Sticking Together Until We All Get BFP's!!!!

[aidensmommy1]

Amy I'm so sorry to hear that. My ex husband did the same and that essentially lead to our divorce. He was in the army and opened the account right when he was sent away and most of the girls lived where he was based so I think it wasn't just over the computer in my case. I noticed it one day when he was getting a haircut and I just was crying when he got home. It was a mess and he tried denying it WITH THE EMAILS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!! And he finally said sorry and never again but that wasn't the truth, sadly. I do believe mike will turn around for u. That just wasn't or isn't the man my ex husband was but thankfully that let me to my dh now I dont even tell ppl I was married before because now looking back I dont even think of it as a real marriage. It was only 3 months before we married, he went to dif bases a couple times through out for a month at a time so I just call that my "fake practice marriage". Lol I hate the fact that I'm divorced once at 24 but I def learned from it. That's for sure. Anyways I got off track there (I too like to write books Amy lol). I feel like we relate in so many ways from our pasts. I have a past addiction too...same thing, I was originally prescribed pain meds for my back when I was 19 and they were only Percocet 30s but that's really alot especially given to someone with no or very little tolerance! And then I got help from another doctor to get off everything a few yrs later. It was a very rough time, as I know it was for u too. I hope everything goes good and the procedure today helps! Ill be praying for u about everything that's going on.

 

[Wishing1010]

I can also relate Amy but my ex was an asshole about it and didn't care if it hurt me or not. I knew he looked at those things (even though I tried to deny that), but I didn't know how gross his obsessions were. He would come over to my apt and masturbate in my bed or in my bathroom...he would do it multiple times in one visit to my apt and would say he didn't want to touch me and had to take care of himself. Then he started cheating on me with a stripper he met at a local disgusting strip bar. The last time I saw him, he raped me and then dumped me. He tried coming back to me but I stayed with my now DH and never went back to the *******. Oops I went off topic lol. My point is, mike is the total opposite of all of this and by the way you describe his reaction to this, I think you have a keeper!!!! FX it works out better and this will be a dim memory before too long!

 

[froggyfrog]

Hey everyone. I haven't really had much to say so I haven't been posting much. But I have been reading up on you ladies. af got me. My dh and I talked about it and we are also taking this month lightly. Im still going to opk and bd. But we are not taking any meds or doing ultrasounds or trigger or iui. Its been becoming very expensive ,and we need to save up a little more money. Plus we are going to try to go home in July, and our tickets are going to be about 500 dollars. We spend 30 a month on ultrasound, 326 for iui and thats nit including our meds. Plus we just paid 400 dollars extra for all of the lab fees that insurance didn't cover because of our deductible. Its just crazy how much it has cost us in the last few years! And we don't really make that much money. Dh was unsure about taking a break because he said he is worried about his age and that he is not getting any younger. So im sure our break wont be for too long

 

[aidensmommy1]

I guess this thread is now turning into the "Trying but not trying so hard thread" for a bit lol. I hope we see lots of BFP's during or right after the break! FX!

 

[Jrepp]

Chelsea- hope this is your cycle! How long have you been taking Clomid? Have you noticed these symptoms before?

Congrats to igrowbabies on your bfp!!!

Wishing- Sorry AF is being so rough, I hope she lightens up soon...

Aidensmommy- Your chart looks good!!! And I know what you mean about being kinda happy the test didn't work because you want to see two lines! I do have some hope for you this cycle given the fact that your chart is ALMOST looking Triphasic... Fx so hard!!!

AFM, cycle 7 is almost over. I'm getting to the point where I almost feel like quitting for a while. I'm not excited anymore, I'm depressed when testing time comes and all I see is BFN, and DH is sure we are healthy and thinks going to the doctor this soon isn't necessary (but he supports me if I decide to go)... I don't know what to do... I feel like I can't give up completely, but maybe it's for the best if I try to forget it for a while. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise... maybe there's a good reason I am not getting pregnant yet. And I realize it hasn't even been that long. But as you know, it always feels like a long time- even two months can feel like a long time, and at some point you reach a longer time and gain some perspective, but it doesn't take away from the fact that at two months you desperately wanted that baby and it was equally sad that it wasn't happening yet.

