The new Gender Specific Hopefuls thread (2014)

[geordiemammy]

Haven't posted in here in a little while, hope you are all doing okay!

I've accepted that this baby is a boy (I don't KNOW but I'm pretty sure, team yellow) and I've come to terms with it. I'm actually in a really good place for having another boy, and looking forward to potentially meeting our little boy. Think I've finally seen the light

Pink I'm so pleased your in a good place about it now xxx

 

[Tasha]

Shayzee I am so sorry

 

[katherinegrey]

Haven't posted in a while, but I'm still struggling. A well stocked baby girls section and a rubbish boys section is enough to upset me.
I'm excited to meet my second son, but I am still struggling with never having a girl. This pregnancy has been even tougher than my first and has really made it hit home for me that if at 23 pregnancy is this hard, then as I get older obviously the harder it will be, I simply would not be able to do another pregnancy.
I get upset at every girl announcement, and even announcements which mean they're getting one of each make me feel bitter. I especially get upset about ladies who're having one of each and are unhappy about it because they seem to have something against boys, and have no idea how lucky they are to get to experience both genders. I know logically that I'm no more entitled to a preference than they are, but it still hurts me.
I know when I actually have him I will adore him, and I love him now, but I'm still upset I won't have a daughter.

 

[motherofboys]

Everything you have said is perfectly understandable, it is so hard to deal with the fact that you will not ever have something that you wanted so so badly. Its not about the child you do have, but the one you dont.
And you are still very much in the thick of it. Your pregnancy hormones and pregnancy struggles will not be helping you at all.
I'm not going to lie and say those feelings go away. But the do lessen and get easier to deal with.
I obviously still want another, but there was a time for a while when I was pregnant with DS4, and just after his was born, when that was it. There wasn't going to be a #5. And even since then, with the chance in reach, theres been times when I've thought maybe the sensible thing to do would be to stop. And as much as I still desperately want that little girl, and I do sometimes get so upset about the fact I KNOW she isn't ever going to come into my life. There is a greater amount of time when I can see my life as a Mum of just boys. Whether that be the 4 I have now or if I am blessed with a 5th. And it doesn't seem so bad. I know that when the time comes to say no more, I will still feel my heart tug at the girl announcements, and I will still look longing at the girls section in the clothes store. But I will be happy. And I think eventually that does come to each Mum longing for a gender she doesn't have. She'll always be missing from my life, but I can still have a life without her.

 

[Kaiecee]

I'm sure I'll be following all u ladies who have found out ur having another boy I have a big feeling that I'm having another boy which will make #5 I guess I'll never get my girl!!!

 

[rwhite]

I'm so sorry for your loss shayzee

Katherine, I think if I find out this is another boy (and I'm very sure it will be), I will pretty much be able to write your post verbatim. It is comforting, though, to think back to when my little boy was little and how in love with him I was (and obviously still am!) - at least we know how much we adore the kids we do have, despite their gender, and will do any subsequent ones the same

 

[shayzee]

I've had to learn the hard way. As I started to bleed -which was several weeks before I actually lost my baby, I know I realised how much I wanted it regardless of it being a girl or boy.
Unfortunately only after the loss of this baby do I now know I will be happy with whatever god blesses me with, as even getting pregnant naturally for me was/is a blessing.
Thanks for the ladies.

 

[EmyDra]

Katherine I can't help but feel when mothers of daughters that decide they don't want boys or are glad they didn't have boys that they judge my sons as 'second-rate' and that's what upsets me.
Like you say we are all allowed to have preferences so it's illogical.

What I really hate is 'I had 2 girls and that was my preference but if I'd have had 2 boys I'd be fine with that too'

Because you cannot know that position unless you are in it.

 

[motherofboys]

I wonder if a lot of the people who go on about how glad they are they didn't get a boy actually wanted a boy and are trying to convince everyone they are fine with the way things turned out.
I know that I often tell people that I'm very happy with my boys and that had I had a girl in the middle is have been cool with that but now after so many boys I'd actually rather stick with what I know.
I bet they can see right through me but I say it anyway.

