Teacher mums chat thread

[Cattia]

HG - I am doing four days in Sept, the thought of that extra day is keeping me sane! I never had to tell anyone apart from our HR manager, I am sure the school should sort it all for you. I am gald work is improving. I guess you soon get back into things.

 

[becstar]

Ohh HG, that's rubbish! have you asked school if they can help? Ours would I know... or the head would out of her own pocket!

JC, I'm glad your husband got it sorted... hope you can manage in the meantime.

 

[becstar]

Can I have a rant here?

I didn't know where to put this. Just for a change, it's really long!!!

Basically, I am not enjoying work and I feel I am no longer any good at it. I feel like there are reasons but these reasons sound like excuses even to me, and I don't know what to do about it all.

I started teaching 4 years ago and did well on the course, and my first year reviews etc were really positive (I remember the external moderator saying 'you're a bit of a natural at this, aren't you?' I felt like I'd found what I was meant to do. My Teaching Assistant was very experienced but hard to work with because she was opinionated and had been at the school for years, but we got on okay.

The second year I had a new TA who'd not done the job before and while she was lovely it was hard work. I had a hard class but other staff said I did a good job 'taming' them and they did okay...

My third year, I had a TA who was brand new to the job, had English as a second language and who frequently got people's backs up as she has funny social skills (no sense of boundaries or what makes others feel uncomfy - for example, in the middle of a group of women, many of whom have tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant for years, she started talking about having an abortion because she couldn't cope, and then how her daughter was an accident too ). She had no initiative and I found it hard to deal with her as she didn't get subtlety or even bluntness - just didn't seem to understand me at all!! Then, I found out I was pregnant in November and that became my focus. With my first tri exhaustion, I left school at the end of the day as soon as I could and did the minimum I needed to to get by. I wasn't as focused and I basically went in, taught a lesson and went home. I didn't put extra work in really... I had to do a massive, 100 page survey/document/analysis thing in the second half of last year (have to do it again this year) and that took ages and any extra time I did have. I kind of got into a groove of doing enough to get by, and as we weren't observed last year as we had a change of leadership, noone really noticed I got by like that til the summer, then my ML started.

I obviously had La in August and went back to a new class in Jan. I found it very hard going back and because I just want to be with La at the end of the day, I still rush home as soon as I can and have no time to focus properly on work, and so I'm still basically doing what needs to be done... I took over my class from a colleague who is not well thought of and who has very lax discipline (she's now supporting in other classes rather than having a class of her own) and it has been tough taking over and trying to get to grips with them. There are some very very needy kids, some real behaviour issues (we're trying to get child mental health involved with some of them) and some very low achievers. All the energy I have had for work has gone into getting them to sit down and listen and not talk etc etc.

I was observed last term in maths (my least favourite subject) and it wasn't great... I knew it wouldn't be! As a result, I asked for more help and they gave me coaching with a colleague.

This colleague is a very good teacher who was my mentor in my first year. I used to think we were friends in some way but this year she's been very strange with me and despite me talking to her to try to clear the air it's still odd (she has issues with fertility and is very unhappy at home etc). Anyway, she is confusing the hell out of me. One minute she says 'just stop being so hard on yourself, you've been off, you have a tough class' and then in a meeting with other year groups she stitched up me and this other year 1 teacher and made us look very uncooperative and rude when in fact it was a) nothing of the sort and b) nothing to do with me, anyway - the whole situation had happened when I wasn't in the room! Also, she made out in the meeting that the other girl and I 'need to take responsibility for our own learning, and watch teachers tv etc in our own time' but when I spoke to her about how this had upset me, she said 'you need to realise that sometimes people say things in an off the cuff way and it doesn't always mean anything'

Anyway, she observed me today as part of this coaching and I felt ill today (La has an ear infection and I feel rough) and she knew this. The lesson wasn't great again but I knew it and in the feedback I agreed with everything she said. But it was a HUGE list of things I'd not done/done wrong, and then near the end she said 'you've been doing this for four years, you should be flying now...' :sad5: I know, I'd told her I felt like I was crap, and it hurt to hear that. There are people who started out when I did and they're being asked to mentor students, and are phase leaders etc, and although I don't want to rush up through the ranks I know those teachers are well thought of and while I used to be, I'm not now and my peers know it (they must hear it at management meetings).

