August loss support thread - update on page 55

[Kandl123]

Hey girls. Just been in and out of here recently. Reading what you've been putting but not replied.

Lora, I hope you get a bfp soon and I hope it's just too early to test for you. Also, I'm glad you finally heard back from hospital and th flower idea is so beautiful.

Sailorgirl, I'm so so sorry for your loss., you'll find great help here. I have believe me!

Bubbles, sorry to hear about work.. The first day is always the hardest. I did the same as you cried but I Walked out. People will talk, but let them.. It's nothing to do with them. Nothing at all why you're off. If they cared, they wouldn't try be nosy they'd just try make sure you're okay.

As for me, I was doing fine. Well so I thought. Had a cry today, as tomorrow should of been my scan day , also the duty manager who supported me through my miscarriage.. Well her daughter had her son today by planned csection. It broke my heart to see pictures. I know she's a happy nanan but still. I thought I would be OK to see them. She said she felt guilty talking about the upcoming to birth and i told her to stop been silly and told her I wanted to see pictures when he's here. Well she's sent me some like I asked and it just made me cry

 

[Vicky_92]

BFN today again 😓

 

[LoraLoo]

Snap Vicky. Oh well, least we can stick October out together. Think we might have a few more from this thread joining us next month too 😉

 

[Kandl123]

I'll be joining you both next month 😁

 

[LoraLoo]

Kandl I think it's inderstandable to get upset, I would be too in those circumstances!

Glad you'll be joining us next month 😃 I just want Af here now- I have a feeling it's going to be heavy and painful though? This will be my first one, expect it'll be sunday or Monday.

 

[bubbles82]

Aw Kandi sorry to hear about your sad times. I keep thinking I'll feel better once I lose track of how far along I should be each day, and get past all the days where I know a certain appointment or scan should've been happening, but it feels more difficult this time as I have pregnant friends who'll be a constant reminder all the way through their pregnancies of where I should've been. The friend who I seem to be moaning about a lot on here is really getting to me at the moment, and I'm not sure if she's actually being really insensitive or if I'm just being over sensitive. She posted on Facebook yesterday moaning about how she has to do the whole go sober for October thing and how rubbish it's going to be that she can't drink for a month. She obviously isn't really doing it as she's not drinking anyway and hasn't been since she got her BFP last month, so I just thought it was a bit of a stupid thing to put when she knows what I'm going through, but then it's not really anything to do with me so I don't know why I'm so bothered. She still hasn't asked about my scan so I don't think she even knows for sure yet that I lost my baby, and that bothers me too.

I'm finding all the new babies, bumps and pregnancy announcements so difficult at the moment, it really does feel like there's just so many more of them around when you least want to see them. I'm really trying to be happy for everyone else's news though as hopefully it will be my turn again one day, just feels like it never will be at the moment.

 

[sailorsgirl]

Oh Kandle I'm sorry it's so hard. My best friend is pregnant and is due the week after I was supposed to be due, so I'm constantly hit with reminders of where I should have been. I'm learning to take each day one at a time and cry if I need to.

Ah sorry about your bfn Vicky. We didn't protect a couple of time this month and I secretly hoped that we might have been lucky, but my af showed up yesterday. fingers crossed you get your rainbow soon.

Oh no bubbles that does seem a little insensitive. And a little strange to put on Facebook?

As for me, I am trying to make final decisions about our baby's funeral, she will be cremated on the 6th October so we have music and readings to decide on, and flowers to buy. I also started a crochet blanket when I I found out I was pregnant and was about half way through it when we discovered the heart had stopped. I didn't know what to do with it, it didn't feel right to leave it unfinished but I didn't have it in me to complete it, knowing Leila would never use it. But it was suggested that we put small items in the coffin with her, and so I have split it in half, edged both halves and put one half in my memory box, and have the other under my pillow until we are able to wrap Leila in it ready for her cremation. (Sorry if that sounds wierd).
I am also anxiously awaiting the post, we had a post mortem done on Leila to find out why we keep losing our babies but they told us it could take upto 12 weeks.
And my best friend had her 20 week scan yesterday and has asked if her moses basket can be delivered here today as they are out at hospital appointments. The challenges never end do they?

