Sticking Together Until We All Get BFP's!!!!

[rebeccalouise]

I almost want to pee on a stick this cycle, just to POAS....lol. Maybe I will! ....In a few days I probably will. I keep thinking "if I wait, my tests are going to be sitting here and I wont even be able to use one with any real hope!" lol...Its pretty bad when you feel like ur going to miss POAS!

I think I have a problem when it comes to POAS, I'm additced I'd be feeling the same!

I'm going to try my very best to stay positive for now, I hope AF goes quickly and that I'll have another normal cycle - maybe even a at the end of it! There's no point in being depressed about what could've been I guess, so it's onwards and upwards for me.. I should probably start concentrating on the fact I get married in 3 weeks time! I know our time for a baby will come, eventually X

 

[aidensmommy1]

Oh wow that seems like a mind f*ck. I'm glad you and DH are talking through and working through. I guess it's up to what you two decide - only you can make that decision. Whatever you decide, I know you will get your little one in the end. All the best xx

a mind f**k is right! And Thank u for ur support! The kind words mean so much! I feel a little better now that I just shared our "issue" and now I can actually talk openly about ALL of it with u ladies. Its been driving me nuts and its been a huge reason ive been silent on here. I just haven't known how to explain things without stating what the issue is, u know? Now u ladies know everything again, which is good for me since I can vent about it now. Dh said if it helps me to talk about it, he doesn't mind me telling you girls. I feel really blessed to have him as my OH. I couldn't have asked for a better dh! .

Are u passed O this cycle? I'm so behind from not being on here much this past week! If you are in the TWW, I wish u TONS AND TONS of baby dust! I know you'll get ur LO as well!
If you dont mind me asking, how did u confront your donor about being your donor? Dh and I were thinking about asking someone we know, if that's what we decide on, we just have NO CLUE how to even go about that conversation...lol. Any tips u may have would be much appreciated! GL hun!

We are indeedy. 1dpo over here on our first ever clomid cycle! Had donations 1 day before and 3 days before ovulation so fingers crossed...
We found our donor online, so he contacted us. We did ask a friend, and it was just a case of coming out with it. But then I guess people expect it a little more with a lesbian couple. I would definitely broach the subject if you have any friends that you think would be suitable, but be ready to give them time to think about it and be ready to have long discussions about it and possibly be told no. The friend we asked ended up saying no (well... his wife said no) and it was gutting, BUT he really did give it some time and we spoke a lot about it. Just make sure what you want is clear in your mind in terms of contact and such. If you need any help, drop me an email

Thank u SO incredibly much!! I will likely be PMing u at some point about it all.

And omg thats so exciting about the clomid AND the drop off 3 days and 1 day before o!! 1 day before O is the BEST day for conception so def FXXXX!!!! Omg I'm so excited for u this cycle! I have such a good feeling!! I completely forgot (SOMEHOW!!) that u started clomid! Cannot wait for u to test this month! & Happy 1dpo! . How early do u think ull try testing?! This is my favorite time of month, test time is coming close for quite a few of u. FX FX FX!!!

 

[laurac1988]

Haha Mary I don't think I will test before AF is due. I haaaaate squinting

 

[rebeccalouise]

Good luck for this cycle Laura, I hope you get your ! FX for you. X

 

[Jrepp]

Mary - perhaps you could have the best of both worlds? What if you used donor sperm on a few of the eggs and froze the rest for use with dh sperm. You could do a transfer now while you have the insurance (and possibly a second round of harvesting) and if the baby sticks, great you have 9 months for hubby to go through treatment....if it doesn't then you can either do another round or try for the tube surgery while you have insurance.

If it were me, I would take full advantage of having insurance and a hubby ok with donor sperm. I know the most ideal situation would be to unblock the tube and conceive naturally with dh (which can still haopen), but you also have to think about the possibility that they can't fix the tube or that a year from now they may come back with another reason for not being able to use his soerm. At least with a successful first round of ivf, you get a baby with your hubby and time to have him go through his protocol

 

[aidensmommy1]

I almost want to pee on a stick this cycle, just to POAS....lol. Maybe I will! ....In a few days I probably will. I keep thinking "if I wait, my tests are going to be sitting here and I wont even be able to use one with any real hope!" lol...Its pretty bad when you feel like ur going to miss POAS!

I think I have a problem when it comes to POAS, I'm additced I'd be feeling the same!

