Hello sweeties
another selfish "all about me" post coming and be prepared to be reading for a while
it's a book!! Eek!! So much info to take in and process!!
Well, appt on thur went as well as can be expected I suppose considering the nature. Some things I'm really pleased about...others I'm a bit disappointed but it's all for the best I think. Ok, so....
To start, I'm not going to cycle again until Jan. Doc said my cycle is behind for the Nov cycle. He said I COULD do Nov if I wanted to, and they usually close the clinic for the month of Dec, but he'd be willing to continue my cycle into the beginning of Dec if that's what I wanted to do. But after really going over things with dh, financially for us, Jan will work better, so we're going to wait it out and give my body a little longer to recover. So that was a bit hard to take at first, but I feel ok about it now.
I asked doc about the guarantee program and paying the difference and such. He said he would help but he doesn't make that decision. He said they only started that program at his clinic b/c competitors have it but otherwise he feels it's an unethical program. He says it's unethical b/c most women DO get pregnant on their first or 2nd cycle, the docs know this, so they're just making extra money off us. He said there is a separate committee that evaluates that program and that they're really strict and would never allow it after a "failed" cycle now, and that he's not involved in the decision process at all. So that really sucks. on a little brighter note (just a little), our next cycle will be discounted some (maybe $1k), so better than nothing. And doc is going to get some of my meds donated for me. Specifically the Follistim, so that will be a HUGE help. Also, he said he's working on hiring some additional/new doctors and that by April or May he expects to have more control over the financial side of things. He offered to have us wait that long to do our next cycle so that he could help more with the cost/finances, but that is something I'm not willing to do. 7-8-9 months away is too long for me. And for dh too. So we will cycle again in Jan, and if for whatever reason that cycle fails again, then doc has agreed to help work out something with us on the financial side for a 3rd cycle, so even though the whole thing is disappointing, that's still encouraging and I feel at peace about it.
as far as the medical side of things, doc indicated he would increase my dose next time to try to get more eggs. I was pleased he talked about that first and I didn't have to bring it up. He said based on my follies and E2 levels, we did get less eggs than he was expecting. My estrogen was 2400 at retrieval, so seems there should have been a lot more than 5 eggs (only 3 mature). I think the general quota is about 1 egg per 200 estrogen level?? Dont remmy if thats it exactly but it's something like that. He's not increasing a lot, just the Follistim to 350, but I'm glad he's addressing that issue.
He reviewed all our bloodwork, and everything was fine/normal. Dh does not have any genetic issues, nor do I. No micro deletions on the Y gene for dh and none other issues that would cause the sperm to be abnormal. Dh's FSH in one of the bloodwork panels was lower than the one before but still pretty high. 17 compared to over 23. We talked about how that doesn't make sense given that his count numbers continued to fall over the summer. Doc doesn't have a way to explain it but he agreed we should freeze another 2-3 samples of sperm just in case. Doc said dh should be on a good multi-vit so I'm going to get him taking the fertilaid again. Not so much b/c I think it helps the sperms as it has the blend of all the good antioxidants and such w/o having to do a ton of separate vits. And who knows. Maybe by Jan, he'll have a little increase. But doc did say, he still has plenty for icsi.
I asked about the immunity testing and doc was totally cool with it and wrote up the order right away. I asked if it was my fault for forgetting the aspirin and he said no...he doesn't feel like the aspirin alone helps a whole lot. He said he doesn't put a lot of store in the immunity testing issues alone, but given my family history (my mother has a genetic clotting disorder, and my maternal uncle and one of my sisters have rheumatoid arthritis and the same sister also has lupus) and my own history w/heavy periods, clotting and such, even if we didn't do the testing, he's going to have me take heparin shots (lucky me, right poppy?
) for the next cycle, just to make sure that's not the issue. So again, I was very pleased with his response and willingness to consider all the variables. I am thoroughly pleased (again as with the prog issue before) that he listens to my concerns and responds to them...doesn't just blow me off even if he doesn't really think that's an issue.