Xx

 

[LoraLoo]

Sailor the blanket sounds lovely. I hope the pm results bring you answers- we are also awaiting ours. Xx

 

[amytrisha]

Sorry for your loss SailorsGirl xx

Sorry your all having a hard time at the moment wouldn't wish this upon anybody!

I've started bleeding again.. Fresh red blood. What the hell is going on just wanna sit in a corner and cry tbh

 

[LoraLoo]

Amytrisha I wS literally just about to post same thing ive come home from shopping and I'm bleeding, not lots, was sort of mixed in with mucus. Was brown yest today bright red. Don't know if it's Af early or what's left over from mc or what? I've not bled for 2 weeks? Annoying!

So I've been to get roses for tomorrow, I've got pink for Eden and a white one for all of your angels too xx

 

[Kandl123]

Kandl I think it's inderstandable to get upset, I would be too in those circumstances!

Glad you'll be joining us next month 😃 I just want Af here now- I have a feeling it's going to be heavy and painful though? This will be my first one, expect it'll be sunday or Monday.

I have a feeling it'll be heavy and painful too.. And I think it's due. Atm, I have horrible pains in my stomach.. Same sort of pains I had when I was misscarrying. So no idea what's happening. I've never had period pains before, so I can't relate to it if it's period pains or not

 

[LoraLoo]

Well I think I'm on cd1 😳 totally bizarre as I'm only 9 or 10 dpo- wonder if I never ovulated at all?!

I'm ok with it if it is Af, what I don't want, is to think it's Af it its bleeding stop starting from the mc? It's so hard not knowing what's going on!

 

[joo]

Sailorsgirl that sounds a lovely thing to do both the crochet blanket. I hope they can find some answers from the post mortem.

I can't imagine having to wait for all these results and plan a funeral and say goodbye that way, but it seems like the best way to say goodbye and get some closure.

The roses will look lovely Lora, and thank you xx

Sorry Vicky and Lora about the BFN I didn't even get to testing as AF turned up on cue. I will probably be out this month too due to the BV, I have a couple of weeks until AF is due but it'slikely I will be in next month too!

Good to see you back Kandl xx

Amytrisha I had a couple of days with no bleeding then bright red bleeding would start again, this stopped and started for about a week. I hope it stops soon. Wish it didn't take so long to get proper cycles back!

MrsMac are you still with us? How are you doing lovely? Xx

 

[bubbles82]

Aw Lora that's lovely, I think I misread what you meant when you first mentioned the flowers, now I've read it right it's made me cry! Sorry about AF but hopefully it is AF and you're another step closer to your rainbow.

Sailorgirl that's a really lovely idea with the blanket, doesn't sound weird at all. You're right about the challenges never ending, I keep thinking I'm ok but deep down I know it's going to be a while before I start to feel better and able to deal with things properly, it's so tiring making excuses all the time for how I'm feeling around people who don't have any idea what's going on, then I feel guilty like I'm pretending my baby never existed. I just had to make up a load of rubbish to my MIL when I dropped DD with her this afternoon about why I'm not at work, just told her I haven't been feeling well and she said I've looked awful for weeks...thanks! Doesn't help when our stories don't even add up, DH told me to just tell everyone we didn't go away as I was ill, which I did but then he told some people we didn't go coz he'd heard the place was rubbish?! So his brother knows something weird is going on as we wouldn't pay out for a trip and decide last minute to just not go because we heard it wasn't that good, and just stay at home instead. So his brother won't let it drop and keeps asking about it every time we see him and thinks it's hilarious for some reason. DH is trying to arrange a weekend away for us with his brother and sister in law just before Christmas, and I just really don't want to start planning that, as if we're TTC again we could end up expediting but not wanting to tell them, or even dealing with another loss, so either way I don't want to book a trip that far from home where the plan is to go round various bars, which will make it immediately obvious I'm not drinking and all the questions that come with that.

 

[LoraLoo]

I just wanted to say- as devastated as I am losing my baby (as we all are) I'm really really happy to have found this group. It's been my little bit of a silver lining to have such lovely ladies to talk to that are all going through the same, at the same time.
I really hope this thread keeps going even as the weeks and months go by, that we get to know each other better, and that we will all have happier news to share in the future xx

 

[LoraLoo]

Re holidays bubbles- can you and hubby not just get away somewhere in your own? Maybe somewhere closer to home? Or is he really wanting to go with his brother?