I'm going to try my very best to stay positive for now, I hope AF goes quickly and that I'll have another normal cycle - maybe even a at the end of it! There's no point in being depressed about what could've been I guess, so it's onwards and upwards for me.. I should probably start concentrating on the fact I get married in 3 weeks time! I know our time for a baby will come, eventually X

Your time will CERTAINLY come! And its great to see u being so positive! U remind me alot if myself in that way . What I always do is I make sure I have a little "plan" for the next cycle and some how that helps me deal with AF soo much better. I think because even if its something so little, (like a special food, tea, or vitamin that may help) its still something that could potentially make all the difference, u know? Ive found while reading many, many stories on google & on here that planning for the next cycle before AF is even due yet, is actually a pretty common way for women to deal with AF showing better. For me, it helps my heart & mind know "ok so it didn't work out this time but I have 'this' planned to try this cycle and THEN maybe we will have our BFP!" and I literally do change something little EVERY cycle. Lol. Maybe u could try that. But obv FX very tight that ur BFP comes before the next cycles "plan"! Its just a little "preparation method, if u feel u need one. Good luck hun!

 

[froggyfrog]

Im with jess, mary. That sounds like a good idea to think about!!

 

[TTC74]

TTC74, it def sounds like ur progesterone is up nice & high! FX sooo very tight that your "golden egg" was fertilized and can take in all of the progesterone your bodies producing! Clomid is def going to make u feel some heavy TWW symptoms with or without a BFP, u know? But from what ive seen, if its out of the normal FOR YOU, even while on clomid, it can be a great sign. Something is giving me a great feeling for you. Ur temps already looked good last cycle too so FX the clomid just gave u that extra little boost u needed for that BFP! I cant wait to see ur temps over this next week!!!! Ill be stalking u now. If I could bet on u getting ur BFP this cycle, I would! GL!!! Oh btw, when will u start testing?! Lol, I'm so impatient! I have to live vicariously through you all while I await my turn .

I'll start testing Friday. I know it's crazy. I'll only be 7DPO, but I'm just SO impatient, I couldn't possibly wait longer than that!

Also, I'll be going Saturday for a progesterone check. I wish I could get the results instantly but with it being on Saturday, I won't be able to get the results until Monday at 10 DPO. ARGH!

 

[aidensmommy1]

Mary - perhaps you could have the best of both worlds? What if you used donor sperm on a few of the eggs and froze the rest for use with dh sperm. You could do a transfer now while you have the insurance (and possibly a second round of harvesting) and if the baby sticks, great you have 9 months for hubby to go through treatment....if it doesn't then you can either do another round or try for the tube surgery while you have insurance.

If it were me, I would take full advantage of having insurance and a hubby ok with donor sperm. I know the most ideal situation would be to unblock the tube and conceive naturally with dh (which can still haopen), but you also have to think about the possibility that they can't fix the tube or that a year from now they may come back with another reason for not being able to use his soerm. At least with a successful first round of ivf, you get a baby with your hubby and time to have him go through his protocol

Its like ur literally in my mind, Jess. lol. These are all definitely the possibilities I'm thinking about right now. Doing a "split" cycle, using half for donor and half with dh later, is def a big possibility. We are meeting with a specialist for couples using donor sperm (its mandatory & I think it could def be helpful!) and I told dh that after we meet with her, I think ill have my for sure answer of which I'd rather do right now. Dh literally keeps reminding me every hr of the day that no matter what it will be HIS baby. I am definitely lucky that DH is so open to it. Now I just need my heart to feel 100% ok with it, and I feel maybe the meeting we have about donor pregnancies may help me with alot of the feelings I have flowing through my body right now. I'm sure everything I'm feeling is VERY common. I just wish it a tinyyy bit easier! We truly never ever thought hep-c would ever get in the way of A.R.T. Its SOOO uncommon to spread it sexually. They dont even list it as an STD because of how extremely low the risk of transfer is, other than direct blood to blood contact of course. I know quite a few women in NH who gave birth to healthy babies and the baby was negative of the virus, thats how hard it is to catch when it comes to reproduction. We keep wishing we had done his treatment last year but again, we were directed to conceive 1st, due to birth defects. Too bad we cant read into the future, huh? So much would have been done differently!
And thank u for your input Jess. I like knowing what others would do if they had to choose, as well. It oddly helps. I read this journal and the woman had the exact fears I have and even had nightmares through out her pregnancy of her husband not feeling "connected" with the baby but she said she worried for nothing! Her husband loves their daughter more than anything and that her daughter is a huge daddys girl. She said it took her awhile to come to the decision (which I don't have!) but it all worked for the absolute best. It helps a ton to hear stories like that. I know that's exactly how DH would be too but then that mean little voice in the back of my head keeps popping up, making me fear otherwise. I just keep praying to god that whatever decision I make works out for the absolute best .

