The new Gender Specific Hopefuls thread (2014)

[30mummyof1]

Harry was as well!

 

[caro103]

there you go Kath...^^ Harry was right x

 

[aimee-lou]

Ladies I really hope you don't mind me posting in here. I feel like I'm running out of people to talk to about my feelings. I cannot talk to hubby at the moment as he is away and also he is awfully over-worked with uni stuff so I would feel like I was burdening him with something that can wait until later.
I am so monumentally broody I cannot physically cope any more. I know we've said no more, but I cannot actually say it out loud to anyone and mean it. I think, well who knows what the future will hold, we might change our mind, or well would it matter if I got pregnant again really. All of these are slightly intrusive thoughts as we have talked and talked about the positives about us not having more, not least of which my GD issues with having a girl. I feel like I'm constantly upsetting myself by holding on to the slightest glimmer of hope that we may just have another, but really, I know deep down it's not going to happen. Hubby is a planner - so am I. If it's not in the plan it's not happening. We planned 3 children and we were lucky and got them quickly, with little to no issues and they're all healthy and happy children. I feel so selfish - like I'm putting everyone else second to my own feelings by even thinking this. I really don't know how to move on.

Sorry to lumber all this on you guys - but even the other threads I've written seem to have covered all this multiple times. I'm treading over the same ground and I'm not feeling any better. I've been feeling like this since Charlie was 2 weeks old...he's now 19m! I think I need help.

 

[kaths101]

I don't really know what to say Aimee-Lou, but you can't help your feelings! This is why this part of the forum is here and I expect most of us here have had those thoughts at some point.
I expect if I had another boy (my third) the same old thoughts will be creeping in and I will thinking the same. Should we have another and for us the answer is NO, I know this is our last and that is soo hard. (We had decided to stop at 2) this one was a surprise but a nice one.

I don't know I'm waffling but I feel for you xx

 

[kaths101]

P.s Caro - Jack blurted out this morning he didn't want a sister he wanted 16 George's!!

 

[EmyDra]

I feel quite conflicted Aimee-Lou. We planned 3 children, i'm having the third. I never wanted 4 children but I always assumed one of my 3 would be a girl.
As it stands I've come to the conclusion that I will look at it when this one is 4/5. It should mean that if there's a 4th our eldest will be 9 and quite independent, when he's a teen he can babysit. It means I won't have to shell out for 4 of everything as the eldest one or two may not want to do the same sort of things/eat the same kids treats.

But I do feel very happy to be having my 3, the desire for a girl has greatly reduced, I'm very happy with this babies gender. I'm hoping I just feel content after the birth and just get too consumed looking after my gorgeous boys to worry.

 

[30mummyof1]

My angle on it is slightly different as yes I am now having the opposite gender after 2 of the same. I swing between wanting a 4th or just sticking with 3. There are lots of good reasons for stopping at 3, but then I think do I really want to draw a line under ttc/birth/babies yet. Thinking this one is the last one makes me sad, on the other hand I guess it could be the beginning of something new..? I do want to have about a 2yr gap if I do as there has been a bigger gap this time. I also worry no'3 will feel left out as there is only 2yrs between ds1 and 2 so thats another reason for no'4

 

[aimee-lou]

Thanks for the replies ladies. This is the only thing that is holding me back at the moment. Just to clarify in case people didn't know, I have 3 boys and desperately wanted DS3 to be a boy! I feel so blessed but like I would be dicing with death to go for another and get the same outcome (I really do not want a girl for so many reasons). That alone makes me so upset - If I had control I would so go for another and I think hubby feels the same way but the risk isn't worth it. We have 3 rambunctious boys to deal with who have less than 4 years between them. I have in my head that I don't want more than 2y7m between them and a 4th (that's the gap between DS1 and DS2) as otherwise they would be too isolated. That 'deadline' is coming up in June. I am hoping if I can get through June these feelings will start to wane. I can mourn the fact that I missed the boat but then move on to the next stage without wondering. I hope that that isn't just wishful thinking - I don't think I can spend the next x number of years feeling like this. It's really ridiculous.

Thanks again everyone. I am sure I will be fine in the end. My children are amazing....who wouldn't want to make more! I do joke I could quite happily be like that family you see on the TV, is it the Radfords? Who've got 16 kids! lol

 

[Hopin4ABump]

Aimee-Lou I know how you feel -- HUGS to you!