I feel like shit. I know I'm not a good teacher anymore, I feel overwhelmed by how much I need to improve, how much I need to change and get to grips with, and I want to get better but I can't see how I can find time and energy to do it. I pump in my breaks, get in 20 minutes before the bell and leave just after school and I still only get a couple of hours a day with Ilana, if I'm lucky. I hate feeling so torn... I can't afford to quit or go part time, I feel I'm not a good mummy or a good teacher and I hate being bad at both... It's not good enough to the 30 kids who rely on me to not be good enough, and it's not fair to Ilana to not be good enough... I just feel so awful, I can't stop crying right now.

 

[Cattia]

Oh Becstar!!!! So many

Sounds like you really need them!

Obviously I don't know you personally and I only know what you've said in this thread, but I will try to answer as best as I can.

First of all, you are a great mummy! You are working because you need to in order to give your gorgeous daughter the home and the life she needs and it is obvious you love her so much, she's very lucky to have a mummy who is willing to work hard to provide for her and I have read your threads about how you pump at work to feed her and wake up in the night to feed her - you do so much for her. In an ideal world of course you would be with her 24/7 but you work for her because you have to.

I have been teaching for 10 years, and I personally do not believe that people who are naturally good teachers stop being naturally good. I do not believe that you have gone from being someone who is great with kids and great in the classroom to someone who isn't. I think what is happening is that you are trying to make a massive adjustment to being back at work and having differnt priorites and it is taking some time to get used to it all.

If you didn't care about your job and your kids, you would not be in such a state about this. It is obvious that you really want the best for them, but teaching is so full of frustrations and you can only do the best you can within your own limitations, whatever they may be. It really sounds to me as though your colleage has some issues. I have come accross people like this many times and I edo believe that she might be trying to deal with her low self esteem by putting you down. She obviously has personal issues and anyone who is not happy within themselves has a hard time being supportive and strong when it comes to other people, it is far easier for them to raise thier own personal and professioanl profile by belittling others. Maybe there are things you need to improve about your teaching - heck,who doesn't need to improve, but it doesn't sound as though she is presenting these to you in a supporitve or helpful way. She must know you have not long been back from maternity leave and I think that when organisations have issues and are unstable within themselves, people become scapegoats for a whole lot of inadequacies, both personal and professinal, and there is no easier scapegoat than someone who has not been around for a while.

Honestly, I have seen similar things happen in my own college, where people are picked to pieces in lesson observations simply because the observor or the school as a whole is under pressure. I really think that this is not about you but is about this colleague of yours.

I wish I could suggest a way forward, I think it sounds as though you have lost some confidence and this person is trading on that to improve her own self worth. Maybe it would be helpful to consider a way forward, would it for example be possible to reduce your hours so you feel more in control and more able to have a home / work balance? If that is not the case, then maybe you need to think about getting other people to observe you who are more supportive, and KNOW that you can whip their ass with some **** hot lessons, since it sounds as though you have lost the belief that you can do that, wheras actually you really can.

I wonder if a part of you feels that you are emotionally withdrawn from work because you feel guilty about being there? Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn, it;s just that I think that might be the case for me. Maybe you can set aside some time to write down your priorities for the class, the main things that need doing and how you can go about doing them, that might help you to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed. Try to keep your focus on what you can do for the kids in the time that you have to dedicate to work. This person is detracting from that - don't let her! Make sure you set aside work time and when you are not in work time then you can spend time with La and put work aside.

I don't think I have helped much but I really think this person is being unfair to you and you have to hold on to a sense of yourself as a great teacher and a great mum which you clearly are. Don't ever let other people knock that out of you!

ETA: I typed this quickly, sorry it is so full of typos etc!

 

[Jchihuahua]

Aww hun . Teaching really can be the most stressful job in the world and it sounds as though you have a really tough class. I always think Year 1 are a difficult year group to teach anyway (I've taught Yr 1 classes a few times over the years)as they are so used to play based learning in Reception then all of a sudden children that are basically still babies are expected to be sitting down and working. All that combined with unsupportive colleagues and a new baby sounds like really hard work . To get through your training and NQT year you are DEFINITELY a good teacher. Standards are high and you wouldn't have made it this far if you weren't, so please don't think that you aren't! I don't think they would discuss you at management meeting either. I am on SMT and we never discuss indivdual colleagues at the meetings. I think the head and deputy are probably the only people who do that. And as for being a good mummy, I'd say that judging by the posts you've made on here you come across as a GREAT mummy .

