August loss thread - TTC our rainbows!

[danser55]

Thanks ladies.

Danser, I just tell myself it's one month closer to a bfp, I think it helps a little bit xx

Thank you. I think it helps. Our first cycle failed on the femara and we got our BFP on the second one, so an Xmas BFP would be nice!

 

[Aayla]

I caved and tested today. Of course bfn. I am only 7 dpo. Got my progesterone test. Now I just wait for the results. Should be here in about 4 hours. I have put the tests away so I won't test until Monday. Ideally I should wait another week as I got my best bfp at 14dpo. But I know I won't. I am going to try to test every 2 days. I have 3 tests left and I really can't afford to buy more.

 

[Sweety21]

Danser it's difficult but, may be next month will be ours hope keep me going. I get upset after bfn but,in a day or two I start thinking about ovulation and all again.

Lora how many dpo are you?

 

[Aayla]

Test confirmed that i ovulated. I knew I did but it's nice to see the numbers. My number wasn't as high as the last time. Not sure if that means anything. Now to just wait it out the weekend to test.

 

[LoraLoo]

Great to have it confirmed aayla!

Sweety I'm 7dpo! Last month I had cramping on 7 and 8 dpo but so far this morning nothing 👎

 

[Sweety21]

Great going Aayla. Good luck for testing.

Lora, Eek!two more days to test.

 

[Mrsmac02]

That's great Aayla!

Lora, when will you be testing? Last time I didn't have any cramping til at least 12dpo! Had it at 9 and 10dpo with DS.

Afm: 4dpo, do t feel any different. Only time will tell I guess! X

 

[Aayla]

9dpo: I don't feel any different either. I'm not positive about this cycle. I tested again today. I think it's just automatic when I have a test in the house. lol I was half asleep.

technically a bfn but I thought I saw a flash or shadow of a line when I put my flash light to it. But that could be nothing as well.


Outside of ttc this has been a sad weekend. 2 days ago was the birthday of a friend who committed suicide. He did it on his bday 4 years ago. He technically died on todays date. (on another friend's birthday). I was the last person to see him, to hug him, to say goodbye. 4 years has gone by and it doesn't get any easier.

 

[bubbles82]

Hey ladies, just popping in to wish luck to those of you in the TWW. Sorry I've been so quiet but I'm still following you all with my fingers crossed.

Sorry to hear about your sad weekend Aayla, it's strange how anniversaries make us feel as sad as the day it all happened still. I've just had the anniversary at the beginning of this month from when I lost my best friend in a car crash, I was meant to be with him that night but couldn't make it in the end. It was ten years ago this year which has gone so fast but still hurts just as much x

 

[Mrsmac02]

ladies. It's never easy losing someone you love and care about, even after all those years

Nice to hear from you Bubbles, how are you hon? Xx

 

[LoraLoo]

Morning ladies. I appear to have a line on frer. Ic was negative. Don't know what to think? Libes a bit more obvious irl. 9dpo

 

[Mrsmac02]

Eeeeekkk! X

 

[LoraLoo]

I feel so worried and scared x

 

[Mrsmac02]

Try not to feel that way hon, just relax and go with the flow. I know you've had more than your fair share of heartache but you can't change anything by worrying about it xx

 

[bubbles82]

Oh wow Lora! I can't see it on that pic but don't doubt it at all if you can see it in real life it's there! Can imagine how scared you are, but fingers crossed this is your rainbow xx

Nice to hear from you Bubbles, how are you hon? Xx

Getting there thanks Mrsmac, been a struggle this time, probably because it's been a long drawn out process and was more of a shock finding out at a scan, but the bleeding has just about stopped now which will probably make me feel a lot better x

 

[Mrsmac02]

I know how that feels bubbles, that's exactly what happened with me - private scan at 6 weeks, back and forward to EPU for 4 weeks to get scanned until they eventually conceded it was a mmc. Sod's law was that after 4.5w or upset/knowing but them not flipping doing anything about it, the day it was confirmed and I got booked in for medical management was when the bleeding started.

The waiting and the knowing is absolutely the worst part

I swore after that, if I ever get pregnant again, I will never go for an early scan again. I would rather not know!

I'm glad things are slowing down now. I hope you can start to feel a bit more positive/hopeful for next time soon xx

 

[Aayla]

Totally see it! So exciting. I keep testing even though I shouldn't. Thought I saw a shadow today. Nothing to photograph. How am I supposed to wait now? i have had heartburn for 2 days now and boobs were tender on the side (around the armpit area) yesterday. Today I had food smell aversion. I am still always tired and I have a hard time believing it's still the schedule switch for one day a week ago.

 

[bubbles82]

You were lucky to get EPU to do anything, they were not interested at all with me so I had to keep paying for private scans until there was no heartbeat anymore when I knew it was going to happen, luckily it only took one more scan to show no heartbeat. I think I'd still book an early scan next time as I hate having them but I'd rather know as soon as possible if things aren't going well than be waiting around for weeks thinking it's all going ok and then find out it wasn't at my 12 week scan. I'm grateful now that I was able to start the medical management a few weeks earlier than I would've been by having to wait until the 12 week scan, and by then I may not have been given the option of medical management anyway as they say it's meant to be used before 9 weeks, even though I was 10 by the time I got the treatment, they still just didn't believe my dates so it didn't seem to matter.

 

[Mrsmac02]

The EPU were a blessing and a burden to be honest, I had 5 scans in all over the course of 4.5 weeks and they just would not make a decision despite the fact that over that period of time the sac only grew the equivalent of 1 week and there was never a heartbeat.

I think I've made peace with it now and feeling philosophical about the whole thing in that, if I get pregnant again, I just need to try and forget about it until such times as I can get seen.

I say all of this but let's face it, I'll be peeing on sticks daily and over analysing the progress of the lines, panicking about not having symptoms and will prob pay for an early scan anyway!! X

 

[bubbles82]

It's just awful isn't it, I know I need a new pregnancy to be able to move on as much as I can from this, but I know I'm not strong enough to handle another one anytime soon and definitely not strong enough to cope with another loss again. I can't believe how much I spent on tests last time, and the progress was perfect for 6 weeks until I had to stop as they couldn't get any darker, yet here I am still going through another loss. So the tests didn't really mean anything and were pretty much a waste of money, but I will still do the same again next time! The scans were so expensive at £100 a go, plus travel costs as there's nowhere near me that does it. But I'll still do that again to save weeks of delay in finding out things haven't worked out. I'm already waiting around long enough now for my cycle to come back without the extra month I would've waited if I just had my 12 week scan.
I wish I could be one of those who just pees on a stick once, sees a pink line and accepts I'm pregnant and don't need to do anything else until the 12 week scan where I see a healthy baby. I've never had that in pregnancy as I had a loss straight away before my first, and while I get so annoyed sometimes that my friends have no idea what it's like for me, I'm really glad they don't. My friend who is due when I should've been in May laughs when she finds out I've got more tests, she finds it hilarious I can't just do one and that be good enough like it is for her. She has absolutely no idea.