Sorry I am not in a happier mood. This continues to suck.

Megan, I think you are to the point in ttc where you are over being hopeful and "so sure" this is your month and more into the "it feels like it's never going to happen" phase. I have so been there! For a while, I felt like such a witch because it seemed like everyone was asking stupid could I be pregnant questions. Omg you sneezed 3 times today......definitely pregnant, and the like. I feel like such a jerk suggesting to people that perhaps they take a mini vacation from trying but sometimes it seems like the best idea. I'm walking proof that going to the doctor is a good idea. I was positive I was fine too, and look what happened!

So it looks like all or almost all of us originals from all the way back in the Dec thread are now chiming down and relaxing a bit more with ttc starting next cycle. Its kinda weird we all got that feeling the same month..well I know Jessica and I are more so doing it because of her surgery and im doing it bcuz of my HSG results mostly but either way we are all getting a bit of a break in the meantime. I had the best dream that Megan, kenna, Jessica, and Amy, and one other person but I didn't catch the name but she was suppose to be one of u girls, i know that...anyways we were all at a restaurant eating and we all we talking and then I was like "I cant believe we are all able to be here in real life!" lol. Its weird that I dream of u girls. I guess it shows that u all truly are a huge part of my life now. I wish we really had each other in real life for some of these really hard times. It def looked like we had fun lol

Are you taking a break or just not trying as hard? If everything goes right, I can start trying again in August. Of course it all depends on when my cycle starts back up and whatnot. What a cute dream!

Holy cats Jess!! That is nuts!! No wonder there were issues!! You will definitely have no probs once you're all healed up!!

And Mary I have everything crossed for you!!

I am still not really feeling anything symptom wise...which i don't know if that is good or not, since every other cycle up until right before AF I swear I'm having symptoms, lol. Boobs are a little weird feeling, but nothing new at this time in cycle, after comparing to last few months.

I had a horrific night last night....I was at Mike's before he got home...and his laptop was open...He never leaves it open, but he is IT director so I thought maybe he was downloading something for work. Anyway, I went up, made the bed, put my jammies on...then came down and the cats must have stepped on the computer, cause it was lit up. I walked by and saw what looked like porn videos...so I was like oh, maybe this is what he looks at when i'm not here...so I looked closer..and realized it was adult friend finder then he had other tabs up for craigslist adds for sex stuff...and then i checked his email, and there were a couple, ranging from Feb 9th (right after I tried to kill myself) until March 20th...and he had opened tis site on the 15th!) I was in complete shock and then i heard the garage door open.

I didn't want to confront him right away, I was just so heartbroken. So I ran up and turned the shower on. I came down a bit later, and he was being super nice..the laptop was closed...we talked for a bit...i poured a huge glass of wine..he had a small glass...then I went outside to smoke (yeah trying to quit...will quit again when i have BFP...I quit for last pregnancy, then with MMC, I started again) Anyway...I called my friend and was bawling and asked her what I should do...He is taking me to my nerve ablation..etc...I didn't know what to do. So she said to talk to him, and not let him turn anything around on me, etc...and that she could take me and come pick me up if i needed her to...so after a little more wine, i went inside.

He was watching tv and laughing at the show, and I asked him if we could talk for a minute..after pouring more wine lol...He was really nice and said yes, and I didn't even have to say anything and he said 'You saw what was on the computer, right' being really nice...and i explained how it happened...and how heartbroken i was and how much I love him, and I could be pregnant...and asked if he wasn't attracted to me anymore or didn't think i was pretty or what was going on...