 

[aidensmommy1]

Good luck TTC!

 

[rebeccalouise]

I almost want to pee on a stick this cycle, just to POAS....lol. Maybe I will! ....In a few days I probably will. I keep thinking "if I wait, my tests are going to be sitting here and I wont even be able to use one with any real hope!" lol...Its pretty bad when you feel like ur going to miss POAS!

I think I have a problem when it comes to POAS, I'm additced I'd be feeling the same!

I'm going to try my very best to stay positive for now, I hope AF goes quickly and that I'll have another normal cycle - maybe even a at the end of it! There's no point in being depressed about what could've been I guess, so it's onwards and upwards for me.. I should probably start concentrating on the fact I get married in 3 weeks time! I know our time for a baby will come, eventually X

Your time will CERTAINLY come! And its great to see u being so positive! U remind me alot if myself in that way . What I always do is I make sure I have a little "plan" for the next cycle and some how that helps me deal with AF soo much better. I think because even if its something so little, (like a special food, tea, or vitamin that may help) its still something that could potentially make all the difference, u know? Ive found while reading many, many stories on google & on here that planning for the next cycle before AF is even due yet, is actually a pretty common way for women to deal with AF showing better. For me, it helps my heart & mind know "ok so it didn't work out this time but I have 'this' planned to try this cycle and THEN maybe we will have our BFP!" and I literally do change something little EVERY cycle. Lol. Maybe u could try that. But obv FX very tight that ur BFP comes before the next cycles "plan"! Its just a little "preparation method, if u feel u need one. Good luck hun!

Ah, that sounds great! Thank you so much hun, awesome advice I'll deffo give it a try. X

 

[starryjune]

I want to be more positive but I'm really struggling with depression today... my life has felt stuck for so long. Nearly everything in my life is stalled... work projects that were supposed to happen last fall are no where on the radar anymore, so I literally could get all my work done in an hour or less every day. I'm kinda topped out so no real motivation to work toward a promotion or anything. Home life has been a struggle, as DH has one thing after another - he's been lazy, skipping workouts, then got sick, now he's hurt his back - so he lays on the couch all the time and barely helps out or wants to do anything besides watch TV. He doesn't even seem into BDing even though he claims to want a child so badly. So, I am feeling quite undesirable. My friends are all so busy, they rarely have time to even text - my phone used to buzz all day long up until about a year ago. Sure, I have a vacation in a couple months but that's still too far off to be excited, and it will be a week-long bandaid. I just feel like "what am I here for?" Sigh. Sorry, no one else to vent to. DH gets too worried when I tell him this stuff or thinks a hobby or bath or the vacation should take all this away. I'm really finding it hard to keep going.

 

[froggyfrog]

Sorry you are having a hard time june. Maybe dh has some stress going on as well? What if you sat down and just mentioned that you see something different in him and is everything ok? That way it would be opening up the convo without him trying to make suggestions that you can do. Does that make sense?

Ok, so when I was under the care of our dr, my cd21 was 10.3. After letrozole it was always in the high 20s. So does anyone have any knowledge of otc progesterone cream? Do you think that when I take letrozole again, that the cream would be beneficial? Im just wondering if maybe I should have a little extra?

 

[starryjune]

Sorry you are having a hard time june. Maybe dh has some stress going on as well? What if you sat down and just mentioned that you see something different in him and is everything ok? That way it would be opening up the convo without him trying to make suggestions that you can do. Does that make sense?

Ok, so when I was under the care of our dr, my cd21 was 10.3. After letrozole it was always in the high 20s. So does anyone have any knowledge of otc progesterone cream? Do you think that when I take letrozole again, that the cream would be beneficial? Im just wondering if maybe I should have a little extra?

Well, he just turned 40 1.5 months ago and I had joked he can't have any midlife crisis crap, and he was a bit defensive... now he's blaming all this on being "old" so it's a sore subject. He's a manly man and he has actually apologized for being a mess lately... I am just trying to give him a pass because lord knows he deals with my moodiness all the time. It's just hard for me to be around someone who is also down - but he's entitled. I am just trying to give him space til he perks up - going to my gym, working on puzzles in my art room, trying to find movies we can both enjoy watching. I am just getting frazzled and need some real "me" time without worrying about how my mood and behavior is perceived by others, you know? And realizing how often I need to hide out made for a sad realization that as a mother, I would really never have that option again... thus maybe I shouldn't try to be one.

