funny things you sed whilst in labour

[FLUMPY1984]

The first time they examined me in labour I was 10cm dialated and I asked if there was any chance labour would stop now.
While on all fours I said I felt like a farm animal so yelled out "MOOOOOOO" while pushing a few times (it helped!) :cow:I hugged my bump and wailed that I would miss it and wasn't ready to say goodbye.
When I first saw LO crowning (I was using a birthing mirror) I burst into tears and said "oh wow he's perfect! I love him so much!!!"
Apparently between pushes I would mutter under my breath "Easy, easy this is easy" followed shortly by "Come on Squiggle, we can do this!!" as the next urge came. Squiggle was my bumps name btw.

x

 

[lucy_x]

The midwives told me to push and I just sighed "oh fuck off" lol

I allllmost sang moon pig too, but snapped out of it when I opened my mouth!
Oh yeeeeah and it was the day after Michael Jackson died and I loved him, I sat saying to DH "This is yours, and Michael Jacksons fault"

OMG! that made me LOL!

 

[xnmd1]

Lol! Loving these. I didn't know G&A actually made your voice funny... I thought it just made me THINK it was funny.

Whenever a MW came in the room, or Michael (I really did love Michael the anestetist (sp?), or DH, or a cleaner etc - "I warn you... I'm not wearing any pants!"

To Michael - "Michael... do you have a Facebook?"

To Michael - "I like your pocket (his scrubs had a random dog patterened pocket on them)... can I have your pocket please?"... When he said no... "I thought we were friends Michael... I thought we were tight like this *holds up crossed fingers*... Our relationship is build on lies!"

While pushing and everyone was telling me to push - "What the FUCK do you think I'm doing??!!"

When a senior MW came in and wanted to cut me (Fin was distressed) - "Put the fucking scissors down, I'll do it myself" (I did too )

When I'd pushed him out - "I've pooed haven't I?" - Everyone - "NO!" - Me - *Starting to cry* "I have - I can feel it between my bumcheeks!" - MW - "That's the umbilical cord!"

The next day - "I was funny wasn't I!!"

xx

you cut yourself?

 

[kmac625]

OMG! I've just read this entire thread and my tummy hurts from laughing so hard and the tears won't stop LOL! Unfortunately no gas and air available here but I still managed some good lines. I was incredibly polite during the throes of labour it would seem.

I've been known to swear like a sailor, but during labour I said the F word twice and was embarrassed and apologized both times.
I accidentally bumped the midwife (barely touched her apparently) but apologized profusely.
I kept telling my dh sorry for squeezing his hand so tight (I drew blood oops).
Two hours after I had asked for the epi the anesthetist finally showed up and I told my dh he looked like the guy from Survivorman (Canadian show). Once the meds kicked in I asked if he was still in the room. When told yes, I meekly called out thank you.
After yet another new nurse came to check out my progress (I was on my 3rd nurse shift at this point and probably 10 different people had checked me out during my labour) I told the midwife that I didn't care if the maintenance man came and had a look.
After the morphine shot I got before my emergency c-section they put up the sheet in front of my face to block the surgery from view and I started to tell the anesthetist all about canoe camping (the sheet reminded me of being in a tent apparently) and how we didn't get to go camping that summer because I was too pregnant.
We knew we were having a girl so prepared for that and when she was born and the doctor announced we had a girl, I said thank god.

 

[daisii]

not sure i said anything funny but apparently (i had a lot of G&A so it's fuzzy to me!) there was a beautiful moment between contractions right near the end where DH said he loved me and i said 'i love you too', then i burped in his face!!!!! oops!

 

[kelly29]

hahahaha funny ladies lol xxx


my 2nd baby i remember telling the mw to get my shoes ...why she ask's?? because iv'e changed my mind i'm not having a baby after all of course she declined and said its time to push lol


i got to hospital just in time, with my 4th baby! i ripped off my bottoms and my knickers and quite clearly the babies head was almost there, but i still asked ....can i push yet??? lol! i rem apologising for looking like such a mess when i arrived, kept saying over and over oh i'm so sorry and how i'm sorry that my down below was a bit hairy as i couldn't see it omg what a thing to even say or even think at 3am

i'm sure there are lots more funnier moments but, i just don't seem to remember them? its almost like it didn't happen!!

and to the lady that moo's you should go on one born every minute lolol lololololololol xxx

 

[LulaBug]

I remember when I first went into the hospital and they took me to the triage room too assess what was going on and I was put on the machine that checks the scale of contractions and the babys heartbeat.

For some reason I burst out laughing and it was sending the signal funny and the feedback from the doppler thing was horrendous. OH started telling me off to stop laughing and it set me off even more and I felt like when you're at school doing something you're not meant to when the teacher comes in cos when the midwife came back I tried to stop laughing and I started laughing silently and my belly was jumping around setting it off even more. The midwife coudn't work out what was funny and to be honest neither could I. Think I was just delirious.