He said that he was so so sorry and he had been on those sites for years, and that he should have been talking to anyone...but swore that he hadn't ever met or intended to meet anyone, he just wanted to feel attractive and thought it was harmless flirting..when deep down he knew he shouldn't be doing it. I asked if he really wanted to be with me - I have so much invested in this...we are trying to have a baby and I love him, and said he doesn't love me or hasn't ever told me and wasn't sure if that just takes time or he is waiting to find someone else...he assured me it just takes time for him...we talked about how he felt like he couldn't talk to me about things he was stressed about because i might hurt myself...and that he is getting used to having me around all of the time, etc...he is used to living alone...how during fertile times he has felt like a sperm donar...and after a 14 hour day he is so tired that it is hard for him to have sex every 48 hours...I agree our sex life has been dull lately...and we talked about that before. Ugh. He was really sweet and promised to delete the websites and stay off of them..he tends to go into a self destruct mode after a lot of stress - and I asked if he meant for me to see it....he said maybe subconciously he did...I felt much better afterwards, but am stilla little bit shooken up. the people he was talking to were not even like, attractive...I get it but I don't.

So things are ok...I was crying before he got home thinking I was going to be breaking up with him and that ttc would be over...all of this stuff...I was amazed at home open, honest and sincere he was about it...and how he never turned it around on me. He wasn't mad I looked, etc. So. I am giving him a chance to get this turned around.

Today is my nerve ablation (burning nerve in my spine) and i am scared to death because i don't think my dr will give me any pain meds...my brother is looking to see if he can find a few for me for the next few days..(back is going to be excruciating)...at least hopefully foot will be better.

Anyway! It is at 3:15 check in MST. Mike is taking me and then will go back to his place and rest after we get something like chick fil a..he has a meeting tonight, but my mom couldn't take me and i prefer when he does anyway..seems to go better.

Am so terrified! Ready for it to be here and done already. And I wish my stupid pain dr would give me some painkillers...but I know he won't. I will ask, but he always says 'with my history' - my history is that I ended up on 210mgs of oxy a day from my PCP while waiting for something to help my foot...it isn't fair i am treated differently, really.

Sorry for the book. I love you girls!

Amy, I'm sorry you are having to go through that. I'm glad Mike was honest with you and didn't try to turn it around on you. My hubby and I almost broke up when we first started dating because I caught him looking at porn. We worked through our issues obviously, but it's hard to get back to trusting someone after that. Do you think Mike would be less stressed out if he didn't know when you are/aren't fertile? Maybe you could do all kinds of romantic stuff throughout the month and make it more about pleasure and less about getting sperm from point a to point b. I have tons of ideas if you are interested.

Good luck on the nerve ablation. Let us know how it goes.

Amy I'm sorry you are going through that with Mike... after I broke up with my ex-fiance several years ago, I found out he was doing the same thing but actually searching for GUYS to be with. It was a huge shocker but he never actually met up with anything. I think men tend to get too into the fantasy stuff sometimes. Mike has never told you he loves you? I know some men have a tough time expressing themselves. Open communication is key so it sounds like you're doing great at that. Hope things get better and good luck today on your nerve ablation

That would be quite the shocker!

I was asleep earlier and jerked so hard! My abdomen is killing me now, and really swelled back up

 

[Wishing1010]

Oh no, I'm sorry about your pain Jrepp. I hate what our bodies do when we aren't conscious. I hope the swelling goes down and your pain eases up for you.

Froggy, I completely understand where you are coming from. It doesn't hurt to take a couple of months off. We have to take the breaks to focus on ourselves and our families once in a while.

 

[aidensmommy1]

Jrepp, ill be trying a little bit. Pretty much only going to time bding one night and the rest can just be when we both feel like it. And if we dont even fit in that one planned night, that's ok too. I would call it a little break though. And I also wont be testing unless AF is late starting next cycle. I'm done waisting tests! I may actually stop trying completely tho for a month or two on my third and fourth cycle of the enzymes just so it doesn't remove part of the scar tissue and cause an ectopic. Ive read about cases like that and the doc had suggested to wait to try but I'm going to see what my doc has to say about it too.
I'm sorry ur in pain

 

[Jrepp]

Are you going to try the caster oil packs?

 

[aidensmommy1]

Are you going to try the caster oil packs?

ive thought about this and ive read about some tampon thing (maybe dipped in castor oil? Idk) and like a full 5 step cleanse for your tubes that I may try out as well as take the enzymes. I know if I take them for a long time and do everything I can, everything will work out EVENTUALLY. I have alot of faith. I feel like it may be another 1-2yrs, maybe longer, which stinks but I know ill be happier then ever once I finally get that bfp! I just hope aidens still 9 or younger. I wanted him to be 5 or under but that just didn't work out as planned.

