. I think it is rude not to be appreciative for sure though

 

[sevenofnine]

OK for all of you UK ladies who think it's rude or tacky to have a registry, obviously WE do things different here in the US. It is not tacky nor rude to expect people who are invited to your baby shower to get you the things you NEED. I don't need a bunch of yard sale crap or 50 million baby blankets and 5000 pairs of newborn onesies. Number one, they're wasting their money. I have a very broad range of prices on items that EVERYONE can afford. And if not, you can ALWAYS buy diapers or just get a freaking gift card so that I can buy what I need for MY baby!! People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why??? It's not your baby, so why can't you buy what mommy and daddy have already decided on what WE want and need??? For all of you who say it's being ungrateful and rude, you obviously don't have the same traditions as we do here.

People are so selfish to think they should be able to just buy what THEY want. Why???

 

[fidgets mammy]

Am i wrong?? I thought as parents we bought what we needed or family offer to, and showers are for "extra" gifts to make a fuss of tge mam to be??
Or atleast that was my take on it.

 

[aliss]

Yeah, OP you are being babyzilla in that sense. It is definitely rude to call a gift-giver "selfish" for not getting you something on the registry.

Having a baby shower is not rude here. Having a registry is not rude here. Calling people selfish for not using your registry is just entitlement... eek.

 

[aliss]

Am i wrong?? I thought as parents we bought what we needed or family offer to, and showers are for "extra" gifts to make a fuss of tge mam to be??
Or atleast that was my take on it.

Over here, it is normal to ask for the large things (crib, swing) on the registry but it implied that only immediate family will buy those.

 

[fidgets mammy]

Ah right. Here family usually offer to buy somethin big and we have showers to just give gifts really. I wouldnt dream of calling anyones presents crap. I got loadsa knitted stuff for my shower. Theyre not my thing and tbh there was loadsa stuff i could have done with but tge knitted stuff came in handy as my two were teeny and thats what fit them.

 

[smileyfaces]

Am i wrong?? I thought as parents we bought what we needed or family offer to, and showers are for "extra" gifts to make a fuss of tge mam to be??
Or atleast that was my take on it.

Over here, it is normal to ask for the large things (crib, swing) on the registry but it implied that only immediate family will buy those.

I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to buy something as substantial as a crib to be honest! I wouldn't ask for anything!