The new Gender Specific Hopefuls thread (2014)

[motherofboys]

Good luck for your scan.

 

[EmyDra]

Feronia we are indeed a feminist family and I agree that the biggest example can come from seeing how each partner treats each other.

Whilst my sons do have a doll they just have no interest in it really. They have never asked for anything remotely girly with the exception of DS1s princess toothbrush. I do nudge them towards more girly things to widen the spectrum a bit.
They are getting a kitchen for Christmas (which I don't consider girly but other people seem odd about it!). I think it's easier to get girls into 'boys' things, I wouldn't hesitate to put a daughter in their clothes for example but wouldn't get my son a dress/skirt unless he asked for one. Which he never has.

I do have a very clear memory from my childhood where my brother (seemingly envious) said to me '
it's ok for you, you don't have to work hard or decide what you'll so when you grow up as you'll just have kids and not have to work'

And I think I had that attitude myself too. So it wasn't his fault, just our sad sexist upbringing.

 

[motherofboys]

My boys are the same. While they don't see cooking as a girls thing, and DH does a lot of the cooking with DS2 who has wanted to grow up to be a chef for about 2 years now. They have plenty of cooking toys. BUT they do see pink as an indication that something is a girls toy. I mean it is everywhere you look, the girls clothes are pink, the toys that are advertised with just girls playing with them are pink, the packaging of almost all the toys in the 'girls' section is pink. Even when they make 'boys' toys for girls, they change the colour to PINK! So I can see why they say pink is for girls. And the trouble I had finding a tea set that wasn't pink!
I do try to encourage them to widen their interests, but they know what they do and don't like and they like 'boy' things. Growing up I liked 'boy' things too. I much prefered my brothers toys. So I know these things are not just boy interests, but they are the things that interest MY boys. I hope that makes sense and I'm not rambling too much. I got so excited when we got Netflix and The Swan Princess was on there. But no one would watch with me. If they asked me for a girls toy then I'd get it for them.
I too grew up in a very sexist household, with a stepfather who was very clear on his opinion that boys were better than girls. I often wished I was a boy.
My brothers ex said when she was pregnant with my niece she felt a lot of pressure to have a boy.
Our own personal journeys to this point really do affect the way we feel and our desires for a certain gender.

A friend just announced her second pregnancy. She has a boy ds3s age. Her scan pictures all have incredibly clear nubs on. I'm not great at the nub theory but this is so obviously a girl. And thats wonderful for her. But does feel unfair. Trying not to dwell, I just want to be pregnant now.

 

[katherinegrey]

Thank you for all the support and being understanding. You're totally right when you say when you're currently pregnant it's hard to ever consider another pregnancy, especially when it's tough going. When I was expecting my first son I disliked pregnancy so much I thought he'd be my only baby, so I know I can change my mind.
I didn't mean any offence to those with different preferences to mine, as I said, I know I'm no more entitled to want what I want than anyone else. I still personally find it tough to hear.
I get defensive over boys too, I know on one gender disappointment forum there was a lady who had two girls and was expecting her third baby, and she'd joined to say how worried she was in case it was a boy, she didn't like boys nor want one, and how she'd be gutted if she found out the baby was a boy. The baby turned out to be a girl, and she came on to update and say how blessed and ecstatic she was, and how sorry she felt for us with boys, one of her comments was something like 'I was upset thinking I might have one boy, if you have multiple boys I feel so sorry for you, I don't know how you cope'. I wasn't the only one upset at her comments, we were all made to feel having one boy was bad enough, but if we had more than one this was a complete tragedy as girls are so much better.
I also agree with it being about your personal experiences too, my mom always said how hard the boys were compared to the girls (she had four of us, two of each gender), and how the girls were much better behaved. My dad is also a sexist pig, one day he asked me what I wanted to study at college, I told him forensic science and he laughed at me and said 'you have to be clever to do that you know'. I took great pleasure in going on to study it at college and taking him my report from my lecturers and basically every one said how I was the brightest student in the class, and my grades achieved and expected grades were all the top marks. As it turned out it wasn't for me, but it certainly wasn't because I wasn't smart enough, it was simply after studying it for over a year I decided that this wasn't the career I wanted to pursue.
So after hearing how much better behaved girls were from my mom, and my dad treating both his daughters like we're complete bimbo's, it was half a case of wanting a girl to teach her she can be anything she wants to be and never thinking for a moment her gender should stop her, and half thinking girls were much easier.

 

[motherofboys]

Its funny as I'm often told "you got it right with all those boys, girls are such hard work!" But having 4 I do think personality plays the biggest part. I have had a few girl mums tell me that boys are slower than girls. I guess thats why my eldest 2 are miles ahead of their class mates. Its not something I generally choose to brag about as I feel people will think I'm over exaggerating, but DS1 in the middle of year 3 at school was at a level they would be happy for him to finish year 6 on. Hand on heart his teacher called him "my little genius" at parents evening.
DS1 is the easiest child to deal with. He can join in with the others rough housing but his favourite activity is to sit and read. He has a bit of a mouth on him, back chatting, but thats as far as his bad behaviour ever goes, and ever has gone.
I'm also told I'm lucky, no hormonal teenage girls in my future. Although I've found at around 5/6 boys go through a very over emotional stage lol

Thats awful that someone should say that. I can't believe that just because its not what they want they would right everyones boys off. There are plenty of women out there who long for boys.