I am an advanced skills teacher and 1 day a week I go to provide support and do model lessons for other teachers, in my own school or different schools. I've supported loads of Yr 1 teachers over the years so if you need any advice, fresh ideas for planning or activities for a particular topic, or if you are having an observation and want some support or input I'd be more than happy to help, I really would. Just ask and I'd email you some ideas or chat on msn or whatever about it.

 

[becstar]

Thank you both so much. It really helps!

You know, I feel like I am finding this harder because (and I say this knowing how pathetic it sounds) I don't really have any friends. I have a best friend who is travelling the world right now, but apart from that I have noone to talk to about things like this. I do have family but they don't live nearby and have so much going on themselves (one sister works 12 hour days, one is due any day with her third baby, one is getting divorced...) I love my husband but it's not the same and he isn't always the best at listening to this stuff.

ANYWAY, thank you both. In fairness to my colleague, I am not very good right now. I am good at the crowd control, I am good with them personality wise etc but I don't have a clear idea of where I'm going with the teaching and I'm not focused, I don't model things well right now, and I know I need to get much better. I wish I could talk to the head about this but she thinks the sun shines out of this colleague's rear end and often tells her things 'friend to friend' so I don't feel comfy talking to her... also, I'm terrified that they'll take my TLR away from me if I am not coping!

 

[Cattia]

You have us! I know it's not the same as we don't all know one another but we are all teacher mums so we can all understand the pressures and problems. You can always chat to us any time!

Is there any way you could talk to the head but frame it in a postive light? So rather than making it about your colleague, you could go in with the angle of how committed you are to improving your teaching and getting the best out of the class etc. You could disucss ideas with her and it would also show her that you mean business and you are still to be taken seriously?

 

[Jchihuahua]

Yes Becstar, what Cattia said . You have us to talk or rant to because we know exactly what it is like to be a teacher and soon we'll both know what it is like to be a teacher and looking after a baby at the same time.

I understand about your friends too. Like I said in my post on here yesterday I have only lived here 2 years and don't know that many people outside of work, especially with babies. I have wonderful friends but unfortunately they mostly live in London, where I used to live so I don't really have people nearby that I can easily talk to about this sort of stuff either.

If your area have primary ASTs you could ask your head about getting someone in to offer you some objective support and guidance. The school doesn't have to pay for the AST, the LA fund their time. Sometimes I'll work with a teacher 2 or 3 times, other times I have worked with a teacher one day a week for a whole term. I help with planning and ideas and resources, teach model lessons with their class or they come in to my class to see me teach. The teachers I have worked with often say it is easier to work with someone from outside of school who is not judgemental or doesn't have pre-conceived ideas about them or who isn't going to go and talk to the head about them. It is also much better to work with someone who is still a teacher the other 4 days a week, rather than a consultant who hasn't taught their own class in years! It would also show your head that you're looking for ways you could improve. Its worth asking !

 

[becstar]

Thank you both again.

What you suggested JC sounds like what this woman is supposed to be doing... she is the one who suggested this coaching thing to the head and the head loves it and won't hear a bad word against it. I think iIhave to go try to talk to her but she's so positive about this woman and this coaching that I can't see her changing her mind... she also likes to deal with things internally rather than get anyone in, which is a pain in this case.

 

[chuck]

I know I don't drop by here often but boy oh boy I've been back at work for 2 weeks now and bloomin heck am I tired!!

There nothing like a class of 30 year 11 boys and trying to get them to be quiet let alone sensible while dissecting kidneys and observing you dissect lungs to make wish you were at home with your baby even more than you already wanted that anyway!

Gaddamned shitty maternity package, putting a baby in nursery at 3 and a half months is far too young and far too soon for me to be back at work!

Mind you I'm doing better than I thought I would, I'm even planned and req sheets comnpleted for the next 3 weeks - trying to get ahead of myself so I dont have to panic each week about ordering equipment.

it doesnt help that there are builders all over the school for BSF so it is incredible noisey - I had hammering/cutting/drilling on my roof all day yesterday could barely hear myself think let alone caterwaul over that noise combined with the kids!

We're supposed to move into our new block in 2 weeks time - lol yeah right we'll be all packed and ready to go (not an easy feat in itself) and they'll delay it so we'll have no books no equipment nothing while we wait I can see it happening.

I need to speak to my HOD about whats going on in dept...lots of upheaval at the mo and staff changes I'm hoping to pick up a TLR to make it worth my while not seeing my baby in the week, at the moment I leave work as early as I can either by lift or bus (which takes 50 mins to get home rather than the 15 of a lift) and I still dont get home till 6 by the time I've picked up babba from nursery, so I'm hoping I can get TLR and actually stay in school and do my job and Hubby can pick up Dewi from nursery.