 

[aidensmommy1]

I'm sorry June . I completely understand what you mean with WANTING to stay positive. Ive been struggling with that this last week more then ever before. I just put on a brave face. I hope happiness shines on both of us before our eyes.
And I'm really sorry how things have been with dh. I think chelsea "froggy" had some good advice about it tho. I know how hard bringing certain things up can be but if your not feeling happy, you definitely should try talking to him. Your happiness is MORE than important. Feel better hun

 

[aidensmommy1]

Chelsea, I wish I could help with the progesterone cream but I dont have any clue about the actual medicine, yet...I only know symptoms it may cause and how beautiful it can make a chart, lol, but that's about it. I'm sure one of these lovely ladies can help tho. Most likely Jess or Daphne could answer this question (that's who I know may have an answer, off the top of my head anyway!) Hope u get ur answer!

 

[rebeccalouise]

June. I hope things get better soon. I'm the same with staying positive, I try, but the brave face only lasts so long. I've been blubbering on and off all day today, it's even harder when I have no adult company all day I just keep thinking I've gotta look forward though, and hope it'll happen for us, eventually.. x

 

[froggyfrog]

june, of course your going to be an awesome mother, and you should still try to be one!! I think everyone needs alone time now and again. Maybe plan something special this coming weekend? Maybe the extra tlc will make dh feel good, and the distraction will keep your mind from running too much. I don't know where you live, but outside is supposed to be pretty nice here this weekend. Maybe a picnic dinner, and some wine and music under the stars? Or go pick out a fun board game and make a fun playlist of music, Order some pizza, and get some wine? (Can you tell I love music and wine lol)

 

[starryjune]

june, of course your going to be an awesome mother, and you should still try to be one!! I think everyone needs alone time now and again. Maybe plan something special this coming weekend? Maybe the extra tlc will make dh feel good, and the distraction will keep your mind from running too much. I don't know where you live, but outside is supposed to be pretty nice here this weekend. Maybe a picnic dinner, and some wine and music under the stars? Or go pick out a fun board game and make a fun playlist of music, Order some pizza, and get some wine? (Can you tell I love music and wine lol)

We did a fancy spa day last Sat., the day my temp dropped and I knew AF was coming (she did late that night). I felt good up until today, now I'm super depressed and so tired I could sleep for weeks

 

[aidensmommy1]

June, ive been so depressed that I'm tired like that as well. Other than a few hrs after school with Aiden, ive been sleeping for a week straight. Well I should say constantly napping. Ive been in physical pain from the procedure I had as well but I know much of my tiredness is from the depression. Ive had depression/anxiety for 11yrs now and its not fun! Ive been better in those years but when something big happens (like finding out I'm infertile and then that we have a male factor for IVF) I shut down like this until I realize for myself that things can turn around and work out good. Being a depression sufferer, I literally can feel how your feeling physically and I SO hope u feel better soon! Do u think ur going to talk to him about it? You dont have to answer that if u don't want to hun. Feel better and I hope u see ur sticky bean before ur eyes! I'm sure that has to do with some of your depression. Idk ur dh but could this all be a way of him covering up TTC? Sometimes men have weird ways of dealing with things. I may be 100% wrong but just wanted to throw out that possible reason...? Lots of hugs to u!!

Also, I too noticed my phone stopped ringing alot about a year ago as well. At that point EVERYONE I knew was getting pregnant and it really upset me, as I found out I couldn't get pregnant thru my HSG the same week as my closest friends announced their pregnancies and idk if I just got bitchy or if its because ive kinda blocked out some of the world myself but I do know its been since I started getting into the more stressful months of TTC. At first I was like "nobody talks to me anymore..." but after thinking about it, I stopped feeling so bad about myself tho cuz in all honesty, its my fault because I stopped talking to everyone else. Ive been so caught up in the world of TTC that it's like I dont have time for friends IRL. U ladies are the main people I talk to, other than DH. I wanted to add that because this is a common thing I've read that people go through while long term TTC and I dont want u to feel bad about it. Like I said, you ladies are basically the only people I talk to outside of my home. Your all my only friends. Lol. Idk if u relate to this per say but its common for TTC to put a strain on relationships. TTC is hard work, all the way around!! You'll get there hun! Cant wait for u to announce ur BFP!