 

[AmySan]

Thank you so much girls I feel so much better Jess, my friend at work was saying the same thing...I might try that. We will go tot he dr next month if not BFP, and hopefully he can hire someone that he has been interviewing, to fill the spot that is killing him at work.

I thought about not taking OPKS - if I take them, I get really anxious in HAVING to BD, then I tell him what they say...I think if after we go to the dr, and he gets an SA, if everything is normal - will try something like that. The month we took off in February was relaxing for us both...but we still only had sex twice in the whole month...I think it may have had to do with what he saw when i tried to kill myself..it was a gruesome scene..and the hospital was even worse...We'll see what happens with my doctor...I am praying is SA is normal, because that would be devastating..and a huge blow to him. At least we know he can masturbate to porn i guess...ha I used to be really offended by porn, but as long as we are still having sex and it isn't something he does all of the time..or TALK to people online who live in the area....or anywhere...

I'm grateful he reacted so nicely...I caught an ex in the past doing the same thing and he just acted like I was stupid and didn't want to be with me/even told me at one point he wasn't in love with me anymore. And he would ALWAYS ask to have anal sex...one time he did rape me (that way) it was awful. He was a full blown alcoholic..and at the time I was drinking a ton too with him. Our relationship was so dramatic.

Wishing I'm so sorry to hear about your ex - all of you...ugh...Men just suck sometimes. It's so frustrating.

I have an hour an 10 minutes before I leave....I am praying that my dr at least will give me a small prescription to get through the next few days afterwards. It SUCKS being treated differently. Even if I was a total addict, to do a surgical procedure and not give me anything (i have a butrans patch on, but it barely does anything) is cruel. I wish I hadn't taken all of my percocet I had for pleurisy...but...was helping both my foot and chest pain....ugh.

Mary, it's definitely nice to be able to relate with that!! After my miscarriage I definitely feigned pain longer than I was in physical pain, because the emotional pain was too much..and pain meds really helped. Was hard to get off...once I did, few months later had this stuff with my foot happen. Been up and down on them for a while now. I didn't know they made percocet 30s! I used to have oxy30s, which is the same thing but without the tylenol - I do like percocet for having he extra kick of tylenol to help too. I'd be happy with just vicodin. I don't know how to convince my dr to give something to me...ugh. I know he will say 'you have the butrans patch'...well if it were helping that much, I wouldn't be paying $1800 out of pocket for this procedure because i can't take the pain any longer! ugh!

If it is TOO bad afterwards I guess I could go to an urgent care or something. But having a 'pain doctor' ruins everything when it comes to getting help from other doctors..they all say to ask him....if I say he won't give me anything, they are going to see that a a red flag or something. And if I do end up going somewhere..er or urgent care...i have to say that my pain doctor did this nerve ablation and they would wonder why he didn't give me something to begin with.

I have been drinking a lot more lately to get through the pain..or deal with it better...which I hate, because I do have an addictive personality...Was definitely an alcoholic at one point...Went to rehab for it in Palm Springs...went to rehab for Meth in Malibu...and rehab for Anorexia in Oklahoma...I was sober for over a year until after my MC...then I just didn't care much for the feeling of being drunk, so I was able to have a drink, maybe 2 and stop. I still don't drink a TON...am being depressed, drinking only makes it worse...but not having what I've needed to deal with pain the past few months has had me drinking nearly every day. I am ready for that to stop. I don't believe it hurts the baby in the very begininng...but just in case, would rather not be drinking as much as I have been.

Ahhh another book, lol. Come on 2:30! I thought I was scheduled to leave work at 3, but my boss put in 2:30 i noticed, so will have a bit more time to change into comfy clothes and drive over to Mike's...I like when he used to pick me up at work for my procedures...but then he would have to take me to work the next day once we got to the point where we had sleepovers lol...and his work is right next to his house...so..easier to just have my car.

Well, not it is 2:23 now lol...I have been working and writing for a while now. lol. Ugh soo scared guys!!! Praying for little pain or something to help it!!!