 

[Feronia]

I understand how it would be really annoying to hear a mother of a daughter want another girl, but I thought I would give some perspective. Hopefully you don’t judge me too harshly…

I have a daughter and I’m hoping for another girl this time. It has absolutely nothing to do with not liking boys or thinking that mothers of all boys are unlucky or in a worse situation. Not in the least! When we were having our first, we both didn’t care one way or another whether we had a boy or a girl. When I found it she was a girl and started to learn her personality, it’s a lot like mine – she’s stubborn and strong willed. I grew up with a little brother and we didn’t get along in the least. We fought constantly, and still don’t get along to this day, so my own desire for a second daughter stems only from some irrational fear that if she has a little brother like I did, they won’t get along.

If I had a boy first, I think I’d be okay with another boy because I have the sense that kids of the same gender get along better and have more in common, but obviously I can’t put myself in that position so I can’t say for sure. My mom had an older brother who beat her up constantly, so my guess is that I’d be afraid of that dynamic. I fully understand it’s irrational and that individual personality is going to matter more than gender, but sometimes it’s difficult to get past that. My mom is also really judgmental and pushy, and I worry that if I have the same genders in the same order she did, she’ll impose her own situation on me and give me tons of unwanted advice. Personally, I’ve never wanted one of each, but other mothers of daughters might have different reasons than mine, so I’m only speaking for my own reasons.

Again, this has nothing to do with other people’s children or not liking boys. Your children certainly are not second rate! I get a bit jealous when I see two sisters or two brothers who are best friends because I want the same for my own children. I hope you understand!

 

[cckarting]

It really depends on family to family. I have two sisters and two brothers, and I don't get alon with one sister or one brother. For my other two I was closer to my brother growing up and my sister tormented me! Now we are older I talk to my sister at least once a week and my brother the same. My boys are either best friends or at eachothers throats. It's child to child and in no way has anything to do with gender!

 

[motherofboys]

See I don't have any issue with people wanting a second child of the same gender, but I do have a problem with the '4 boys?! poor you!" And the gender stereotypes that come with it all. The amount of time recently when talking about our kids someone (usually with 1 child or 1 of each gender) has said the phrase "but thats just boys isn't it" and writing off bad behaviour because of gender. I've even had someone with 2 of each gender tell me I'm mad to want another because I'd be even more out numbered and that it must be hectic and noisy in my house. Surely this is the case for anyone with 4 kids?
I think 2 children of the same gender is nice. And while I have 2 brothers and loved having brothers and was very into all the boy stuff growing up and got on incredibly well with my brothers. I also remember asking for a sister on several occasions.
I like that my boys have brothers, for their sake. And my desire for a girl is possibly quite selfish, I want a girl for me. With no sister, little to no relationship with my mother I'd really like to experience some kind of unconditional female bond. Plus all the girly stuff I feel I'm missing out on buying and doing

 

[motherofboys]

I also had someone tell me outright that people are more inclined to let their boys play out by themselves and give their boys more freedom as they get older, and the reason for this is that society holds girls in a higher position than boys. Subconsciously everyone thinks that boys only need to do one job then it doesn't matter what happens to them, but girls are needed to carry life within them and then raise that life until old enough to fend for itself. Girls are more important and of higher value. She tagged on the end (and these are her exact words) "not that I'm saying anyones boys are worthless or anything" erm after all that about boys not being worth as much as girls, yeah you pretty much did say that.

 

[Feronia]

cckarting, see, I truly know that logically, and it's what I tell myself when I think I might be having a boy (and I do think I'm having a boy). It's just hard to get past that as an emotional reaction since my own relationship with my brother shapes a lot of my preferences. Right now, thinking logically, I am happy to have a son. But earlier when I was feeling very emotional and started crying at work because the lights were too bright and I didn't want to keep bothering my colleague to turn them off, I would have wanted a second daughter. :eyeroll:

motherofboys, that's totally, totally inappropriate for anyone to be saying those comments to you. Nobody knows your situation, and it sounds like people are imposing what isn't right for -them- on you, which is unfair. While I personally don't want more than 2 children, I know that having more kids is right for other moms. I know moms of 4 and 5 kids who are super happy! It all depends, so I'd never make a judgement on someone else's situation.