 

[EmyDra]

Motherofboys your sons sound fantastic. I agree it's personality mixed with gender.

A friend of mine has a boy and girl and after having her son second said she wouldn't have a third in case she had another boy.
She had such a sweet, quiet and easy girl followed by a quirky, loud and active boy. Funnily enough they get on very well but she found her son difficult in comparison.

I've seen the same of parents of boys who go on to have the stereotypical 'diva' girl and just have no idea what to do with her. But that's not to say another child of the same gender would be anything like that.

I'm 1DPO today and fingers crossed to be pregnant this cycle. I just can't wait for another baby now, definitely ready. I always wanted another sibling and would've loved to have come from a big family.

Katherine I do think such a big part of it is correcting the past, self-healing.
My mum pressures me into a lot of things I wasn't ready for. Tried to get me wearing tampons as soon as I started my period, got me shaving my legs and armpits when I really didn't care if there was hair there. Was plucking my eyebrows at about 10!
Despite this I'm highly maternal but very un-girly. I only wear makeup on special occasions and still hate tampons with a passion. Nothing wrong with any of those things, but it's my body and learning to love it as it is has taken me a long time.

What were your opposite-gendered children's names?
If mine were girls they'd have been Elsie and Lyra, both of which I've gone off now!

 

[motherofboys]

All of my boys would have been Beth. Now my youngest is called Seth I don't feel I can use it. Not that I'll ever get the chance anyway ha ha
I see it a lot when they first child has been really easy going and then the second is more spirited. People blame the gender.
School gates picking ds3 up today (he still finished 1:30 until next week) mum picking her girl up who's in his class, had a 2 year old boy hanging off her leg screaming. She said "it must be a boy thing as she never cried and had tantrums like this until she was 3/4" he was crying because he'd been asleep and when she lifted him out the car he woke up. Any child rudely awoken from a nap is going to be a grump.

I tried to be relaxed this cycle and missed confirming Ov. So it could have happened any time between the 19th and the 22nd. Just a waiting game to see when af arrives, and if she doesn't arrive in 9 days from the last possible O day then I'll test.

 

[Feronia]

I’m sorry for those of you who grew up in sexist households. I can totally understand the desire to have a girl in order for her to experience things differently than you did and to know that she is equally capable and worthwhile. It’s sad when people go the opposite direction and say that girls are more worthwhile, and it sounds like many of you have heard inappropriate comments from people about your boys and family dynamics. It’s one thing to experience a gender disappointment or preference, but another altogether to dislike the opposite gender and feel pity for those that have children of that gender.

I truly think that personality is the biggest indicator of differences among children, and gender is only a difference in terms of socialization. We learned in our anatomy and physiology class that babies and children have the exact same hormonal structure until puberty when the differences arise, so I don’t think it makes any sense at all to call one sex “easier” or to ascribe differences in children based on their respective sexes. My daughter is very spirited, high maintenance, and into everything. She’s been anything but an easy and calm child! If she were a boy, people would say she’s difficult because she’s a boy. I was difficult, and my brother was the calm, easier child. In my DH’s family, he was super calm and obedient while his younger brother was difficult. No relation to sex in the least! I bet parents who have one of each think their children represent their sex as a whole, but parents who have multiple of the same sex who have totally different personalities know better.

 

[motherofboys]

Was asked twice tonight at my boys clubs if we were going to "go for a girl" and "do you think you'll ever have a girl?" One by a Dad of two boys who is very vocal about having had 'the snip' and another by a Mum of 2 boys who is done.

 

[Platinumvague]

Add another pink to my name.Maybe next time we will get a boy

 

[motherofboys]

I'll update for you. hope everything went well and you are ok.

 

[Platinumvague]

I would have loved a little boy but she looked so cute today on her ultrasound,I can't stay sad

 

[motherofboys]

I guess in the end not matter how much you want one gender you can't be sad over the beautiful little person you do get.

 

[EmyDra]

Every child that is your own is always awesome xxx

 

[cckarting]

Had our scan yesterday, they said they couldn't tell us what were having, but dh didn't want to know anyways, so still team yellow for us

 

[Platinumvague]

We have one more chance for a boy but it needs to wait a few years.I can say baking soda finger and diet change did not work for me.

 

[rwhite]

Congratulations on your baby girl platinumvague I'm sorry you didn't hear boy, but glad to hear she's happy and healthy and that you're doing okay xx

 

[Platinumvague]

Congratulations on your baby girl platinumvague I'm sorry you didn't hear boy, but glad to hear she's happy and healthy and that you're doing okay xx

Thank you,i wanted to share because I think her nose is cute

 

[cckarting]

she is adorable!

 

[motherofboys]

perfect x