If I am not too out of it after the sedation, will get online.

Love you girls!

 

[AmySan]

And jess, I hope you feel better!!

 

[aidensmommy1]

I was just reading stuff online and I had no idea that the second temp shift in bfp charts usually happens around 9dpo and that's what my chart did (so far anyways) so FX it stays there! This just gave me a little more hope because even tho I dont have a very high temp in general right now, the pattern is a good pattern at the moment. I'm getting a little excited but I'm not over doing it. I figure I might as well let myself get all excited one last time before I stop trying as hard as I have been FX FX FX!!!

 

[Jrepp]

Lol

 

[aidensmommy1]

Temp is all the way back down to 97.76. I spoke too soon about my excitement like I always do :-\. I thought I was going to at least end up with a pretty chart even without a bfp lol. Maybe my temp will jump right back up tomorrow...it is alot colder this a.m then the past week or so but idk if it could affect my temp that much. Oh well, now ill just wait until AF shows or doesn't show since I no longer have an exciting chart lol. I was really hoping itd just happen this month so I feel a little down this a.m. Its sad one stupid temp can do that to u when AF is about due. Anyways, how are u ladies today?!

 

[Megamegan]

Sorry Mary I don't trust my temps right now because it's cold outside and we turned the heat on last night for the first time in weeks, and I guess I just try not to trust temps very much, the most important thing is AF showing or not.

I have had my usual slight cramps and twinges that I get a couple days before AF, starting yesterday. Today is 12 dpo and I got a BFN, which was expected. I'm bummed but yesterday was really rough, I barely got myself out of bed and finally my husband told me to stop letting it control my life, get up and realize it's not that terrible. He's right, but he also doesn't understand how it feels that my body is letting us both down each month. Anyway, today the plan is to get a ton of stuff done no matter what. Hope everyone else is feeling good and has a nice Friday

 

[sweetiepie75]

I'm testing on Saturday. I only run into town once or twice a month, so when I go get the Easter baskets, I'm gonna grab a test. But WOW am I tempted to jump in the car right now! LOL But I'm forcing myself to wait. By Saturday, it should be somewhat accurate. Although with my last I testes neg all the way through 13dpo, didn't get a + until 14 dpo...and even the THEN, the doc test showed neg! LOL But the nurse came in during my appointment and said it had turned +. That's my pokey kid.

Anyway, can't wait till Saturday. I only had one really good symptom, which was the increased white clumpy cm...BUT it was only for 1 day around 5dpo...it would have stuck around if it was +, so I'm slightly bummed. At least, for my body that is the case. That was always my good sign. And now that it's not there Guess I'll find out Saturday.

BUT....I'm banking on negative, so I'm going to go ahead and sign on for May

 

[aidensmommy1]

Sorry Mary I don't trust my temps right now because it's cold outside and we turned the heat on last night for the first time in weeks, and I guess I just try not to trust temps very much, the most important thing is AF showing or not.

I have had my usual slight cramps and twinges that I get a couple days before AF, starting yesterday. Today is 12 dpo and I got a BFN, which was expected. I'm bummed but yesterday was really rough, I barely got myself out of bed and finally my husband told me to stop letting it control my life, get up and realize it's not that terrible. He's right, but he also doesn't understand how it feels that my body is letting us both down each month. Anyway, today the plan is to get a ton of stuff done no matter what. Hope everyone else is feeling good and has a nice Friday

I dont trust YOUR temps either lol. They fooled me so bad last cycle! (as they did u!). My temps never usually mess with me, they just dont go in a nice pattern like ever but your chart almost looked text book to a bfp chart last cycle! I was just in total shock when AF showed for u! I still can't get over that! Lol. My chart def wasn't looking as good as ur last months chart was tho. I know after the 6 long months of temping that temps def hold VERY little meaning until u get a bfp or AF shows but I wanted a pretty chart with OR without a bfp for once lol. I wish I would have started temping right away but I guess it truly wouldn't have mattered because of my tube being blocked. But yeah, for me, if my temp would have stayed up, I def would have thought it was a pregnancy sign but I will never believe one of ur charts again until ur BFP show lol. Ur chart made me very angry last cycle! Lol. It really did tho. It played a cruel trick on u! But at least u found out how high normal temps for u can be for you. My temps are all lower than they usually are, I just liked the pattern it WAS going in.