I would be so annoyed at anyone offering gender stereotypes as an excuse for their childrens' behaviour! We're raising our daughter to be gender neutral (or at least gender inclusive) so gender stereotypes really bother me. I mostly shop in the boy sections for her because I think the clothes are usually more neutral and cute and I can't stand pink! She has some dresses, which are great for potty training, but I'll put them on a son if I have one for that same reason, heh. I once had a mom of two boys say to me "my boys love playing outside, but of course it's because they're boys" and I was like -- "what?!" Children in general love playing outside!

Whoever told you that that girls are more important or a higher value sounds like she's off her rocker!

 

[EmyDra]

Oh Feronia I hope I didn't offend you, that's completely different to 'I never wanted a son'. You have very specific reasons that totally make sense and I'm not bothered at all by your desire to have a second daughter.

I had a little brother growing up and had a great bond so I guess deep down I knew I always wanted both genders, I wanted to experience of raising boys and girls and I think by having one of each they have a safe and happy place to learn positively about the opposite gender and to have access to toys that they perhaps wouldn't have chosen but enjoy playing with.
I want a girl for my boys as much as for me, so they can see her treated equally and respected. 'You do x like a girl' will never be said in our family (and wouldn't anyway).

But I am so lucky, I have two boys that do love each other very much and I have no doubt will continue having a good relationship. They busy themselves quietly pushing trains around tracks or cars down ramps and it melts my heart. I can't wait to see what they get up to when they're bigger.

 

[EmyDra]

I suppose I get a bit defensive because I love my boys. Knowing that brothers are the least likely sets of siblings to get adopted makes me so sad

And I know what you mean about being fine about it sometimes and not others. There's days I really don't mind, that I totally accept there could be 3 little boys and that's fine. But others when I can't help but think about the imagined daughter I've thought about all my life

 

[Feronia]

EmyDra, no offense taken at all! I was just hoping I wasn't offending any of you by my preferences and by being in this group. It's so true that one day I'll be fine with it and another day I won't. I guess that's normal.

I'm so happy to hear you had a great relationship with your younger brother! Hearing stuff like that makes me so hopeful. I do see what you mean about wanting your sons to see a daughter treated equally and respectfully. As a feminist, I think I'd want the same if I had sons now that I think about it. Though there are other ways for them to learn about being respectful towards women, you and your spouse's example, the words you choose, how you talk about other girls and women being really important.

My daughter loves trucks and trains, so I buy her those, and if I have a boy I'll get him a doll if he wants. My friend's boy has a ton of fun pushing around his doll in a little pink stroller and it's super cute!

 

[motherofboys]

I do get so defensive over all boys. We all know we'd never swap the children we do have for the ones we imagined. It would just be nice if the others had come along too.

The person who holds girls so highly has offended me a couple of times. She claims to just speak her mind but I think shes out for an argument. She has 1 daughter, and is very against larger families. She says that she'd have liked more but that its unfair on the children you have to keep adding more, apparently theres no way I can divide my time between them, that money is always an issue and if you can't give one child the best of everything you don't add another.
Our house is very small, our budget is tight, but theres a lot of happiness and appreciation for what we do have. I'd never put myself in the position where we'd struggle and the boys would suffer for it, we just have less of the optional extras that other families might take for granted.

The excuses due to gender annoy me. Boys are not naughty, dirty, violent little beings. With 4 of them I can see just how its personality over gender that rules. Yes they can be hyper and boisterous, yes they fight and wrestle and are loud. But they are can also be so sweet, caring, loving boys. Who play quietly, help each other, enjoy reading as much as they do football. We have had two mornings where its been like a mad house in the last 3 weeks. I don't think thats bad going for a house with 4 young kids.

 

[motherofboys]

My sons friend gets away with all sorts, his mum shrugs and says boys will be boys. she has 1 of each.

 

[Platinumvague]

I have been MIA.I don't have much to report.We decided to find out the sex so we can be prepared clothing wise.I have my scan on Wednesday at 1.I know its another precious girl.I lost all hope for a boy and so has my husband lol.