As to the embryos, he didn't know the grading. He said he personally doesn't ask or check b/c the docs as a community know that a "beautiful" embryo can fail/die just as much as an "ugly" embryo can live and grow to a perfect baby. He said I can request it from the embryologist but he didn't even have the info in my chart b/c he doesn't put any store into it. I believe him. Ive seen that a lot on the boards. He said there's just no rhyme or reason to it. He said that they know (researchers, docs, etc) for a fact that only 2 out of 8 embryos created by any human while ttc or not, regardless of ivf, are chromosomally adequate. 6 out of 8 are deficient or malficient I guess would be a better word. Usually the PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) testing reveals that although he doesn't recommend that for us. Just an extra cost that would not be medically based for us at this point since all of our genetic testing is normal. He told us of an example of a patient who had 18 eggs retrieved, only 14 mature, 10 fertilized, and after PGD testing only 1 was chromosomally normal. So that's even less than the stats but he said thats b/c she did have a genetic issue herself. But she had a successful pg from that 1 embryo after transfer. I told him I did have 1 positive test at home and he said that's good. His perspective is that a chemical is better b/c it shows there is receptivity and the embryo can implant but something was wrong with it chromosomally. So he thinks we were just in the "unlucky" side of the statistics this time. Not that that's very encouraging and he acknowledged that. But overall he still feels that we have a very good prognosis and that we will get pregnant eventually. He suggested that there is always the possibility that it could take up to 3 or 4 cycles, but he said that at the start before our first cycle as well. I think that's just a doc covering all his bases, but he still thinks we will be successful.
I appreciate that he wasn't trying to rush us into another cycle, especially if it meant debt for us. Even though I was prepared to do whatever we could to go for another cycle right away, he didn't push at all. I asked about a 3dt (3 day transfer) vs 5dt (5 day transfer--meaning how long to grow the embryos before transfer back into the uterus), and his answer was still that we should stick with the 3 day. He said that 10 years ago when all the research started coming out about 5dt that everybody thought that would be the answer to more successful ivf's but that now they're finding there's really just not much of a statistical difference. He feels it puts too much stress on the embies to be out of the womb that long and there's much more risk of losing them/embies dying by day 5 and having (in my case) none left for transfer. So we'll stick with a 3dt, at least for this next cycle.
I forgot to ask the doc about the possible endo or other stuff with me (like multiple days of positive opk's etc) if that could have interfered, but I can send him an email directly, so I'm going to do that...see what he says. Maybe I don't have endo. I don't know.
Anyway, so dh and I have a clear plan now of how we're going to do this financially. So over the next week we're going to be working on that b/c once we have that settled, then we'll be able to better prepare for Christmas and save up for cost of meds and other such expenses for the next cycle. I told dh that I thought that we should stop if we're not successful after 3 cycles and dh didn't like that. I was shocked. He said he thinks we should cross that bridge when we get to it. I hope it doesn't come to that, but it was encouraging to me to hear dh say that b/c it tells me how much he really wants this and how much he's committed to it. He was so supportive all day after the appt. It was so hard to do. It just meant that that cycle was over. It just really "put the final nail in the coffin" for that cycle for me. I cried after and dh was just so loving and supportive all day. I had to go buy a baby shower gift after the appt (of course) and dh helped me pick it out. The couple is having their first...a baby boy and dh didn't know that and he just said they're lucky. He never says much, but he gives me clues and I know how to "read" him. He had to look away when he said it. It's just as painful for him as it is for me. He wants a son so bad. You girls know he wasn't always committed to "ttc" even though he wanted to have a child. Silly man. Even after we got the first poor SA, it still took him several months to really come around to the fact that we were going to need help to have a baby. It's taken going through all the seriousness of trying and needing the ivf to get him to admit HOW MUCH he wants his own little one (or two). So the little things he says and does really mean a lot to me. Anyway, I know this is a HUGE and probably SUPER BORING post and I'm so sorry to have no ability whatsoever to summarize. Lol. Thanks for listening girls. I'll be on later this evening and post back to you all.
PS: I've decided I'm going to start a ttc journal. Probably in the LTTTC section. I'll post a link in my siggy once I've got it started. I hope you all will stalk me
and expect to see all this stuff I've just written here in my journal...just b/c it was so much to write and too much to try to write it all again in a different way
your probably feeling the right amount of movement because i've just started to feel beby move more over this last week, if i lie on my back she moves like mad! And you probably are having round ligament 
My back, hip and pelvic pain is so bad right now i couldn't even make it to work but im having physio on Monday. Midwife appoinment yesterday went well 
I have no idea how much is too much but having been part of the 'farting and shat your pants' brigade I have to say it's not so bad.... 
Not gonna leave you all though 
And so happy to hear dh is on board in every aspect of it. He obviously desperately longs for a baby with you