I'm really wanting to abroad next year but it worries me, I wouldn't want to go heavily pregnant (or be able to fly anyways) but at the same time I don't want to put my life on hold for 'what ifs' - what if I'm pregnant? What if I need to cancel? What if I don't bloody get pregnant and have just postponed a holiday for nothing?! I hate Ttc 😩

 

[Mrsmac02]

Sailorsgirl that sounds a lovely thing to do both the crochet blanket. I hope they can find some answers from the post mortem.

I can't imagine having to wait for all these results and plan a funeral and say goodbye that way, but it seems like the best way to say goodbye and get some closure.

The roses will look lovely Lora, and thank you xx

Sorry Vicky and Lora about the BFN I didn't even get to testing as AF turned up on cue. I will probably be out this month too due to the BV, I have a couple of weeks until AF is due but it'slikely I will be in next month too!

Good to see you back Kandl xx

Amytrisha I had a couple of days with no bleeding then bright red bleeding would start again, this stopped and started for about a week. I hope it stops soon. Wish it didn't take so long to get proper cycles back!

MrsMac are you still with us? How are you doing lovely? Xx

Hey ladies, yeah still here - mad busy at work and DS been a bit poorly! So sorry I haven't posted in ages, just tonnes on!

Afm, on cd24, think I might have ov a few days ago but didn't get much EWCM so don't think we'll catch it this month! I'm sorta glad though - I think it might be better for me if I get back on an even footing again cycle wise

Hope everyone's ok?

Sailor gal, welcome - so sorry for your loss hon xx

 

[LoraLoo]

Oh god ladies I'm so sorry about this. I don't even know how to spoiler it. I'm so sorry if you've not eaten your dinner yet but I need to ask ���� what the hell is this that just came out of me? It's a good job I never got pregnant with this still inside? Is it tissue? It was grey and (again sorry!) smelt pretty bad! My mc was complete as far as I know- as in I delivered bzby then placenta. I saw both. No follow up check or scan though. My tests have been negative for 2 weeks. Ideas? Do I need to see Dr for a scan?!

 

[bubbles82]

I just wanted to say- as devastated as I am losing my baby (as we all are) I'm really really happy to have found this group. It's been my little bit of a silver lining to have such lovely ladies to talk to that are all going through the same, at the same time.
I really hope this thread keeps going even as the weeks and months go by, that we get to know each other better, and that we will all have happier news to share in the future xx

Aw that's lovely Lora, I was thinking the same but couldn't quite work out the words to say what I meant, you nailed it

Re the London trip, it's a bit complicated but FIL has a flat in London that's free on weekends as he just works there through the week. DH is obsessed with London even though we just went and stayed there a few weeks ago, he wants to go again, and MIL keeps trying to talk us all into going as she's desperate to have all the grandkids stay with her together (our DD and DH's brother's two kids). DH told his brother and SIL ages ago we should all go stay there together for a weekend near Christmas, and because MIL is pushing for us all to go away somewhere so she can have the kids, there's no chance for it to be forgotten about, so now SIL keeps asking if we've sorted dates off work yet to go. I think it has completely gone over DH's head that we can't really go now we're TTC, so I'm not sure what to do, we'll probably end up going along with it and planning something anyway and cancelling again last minute if we need to, like you say we can't put everything on hold for TTC. It gets to me how much it takes over your life, I don't enjoy BD anymore, and TTC is constantly on my mind from the second I wake up and have to temp and chart, to the minute I go to bed wondering if I should BD, and all the time in between charting, checking CM with every toilet trip, holding pee for OPKs... those people who never have to try have no idea how lucky they are.

 

[bubbles82]

Sorry Lora, must've posted at the same time. Not sure about your pic, looks to me like more mc tissue, maybe if it had a bad smell it was just leftover and took a while to get dislodged properly? Maybe wasn't a complete mc if you didn't have a scan or anything to confirm, but still on it's way out and not enough to show a positive HPT?