It was only when I had the G&A, I calmed down a bit cos it doped me!

 

[Lownthwaite]

OH: stop screaming it can't hurt that much (as he was crowning, I had epidural that didn't take on left side)
me: f off you fing twat you try sh***ing a watermelon
midwife: don't worry sarah we don't judge anyone (with a wink)

I love this!

Here's one of mine:

(Whilst doctor just finished fetal blood sampling and trying to insert catheter before and emergency C-section)
Me: I need to wee
MW: No, it's just baby putting pressure on your bladder
Me: No, I need to pee I can tell
DH: You just had a wee not long ago!
Me: YES! and I'm telling you I need a wee again!
Doc: Ok, it doesn't matter we are putting a catheter in now
Me: but I need a wee
Doc: Ok, the catheter is in now
Me: but I still need to wee
Doc: Yes, you may feel the sensation for a few more minutes but then you won't until we remove the catheter after surgery
Me: but I need to pee!
Doc: That's fine, just do it.
(Doctor was still down between my legs)
Me: (turning to DH) Im going to pee on the doctor
MW: No, you won't the catheter will take it in the bag
Me: No, I don't want to pee on the doctor!
DH: Sweetheart, just wee, it's fine - you won't wee on the doctor
Me:Okay.....okay..........Im doing it........I'm weeing................Okay done!

 

[Parkep]

OH: stop screaming it can't hurt that much (as he was crowning, I had epidural that didn't take on left side)
me: f off you fing twat you try sh***ing a watermelon
midwife: don't worry sarah we don't judge anyone (with a wink)

I love this!

Here's one of mine:

(Whilst doctor just finished fetal blood sampling and trying to insert catheter before and emergency C-section)
Me: I need to wee
MW: No, it's just baby putting pressure on your bladder
Me: No, I need to pee I can tell
DH: You just had a wee not long ago!
Me: YES! and I'm telling you I need a wee again!
Doc: Ok, it doesn't matter we are putting a catheter in now
Me: but I need a wee
Doc: Ok, the catheter is in now
Me: but I still need to wee
Doc: Yes, you may feel the sensation for a few more minutes but then you won't until we remove the catheter after surgery
Me: but I need to pee!
Doc: That's fine, just do it.
(Doctor was still down between my legs)
Me: (turning to DH) Im going to pee on the doctor
MW: No, you won't the catheter will take it in the bag
Me: No, I don't want to pee on the doctor!
DH: Sweetheart, just wee, it's fine - you won't wee on the doctor
Me:Okay.....okay..........Im doing it........I'm weeing................Okay done!

Hahah did it go into the bag?

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I was very polite, except when Oh was trying to make me eat and drink when I didn't want to. I told him I wouldn't drink because 'I fucking hate sports caps'.

 

[lanaross]

I said to my OH stop frigging saying I am doing great, how the hell do you know how I am doing oh and well the usual - I am done, I am not doing this anymore, that's it, you all can leave

 

[Thaynes]

Without pain killers I said to my husband and my father, who were the only people that were there the whole time I was in labour, "Don't f***ing talking while I'm in pain a**hole.

With pain killers and waiting for my epi about 15mins before delivery to my mother, who showed up only 30minutes before delivery "I'm not pushing or doing anything until that stupid doctor gets here with my epi. " I didn't really think to considered it was like 7am.

 

[sjb1985]

Just thought of another one. I was 6 cm when i went to the hospital and the midwife suggested we go for a walk. We walked to the hospital cafe and my OH got a sandwich and attempted to get me to have one too. There was no way i was going to eat as i was so worried about doing a poo when pushing! In the middle of the cafe in what i thought was a whisper (thanks to good old gas and air) i said to him "i'll have one if you curl one out here and now" He quickly hurried me out after that!!!

 

[winegums]

Just fuck off and leave me here to die

Lol

 

[sjb1985]

Just fuck off and leave me here to die

Lol

 

[bumpandall]

the only thing i really remember saying an no it isnt funny was get this fucking baby out of me!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bumpandall]

forgot to mention that outburst was without gas and air

 

[midwestbelle]

I screamed over and over again, "i have to poop!" ugh. embarrassing.

And also after I got my epidural I said, "That's amazing! I don't feel a thing! This isn't so bad."

 

[Tudor Rose]

i remember worrying that i wasnt going to be able go farmfoods get my sons favorite fries (hes a fussy eater)

i remeber thinking some crazy thoughts. i remeber a young MW came in when i was pushing to get a BP monitor and i was screaming and the look on her face was as if i was being over the top and i was thinking b**ch she should try being in my position.

DH said i kept telling the MW how to do her job, i dont remember that

 

[SophiasMummy]

I screamed over and over again, "i have to poop!" ugh. embarrassing.

And also after I got my epidural I said, "That's amazing! I don't feel a thing! This isn't so bad."

i kept telling them i really needed to pooh too my mum kept trying to tell me its the urge to push you dont actualy need to pooh though i didnt believe her