I'm actually currently baking my DS3, and I was just having a convo with DH about the possibility of a 4th. Stopping at 3 makes more sense all the way around for our family - but i, like you, always assumed I'd have a daughter. So when people ask me if we are "done".... I can never give a straight forward no. I know in my heart it makes sense to be done as we only have 4 bedrooms so it would mean 2 kiddos would room share which I'm not totally against but don't know how you justify that to the others. And then there's finances, the older they get the more expensive they are, period. I SO want a daughter but who is to say our 4th (which by the way would be our absolute last one, regardless) isn't another boy?

I'm so thrilled this baby is a boy and am not having a problem bonding with him, I can't wait to meet him, squeeze him, play in the dirt with him just like my others I just can't seem to let go of that tiny thread of hope that I'll have my girl one day. Maybe it's a coping mechanism. I know DH would have another one if I wanted one, and he'd stop at 3 if I wanted to. He understands (*and truthfully shares) my desire to have a girl. But how silly would it be of me to assume that 1 out of 4 would be a girl? Just about as silly as assuming 1 out of 3. So I really won't TTC another one (seems crazy I am even talking about this as I have a 10 month old and my baby is due in 4 mo's) - until/unless I feel good about having 4 boys just as I feel good about having 3 + 1.

Iguess I Just rambled a lot to tell you in a round about way, you aren't alone!!

 

[EmyDra]

Definitely agree with you Hopin, I won't TTC until I know I'd be totally happy with 4 boys. I think I would be though, especially with a big gap.

 

[aimee-lou]

Definitely agree with you Hopin, I won't TTC until I know I'd be totally happy with 4 boys. I think I would be though, especially with a big gap.

This is the thing - I wouldn't be happy with 3 boys and a girl, so I know that it's for me....which is why it's so hard. I do feel like a proper weirdo because I don't want a girl so won't chance it. If I could even 10% cope with the thought I think we'd probably just see how things went but I don't see that happening.

I'm looking into donating my eggs to try to make myself feel slightly better about the whole thing. Don't know whether that's a stupid idea or not?!

 

[kaths101]

Ah I see Aimee-Lou, I understand now, I assumed you wanted a girl! It is a bit like playing Russian roulette isn't it!! And if you REALLY dont want a Girl I probably wouldn't risk it either.

I think donating eggs is a good idea, though probably won't help your feelings as its you that wants a baby

 

[aimee-lou]

Sorry to have brought everybody down. I can safely say that this was a lot of hormones! lol I am ok, I feel better about things most of the time. And for now I have enough to deal with - my youngest is a terror, my middle is potty training and my eldest is a typical 5yo so lively and full of questions Today I got 'why do we live here, and not in another house?....sound simple, but think about it! lol

 

[kaths101]

I know ..I have days where mine are being terrors and I'm thinking - am I mad in wanting another!

You didn't bring us down Aimee-Lou, we all have down days!

 

[caro103]

aimee-lou, def all have down days. I was not having another ever after yesterdays antics, then today they've been lovely

 

[motherofboys]

Sorry I haven't really been around. Af arrived, I started the pill. I feel weird and conflicted all the time. I have all these plans that I couldn't do if I was to get pregnant in the next 18 months, but if I wait too much longer I feel it will affect the long term plans. I don't want a husband in his 50s when we have a new born, or a son in his teens when I have another. It seems like everything tells me four is my number. But I still feel like I need to do it all one more time, while at the same time feeling like I can't do it again! I feel like there is someone still missing, but it changes so much for that other person to come along. I still want to cry when I see baby girls and pink stuff, I went merrily along to asda yesterday morning, saw a baby girl and sone girls clothes I'll never buy and spent the rest of the day and today in the most awful mood. The boys wanted sisters, but now are all convinced they will only ever have brothers.

 

[caro103]

hun, that must be so hard. I do remember someone once saying to me you know when you're done with kids, so maybe somewhere deep down you aren't done? xx

 

[motherofboys]

i don't feel done, but i think its the 'sensible' thing to do. my friends are all due their girls in the next few weeks and the nursery pictures etc on facebook are so hard to take.

 

[aimee-lou]

i don't feel done, but i think its the 'sensible' thing to do. my friends are all due their girls in the next few weeks and the nursery pictures etc on facebook are so hard to take.

 

[motherofboys]

Thanks, its so hard isn't it when you want something you can't have.