I am so extremely irritable today!! Ugh. And yest I was too. I just have this tense feeling through my body and all last night and from when I woke up today, I just feel like breaking down crying. AF must be on the way and Im pms'ing or something. Idk what else it could be cuz nothing bad happened yest to cause this...the feeling just came over me :-\. So I guess I cant blame it all on my temp this a.m since I was having mood swings yesterday but my temp was something to b**** about this a.m. Lol. Ive been wanting to go for acupuncture after hearing how u feel so stress free after. I need that so bad! Even on my happiest days, I can FEEL stress and anxiety and tension just build up in my back, neck, and arms. Something needs to be done!!

I got a bfn this morning as well mega. I'm 11dpo. I expected it as well tho. Now I only have my two digis left so we'll see if AF is late and if so, ill pull out the big guns and skip searching for a line.

Ive been so sick of everything that has to do with ttc since 5 cycles ago (cycle #6). I think at that time I just hit a point where it was stupid to obsess and I learned obsessing and staring at tests would not make a bfp come any faster! Lol. I think we.all hit the point where we just don't go crazy with ttc. Of course we will all have exciting cycles sometimes and get pumped up anyways ill always have my hope & faith no matter how fed up I am.

wow this was a long post. Idk what's wrong with me! I hate this feeling inside! I had it for the first 4 wks preggers w aiden BUT I also get anxiety on my own ALOT so anxiety will never be a good pregnancy sign for me.

Any whoo, what r all u ladies planning to do for Easter?

 

[Megamegan]

Sorry to hear you're feeling irritable... I certainly feel that way often, and especially right before AF. The acupuncture makes me feel totally relaxed RIGHT after I do it, and maybe the next day helps with stress, but I wouldn't say I'm overall less stressed yet. Not at all. I think like anything else, it needs to be combined with a healthy lifestyle. Anxiety and depression is a tough one to beat.

 

[aidensmommy1]

Even just one day without feeling it all through my back and neck would be great! And worth it! I dont even remember what it feels like to not have all this stress and anxiety flowing through my muscles. Ive had it since I was 14 but it just seems to get worse over the years. It did get alot better for a year and a half after my divorce but then it went in to full force again after dh and I started trying. That's why a some what break the next few months will be extremely helpful for me and for all of us taking a break/semi break.

 

[aidensmommy1]

I feel a little pathedic. You girls are pretty much my only friends because I steered away from all my old ones because they still aren't on the right path (drug wise) and I dont want to be dragged down by the people surrounding me. I have my 3 girlfriends (that i actually still talk to anyways) and dh and I have 3 guy friends. I used to have sooo many friends and now the majority of my friends, ive never even met! Lol. I love u girls so dont take that wrong, I was just thinking about it tho and i was like "wow, i have no life!" lol its not a bad thing tho because i lost a lot of my teenage year friends (i hated girls growing up and still aren't fond of the ones around here lol so most of my friends were guys) but anyways, yeah most of them are in prison now so they obviously weren't good people to hangout with..i wish they weren't in prison because it just made them all worse people and all became "gang members" and now are just stuck in that life. It makes me mad and sad but they did it to themselves. I got off track there lol where I'm going with this is i need to meet some new friends! Lol. I talk to u girls way more then i talk to the 3 friends i do still have. Like i hardly see them i feel like that's part of my depression and anxiety...i get like this when me and my best best friend dont hangout much and she does too but life gets in the way :-\. Now that I'm not in high school, idk where to meet new friends lol. (i know i sound like such a dork right now! But I'm bored and thinking alot lol) If u ladies have any ideas on places for "friend making", share! LOL i am laughing my butt off typing this. But its good i have like no friends (besides all of u of course!!) because otherwise it may affect my sobriety so even tho I'm a little "friend lonely" (lol), i did make the right choice 2 1/2 yrs ago for sure and it was well worth it!

Thanks for reading my silly post! Lol