But I dont know if there's anything he can or will engineer for me..huff.

 

[CathyCat]

Thank you both so much. It really helps!

You know, I feel like I am finding this harder because (and I say this knowing how pathetic it sounds) I don't really have any friends. I have a best friend who is travelling the world right now, but apart from that I have noone to talk to about things like this. I do have family but they don't live nearby and have so much going on themselves (one sister works 12 hour days, one is due any day with her third baby, one is getting divorced...) I love my husband but it's not the same and he isn't always the best at listening to this stuff.

ANYWAY, thank you both. In fairness to my colleague, I am not very good right now. I am good at the crowd control, I am good with them personality wise etc but I don't have a clear idea of where I'm going with the teaching and I'm not focused, I don't model things well right now, and I know I need to get much better. I wish I could talk to the head about this but she thinks the sun shines out of this colleague's rear end and often tells her things 'friend to friend' so I don't feel comfy talking to her... also, I'm terrified that they'll take my TLR away from me if I am not coping!

sorry to hear that
But I understand what you live, same for me here, no family around (my dad lives at the other end of France, so about 800 km from here, and no more relation with my mother and her family since my wedding), no real friends as they also live at the other end of France and the few I made here I don't see them often as we move every year for our jobs), that's really hard...
Fortunately my husband's family is not very far and that's a really good thing.
I really hope the situation at work will get better for you. Lots of hugs

 

[history_girls]

Hello Teacher mums!

Got that crappy end of long weekend feeling here........school tomorrow

Becstar - of the massive kind. I think we all go through periods of feeling like we are not good at what we do and I sometimes think that the lesson I just taught was total rubbish. I sometimes think that observers forget that you are human and to hear a whole load of negative comments is not helpful. We would never give feedback like that to a child but they think they can give that to us!

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to rush home at the end of teh day to be with LO. It is like an ache isn't it? I think Cattia is right though give what you can during the day and then prioritise home. I stay at school until 4.45 then go and get LO. My home time is so precious now - I don't answer the phone until after LO has gone to bed to maximise time with her.

I think some people in teaching (aka my SMT) forget that teaching is a job. Yes we care so much about the kids but at the end of the day we are there for the money.

Don't feel alone - come on her. We are here to support each other. All my friends live away and I'm the first to ahve a baby so they don't understand that either.



Chuck - are you secondary science? Wow - couldn't do that. My year 11 boys get overexcited when the scissors and glue comes out let alone kidneys! Hope the move goes ok - when do year 11 leave? does that free you up any time? Crap we have to earn money isn't it? I've been trying to think of a way of getting money without working but prostitution and major fraud are my only two ideas at the moment.....

Well I've settled back in after two weeks and still no work at home!

 

[chuck]

^^^ yup secondary school is hard work, and now I've caught the cold Dewi's had so I'm full of snot and losing my voice so teaching is always fun when you look/feel/sound awful!! lol.

...and joy I have duty today so I'll be spending my break stood outside. huff.

 

[becstar]

Thanks again guys. I was on a course again today which was great! Really helpful, and the hotel gave ma a room to express in again which was wonderful.

Chuck, hope your duty wasn't too cold and wet!

 

[history_girls]

i'm not sure a three day weekend is good for me - it was harder to go back today than normal!

But new childminder today and that was fab so feel a bit more encouraged.

Had the joy of learning all about the new ofsted lesson observation criteria today - what joy.

Becstar - glad you enjoyed the course, i've got one in London in a few weeks which is a treat.

 

[porkypig]

hi everyone, hope you are all ok. i cant be bothered to work this out so i need your help.

im going back to work next week for 2 days and im on point 6 (fringe area) can someone work out how much i will get paid monthly? thank you xx

 

[becstar]

Try the salary calculator (google it)

 

[becstar]

If you pay pension at 6% and student loan, based on it being 2/5 of what your normal take-home would be, it's about £695 a month.

 

[becstar]

Anyone else cacking it now it looks like the tories are in? They're going to scrap the payscale after 2011.

 

[history_girls]

the tories are also saying they would let heads decide pay and conditions rather than the burgundy book! I'm bricking it my head is a workaholic maniac! I'd be there 12 hours and day with another 8 hours of work to do at home......

Porky - have you worked it out? I have a part time caculator in excel that works it out i could send you otherwise or post the link